Tucking her close to him, the pair strolled along, enjoying the town as it turned from gray to white. There was something magic about snowfall. For all that the sky was heavy with clouds, the world felt brighter. And calmer. Traffic slowed and the streets cleared, leaving the town quiet, and though there were plenty about, it was easy to believe they were alone in the world.
If not for the chill, Conrad would be content to meander the winter scene indefinitely, but Oak Hall arrived soon enough. He waved off the footman and helped Ruby with her jacket, and she blushed, gazing at him from over her shoulder as he drew closer than necessary for the job.
Yes, only a little more time was needed.
“I was beginning to worry about you two,” said Mother, coming over to buss Ruby and Conrad on their cheeks.
“We were enjoying the snow, and Conrad gave me a present,” said Ruby, displaying the small box with a smile that was far too grand for the paltry gift.
“That is perfect,” said Mother, giving her son a pleased look. “Have Daniel place it in your room, and then join us for luncheon. You must be famished.”
Ruby did as bidden, though she did not look pleased with the thought of handing it to the footman, and Conrad placed a hand at the small of her back, brushing a touch against her spine. For perhaps the first time in their marriage, Ruby did not jump or flinch. She simply relaxed into his touch as they followed Mother into the dining room.
“You are just in time,” said Father as he rose to greet them. “Cook has outdone herself today.”
“Where is Vincent?” asked Conrad, glancing at the empty seat his brother usually occupied—though he knew it was a silly question before his father gave him that mocking raise of his brow. Vincent had been a regular fixture at the Goodlands’ home during his courtship, and their engagement had ensured he was now a permanent one.
“This looks delicious,” said Ruby, serving herself up a bit of cold ham.
Conrad was about to tuck in himself, but he turned to his parents and said, “You should ask Ruby about her plans for helping the workers.”
Ruby stiffened, her eyes widening. “It is hardly a plan at this stage. Merely an idea. Or a possibility at best.”
Mother’s smile broadened as she placed a scoop of boiled potatoes on her plate. “But we’d love to hear it all the same.”
“Together we might turn it from an idea to a plan,” said Father.
And so, Conrad watched as his wife expounded on her thoughts, drawing them in more detail, while his parents questioned and broadened her thoughts. With each one, Ruby’s smile brightened, her eyes shining at the suggestions they made and the new avenues the discussion led them down.
“I see I am in time for luncheon.”
They were innocuous words, but they cast a spell over the group, freezing them mid-bite as their eyes turned to the door—but Conrad did not need to look to know who stood there. The food in his mouth soured, but when he tried to swallow, it clung to his throat, refusing to leave him even as his stomach rebelled at the sound of that voice Conrad knew all too well.
Lucas had returned.
Chapter 24
Blinking as the silence dragged out, Mary stared at her son, uncertain what to think or feel at that moment. The evidence of her eyes told her he was real, yet her mind knew Lucas was on some distant shore. Like facing down an apparition, which forces a battle between the knowledge that such things are impossible and the shadowy figure before one’s eyes, Mary struggled to align the reality of thought with the reality of sight.
Lucas strode to the table and sat down, waving for the footman to bring another plate, and still, no one spoke.
Mary’s gaze darted to Ruby, who stared down at her plate with her hands tucked in her lap, her posture rigid like a tightly wound string.
“We thought you’d gone to America,” said Ambrose, his expression shuttered to the point where Mary could not discern the sentiment beneath it. Seeing that careful mask made her heart twist; such expressions were not meant for family.
“Witnesses swore you purchased a ticket and boarded a ship,” added Conrad. Where Ambrose hid his emotions, his son did not; Conrad’s tone was as warm as a Yorkshire winter.
Lucas waved that away and filled his plate. “I’d intended to do so, but emigrating does not agree with me, and I disembarked before it set sail.”
Ruby’s chin trembled, and Mary got to her feet, tossing her serviette on the table. “And you think to swan in as though nothing is amiss? Do you have any idea of what you’ve put us through?”
Ambrose came to his feet and joined her before adding, “Your behavior is reprehensible.”
This was an old dance of theirs and a far too familiar one at that; Mary and Ambrose wove their words together, raging against Lucas while Mary’s heart broke for Ruby, who sat there as rigid as a statue.
Dropping his fork and knife to the table with a thud, Lucas’s shoulders slumped, his expression falling. His chin trembled, and he wiped at his eyes and pinched his nose. “I have been a terrible son. I know I have. I don’t know why I fall short of what you deserve.”
Lucas shook his head, turning his misting eyes to his mother. “I try. I really do, but I cannot seem to help myself. I was frightened, so I fled. I meant to stay away, for you should not be burdened by me.”
Seeing her child downcast shattered Mary’s heart like an egg beneath a boot, but she shoved aside the instinct that had her reaching for him. that sympathy fled when she cast her gaze to Ruby and Conrad, who had suffered the most at Lucas’s hands.
“And it hasn’t been easy for me,” said Lucas, rubbing his nose with his serviette. “I tried to do right and make myself better, but it is so difficult for a man to make his way in this world alone. I cannot seem to do it, but I was determined to try. And then I read about the fire in the newspaper, and I couldn’t stay away. I couldn’t rest easy without knowing that my family was safe.”
Shoving away from the table, Lucas stood and turned to the wall. With one hand propped on his hip, he covered his eyes with the other. His shoulders slumped and then began to shake.
Mary took a step forward, reaching for her son. The movement came without bidding, and she hardly noticed it until Ambrose took her by the hand and held her at his side. Her gaze darted between her husband and her son, but Ambrose looked so firm and fierce. How could he be so hard-hearted when their child’s heart was breaking?
But even as she thought that Mary recognized the trap for what it was. Anyone would feel something at such news, and having a flash of conscience did not absolve Lucas of his past behavior.
“I was so worried,” said Lucas, his voice breaking. “Though I hoped to find you well, the reports sounded so dire that I feared the worst. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you and having you never know how sorry…”
But his words dissolved into tears.
“Please forgive me,” blubbered Lucas, his words broken by sobs. He would not look at them, his posture slumping with each heartbroken cry. “I promise I am going to change. I will. I am trying my best, but I cannot manage it without your help. I want to be a better son and take my proper position at the mill.”
Lucas continued to cry as though his whole world would crumble if they did not forgive him. Mary had seen many tears from her son, but this was no light promise of change. She had never seen him so repentant, fairly prostrating himself to beg for their help in becoming the person they wished him to be, and hope sparked in her heart.
This was precisely what Mary had prayed for. A change of heart. True sorrow. Everyone had feet of clay, but few truly accepted and apologized for them.
With quick steps, she was at his side, sweeping him into her arms, and Lucas laid his head on her shoulder as he had as a boy, his tears wetting her shoulder. He wrapped his own arms around her, gripping her like a drowning man clinging to a rock.
“Forgive me, Mother,” he whispered. “Please. I cannot do this alone.”
*
&
nbsp; Ruby’s hand tightened on his, and Conrad gaped as Mother held Lucas close. His gaze darted to his father, sending him a questioning glance, but Father stood there with that same false hope mirrored in his eyes.
Could they not see it?
Wiping at his face, Lucas turned to Conrad and took several steps forward, but Conrad shot to his feet, blocking the fellow’s path to Ruby.
“Do not go near her,” said Conrad with narrowed eyes.
Lucas took a step back, flinching as though his brother had slapped him. Staring at the floor, he cast a few furtive looks at Conrad and Ruby as his head hung low.
“I owe you two most of all. But I know I can never repay my debt.” Lucas’s words faltered, and Conrad sighed but managed not to roll his eyes at the theatrical performance.
“I don’t deserve to ask for your forgiveness…” Lucas dissolved into tears once more. Conrad wished to put some distance between them, but he would not allow Lucas any nearer Ruby.
From behind Lucas, Mother’s eyes shimmered with joyful tears, and Father looked nearly as fooled. Conrad could not understand how they missed the calculation and manipulation laden in each movement and word.
Ruby rose to her feet, and the movement brought Lucas’s gaze to her growing babe.
“I don’t know how, but I will make amends to you and my child—”
Conrad jabbed a finger into Lucas’s chest, hardly knowing he’d raised his hand, and he stepped closer. “That is not your child. That is our child. Mine and Ruby’s. And we do not need anything from you.”
Lucas’s expression fell, his head dropping lower.
“Conrad, please,” said Mother, stepping around Lucas to place herself between them. “I know this is difficult, but your brother wishes to make things right, and it would be wrong of us not to allow him to do so.”
“You cannot believe him, Mother.” Conrad looked to his father for support, but it was a useless endeavor.
“Please, excuse me,” whispered Ruby, her gaze not meeting anyone else’s as she hurried around the dinner table, taking the longer route that kept her as far from Lucas as the room allowed.
Conrad’s chest tightened, and a rush of sorrow and fury swept through him as he watched her retreat. His breath came quicker as he longed to follow her and hide away in their bedchamber, but there were things to be said, and Conrad would not allow the moment to pass.
“How can you allow him to stay after what he has done?” asked Conrad. “He used Ruby and tossed her aside without any remorse. When he did have the opportunity to make right by her, he tossed her aside once more, and only returned when he was in dire straits.”
Lucas’s eyes rose to meet his brother’s with a hard glint, and Conrad didn’t know how his parents didn’t see those signs of his falsehood. Perhaps they merely ignored them.
“I admit I was too proud to face my punishments before—” he began.
“Marrying Ruby was not a punishment!” Conrad’s chest heaved as he ground out those words, and he imagined slamming a fist into that smug face of his, but Mother remained between them and nudged Conrad back when he stepped closer to Lucas.
“Conrad, please,” she repeated. “You mustn’t take offense at every little thing.”
“I am taking offense for Ruby, as no one else here seems to think she deserves defending!”
Mother gaped at him. “I love Ruby. You know I do, but it was just a slip of the tongue, Conrad. There is no need to be so defensive.”
“Perhaps we can all sit down and speak calmly,” added Father.
“Or Lucas can go get himself settled,” said Mother, glancing between her sons. “He has had a long journey, and he could use a moment to refresh himself. We all could.”
Lucas nodded and kissed Mother on the cheek. “I am sorry.”
“We will make it right,” she said, giving him another embrace before he strode from the dining room.
“You cannot be serious,” said Conrad as the door shut behind him.
“And you cannot be so cruel,” Mother retorted. “Your brother is begging us to help him right his wrongs. How can you turn a cold eye to that?”
Conrad’s chest tightened, and that feeling traveled through his body, taking hold of his muscles. “He is not repentant, Mother. He does this every time anyone is angry with him. A few crocodile tears and you forgive every offense.”
Mother’s lips pinched together, and Father stepped closer to put his arm around her waist. Mother’s eyes held Conrad’s; they were bright as though tears were beginning to show, though none fell, and they pleaded for him to believe the false hope she clung to.
“What if he is being honest?” she whispered. “How can we leave him to his own devices when he will need our assistance and guidance to let that change of heart flourish? A repentant soul needs support.”
“He isn’t repentant, Mother.”
“And you know that for certain?” asked Father, his spine straightening. “You think him beyond redemption?”
Conrad sighed, throwing his arms wide. “Of course not, but we cannot force it upon him.”
“But neither can you know his heart,” replied Father. “You assume the worst of him simply because you see only the callous exterior he presents to the world, but he has a good heart beneath it.”
Conrad’s jaw ached, his teeth grinding together as he met his mother’s tearful eyes. Bitter words whispered in his ears, begging him to argue until they were made to understand, but this was an old argument. If they still refused to see the truth, what words could convince them?
Mother’s expression crumpled, and she leaned into her husband. “Are we to cast him out and leave him to flounder on his own? He might never find his footing. We are a family, and I cannot turn my back on him. I will not.”
Conrad sucked in a lungful of air and let it out in a slow, shaky breath. “Ruby is your family, too, and this will break her heart.”
Mother’s gaze fell to the floor, but she shook her head. “It will be painful at first, but she will understand. We cannot turn our back on Lucas. You do not know the pain that comes from being cut off from your family. I cannot do to him what my parents did to me. Or what Ruby’s did to her.”
Shoulders slumping, Conrad stared at his parents. His mind played through the scenario, seeing the outcome much as it had all the other times he and the other siblings had tried to speak sense to them. And Conrad just didn’t have it in him to keep fighting. It would not change a thing.
Conrad’s legs felt as though they were made of lead, his footsteps plodding as he moved to the dining room door.
***
Their bedchamber door rattled, and Ruby sucked in a breath. Curling into a ball, she gripped her pillow and stared at the handle. But it was Conrad’s voice and not Lucas’s that called out to her, and the tightness in her chest eased.
Nudging open the door with his foot, Conrad fumbled with a tray of food but managed to enter without spilling a thing. Coming to the bedside, he placed his offering on the side table and crouched next to her.
“You didn’t eat much at luncheon,” he said, nodding to the tray, and Ruby saw it was laden with more sweets than was likely good for her. “How are you feeling?”
Ruby’s gaze darted away from him. “Well enough.”
“Liar.” But his warm tone robbed the word of any bite. “Speak to me.”
Her throat tightened, but Ruby relaxed her expression. “I am well.”
*
Conrad’s head fell, his shoulders slumping. The woman facing him was not the lady he loved. This was the Ruby he’d married. Aloof. Silent. Fearful. He didn’t know whether he was better at seeing beneath the veneer or she was struggling to maintain it, but Conrad saw her heart in her eyes and knew better than to trust her apathetic words and schooled expression.
Rising, he stripped off his jacket and waistcoat and came around to the other side of the bed. The mattress dipped as he climbed atop it, but Ruby had grown accustomed to the bed’s quirks and
kept herself from rolling towards him. Sliding close, Conrad laid his head next to hers and wrapped an arm around her, his hand resting on their child.
Having her close was a balm to his troubled heart, allowing Conrad to relax as he hadn’t been able to since Lucas strode into their lives once again. And slowly, he felt Ruby lean into him, accepting his touch.
“I know you cannot be well because I am not,” he whispered. “I cannot stand the thought of Lucas here, and it must be infinitely worse for you to see my parents embrace him as though all is forgiven.”
Ruby’s neck twisted as to meet his gaze; her eyes were wide and pleading, desperate to believe what he’d said.
“We have no place to go, so we have no choice but to suffer his company,” said Conrad. “But you are not alone in this, Ruby. I swear it.”
The bed was small enough that maneuvering was not an easy thing—especially in Ruby’s condition—but with a few bumping moves, she turned towards him and burrowed into his embrace. With all the layers of petticoats and the babe growing larger each day, this position wasn’t as comfortable as others, but they both needed this closeness. His Ruby was his anchor in the storm, and Conrad hoped he would be the same for her.
Chapter 25
“I can have a tray sent up if you’d prefer,” said Conrad, standing by their bedchamber door. “But you have no reason to hide. This is your home.”
Ruby ran her hands down her skirts and stared at herself in the mirror. Keeping her face and reflection hidden from Conrad, she was able to let the doubt show in her eyes at his statement. But then he was there, standing at her back and pulling her into his chest.
The Honorable Choice (Victorian Love Book 2) Page 22