“I spoke to my mom, and she told him to come and find me,” I explain. “Because apparently they’re old friends.”
“Okay, but why are you crying?” he asks, wiping my still wet cheeks. “Has he done something to you? Said something? Because I will fuckin’ rip him apart with my bare hands if he has upset you.”
“She also told me that he’s my father,” I blurt out, looking Temper right in the eye as fresh tears drop.
His eyes widen in realization, and he leads me out of the kitchen and into my room, closing and locking the door behind us.
“She told you that on the phone?” he asks, sitting down with me on the bed. “You never knew who your dad was?”
I shake my head and tell him the story from start to end.
“Come here,” he says gently, and hugs me tightly. “I’m sorry you had to find out about who your father is this way. You know it’s up to you what you do with this information, though, and you don’t need to decide right now. But I’m here to help you no matter what, okay? I have your back. We all do. And that doesn’t stop when you leave here. I’m always going to have your back.”
“My father is a drug dealer,” I say with no emotion. I’ve always wondered about him, and this is what he ended up being? “How the fuck is this my life?”
“You don’t have to acknowledge him if you don’t want to,” Temper says, kissing the top of my head. “And you know none of us here are going to judge you. Hell, if anything you probably fit in better here now.”
I laugh at that, wiping my face. “What are we going to do about him, though? If he comes here looking for me?”
“Whatever you want us to do,” he replies in all seriousness. “We can kick his ass for not being there for you if you like. Or we can threaten him. Ask him to give you money. Whatever.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think any of that will be necessary.”
“The option is there,” he promises, lying down on the bed and pulling me down with him. “You can’t choose your parents, unfortunately. My dad walked out on us all, and my mom died of an overdose. In front of us. So I get it.”
“What?” I whisper, my heart breaking for him. “How old were you?”
“About five when Dad left, and ten when Mom died,” he admits. “It was just me and Trade after that, and we took care of each other as much as we could. We got put into foster care.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say, kissing his cheek. “No wonder you’re so tough.”
He’s been through so much, and from such a young age. I don’t know what I’ve done for him to let me in, but I feel special that he’s done so.
“I’m always here for you, too,” I say, wanting him to know that this loyalty is a two-way street.
We lie like that together, just cuddling, until we both fall asleep.
I don’t know how he always makes it feel like it’s all going to be okay, but he does.
And I’m thankful for it.
Chapter Eighteen
I wake up feeling much better, and also a little embarrassed by my display of weakness last night in front of all the men. I was just so upset, I couldn’t have contained it even if I tried. I know they won’t hold any of it against me. It’s just hard to face people who saw you in such a weak moment.
When I tell Temper this, he says, “Babe, you have no reason to be embarrassed. And trust me, the only thing they will be concerned about is you and if you’re all right. No judgment in these walls, I promise you that.”
First of all, he called me babe, which is cute, and secondly he’s right, because as soon as I emerge from the room, all I get is love. Crow hugs me and tells me he’s here if I need him. Saint, Dee and Renny come over and ask me if I’m okay. Skylar and Izzy bring flowers, chocolates and wine, and even Chains hugs me, and whispers into my ear, “I know where we can hide his body.”
There’s no judgment and no grudges held over my outburst. It honestly seems that no one cares who my dad is or what he does; they only care about me, and who I am, and it’s such a nice feeling to know that.
I’m enough here.
And they have my back when I need them.
In this moment I can see why the men wanted to join the MC, and why the women love these men so much and stay here, loyal to them, even if on occasion it means that they have a target on their back.
It all makes sense why people choose this life.
Temper’s right, you can’t choose your family, but you can make your own, and that’s exactly what they’ve done here.
And somehow I’ve become a part of it.
I don’t know how it’s happened, but I have, and now I don’t want to get out of it. I don’t want to leave.
“Maybe I should send him a message or something and tell him I’m here because I want to be and to stop looking for me,” I say to Temper, out of nowhere, my mind unable to let this whole Palmer thing go.
We’ve realized Mom called him after the first shooting, so I know the mercenaries aren’t connected to him, but I don’t want him to bring on any more trouble to the club on my behalf. They have enough on their plate right now.
“I don’t know if that will work,” Temper admits, glancing up from his phone. “He might think we made you do it, who knows? But we can try it, if that’s what you want to do. Do you want to speak to him, though? If you don’t, we can always handle it for you.”
“No, this is my problem,” I say. “I need to handle it. I can’t hide from him forever, and it’s my fault he’s poking around the MC anyway.”
Temper nods. “Okay. I don’t like it, for the record. But I said we’d handle it however you wanted to, and I meant that.”
“I appreciate that,” I tell him, smiling. “I know how rare it is for you to give up control, and how you’re used to making decisions without being questioned.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “Even the president of an MC has to be taken down a notch now and again, hey? And I think you’re the only woman who gets to do that.”
“Well, we have to be on an even playing field, after all,” I say, reaching over and taking his hand in mine. “Which means sometimes, more often than not, I get to have my way.”
He laughs again. “Unless it comes to your safety; then I’ll override that.”
I roll my eyes and give his hand a squeeze. “I’m safe. I’m surrounded by a bunch of cavemen and the two most badass women I’ve ever met.”
“You’re badass too,” he says, pulling me out of my chair and onto his lap. “You’ve adapted like a queen, Abbie. We’ve thrown you into some pretty fucked-up situations, yet here you are, smile on your face and throwing sass around. You’re a strong woman, you know that? I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks,” I say, ducking my head.
I know that in the short time I’ve been here I’ve grown as a person, and that has been because of these situations and how far I’ve been pushed out of my comfort zone. I’m just going to keep getting stronger, and I know that.
And I’m proud of that.
I’m becoming who I was always meant to be.
The woman my mom has always tried to pull me back from, because she didn’t want the world to hurt me in any way. What she doesn’t realize is that being fearful of life is only barely living, and sometimes the gamble is worth it. Yeah, I can get hurt, physically, emotionally even.
But living, I mean truly living? There’s nothing like it. And it’s worth anything that might happen.
Living without fear, it’s exhilarating.
“Who knew this is where I’d be?” I think out loud. “Just because I said yes to a date with a man I’ve had a crush on for years.”
Temper holds the back of my neck. “I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. A few hours spent with me and I brought you back down the rabbit hole with me.”
I close my eye
s and rest my head against him. “It is what it is. We can’t change what has happened; all we can do is push forward and learn from each setback.”
“Spoken like a true Knight,” he says, smile in his tone. “What can we teach you next? You want to learn how to ride a motorcycle? Kick a grown man’s ass in a fight?”
“I don’t know about the motorcycle thing, but I’d like to learn some self-defense, for sure.” Anything that makes me less of a victim.
“That we can do,” he says, stroking his calloused fingers up and down my bare arms. “We’ll have you boxing in no time.”
Ivy messages me about the whole Palmer thing. We’ve always known that we have different dads, because I’ve met hers. He used to come around when we were children, but then he moved overseas, and all she gets now is the occasional birthday and Christmas phone call.
Ivy: How are you doing? I’m here for you if you want to talk about it. I can’t believe Mom has handled this situation like this, and knew who your dad was all along. I’m so angry at her, Abbie. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now. Just know that I love you, and I’ve got your back.
Abbie: Thank you. I’m feeling pretty shitty, but it is what it is. I can’t wait to see you. I miss you so much! I’m being looked after here, though, so you don’t need to worry about me.
“I wish Ivy could come out here and experience L.A. with me. She’d love it, especially the food and the shopping,” I say to Temper. I do feel guilt over the fact I’m enjoying life while she’s busting her ass for me. I love how the MC lives close to L.A, though, close enough to enjoy the big city benefits, but they also have their own quiet little nook in their own town.
“We can make that happen,” he promises, tucking my hair back behind my ear.
“When the timing is right.” I sigh, closing my eyes.
“Yeah, shit is going to get hectic around here. We’ve got two new prospects joining soon, and Crow and Chains will become full patched members. I want to get our numbers up so we can become a stronger force,” he explains. “But at the same time I want only men who we can trust, who can be loyal to us. I’d rather have a few loyal men over hundreds of disloyal men.”
He smiles and adds, “Just like I’ve always wanted just one loyal woman. Quality over quantity.”
“Which doesn’t really match up with the whole biker reputation,” I tease, running my fingers along his stubble. I like touching him, all the time, and I love that we’re becoming so comfortable and affectionate with each other every single day. I’ve never really been someone who wanted a boyfriend—or saw the appeal, if I’m being honest—but now I can see how some people become infatuated with their other half. I know Temper and I aren’t officially a couple, and we might never go further than what we are now, and this, but he’s still always going to mean something to me. I’m going to have no regrets about what we have.
“You can’t believe all the stereotypes,” he replies, brown eyes dancing with amusement. “I’m glad you took a chance on me. And I hope that even through all of this bullshit, I’m worth it to you. Because I’m telling you right now: I’d go to hell and back for you, Abbie.”
Saint comes to speak to Temper before I’m able to reply to that. “We found one of the men who attacked us at the front of the nightclub. Renny has eyes on him right now. He’s at a hotel downtown.”
Temper stands with me in his arms, then puts me down and gives me a long, deep kiss. “Stay here. I’ll be back.”
“Wait,” I say, reaching out for him before he follows Saint back inside.
He turns and says, “I’ll leave Crow here with you. Skylar and Izzy will be coming here, too. I want you all together so we know you’re here and safe.” He leaves without another word.
I sit back down in his chair, and Crow soon joins me, bringing a pack of cards with him. “The girls are on their way,” he says, sitting down next to me and shuffling the pack. “And then I’m going to lock the place up—no one is getting in or out until the men return.”
“I hate sitting here just waiting,” I say, but I know I wouldn’t be much help to them. “What are they going to do anyway? Kidnap the guy and torture him for information?”
Crow’s blue eyes go wide, and his hands still mid-shuffle. “You’ve got an evil mind, you know that? I’m sure that they’re just going to ask the nice man some friendly questions.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, I’ve seen the type of friendly you all are.”
“Hey, both times we’ve been shot at, we haven’t started any shit. Not yet anyway. We’re the innocent ones here, think about it,” he says with a smirk. “And you’ve been there both times, maybe you’re the one bringing this all on us.”
“Very funny,” I growl, scowling. “I’m only here right now because I was in the wrong place at the wrong damn time.”
“Some good came from it, though,” he says softly, giving me the side eye. “We can all see how happy you both are.”
“I am happy,” I admit. “But that doesn’t mean this whole situation isn’t complicated. I don’t know how you stay so chirpy, Crow, but this life is stressful.”
“Stressing isn’t going to help any,” he replies, dealing me some cards. “I need to stay calm, because if I’m not, I’m not going to think straight. And that could cost someone their life.”
“If only it was as easy as that,” I grumble. “What are we playing?”
“Omi.”
“What’s Omi?” I ask, brow furrowing. “I’ve never heard of it.” I pick up the four cards that he dealt me and look at them.
“It’s a Sri Lankan card game my ex-girlfriend taught me,” he explains, then gives me a rundown of all the rules. “We need four players though, so we need to wait for the other two, but if you already know what’s going on, then it will be easier to teach them.”
Skylar and Izzy arrive, and Crow locks up the clubhouse while we sit outside and chat. “What do you think is happening right now?” I ask them. “In broad daylight. What do you think their plan is?”
“Follow the man until they find the right opportunity,” Skylar guesses, staring at her short black nails. “That’s what I’d do. He might even lead them to the rest of the men. Don’t worry, Abbie, this isn’t their first rodeo. They know what they’re doing. It just means a long day of waiting for us.”
“But if they didn’t know where we were, in the back of their minds they’d be worrying,” Izzy explains, and sighs heavily. “Just means we also need to not worry, and keep busy so the time goes faster.”
“Crow is going to teach us a card game,” I say, glancing toward the kitchen window. “I’m guessing we shouldn’t have wine, in case we need our wits about us, but I’ll get some soda and snacks, so we can pretend we’re all just here to hang out.”
And not that our men are currently staking out a mercenary, who has tried to kill us all twice.
How is this my life?
Chapter Nineteen
“This card game is the shit,” Skylar announces about an hour later. “It’s luck, skill and bluffing all in one game.”
We are in two teams, and you sit diagonal from your teammate. It’s me and Crow against Skylar and Izzy.
“I know, why are we only learning this game now?” I agree, playing my ace of hearts and grinning. Crow keeps checking his phone, making sure the men aren’t trying to contact him. They’ve been silent so far, which is kind of annoying because an update would be nice, but we’re all trying to just make the best out of the moment.
“Where’s your sister and Mila?” I ask Izzy, wondering why they aren’t here.
“They’re with Trade,” she explains. “They are looking for a bigger house so they can all move in together. Safe to say I’ll be so sad to see them go, especially Mila.”
“Are you going to finally move into the clubhouse?” Crow asks, studying her. “Or are you going
to keep giving Renny a heart attack by refusing to leave your house, even though you’re going to be in there alone?”
“The latter,” she admits, laughing. “I love my house—it’s my own little slice of heaven. I could never get any work done here, there’s always people here and shit going down. And I’m literally down the road, with fancy-ass security and a dog. I’m fine. Renny basically lives at my house anyway.”
“That’s true,” Crow admits, placing down the final trump card and winning the game. “And Abbie, we win again.”
“Dammit!” Skylar calls out, shaking her fist in the air. “I demand a rematch.”
“Temper sent a message,” Crow says, quickly grabbing his phone off the table as it beeps. “They’re all good, still following him. Hopefully this guy leads them to his house or something, or meets up with the other men, or his boss, and we can put this whole scenario to rest.”
We all share a look.
“This could go on into the night,” he adds, which is exactly what I was about to say. “Maybe we should sort out some food, and put some movies on or something.”
“Harry Potter marathon?” I suggest to them. Harry always makes things better.
“Sounds good to me,” Izzy says, standing up and stretching her arms above her head. “I’m guessing we can’t order food in, so we’re going to have to make do with what we have in the cupboard.”
“Temper stocked the fridge and cupboards,” I say, grinning. “So we have plenty to work with. I can make dinner if you like.”
“We’ll all help,” Skylar says, winking at me. “Come on, it will keep us all busy. And I’m getting hungry.”
We cook dinner, eat, and then watch Harry Potter until we all fall asleep.
With none of them home yet.
* * *
I wake up to Temper lifting me off the couch and carrying me not to my bed, but his. I’ve barely been inside his room, because we always seem to hang around in mine, so it’s nice being in his space, even though our rooms basically look the same.
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