by Grant, Livia
“All right. We’ll avoid the Blue Canyon Trail for the next week and make sure hikers always stay in pairs during our longer hikes, even when they need to use the bathroom. Also, I’ll personally accompany you on the evening hike and tomorrow’s hikes as well.” Xavier usually accompanied his clients on at least one hike a day anyway and he had already been planning to join this evening’s hiking excursion into the mountains.
“Got it, boss. Anything else?”
“That should cover it. Thanks, Corey.”
Xavier expected the young man to leave his office, but he lingered, his arms still casually crossed over his chest as he leaned against the desk. The mischievous glint in his dark eyes brightened and he displayed a quirky smile.
“Is there something else you wanted to talk to me about, Corey?”
“Yep, boss. There is, in fact. Did you know I’m a member of Black Light West?” Corey leaned forward and winked in a conspiratorial manner.
“I wasn’t aware.” Xavier wondered where he was going with this. Members weren’t supposed to talk about the club to non-members, but as a member of Black Light West himself, Xavier had never run into Corey at the exclusive BDSM club. Though, in all fairness, Xavier didn’t frequent the establishment on a regular basis. Only when he became so fucking lonely that he found himself driving into the city on a Friday or Saturday night, eager to find a willing submissive to play with for the evening. But only for the evening. He wasn’t ready to settle down or attempt a serious relationship with a submissive yet, and he was careful to never play with the same sub more than once.
“Yep, I joined about two months ago. I saw you there one night, but that was before we officially met and I started working for you. But I’m sure it was you. Just saw you sitting at the bar, didn’t witness you playing with anyone though.”
Xavier lifted an eyebrow at his employee, still wondering where Corey was going with this. “And?”
“And I think you should sign up for this year’s Valentine shindig, Roulette, as a participant.”
“And I think you should go back to the Blue Canyon Trail and try to ride a mountain lion.”
“Come on, boss. It’ll be fun. I heard they’re having trouble signing up enough players. I’m going to be a participant. I would hate to see it canceled just because they can’t get enough players.”
“Corey,” Xavier said in a warning tone, seriously doubting that the club was having difficulty finding enough participants for the event. Corey had to be exaggerating. “I’m not interested. Also, how the fuck do you afford the monthly dues at that place? I sure as hell don’t pay you that much. Been skimming money from me?”
Corey grinned. “Trust fund. Better treat me real nice, boss, or I could quit on you at any moment.”
“Fuck you.”
“No thanks. I like women. Beautiful, tall, strict dommes, to be precise.”
“Well, shit, now you’re tempting me,” Xavier said in a mocking voice. “Now I want to sign up just for the chance to watch you get your ass beat.”
Corey rolled his eyes. “Just think about it, bossman. I think it’d do you some good. You’re always brooding. Don’t think I’ve seen you smile once in the five weeks I’ve been working here. You need to let loose and have some fun. Get your freak on.”
Get my freak on? Xavier thought with amusement. The young man had good intentions, but he didn’t know Xavier’s history. He probably had no idea Xavier was a widower of three years or that he was currently struggling with the idea of getting back in the dating scene. He might play now and then, but only when the loneliness became unbearable.
Of course, signing up for Roulette might not be so bad. When he did visit Black Light West, he kept to the usual daddy dom/baby girl role play scenes he enjoyed. But maybe he needed to branch out and try some new kinks. Mix things up a little. If he joined the Roulette event, he would have the opportunity to do just that. In any case, it would beat the fuck out of spending Valentine’s Day alone again. Last year, he’d spent the evening feeling sorry for himself and drinking himself into oblivion.
As if reading his mind, Corey said, “Look, you shouldn’t be alone on Valentine’s Day, boss. Believe it or not, I worry about you sometimes.” Maybe Corey did know Xavier was a widower. One of the other employees could’ve easily told him.
The young man’s expression turned compassionate, catching Xavier off-guard. He sure as fuck wasn’t about to discuss his feelings with this young, cocky, trust fund kid. But he couldn’t help being touched by Corey’s invitation and his concern.
“Fine. I’ll think about it,” Xavier grumbled.
Corey’s face brightened. “Excellent. The information and sign-up forms are on the website. Take a look ASAP, boss.”
“Like I said, I’ll think about it.”
* * *
Fuck that piece of shit trust fund kid and his ideas. Xavier growled as he read over the rules for Valentine Roulette. Staring at this particular section of the Black Light website, the temptation to sign up for the event kept growing.
Maybe it would really do him some good. Trying out some new kinks with a randomly paired sub wasn’t a bad idea, especially on Valentine’s Day. It would be the ultimate distraction, and it sure as hell beat the alternative—wallowing in despair all night by himself, pounding a bottle of scotch, and falling into an alcohol-induced coma.
With a deep sigh, he started filling out the application. When he got to the hard limits section, he only checked off blood play, needle play, and breath play. He also listed himself as a dom interested in an M/f pairing. For his play name, he entered Daddy Xavier, as that was the name he went by in the BDSM scene.
He read over the application one last time, just to make sure he’d filled the entire thing out and agreed with all the rules, then pressed the ‘submit’ button.
There. It was done.
An unexpected sense of excitement filled him as he pushed back from his desk. Usually, when he spent an evening at Black Light West, it was a spur of the moment decision. His loneliness would become so all-consuming that he would find himself driving into Beverly Hills, headed for the exclusive BDSM club, desperate to fill the aching void inside him. He would find a sub willing to be the baby girl to his daddy dom, and they would spend the evening playing, and just for a little while, the emptiness inside him wasn’t quite so overwhelming. For a few hours, he could experience a sense of normalcy.
But making plans to play two weeks in advance, and knowing that he would likely try out something new—based upon which kinks he spun during the Roulette event—gave him something to look forward to.
He walked to his bedroom window to gaze at the night sky. This far away from the city, the stars shone brilliantly in the pitch-black sky, the half-moon casting a beam of white light over the pool below. After Sherry’s death, he hadn’t been able to bring himself to keep sleeping in their bedroom, so he’d remodeled the upstairs of the retreat and turned their old bedroom into another dormitory for the more budget-minded guests. He had then turned one of the VIP guest bedrooms into his new bedroom. Sometimes, he regretted the hasty remodel.
He had spent the years since Sherry’s passing trying to push his grief away, rather than allow himself to actually go through it. There were times he still felt in denial, as if Sherry wasn’t really gone. As if he might find her curled up beside him when he awoke in the morning. Other times, the guilt pressed in from all directions, leaving him suffocating and unable to catch his breath.
An accident. Logically, he knew the tragedy that had claimed Sherry’s life was an accident, but he still couldn’t help the immense guilt he felt over her passing.
It should’ve been me. Not her.
And I should’ve stayed closer to her…
Having met Sherry at a ski resort in the Swiss Alps, they had decided to celebrate their five-year anniversary with a trip to the same resort where they’d met. But on the second day of their trip, as he watched Sherry ski down the slope ahead of him, he
’d heard a strange noise, a deep whumph followed by the rapid shifting of snow. Both of them, along with a dozen other skiers, had been buried in the avalanche, but the rescuers hadn’t been able to reach Sherry in time.
In addition to grieving her loss, he also suffered from what a well-meaning counselor friend once gently told him was survivor’s guilt. As her husband and daddy dom, it had been Xavier’s job to protect Sherry, even with his life. Not only had he failed, but the universe had seen fit to allow him to survive. He would’ve given anything to take Sherry’s place.
His smart watch buzzed and he looked down to see an email from Black Light West. The email thanked him for signing up as a participant and included instructions for the night—arrival time and another run down of the rules. He exhaled a long breath and returned his gaze to the night sky.
He knew Sherry would’ve wanted him to move on and find happiness, and if he had been the one to pass away, he would’ve wanted her to do the same.
Move on and find happiness.
Five little words that sounded simple yet were anything but.
Busy as the wellness retreat kept him, he didn’t have a lot of time for dating. Of course, he was starting to realize he was using the retreat as an excuse for his failure to move on. His infrequent trips to Black Light West didn’t help him in the long-term. They were short, quick fixes to help hold the loneliness at bay, to keep the darkness from swallowing him whole.
He needed a companion.
He needed a real relationship.
For a moment, he considered backing out of the event. It would just be another quick fix. He needed to start dating soon, to throw himself out there. He had looked at a few BDSM dating sites recently, though he hadn’t worked up the courage to create a profile on any of them.
Lonely as Fuck Daddy Dom Widower Seeks Sweet Baby Girl for Long-Lasting Relationship. Yeah, he needed to think of a better tagline for his dating profile.
One more quick fix, he decided, as he continued staring at the night sky, and then I’m going to get serious about this whole dating thing. After Valentine’s Day and Roulette, I’m going to finally start looking for my baby girl.
Chapter 2
Rachel
Rachel Murray entered Black Light West, her heels clicking on the floor with each rapid step. She’d arrived precisely thirty-five minutes before the start of Roulette, just as she’d hoped. She needed a little time to herself before the event started, just to calm her nerves. Navigating through the crowd of people, she made a bee-line for the bar, where she asked for a glass of rosé.
People-watching always helped her settle before she played at a BDSM club, so as she sat at the bar, that’s exactly what she did. She watched a domme leading a cute young blond man around by a leash, the couple heading toward the movie theater located off the main play area, where Roulette would get started. The sub wore a crop top and a thong, revealing his recently punished ass cheeks. He had a nice butt, too, and she didn’t look away until they disappeared in the crowd near the movie theater.
Anticipation spiraled through her and she checked the time on her watch, but only a minute had passed. She took a sip of her drink and started to relax further, continually watching people pass by the bar area.
After a few minutes, a handsome dark-haired man with piercing blue eyes approached the bar and ordered a drink. The bartender soon handed him a tumbler of scotch. Rachel couldn’t help but stare. The man drinking the scotch was breathtakingly gorgeous, but in a woodsy, mountain man sort of way. He was wearing black jeans and a dark gray shirt with the sleeves rolled up to reveal his massive forearms. Her heart fluttered at the sight.
He looked like the kind of man who could chop down trees and turn them into a cabin, all by himself, with nothing but an ax and sheer determination. He looked both smart and capable. And he looked dominant to the bone. An aura of power and confidence radiated off his huge, muscular form.
Her pussy spasmed and she couldn’t resist squirming in her seat as she continued watching Mr. Mountain Man. She had never seen him at the club before and wondered if he was a new member. He leaned against the bar with his gaze on the crowd as he drank his scotch, appearing to savor each sip. She sucked in a shaky breath every time he swallowed. Even his throat was sexy and masculine.
Though his hair was mostly dark, it was white streaked in a few places, particularly around his temples, and he had a well-trimmed salt and pepper beard to match. She judged him to be in his late thirties or early forties.
Every so often, Mr. Mountain Man’s gaze softened and he appeared sad, perhaps lost in thought. She had the sudden urge to sidle over to him and keep him company, if only to see the sad, lonely look leave his blue gaze. Though he was a complete stranger and she didn’t even know his name, for a reason she couldn’t fathom, she wanted to see him smile, to see his eyes brighten with joy.
Before she worked up the courage to approach him, he finished his drink and walked away. Rachel mourned the loss of his company, even if he had been standing on the other side of the bar and hadn’t looked in her direction once. She couldn’t help but wonder if he was here tonight as an observer or as a participant in Roulette. God, she could only hope it was the latter.
But even if he was a participant in the event, her chances of getting paired with him weren’t good. After all, fifteen couples would be matched for the evening. One in fifteen weren’t the best odds. She watched as he walked toward the movie theater, a heated flush overtaking her.
She finished her rosé but didn’t order another one. As a participant in Roulette, she was permitted up to two alcoholic beverages before tonight’s festivities got started, but she was kind of a lightweight and wanted to keep her wits about her.
She remained at the bar though, not yet ready to head to the movie theater. Blood play, watersports, needle play, and fisting. Those were the four hard limits she’d selected on the website sign-up form. But that still meant a lot of other possible activities remained, many with which she didn’t have much experience, and though she had been active in the BDSM scene for years, she suddenly felt like a newbie. She had no control over what activities she would spin on the roulette wheel tonight and no idea with whom she would be playing. The uncertainty added some extra excitement, but it also left her a bit nervous.
But she was in it to win it. She had signed up because, despite the anxieties currently running though her, she craved the challenge of the unknown. Participating in an event like Roulette was something the old, timid, scared of her own shadow Rachel would’ve never done. But she wasn’t that girl anymore, or at least that was what she kept telling herself.
I’m brave. I can do this.
Finally, she left the bar and made her way to the movie theater. Her pulse raced as she navigated through the crowd and took her place near the stage where the other subs were gathering. Her heart leapt when she spotted Mr. Mountain Man standing on the stage with the participating dominants and dommes. Holy crap.
He’s really up there and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be lucky enough to spin his name.
She quickly pushed this secret wish aside. She didn’t want to get her hopes up and then be disappointed by the dom with whom she was matched. She allowed her gaze to wander over the other doms on stage and found them all attractive. Of course, none caught her eye the way Mr. Mountain Man did.
Crap. Why couldn’t she stop looking at him?
He turned his head and his blue gaze suddenly locked with hers. Her stomach flipped and heat pulsed between her thighs. She tried to glance away, but she couldn’t manage to tear her eyes from his. It was as if he was keeping her captive, demanding her obedience and ordering her to hold his gaze. A thrill ran through her, goosebumps rising all over her arms. A pleasurable shudder shot down her spine and her breath kept catching in her throat.
Mr. Mountain Man held her gaze until another dom approached him and started talking to him. After he turned away, she found herself gulping in air. She was standing perfectly still,
yet she felt as if she’d just jogged here from the bar.
“Are you all right?” the tall, beautiful blonde standing next to her asked.
“Oh, I’m fine,” Rachel said with a wave of her hand. “It’s just kind of hot in here, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, all these bodies in here,” the woman replied with a wave of her hand. “I’m Alice, by the way. It’s only my third time here. I recently joined Black Light West.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Alice. I’m Dolly,” Rachel replied, using her play name, a name she’d chosen at random the first time she visited a BDSM club. But the name had stuck and she rather liked it. She liked being Dolly, the girl who never felt shame over her submissive desires, the girl who had found both acceptance and freedom outside of her backward hometown and repressive upbringing.
“Nice to meet you, Dolly.” Alice shot her a nervous smile. “I’ve never seen you here. Are you a newbie, too?”
“I’ve been a member of Black Light West since December, though I’ve been going to BDSM clubs for years. But, even though I’m not a newbie, I will confess that I’m feeling a bit anxious right now. Signing up seemed like a good idea at the time, you know, a fun and exciting challenge, but to be randomly paired with a dom and three activities? Well, I guess you could say I’m feeling a bit out of my element right now.” Rachel watched as the last of the reclining seats filled in the movie theater, leaving only standing room. Just a few minutes until start time, she realized, as her stomach did a somersault.
“Have any pointers for a newbie?” Alice asked with a chuckle.
Rachel looked at the gorgeous blonde. “If you’re worried about a scene or feeling unsure about something, politely ask your dom to pause and walk you through it. A good dom will be patient with you and won’t be upset by your questions.”
Alice’s face lit up. “Oh, that’s great advice. Thank you.”