‘What are you thinking?’ she asked shyly, her mouth very dry.
He smiled. ‘I was thinking,’ he said, ‘that Viviane was probably right. I should marry you.’
Her heart gave a lurch. She longed to cry out ‘And will you?’ but she held herself back. She stooped down to look at her mare’s hoof so that he would not see her face.
When she stood up he was beside her.
‘And will you have me?’ he asked, his brown eyes smiling into hers.
She was flushed and speechless – but she managed to nod.
He laughed and lifted her up. He swung her round, then put her on her horse. He did not kiss her.
‘I can’t promise to forget Viviane,’ he said, a shadow of seriousness crossing his face.
‘I wouldn’t expect it,’ Olwen said.
‘Do you think it is possible to love two people at the same time?’
‘Yes,’ she said. Did not Viviane love both Caradawc and Idoc – and possibly Gerin too?
‘Is it possible to love three daughters equally?’ her own heart inquired. Yes. For she already loved the three conceived in her womb that day. ‘And Kicva may curse all she likes,’ she thought. ‘No human curse can carry against a true destiny.’
* * * *
The night seemed very long. Caradawc held a shivering Viviane in his arms, trying to keep her warm; while Idoc sat beside them, brooding. He was already regretting his histrionic rejection of Ny-ak the afternoon before. He had done it for Viviane’s sake, but she was not even aware of it. He was no longer sure that he wanted to make the effort to change direction. Ny-ak promised him immediate and effortless power. Was that not what he wanted above all else?
But he was no longer sure even of that. There had been a moment, as he rejected Ny-ak, when he had felt a surge of energy and excitement far superior to any he had ever felt before. But it had passed, and now, in the darkness – listening to the grating of Viviane’s breath as her body struggled to hold on to the physical world – he suffered. He had begun to glimpse what love truly was and he was frightened. In love he might have to surrender himself;in loving he might no longer be the master . . .
* * * *
Just before dawn he made his decision and left.
* * * *
He did not have to search long for Ny-ak. One call – and he was there.
* * * *
By first light Viviane and Caradawc were alone.
The sunlight woke Viviane first, and she found herself almost suffocated under the weight of three cloaks and Caradawc himself. She struggled free and, in doing so, woke him. He looked at her in astonishment. Her eyes were clear and, although she was very pale and there were dark rings under her eyes, she seemed miraculously recovered.
Their delight at this gave way to alarm on Viviane’s part when she discovered that Idoc was missing.
‘We must find him,’ she said at once, struggling to her feet. But she was still weak, and Caradawc had to hold her upright.
‘You’re in no state to find anyone,’ he protested. ‘You need rest.’
‘There’s no time for rest . . .’
‘There’ll be no time for anything if you don’t rest! Don’t worry about him. He’ll come back.’
‘No,’ she said. ‘I can feel it. He has left us completely.’
‘Then let him go.
‘No!’
‘We have our own lives to live.’
‘But don’t you see – we can’t go forward until we’ve undone the harm we did in that other life. We’re fighting for our own freedom here as much as for his.’
‘We’ve done all we can. We’ve really tried. Surely that’s enough?’
‘We’ve not tried everything yet. We’ve not found the emerald!’
He shrugged. ‘Well, if you believe we’ll ever find that!’
‘I do believe it. And I will find it! You may come with me if you want to, or you may go back home. If I have to do it alone, I will do it alone!’
He looked at her. Her face seemed feverish again, but this time with anger. She was gathering up her belongings and straightening out her clothes from the discomforts of the night. Only Idoc’s cloak, which had been laid over the others, was still wet from the rain, and she pushed it aside.
‘Are you coming?’
‘Are you going to search for Idoc – or are you going to look for the emerald?’
‘First the emerald. I believe that with the one I will find the other.’
Caradawc watched her as she prepared to leave. He was exhausted: he had passed through the worst night of his life for physical discomfort and emotional distress. He had thought that she was dying and he had been prepared to give up his life to be with her.
And here they were quarrelling.
‘Viviane,’ he said quietly.
‘What?’ she snapped.
‘I love you.’
She looked at him, startled.
‘If you go on, I will go on. But I would rather return home.’
She stared at him in dismay. She was ashamed of her impatience and anger. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said in quite a different tone of voice. ‘But I must go on.’
‘In that case I’ll come with you.’
She looked relieved. She held out her arms to him. ‘I love you too, Caradawc, and when this is all over . . .’
‘Ay,’ thought Caradawc, holding her close, ‘when this is all over . . .’
* * * *
At last Viviane and Caradawc reached the most eastern of the ridges and stood looking down on the landscape beyond. Eagerly they scanned it for the lake – but there was no sign of it.
Viviane felt close to despair. The last few hours of their climb had been gruelling, feeling as weak as she did, but she had been sustained by the thought that if they could only climb the last ridge the worst would be over and the emerald would soon be within their reach. Caradawc, knowing her disappointment, put his hand sympathetically on her waist. He was not expecting to find the gem, and indeed had never really believed that it existed – but for her sake he had hoped somehow . . .
She did not remember a forest beside the lake. It had seemed to her that the feather landed in open country, and that the lake was a shining sheet of water that must be in clear view from any high place. What was wrong? Why could she not see it? She sat down with her head on her knees and wept. She was so tired, so very tired . . . She could sense that Caradawc no longer believed in what she was doing, and was impatient to go home. Idoc had escaped, and Brendan had said it was important that they kept him with them until by his own choice he started on the upward journey through the Realms. Perhaps she had failed already and there was no hope for Idoc. Perhaps that was why she could not see the lake. Would it be so terrible if they gave up now and went home? They had done their best, as Caradawc had said. She really felt that she could not bear any more travelling, any more seeking, any more strange and difficult adventures.
She tried praying for guidance, but she was too tired to pray, and her thoughts went round and round in circles.
‘Caradawc,’ she sighed, ‘I’m beaten. Let’s go home.’
He was delighted and decided at once they would not go back the way they’d come but look for an alternative route. The countryside ahead of them was criss-crossed with lanes and he could see an occasional farm cart trundling along. Nearer the villages, people were working the fields. Everything seemed very peaceful and normal. He foresaw no difficulty in finding someone to give them directions.
He looked back at Viviane and was shocked at her expression. She had always seemed stronger than he, full of courage and resourcefulness. Now she was sitting on the ground with her knees drawn up in front of her and her head down on her knees, defeat and despair in every line of her body.
He had wanted to give up and he had wanted to return home, but he realized that for her to give up meant much more. He hated to see her so low. She reminded him suddenly of Idoc as he had been when they had found him at the foot of
the hill after the tower was destroyed. Both had been driven by a purpose larger than themselves; both had lost that purpose, and with the loss had believed that they had lost everything. Like Idoc, she had ‘given up on life’. He knew that he could not let that happen to her, just as she had known that she could not let it happen to Idoc. They must go on.
He would find the lake and the emerald for Viviane. It would be his marriage gift to her.
* * * *
Ny-ak had taken Idoc back to his tower in triumph. It had been completely rebuilt, though Idoc, looking at once for the old familiar things, found that it was not quite the same.
Ny-ak, sensing his dissatisfaction, promised him that everything he required would be instantly provided.
‘Just say the word,’his voice resounded in Idoc’s mind.
Idoc paced about the octagonal chamber. There was a mirror: but it was not his mirror. There was a table: but it was not his table. He felt out of place where he had felt so totally at home before. He was glad to be back and yet . . . and yet . . .
‘What is the matter?’Ny-ak asked sharply.
‘I don’t know,’ Idoc muttered. ‘Something . . . something . . .’
‘We need to be together again,’ Ny-ak coaxed smoothly, ingratiatingly. ‘You were nothing without me – and you will be nothing again if . . .’
Idoc frowned. He remembered how his powers had multiplied the last time he had taken Ny-ak into himself. But did he want to go the whole way this time? He would like to see how he could manage on his own . . . He was now suspicious of Ny-ak’s claim that he was nothing without him. Fiann had loved him long before Ny-ak took him over. He was then in line for High-Priest: honoured, respected for his knowledge and his skills. And had he not become ‘nothing’ after . . .?
Ny-ak’s visage contorted with rage. It was that mere mortal woman! She had done more damage to his vehicle than he had thought. She must be destroyed. At once a hundred ways of destroying her came to mind, each more horrible than the last. Then he hesitated. If he destroyed her while Idoc still loved her, Idoc might turn against him and shut him out forever. No, he must be more cunning. Idoc himself must destroy her.
He led Idoc to the mirror.
‘Look!’the demon urged.
The dark surface became milky. Ny-ak laid his hand on it and drew it across. As he withdrew his hand, Idoc was presented with a scene so real in every detail he could have believed he was looking through a window at something happening only a few yards away. Caradawc and Viviane were making passionate love, and Ny-ak spared Idoc no detail.
He tried to turn away, but Ny-ak forced him back.
‘Wait. There is more.’
Idoc endured it all: every desire he had ever felt for Fiann was violated. She cried out Caradawc’s name as she had once cried out his own – and at the end they lay talking about what a good life they would have now that Idoc was gone.
‘I never loved him,’ she was saying. ‘At first I feared him . . . then I felt sorry for him.’
‘Yet you told me you once promised you would never desert him unless he consented,’ argued Caradawc.
‘That was just a trick – I never meant it. If he hadn’t left us I would have found some other way out of that promise, never fear.’
She sounded so callous, so cynical . . . and jealousy clouded Idoc’s reason.
Ny-ak smiled, pleased with his deception.
A tormented Idoc swung round. ‘I believed in her! I trusted her!’ he wept.
‘Look again. Hear what she says now.’
‘No,’ snapped Idoc. ‘I have heard enough. She will never break that promise to me! And I will never let her go!’
‘Better still,’ thought Ny-ak, ‘two vehicles instead of one! Let him bring her back to the tower. Let him bind her to him until he breaks her spirit. That would be a revenge far more satisfying than merely the destruction of her physical body.’
He stood back and watched Idoc pace the room with rage.
‘Leave me!’ snapped Idoc. ‘This is something I must do myself’
Ny-ak bowed and, with a last backward glance of satisfaction at his handiwork, he left.
* * * *
‘Viviane,’ said Caradawc at last, afraid to let her brood longer. ‘Come. We can’t stay here. We must go on.’
She lifted her head slowly and looked at him with sad, inquiring eyes.
‘I think we should go on, not back,’ he said firmly. ‘We’ve come so far.’ He held out his hand to help her to her feet. Gratefully she accepted it and rose to stand beside him. She looked helplessly at the landscape below them.
‘But there is no lake,’ she said.
‘Just because we can’t see it from here, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist,’ he said. ‘It must be down there somewhere. We’ll ask the local people. We’ll find it, the lake at least, though I can’t promise the emerald,’ he added wryly.
Her body seemed to straighten like a drooping plant that had been given water.
‘Do you feel well enough to go on?’ he asked. She was still very pale and drawn.
‘Yes. O yes!’ she said joyfully, something of her old spark returning. ‘You’re right. We can’t give up now.’
The change in her was beautiful to see, and Caradawc had never felt so close to her.
Hand in hand, leading the horses, they started down the rocky slope to the wide valley floor.
Meanwhile, Gerin and Olwen were on their way to rejoin them: each with his or her own anxieties about the meeting. Gerin felt growing affection for Olwen now, and did not want to hurt her, yet he could not be sure how he would react when he saw Viviane again. Olwen had her own fears. Once she nearly suggested that they set off and seek a new life for themselves somewhere far from Viviane and Caradawc and all the problems of Castle Goreu. And once this had crossed Gerin’s mind, too. But both had hesitated and the right moment for saying such a thing had passed.
As they drew nearer to where they expected to find their friends, the silence between them grew more tense.
Chapter 15
Lucifer’s Emerald
Once on low ground Viviane and Caradawc were shocked to find all was not as pleasant, green and flourishing as it had appeared from the safe distance of the rocky ridge. Bushes and trees all seemed deformed and diseased. Their leaves were twisted and curled and darkened, their stems livid with mould. Not a single trunk grew straight and true. Even the birds seemed dispirited. One hopped across their path on a single leg, its wings ragged, almost featherless.
When they reached the edge of the cultivated fields they could see that the wheat crop was equally affected. The whole crop was blighted and brown, not an ear worth saving. The peasants themselves were skeletal-thin. Most of them didn’t even look up when the strangers passed, and those who did gave such an impression of surliness that Caradawc could not bring himself to ask them directions. Instead they made for the village they could see in the distance. But there it seemed things were no better: ragged people stood about idly and listlessly, singly and in groups, as if aimlessly waiting for time to pass. But, sensing a diversion at last as the two strangers appeared, everyone gathered round them, staring.
‘Let’s get away from here,’ Viviane whispered. They reminded her of the voyeurs. There was something horrible in the way they were all closing in, peering, watching, as though she and Caradawc were some kind of freak-show sent to entertain them. As Caradawc cleared his throat and began to ask about the lake, Viviane could see he was equally disturbed by the attention they were receiving but was trying not to show it. The villagers ignored his question and continued to stare, jostling each other for better viewing positions, several reaching up to touch and tug at their clothes. Caradawc tried to turn Osla around, realizing that they would get no help here, but the bridle was held tight and the crowd surged forward threateningly. When Viviane and Caradawc instinctively drew back, they were pulled off their horses, then pushed and prodded and poked and passed from one foul-smelling villager
to the other.
Viviane was terrified. She could sense that open violence was not far away. The mob was bored and here were outsiders to torment! The touching and prodding were becoming rougher and she and Caradawc had now been separated. More and more people seemed to be arriving, and with each addition the atmosphere grew more charged, more dangerous.
‘Foreigners!’ the crowd began to hiss.
‘What ya come here for?’
‘There’s no place here . . .’
‘Go back where ya come from . . .’
Blows were beginning to fall. Stones were being flung.
Oh God, thought Viviane, would they ever get out of this nightmare? Their horses had been led away and were nowhere in sight.
Suddenly the mob gave way and, like a miracle, Gerin and Olwen came riding through, hooves thundering and scattering their tormentors left and right. Frantically they grabbed at the saddles and hauled themselves up while the horses were still moving.
* * * *
Only when they were well clear did they dare stop to clean up – and then discuss what they should do next. They were quite a distance away from the ridges of rock they had so painfully negotiated earlier, and now deep in the countryside they had observed from above. The sun was setting and a noxious-smelling fog seemed to emanate from the ground, spreading across the fields towards them. It hung close to the earth, no higher than their stirrups, but still it meant they could not easily see where the horses were stepping.
‘Should we try to go back to the ridge?’ Caradawc asked finally.
‘We would have to go back past the village,’ Olwen pointed out.
‘Never!’ said Viviane, shuddering.
They felt very vulnerable, for this was like no countryside they had ever seen. A feeling of tremendous evil hung over it, increasing with every lengthening shadow.
‘The best we can do is find a reasonably high spot away from this stinking fog,’ Gerin suggested. ‘Then keep close together and take it in turns to stand guard all night.’
They were beginning now to suspect that the vision of the golden bird, the feather and the lake had been sent to mislead them – just as had Sir Lionel. As soon as the dawn came, they decided, they would get as far away from this place as they could.
The Tower and the Emerald Page 25