by Starr, Jude
Because I’m stubborn, I tried sitting up by myself and discovered it was a really bad idea. Everything hurt at once but I didn’t say anything because I was so desperate to drink that damned water.
When the backrest was finally in position, I started breathing again. “What’s the prognosis?” I didn’t think anything was broken, except maybe a finger or two. I had broken a bone before and this didn’t feel like the same type of pain.
“The doctor will see you soon, Ms. Hartwell.” She smiled politely. “Here is your water.”
I tried to drink the water, but my swollen lip made the water drip all over my hospital gown. “Would you like a straw?” Danielle asked.
I tried again with a straw and it worked, and I decided water had never tasted so good. I closed my eyes savoring it when it ran down my throat. Everything seemed a little better. My stomach gurgled, begging for more.
“We’ll wait five minutes before we give you some more, okay?” The nurse insisted when I asked.
“Do you feel any pain, Iris?” Krys asked after the nurse left the room. Her eyes were red-rimmed and she seemed exhausted. I could tell she had been crying.
“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry so much.”
Krys chuckled. “You look like you’ve been hit by a fucking train and you’re worried about me?” She started crying again. “I’ve never been this worried about anything in my entire life. You’re the first friend I’ve ever had, who I’m not shy to show the real me. You understand me and I hate to see you like this.”
“Is it that bad?” I asked, completely clueless regarding the extent of my injuries.
She swept her finger across the side of my cheek. “You’ve been better, let me tell you.”
“I’m pretty sure Calvin will take you away on vacation, the second he gets the okay from the doctors.” Danielle approached me and placed her hand on my forearm. “He should be here soon, he hired a private jet. He is absolutely freaking out.”
“Me too. Can I have a mirror? I’d like to see the damage for myself.”
Danielle and Krys both hesitated, claiming they didn’t have a mirror available.
“Take a picture with your phone; I have to see how I look before I see Calvin. If he’s going to lose it, I need to know why.”
Krys pulled her phone from her pocket. Danielle obviously didn’t agree with the idea. She turned her back to me and sighed.
“It’s going to kill him to see you like this, Iris. Be prepared for a very broken Calvin.”
He couldn’t be broken if I wasn’t. Calvin didn’t deserve more pain than I was suffering. The IV in my hand confirmed they were probably giving me pain medication but I honestly didn’t expect to look too bad. The bruises could be hidden under my clothes and everything else would be alright.
Krys took a picture and handed me the phone. My eyes were glued to the screen, was this some type of joke? A white bandage was wrapped around my head, I had dried blood on my neck and my lips were double their normal size.
“Shit.” There was no way I could try to hide any of it from Calvin. But I’d do anything to keep him from being hurt. “I need to clean up the blood.” I gave Krys her phone back and the tears began to flow. “I can’t let Calvin see me like this.”
This time, I didn’t think I would be able to stop the tears. I looked like hell. Freddie Kruger actually looked handsome, in comparison to me currently.
“Iris, calm down. Don’t think about this, you need to rest now. I’ll ask the nurse if we can clean you up before Calvin gets here, but please, don’t worry about it. Justin will handle him, okay?”
“When he first left, he was worried about Zach trying to get his hands on me and then, this other guy. I provoked this situation, and he freaked out when Justin told him. I miss him, I love him, Krys. I want him to stay here with me but I’m afraid he might try to find the guy who did this.”
“I don’t know if he will, and we won’t know until he gets here. Two police officers showed up when you were napping. The want to ask you some questions, but till then get some more sleep. We’re right here.”
Sleep sounded good. I had done too much thinking in the short period I had been awake. Time flew faster while I slept anyway.
My mind is black – no dreams, no images. Just plain black.
“Iris Hartwell.” I heard his voice, but I was still lost in that black place.
“Calvin!” Danielle’s voice made my heart jumped.
“I need to be alone with her, please.”
I heard no responses, but assumed they left. My mind lightened up into a lighter shade. My body relaxed, feeling better just knowing he was here. He’s here.
The chair squeaked on the floor when he moved it to my side.
“What the hell happened to you?” he said.
I opened my eyes slowly, still tired, but desperate to see him. Never again, would I let him go away without me. Too much had happened while we were away from one another. Our eyes met and the connection between us made my heart flutter.
“I love you, Calvin,” I whispered.
He bowed his head down to the mattress and I thought I heard him crying softly. “I’ve never been so scared in my life, Iris.”
“I love you, baby. That’s all that matters.” I ran my fingers through his messy hair, trying to soothe him. “I don’t want you to hurt for me. One of us in pain is enough.”
“If you hurt, Iris, I do too.” He sighed. “Who did this to you?”
“The guy I mouthed off to. You were right; I had no idea who I was messing with. I’ve learned that the hard way. They had been harassing Danielle with indecent propositions and she refused to tell you about it. I couldn’t let it go. You’ve probably seen them around, too. They normally hang around together, two, sometimes three of them. Dressed up as if they were appearing in rap music video. The guy who did this to me…” I paused, struggling with the need to cry. “He was the one wearing the red hat, the big one. I should have known better. I’m so sorry.”
“I knew they were bad news. I noticed they were hanging out near the gym. I should have done something.” He held my hand tightly.
A doctor came into the room, a stethoscope around his neck. “Ms. Hartwell. I’m sorry, I missed you earlier. How are you feeling? Any pain?”
I shook my head slightly, still wary of it hurting. “No pain at the moment.”
“You’ll probably be released tonight, we’ll keep you for another twelve hours to be certain, but you’re stable for now.” The doctor glanced in Calvin’s direction. “The police officers would like Miss. Hartwell to make a report.”
Calvin nodded. “What are her injuries?” There was so much anger in his voice, it scared me.
“She has two heavily bruised ribs, multiple stitches to a head wound and a mild concussion. She’s a very lucky woman. When we saw the bruising covering her body, we suspected she would have far more serious injuries.”
Calvin’s body tensed up. “It’s more than enough. She shouldn’t have been hurt at all.” He kissed my hand and I noticed how badly his own hand shook.
“The nurse will be in to see you soon regarding your medication.”
I nodded and offered the doctor a faint smile. “Thank you.”
“Iris, I want you to stay with me after the doctor releases you. I don’t want you staying alone at the residence while you’re in such bad shape. I’ll stay with you and give you the care you need.”
“You don’t have to do that. I provoked this situation, Calvin. It’s my fault if it happened.”
“No man should ever hit a woman, no matter the reason. Never, do you understand me?”
“I missed you so much, baby.” My eyelids were growing heavy again. “I want to kiss you so badly.”
“You will, later, when you’re not in any pain.” He kissed my hand. “Rest now, kitten. You look tired. Rest now, I’ll be right back.”
“Don’t go, Calvin. Stay with me.”
“I won’t be long,” he said quietly
, avoiding eye contact.”
I knew instinctively, what he was planning to do. “He’s not worth it, Calvin. Let it go.”
“The last time I let it go, I lost her, Iris.” He kissed my fingers again. “You’re worth the fight.”
Chapter 19
CALVIN
I won’t be like my father. I’m not that man. I won’t hurt the people I love but I’ll hurt whoever hurt them. I have to defend them.
Fuck!
I couldn’t do this, but the anger in me was boiling into madness. My arms and my fucking legs were shaking from the rush of adrenaline. Her face, her beautiful face, hurt, bruised and swollen. I should have done something when I saw those guys hanging around in the area. They were a menace to my staff and my customers. I should have called the police, but now it was too late.
I’m not a violent person; I’m not like my father.
We were a block away when Justin parked the car right at the next available spot. The city was dark and icy cold – I hid my hair under a beanie and the hood of my jacket and the collar of it covered half of my face.
He pointed at two guys walking in the opposite direction of my building. “Those are the guys, they’ve been hanging out near the building for a while. Danielle said it’s the bigger goon but Cal— Wait!” Justin shouted when I jumped out of the car, pumped and dangerous. “Don’t do it, man.”
I saw the guys walking and acting as if they owned the street. They had attitude, but it didn’t scare me. I ran like I used to run on the field. No fear of getting hurt, no care as to who was in my way. I usually only had to stop the ball, but this time, I had to stop him from hurting the people I loved.
The bigger of the two of them was wearing the hat Iris had mentioned. He was the one.
“Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Beating up a woman?” I spat angrily. I needed him to respond, to confirm it was him. I didn’t think he was smart enough to deny the act.
“That bitch needs to show fucking respect,” he retorted. “It was a lesson she needed to learn.”
It was him. The anger possessed me.
My body hurt, and my heart broke when my fist connected with his jaw. The other guy standing next to him didn’t even try to stop me. I saw my father in me, I had become my father. Violent, impulsive and unstoppable. My vision blurred, and I caught glimpses of my memories flashing through my mind; my mom on the ground and my father hitting her. I heard and saw my mom begging him to stop. I hoped Iris hadn’t been through something like this or it would only add to my pain. He’d hurt the person I loved the most.
My fists were covered with his blood, but I didn’t care, I wanted him to suffer. I despised violence, but I didn’t recognize myself in those few, intense minutes. The level of ferocity Iris had suffered erased all of my moral values momentarily. I had to take care of this. I called it justice.
“Man, stop! You got him, now, stop!” Justin wrenched at me from behind.
The other guy stood before us, not even trying to stop me. He probably knew I was dealing out payback. I would have taken him, too, if Justin hadn’t intervened.
“Leave now.” I heard the urgency in Justin’s voice. I was going to kill the guy if I didn’t stop pounding on his face. I hadn’t been able to save my mom; I would do anything to save Iris from facing this situation again.
I removed the cotton gloves I’d been wearing and threw them in the first garbage can I came across. I started running. I ran faster and faster, until my legs would no longer take it. Out of breath, I crumbled onto the stairs of a building and I cried, I fucking cried like a baby. I had to go home, and lock myself up there until I calmed down. I painfully walked the last block to reach the penthouse. My clothes were covered in blood. I was disgusted with myself; I wanted to drink myself into oblivion. Thankful that nobody was in the lobby, I got into the first elevator. When I opened the penthouse door, the room smelled of Iris, her perfume. Her hoodie was still sitting on the couch, her school papers spread across the coffee table. The dirty dishes were still sitting in the sink. I thanked God for all of this. She had stayed here; she’d done what I’d asked of her. I just wanted her back home; I needed her to be mine.
But not now, not fucking now. I had to take care of my own fucked up state of mind. Justin and Danielle would understand, and know I had to be left alone. In the morning, maybe, I could go back to Iris, but not now, not when I had obviously lost control. I hated to be away from her again but there was a dark shadow following me and I couldn’t trust myself.
I turned on loud music and I ran on the treadmill, trying to empty my mind of all the anger which was festering. It didn’t work at all; I knew I was fucked. A vision of a bottle of Jack Daniels kept popping onto my head. Getting drunk had never appealed to me, but for the first time in my life, I thought getting drunk might be my only option to escape my demons.
My clothes smelled just as bad as they used to, after a long summer game. I grabbed a bottle of Jack and threw away the cap; I had no intentions of having any of it left by the time the sun rose. Drinking directly from the bottle, I drank enough to make my whole body shudder.
With the bottle in hand, I entered the shower and undressed. The hot water burned my skin but I didn’t care, all that mattered was Iris. Her bruised face stayed in my mind, it was impossible to think of anything else. The pain in my heart and soul hadn’t fucking receded and the anger still had me shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt so freaking alone. I crumpled onto the tiled floor and I sobbed like a baby.
“Banks, get up!” Justin shouted from the bathroom door. “Get your ass off the floor.”
“Leave me alone, Justin.” I should have known he would barge in to stop me from drinking my anger away.
“I said, get the fuck up! Iris is in the hospital, she needs you there and you're here, drinking like a loser. Can you even stand on your own two feet at this point?”
I hated him in that moment. He had no idea what I was going through. “You saw me, you saw what I did,” I shot back at him, avoiding his eyes.
“I sure did and I doubt he'll be able to eat anything more than Jell-O for the next couple of weeks.” He chuckled. “You were out of control, man, but you stopped and now you’re feeling like shit because of what you did. Stopping yourself shows you have a heart, unlike your dad.”
The mention of Dad made me uncomfortable. “He hurt her.”
“He did, Cal – that’s why your place is with Iris, not locked up here in your safe place. Be there for her, that’s what she needs from you.”
I tried getting up, but I was too unstable on my feet.
“Jesus Christ, Banks.” He stalked across to me, sounding pissed off and turned the water setting to ice cold. “You have five minutes or I'm coming in there to put some clothes on you.”
Hell no, he wasn’t fucking coming near me again. I turned the water off before hypothermia set in. The cold water had turned me into a frozen mess. I needed to get dressed because there was no freaking way I wanted him to see me fucking naked again. Once in a lifetime was enough.
“Iris… Iris…” I kept muttering her name and each time the emotions kept rolling over me in ever increasing waves. Putting on a pair of boxers and my pants when I could barely stand wasn’t easy. It got me furious with myself all over again. What had I done? This night needed to be forgotten. I wanted my Iris. My beautiful girl.
“Come on, Banks.” Justin spoke to me as if we were in the army and he was a sergeant and I was a rookie.
“Give me a fucking break.”
He shook his head. “I’ve dealt with all of your demands for days. I watched over her, gave her rides everywhere. Now, it’s your responsibility. Get your shit together, put on a shirt and get in the fucking car.”
Dammit. What the hell is wrong with him?
Chapter 20
Danielle was talking on the phone with Justin, and Calvin's name came up a number of times.
Why hadn’t Calvin returned yet? He ca
me back to New York for me and I had barely seen him. Every damn part of my body craved him. Calvin had to get back here soon, I begged him to.
“Calvin is on his way.”
“Really?”
“He had a rough night; he had a few drinks and was about to... I don't know. He feels like shit, but Justin has picked him up and they'll be here shortly.”
“Thank you, Danielle, and Krys too, for everything you've done.” They’d stayed here and cared for me. Without them, I had nobody else. How lonely I could feel in this big city sometimes surprised me.
“I'll help you with anything you need.” Krys offered.
“I doubt Calvin will let you work for at least the next month. I’ll hang out with you when I’m off.” Danielle suggested.
“Thank you.” I said.
The door opened and I heard the voice I craved.
“Kitten.”
My hands fell to my sides and I met his eyes. He looked as if he’d been to hell and back. His hair was damp and tied back from his face in a bun. His eyes were red-rimmed, as if he was tired or he’d been crying. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, but taking care not to hurt me.
“I’m sorry, I fucked up, Iris.” The sound of his voice took my breath away.
“I fucked up, too,” I admitted. “Can we go home, now?”
He gently pulled back, holding my hand in his own, but not putting any pressure on my fingers. “Not yet, kitten, I just talked to the doctor. You’re going to be fine, but they need to keep you here for another couple of hours. I’ll stay with you, I promise.”
I sniffed cautiously. “You reek of alcohol; did you take a bath in whiskey or something?”
“I had a fight between my heart and my mind and in the end, Jack Daniel’s won. For a little while, at least.” He gave me one of his foolish grins and turned to the girls and Justin. “You guys should go home. I’m good now.”
The girls and Justin grabbed their winter jackets, said their goodbyes and left, promising to see us soon.