by Erica Lee
Once we got to them, the make out was still going strong so I leaned close to Todd’s ear.
“Having fun?” I asked.
Todd jumped in the air to the sound of my voice, tearing his lips away from Ryan. Jenny and I laughed and she threw her hand up for a high five.
Ryan shook his head, but I could tell he was laughing. “You guys are jerks.”
“Yeah. You scared me to death,” Todd added.
“It’s not my fault you were too busy to be paying attention to your best friend,” I said with a laugh.
Todd looked over at me to say something else and I noticed he couldn’t keep eye contact and was swaying back and forth.
I put my hand on his shoulder. “Ok buddy. I think it’s time we get you home.”
He pushed his lip out and gave me his best pouty face. “Oh calm down,” I scolded. “The bar is about to close anyway.”
As we made our way outside to our rideshare, I noticed that Ryan had taken Todd’s hand. I looked over at Jenny and raised an eyebrow and she just shrugged her shoulders and smiled.
When our ride arrived, Todd pulled Ryan close and they shared another kiss before Todd flung himself into the car. Before I got in I turned back to Jenny and squeezed her hand.
“I’m really sorry about what happened earlier. I never should have…”
Before I could finish, Jenny interrupted me. “Hey. We’ll talk about it tomorrow, ok? Just go home and get some sleep.”
Sleep was unlikely. A night full of worry was more like it. I hoped and prayed that Jenny could forgive me for what I had done or at least what I had wanted to do. I also wished I could forget about how it felt to have my lips so close to hers.
Chapter 6
The next day I was awoken to the sound of my phone ringing. I blinked my eyes at the screen a few times and noticed it was Jenny calling.
“He-hello?” I said, just barely able to get the words out.
“Hey sleepy head,” Jenny said cheerfully. “Am I seriously waking you up? Do you know what time it is?”
I pulled the phone away from my ear and blinked at it again, until I could read the time on the clock - 12:00 pm. I jumped out of bed. How had I slept so late? I guess it could have something to do with all of the tossing and turning I did last night. The tossing and turning I had done because… oh no. The memories flooded back to me. Shots, lots of shots, followed by some sexy grinding and then the worst part. I tried to kiss Jenny, not just once, but twice. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I had followed it up by bawling onto her shoulder.
“Hey, are you still there?” Jenny asked from the other end of the phone.
“Yeah. Sorry. I was just thinking about last night,” I admitted. “I really am sorry Jenny.”
“Hey, let’s talk about it in a few minutes, ok? Ryan and I are on our way over to your dad’s house with some hangover food for you guys.”
“On your way over?” I tried to ask nonchalantly while I desperately rustled through my closet. “How do you know the address?”
“Todd gave it to Ryan last night,” Jenny said with a laugh.
I rolled my eyes. “Of course he did. Speak of the devil, I better go make sure that fool is alive.”
“Ok. We’ll see you guys in about 20 minutes.”
I threw on clothes and rushed out of my room to find Todd sitting at the kitchen bar, still looking half asleep. I hit him in the back of the head.
“Wake up,” I shouted. “Your boyfriend is on his way over here.”
Todd almost fell to the ground as he jumped out of his chair. “What?! Why wouldn’t you tell me sooner?”
“Because I just found out. Someone gave Ryan our address last night so they were already on their way over here when they called about 5 minutes ago.” I took a moment to take in Todd’s disheveled appearance and added, “Do you even remember what happened last night?”
“Of course I do,” Todd said smugly. “It was one of the best nights of my life.”
“Wow. You’re super gay,” I joked while sticking my tongue out at him. “Now, go get ready.”
When Todd was almost out of the room, he turned around and gave me a goofy smile. “By the way, I saw you getting up close and personal with your girl. Did you guys…?”
“Nothing happened and I don’t want to talk about it,” I interrupted sternly.
Todd took the hint and left the room without saying another word. About 15 minutes later, I heard a knock on the door. I took a deep breath before answering, nervous about seeing Jenny. If Jenny felt any awkwardness over the previous night’s events, she didn’t show it as she pulled me into a tight hug as soon as they were through the door. She gave me an extra squeeze before letting go to say hi to Todd who had now made his way over to us.
I directed everyone toward the kitchen, where Jenny presented the buffalo wings and French fries they had brought for lunch.
“Perfect hangover cure for those East Coasters who can’t handle a little West Hollywood partying,” Jenny announced with a cocky grin.
“Hey! Don’t lump me in with my friend. I’m not actually hungover,” I pointed out.
“And that couldn’t have anything to do with the pretty girl who made sure you had water and pizza last night now could it?” Jenny raised a seductive eyebrow as she asked the question.
I smiled back at her. “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”
After we were done eating, the boys suggested watching a movie and took a seat next to each other on the couch. They scrolled through Netflix and chose a documentary about some gay athlete they both liked. Before I could sit down, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to find Jenny standing close to me.
“Since this movie wasn’t made for girls in middle school, I’m sure you’re not super into it. So do you think you would go for a walk with me?” She asked.
I agreed and told Todd he better behave while I was gone.
“You too,” he said with a smirk.
Once we were a few steps away from the house, Jenny turned to look at me. “Are you ok?” She asked. “I’ve been worried about you.”
“Worried about me? Why?” I asked dumbly. Clearly she was referring to my breakdown in the middle of the street.
“You were really upset last night. I’ve never seen you like that.” The sincerity behind her voice was so sweet that it made my heart race.
I sighed. “I’m ok. I think my emotions were on overdrive because of the alcohol.” I hesitated, then added, “Listen Jenny. I really am sorry about how I acted in the bar. I know it’s no excuse, but I drank way too much way too quickly. Then we got to dancing and I guess that’s just what I’m used to doing when I dance with a pretty girl in a bar.”
“So, is that all it was?” Jenny asked. “You got carried away and forgot who you were dancing with?”
I couldn’t tell by Jenny’s voice if she would be relieved or upset if that were the case, but I knew I couldn’t lie to her.
I looked down at the ground and kicked around a rock. “No. I knew exactly who I was dancing with. I was very aware of who I was trying to kiss. That moment wasn’t about just wanting to kiss someone. In that moment, all I wanted was to kiss you.”
I held my breath, worried about what Jenny might say to that. I knew this kind of honesty could get me in trouble and hoped it wouldn’t ruin our friendship.
Jenny nudged me in the side. “Hey pretty girl, look at me. You don’t have to be embarrassed. I wanted to kiss you too. Heck, I almost did. But one of us had to stop it before we did something we would regret.”
I wanted to tell her that I didn’t honestly think I could ever regret kissing her, but decided it was for the best if I didn’t.
“Maybe we should just do it once. You know, get it out of our systems,” I said only half joking.
Jenny laughed. “That does seem like the easier and more fun solution, doesn’t it? I like what you and I have though. I don’t want us to become friends with benefits who eventuall
y have a falling out.”
I nodded my head. I knew she was right. I mean what did I really expect to happen if we kissed? That we would ride into the sunset and live happily ever after? Of course not. That’s not what either of us wanted. The best case scenario would be that we did become some sort of friends with benefits and I finally got to fulfill my fantasies about Jenny, but I felt like she deserved better than that. Plus, I feared the worst case scenario where a physical relationship complicated what we had and things fell apart. I didn’t want that.
We walked in silence for a few minutes before Jenny spoke again. “You don’t talk about your dad much,” she pointed out.
I sighed and looked up at the blue California sky. “There’s not much to say. My dad. He’s a good person. He’s means well and I adore him. But he’s a terrible father.”
“I’m sorry,” Jenny said sincerely, a hint of pain behind her voice.
“It’s ok. It was honestly never that hard for me because it’s always been the norm. Even before my parents’ divorce, my dad traveled all the time for work and missed a lot of my big events. I’m used to him not being around. I guess I just always told myself that it’s just how he is and that was enough. But the thought of him being with someone who could possibly have kids was too much for me. Like I said, I can deal with him not winning any dad of the year awards. I wouldn’t be able to deal with it if I knew he was a better dad to someone else. Then it would no longer be about him and his own parenting problems. It would be about me and why I wasn’t good enough.”
“Hey,” Jenny said taking my hands in hers. “No matter what happens, it doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough. You are more than good enough Rory. You’re spectacular. And judging by the decor in your dad’s house, I’d say that he most certainly realizes that, but if he doesn’t, it’s his loss. Honestly, I feel bad for him for the little time he’s spent with you. He sure is missing out.”
“Do you really mean that?” I asked, while trying to stop the tears from returning.
“Of course I do,” Jenny answered sincerely. “Rory you light up every room you walk into. There’s something truly special about you. Whenever I talk to you, my day gets a thousand times better. You have a way of making people feel invincible. That’s how you make me feel at least.”
With those words, the desire to kiss Jenny came back just as strongly as last night. Only this time there was no alcohol involved. I also knew that I had to clear those thoughts from my head.
“So, your parents…” Jenny started, bringing my thoughts back to the present. “Are they the reason you hate love?”
“Just for the record, I don’t hate love. I actually love love and I love loving people. I love seeing other people in love too actually. Give me a romantic comedy any day. Make my life a romantic comedy? No thanks. But to answer your question, yes, my parents are the reason I don’t do long term relationships. They were miserable with each other. I know that’s not always the case, but I don’t want to risk it. I don’t want to spend my whole life just tolerating someone. Life is such an adventure and I feel like my parents missed out on truly living because they were so focused on hating each other.”
Jenny nodded in understanding. “That makes sense. What about kids? Would you still consider having any on your own?”
“I’ve thought about it. I love kids and would love to raise my own. But I haven’t decided if it’s something I’d want to take on alone. My mom practically did it alone and she did a great job, but I know it took a ton out of her. What about you?” I asked.
Jenny lifted one shoulder and let it drop. “I love kids too and if I was going to go the marriage route, I would definitely want at least three. But I don’t think I could do it on my own. I think I’ll just be the cool aunt that spoils her nieces and nephews rotten.”
“And why are you so against relationships?” I inquired. “It doesn’t seem to have anything to do with your family, unless I’m missing something.”
“No. My family is actually the epitome of what relationships should be. My parents have been disgustingly in love for 35 years. My 27 year old brother is already married with two kids and my sister is only 23 and has been with her boyfriend for almost ten years. I’m the black sheep of the family.”
“So, what’s the reason?” I tried asking again, realizing that Jenny was avoiding the topic.
“I really don’t want to talk about it,” Jenny said sternly, before adding, “Ever.”
“I get it,” I conceded. “No worries. Shall we get back to the boys?”
Jenny agreed and although I had said I would drop it, the only thing I could think about our whole walk home was what could have possibly happened to turn Jenny away from relationships.
We spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out, playing board games until my dad got home. As soon as he entered the house, he introduced himself to Jenny and Ryan and made small talk for a few minutes before asking to speak with me privately. As I walked past Jenny to join him in the other room, she reached out and gave my hand a gentle squeeze. I gave her an appreciative smile, thinking that she couldn’t possibly realize how much her small gestures meant to me.
Once we were in another room and out of ear shot my dad turned to me, with a nervous look on his face. Instead of talking, he began running his hand through his short brown hair, which was a nervous habit of his.
“So listen,” he said, clearing his throat before continuing. “I’m sorry about running off to work right after I told you there was someone I wanted you to meet. I was worried about how you would react. It was selfish and cowardly of me.”
I waited for him to say something else and when I realized he wasn’t going to, I decided to speak up.
“So, who is it that you want to me to meet?” I tried to ask as nonchalantly as possible.
“Her name is Monica Pearl. She’s my age and we’ve..ah..we’ve been seeing each other for about a year now.”
“Oh,” was all I was able to say. I knew this was coming, but I hadn’t thought about a logical response.
“Yeah,” my dad said tentatively. “She has become the most important person in my life, after you of course, so it was very important for you two to meet.”
I wanted to question whether I really was more important than her. I’m sure he spent holidays with her. I’m sure he saw her more than once a year and that they actually spoke to each other on a regular basis. But I had decided a long time ago that this wasn’t a battle I wanted to fight with my dad.
When I didn’t say anything, my dad continued. “I hope you don’t mind that I invited her to a dinner with your friends. I just thought it might be, you know, less awkward for you this way.”
“No, you were right. I appreciate that,” I said with a sincere smile because he was right. As awkward as this meeting was going to be, I figured it would be even worse if it were just the three of us sitting around a table trying to make small talk. My dad was practically a stranger to me so throwing another, actual stranger, into the mix would just be weird.
“Ok. Well good talk,” my dad said while awkwardly patting me on the shoulder. “And Rory?”
“Yes Dad?”
“You do know that I love you, right?”
I squeezed his arm while giving him a genuine smile. “Yeah Dad. I know.”
About a half hour later, we were all squeezing into my dad’s SUV to head to the restaurant where Monica was going to meet us. When we arrived, she was waiting for us by the entrance. The first thing I noticed about her was that she was pretty much the opposite of my mom. She was short and on the curvy side without actually being fat and she had wavy blonde hair that fell down to about her shoulders. I then noticed that she had a genuine smile on her face and seemed sincerely happy to meet me as my dad introduced her to each of us.
Once we were seated at our table, the conversation flowed fairly easily with everyone contributing equally. Not long into dinner, Jenny spoke directly to Monica.
“So Monica,”
she questioned, “Do you have any kids?”
I passed her an appreciative smile and lightly squeezed her hand. She smiled back at me knowing she had asked the question that had been burning in my mind all night.
“No, I don’t actually,” Monica said. “I always just focused on my nieces and nephews rather than having any of my own.”
I noticed that she chose her words carefully, not wanting to incriminate herself. She clearly realized that saying she didn’t want kids would be like saying she didn’t want the package that came along with my dad. Even though I already had a mother and wasn’t looking for another one, it still meant something to me that she would be so careful about this. I also breathed a sigh of relief knowing that all my worries about my dad having this whole other family were unwarranted. Beside me, Jenny gave me a smile that said see I told you there was nothing to worry about. The rest of the dinner went smoothly and I was happy when my dad and Monica said goodbye rather than trying to prolong this meeting even longer.
We got back to the house a little after nine and my dad asked if Jenny and Ryan wanted to stick around for a little while longer.
“I’d really like the chance to get to know Rory’s friends a little better,” he confessed, but by the way he looked at Jenny when he said it, I had a feeling he really wanted to figure out what her deal was. I wasn’t sure if he was playing the protective father role since Todd had convinced him we were together or if he was just curious to learn more about the girl I had grown so close to over the past year. Either way, I appreciated it.
Once they were able to talk more one on one, Jenny and my dad got along really well. They quickly got into a back and forth banter, which actually wasn’t very surprising given how similar my personality was to my dad’s. I could tell Jenny was hesitant to like him though, like it was against the friend code to like the man who had broken his own daughter’s heart.
Around midnight, Jenny yawned and raised her hands over her head, announcing that they should go. Todd and Ryan had already fallen asleep snuggled up under a blanket on the couch, so Jenny gently woke them up. I just stood there rolling my eyes at Todd, shocked at how quickly my best friend had become a big pile of mush.