“No!” I tried to look away, but Cail held my head as three swords plunged through the chests of my friends. In sync, each screamed and gargled as the life left their bodies. As Wyn’s hand extended helplessly toward Talon, I tried not to cry. I tried to convince myself that they were not hurt—that it was only a dream—but the tears dripped down my cheeks anyway.
Cail laughed at me, holding my head in place for a moment longer as I watched their lifeless bodies sag into the forest floor.
Cail, thankfully, didn’t let my eyes linger long before turning me to face my father, the men behind him holding him in place and forcing his eyes open so he didn’t miss a thing. An instant later, I saw the flash of the blade to my side, praying that whatever Cail was going to do would happen quickly.
“I’m sorry, Daddy.” I closed my eyes as I spoke, not wanting to know what was going to happen.
I felt the flow of the air as the sword moved, and then the pain filled me. I screamed at the impact, at the intensity of the agony. I continued screaming as Cail’s arm around me disintegrated and the rough sheet of my bunk took its place.
I continued to shriek and writhe at the memory of the pain, waiting for the arm to wrap around me that would never come. I cried, and howled, and yelled in panic while, somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that Thom and Dramin could hear me.
I screamed Ilyan’s name until I had gained a little bit of control over myself. Still shaken, I replaced his name with his song. My shaky voice was louder than usual, the song ricocheting around the stone walls that threatened to swallow me whole. I sang Ilyan’s song until my voice became a whisper and then faded to nothing.
I didn’t dare move. I faced the cave wall with no desire to know if Thom or Dramin had witnessed my episode. When I was sure that enough time had passed, I turned, thankful to find no one except Ilyan’s still body in the bunk across the common area from me.
I stood, my stocking-covered feet hitting the stone of the floor then grabbed one of my heavy fur blankets and ran across the space, prancing lightly from level to level until I stood before him. I had checked on him before I went to bed, but after the terror of my nightmare, I ached for him.
I hadn’t realized how much I had come to rely on him—how much I needed him—especially in times like these. I hadn’t realized how much he had come to mean to me.
It scared me.
It scared me even more after what Cail had said.
I climbed onto the bunk, worming my way behind him, making sure not to step on his feet. I curled myself into a ball, wrapping the blanket around me and leaned against the stone to stare at his calm, although blue tinted, face.
Calm, serene, free from this mess.
“So, Cail is using you against me now,” I whispered even though he couldn’t hear me. “I can’t say I’m surprised. It was going to happen eventually, right?” I tried to laugh, but the sound came out strained.
“Ryland told me some stupid riddle about love and seeking power or light. He said it was about you.” I lay my head against the stone wall, not daring enough to look away from Ilyan.
I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t even know why I was talking to him. This stupid game that Cail was playing with my heart had me in knots.
Cail had spoken about love like I was being fought over and spoke of death like it was joyous; it made my insides squirm. I didn’t like that Cail had dragged Ilyan into this whole mess or that he had become a weapon to be used against me, too. I knew I was being manipulated, but the thing that bothered me the most was that he had somehow crawled under my skin. I shook my head and swallowed, trying to find some stability.
Some strength.
Maybe enough for us both.
Ilyan was brave. He was confident. He was capable. But right then I couldn’t help seeing how defenseless he was, how weak, and perhaps, even human he appeared. I closed my eyes at the confusion. The odd pulls and jerks that drew me toward Ilyan were making me uncomfortable.
I brushed away the emotion.
“I am going to be stronger, Ilyan. I am trying to face the nightmares alone. I think I can, but I still wake up screaming anyway.” I couldn’t just wish to be stronger. I needed to be stronger. I needed to be able to face everything and not be scared.
Ilyan wasn’t weak; he wasn’t defenseless. I didn’t need to protect him, no matter how strongly I felt that I did right then. Ilyan was the strongest person I had ever met.
I didn’t need him. I wanted him. More than I had ever thought I would, but I didn’t need him to do everything for me. I was strong, too, and Ilyan had made me that way. He hadn’t told me I couldn’t. He had shown me how I could. He helped me be stronger because he believed in me.
I leaned forward, letting my hand brush his cheek, his weak magic swirling beneath the surface of his skin as it did inside of me.
“I saw my dad. He looked exactly the same. It was weird.” I leaned my head against my knees, the pain from the nightmare still heavy inside of me. I left my hand against his skin for a moment longer before bringing it back inside the warmth of the fur blanket.
“You know, when he left I shut everything inside, and then Wyn asked me why I was throwing everything away...” I exhaled and looked away from him, my eyes scanning the large cave without really seeing anything.
“It was then that I decided not to. I’d always let Ryland in, but after that I really let him in. I gave him my heart. I gave him my magic, even though I didn’t know it at the time.” I dragged my eyes back to Ilyan’s pale face, my finger moving to touch the dim blue of his eyelid without my even knowing.
“I let Wyn in, and I actually started to feel like I had a friend. I mean, even though she didn’t understand me all the way—even though she didn’t really know me—I felt like she could. Like she wanted to. Like I mattered to her.” Everything had come out in a rush. I stopped abruptly, my voice catching on my last words while I sank back into the wall, my head hitting hard against the stone.
“And I let you in, Ilyan. First as a teacher, someone I could trust, and then, over the last three months, you became more than that. You have become my friend. Someone that... I mean… I could...” I stopped as my heart thudded, my eyes burning. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to say. I didn’t know how to word it properly because everything was jumbled inside of me. Cail’s manipulative taunts were still fresh in my mind.
“I hope you can’t hear me, or else you’re going to think I sound like a lunatic.” I inhaled again, sniffing loudly. “I loved Ryland and they took him. I mean, I might not be able to get him back, but I am going to try. I am going to make Edmund pay. And Cail. So, you better wake up to see it…”
I was confident, my magic buzzing with the hope. But I couldn’t stop that voice in the back of my head from hissing all of my fears.
‘What if I’m not strong enough? What if I can’t get there in time?’
I buried my head in my hands, cursing the tears that had finally broken through.
“I trusted Wyn, and they got to her, too. They took her, too.” I wiped away the tears with the back of my hand. “And I...” I stopped, searching for the right words, but I wasn’t finding them. “Ilyan, Thom says you’re going to get better.” I pressed my hand to my shoulder from within the warmth of my blanket, wishing his magic was stronger. “And I want to believe them, but there is so much that I don’t understand, so much that I don’t get. I am scared that everyone I care for is being taken from me.”
I looked away from him again, my eyes moving somewhere, anywhere, at the same time that I tried to wade through the tangle of emotions inside of me.
“It’s my turn to protect you now, Ilyan. It’s my turn to be strong for you. I need you to wake up. I need you to come back. I... I need you.” I stopped, trying not to give life to my nightmares; to Cail’s taunts.
“I... I don’t know how else to say it...” I think I did know how to say it, though. I wanted to say I loved him, however it wasn’t the same love
as I had for Ryland. It was the love of a friend—of a companion—and saying it would make my nightmares real. I couldn’t let that happen.
“Don’t die, okay?” I said as I moved to lay beside him, squeezing my body against his. I pulled the fur over me and snuggled into his neck. I knew I shouldn’t be there. I knew I should be able to be stronger.
But right then I wasn’t, and right then I could accept that.
It’s okay to be weak, sometimes.
“Goodnight, Ilyan.”
Ninety-Two
Joclyn
“Wake up, Silnỳ, you are in the way.”
My eyes fluttered open at Thom’s gruff voice. I knew at once why he had spoken, too. I was still lying in Ilyan’s bunk with my arm draped over his torso. Two nights ago I had awakened uncomfortable with Ilyan’s proximity, now I was doing the same to him. Great.
I sat up, head buzzing at the movement. Thom wasn’t even looking at me. He was already moving blankets, his hands pressed against Ilyan’s skin as he checked on him. I pushed a hand against my shoulder, saddened to find the same weak magic flowing through me.
“He’s still the same?” I asked as I moved to the foot of the bed. Cramming my body into the corner of the bunk, I tried to keep myself covered with the heavy fur while Thom shook his head and kept working.
My body had that heavy, dizzy feeling it always had when I had stayed away from Ryland too long. I was surprised it wasn’t worse given that yesterday’s visit had definitely not been long enough to fully rejuvenate me. I leaned my head against the cold stone, letting the cool temperature take away some of the dizziness. I had forgotten how fast and strong these sensations came on. I knew it had been more than a day and that I needed to go see him, but I didn’t want to. I traced the tip of my finger along the silver chain and sunk into the stone work.
Having to endure the aftermath of the nightmare on my own had weakened me both emotionally and physically. With Cail gloating over his control of my subconscious, I was afraid of what I would find if I went into the Tȍuha. What once had been an amazing place for Ryland and me to share had become just another potential torture chamber.
I might be able to go in and come out in a matter of minutes, however I knew it wouldn’t be enough. Or worse, what if something happened while I was in there? Ilyan wouldn’t be here to pick up the pieces. I could already tell Thom wasn’t the type to be willing to do that.
“Are you okay?” I looked up from my daydreams to see Ilyan was covered again, and Thom was staring me down.
“Yeah, just thinking about how to save the world.” Thom narrowed his eyes at me, clearly trying to decide if I was joking or not. Too bad I had no idea.
“Here,” he said, pulling over one of the large, ceramic mugs from last night. “Dramin left this for you.”
I took the mug from Thom and smelled the Black Water. It almost smelled appealing to me now.
“Thank you,” I said before draining the mug in one large gulp. The Black Water moved into me and I actually found myself feeling better. I still felt the body aches from my separation with Ryland, but they weren’t as sharp and my head didn’t feel as fuzzy. I sighed and leaned against the rock wall.
“Where is Dramin?” I asked, wishing I already had more of the Black Water.
“Shopping,” Thom said, although I could tell it was more than that. He leaned forward and looked into the mug, his eyebrows rising to see the contents gone. “Does that stuff taste good?”
“Yes,” I said, placing the mug on the shelf above Ilyan’s feet. “It smells a bit funny at first, but the taste is nice.”
“Well, I am glad it didn’t kill you,” Thom said gruffly before leaning against the side of Ilyan’s bunk. He narrowed his eyes at me and I jumped. I knew that look; I had grown up with that look. It was the look every kid had given me when they were trying to figure out what was wrong with me.
“You looking for horns or something?” I shifted my hair around my mark, even though I knew I didn’t need to.
“You are very interesting,” he said. I waited a moment for him to elaborate. He never did.
“Thank you?” I was going to take that as my cue to leave, but Thom continued before I could move.
“You’re nothing like your father. There is a lot of bitterness in your heart.”
“Well that’s what happens when said father abandons you, I suppose.”
“Not all fathers abandon their children on purpose. Your father didn’t abandon you,” Thom spat, causing me to jump at his bitterness.
“Well he certainly wasn’t there.” My hackles were up, his tone setting me on the defensive.
“Sain only left you to do what was best for you.”
“Oh, how would you know?” I spat the words as I shifted, suddenly glad I was tucked into the bunk and not facing him. “You’re not a dad.”
“Not anymore.” Thom’s eyes had suddenly gone dead, and my heart promptly dropped to my toes. The air suddenly felt like ice.
He didn’t need to say any more. I could see the pain in his eyes, and I immediately hurt for him.
I opened my mouth to ask, to apologize, to say anything, but I couldn’t decide, so I just shut my mouth with a snap. I was sure I looked like a fish.
The silence stretched, both of us standing there, staring. Thom broke the silence first. “Did you know I lived with my father for two hundred years before I left to join Ilyan?”
“No.”
“Yes, I had seen many of my siblings go off and fight against Ilyan, leave to fight against my father, go back and forth until they would find their death, however I stayed on my father’s side. I trusted him beyond anything. I didn’t see a reason not to. I knew he was right. He was my father.” Thom still leaned against the side of Ilyan’s bunk, arms folded. “Your father showed me how wrong I was. That’s why I helped him escape. I would have never pegged Ilyan for a good guy until the day I met him. I watched him heal Sain without question, and then he held me like a brother…”
He stopped for a moment, his eyes lingering on Ilyan. I followed his gaze, almost hoping Ilyan would be sitting there listening.
“I’m glad to return the favor,” Thom said, more to Ilyan than to me before placing his palm against Ilyan’s forehead.
“He’s going to be alright then?” I knew he had said that before, but when someone has blue tinted eyelids you start to question.
“You can check for yourself, Silnỳ.” He waved his hand over Ilyan’s body as if in invitation, but I shook my head no.
“I don’t know how.” Thom’s face was pure shock before turning into an awkward looking smile. “We mostly focused on defensive magic.” I answered his unasked question, with a shrug. Thom didn’t seem to notice.
“Place your hand on his cheek then,” Thom said as he gestured over Ilyan’s body.
“Excuse me?” I didn’t know what Thom was getting at, but I didn’t want to learn healing magic on Ilyan. I shook my head, hoping to get my point across.
“Most powerful, my ass.” Thom grumbled.
“I can do it… it’s just…” He looked at me like I was crazy, which granted I might have been.
Grow up, Joclyn.
Thom barked something that could have passed for a laugh as he pulled my hand out of the warm fur I had curled myself into. When he stretched my hand away from me to rest on Ilyan’s cheek, I was forced to shuffle forward to keep from falling on top of Ilyan.
“You do know something about human anatomy, correct?”
“Yes,” I raised an eyebrow at him, worried about where this was going.
“Good. Now, push your magic into him.” This I had done before, so I obeyed while looking to Thom for instruction about what to do next.
“Think of his body as a body.”
I stared at him.
“You know,” he continued, irritated, “with a heart, and lungs, and bones, and muscles. Now use your magic to find his heart.”
I looked at Thom for a minute, waiting f
or him to elaborate without actually expecting him to. When it became obvious that he wasn’t going to help me anymore, I pushed my magic through Ilyan, trying to focus on where my power was in relationship to his body. My magic flowed through him, but nothing was really defined. He was like mush. Ew.
I could make giant gashes in rock walls after the Black Water, but healing was difficult. I shook my head and moved away, but Thom’s hands moved over mine, keeping them in place.
“You have to actually try, Silnỳ.” His voice was stern.
“I was.”
“You won’t find anything scary.” It was the softest I had heard Thom speak and I looked away from him, closing my eyes in an attempt to focus.
I cinched my eyes together tighter and tried harder. I pushed more magic into Ilyan and let it flow right to the spot where I hoped his heart would be. It took me a minute, but before long, I could feel it. My eyes snapped up to meet Thom’s. His eyes shining at my obvious success even though he did not smile in encouragement.
“Now, close your eyes,” he instructed, “and use the interior eye of your magic to see his heart.”
My lip curled in disgust. “Why would I want to see a beating heart inside someone’s body?” My stomach turned at the thought.
“You will not actually see his heart, Silnỳ. Have you ever seen the Matrix?” Of course I had seen the Matrix, but the fact that he had seen it was a little odd.
“I’m going to see computer code?”
“No,” Thom said, his patience wavering. “It’s different for everyone, but it won’t be a real picture.”
I looked at him for a moment longer before closing my eyes to focus. Slowly, the red mass of what I could only assume to be Ilyan’s heart came into view. It looked smooth and abstract, like a water color painting.
“Now, find the problem.” Thom’s gruff voice broke through the silence.
“What will that look like?”
“Hard to say. But find something that should not be there. It will shift depending on what is wrong.”
Imdalind Ruby Collection One: Kiss of Fire | Eyes of Ember | Scorched Treachery Page 67