What if I did it wrong? Or what if I was just a bad kisser by nature? There was so much to consider that in the end I was glad Tegan was there. Her taunts gave me both hope and anxiety.
Realistically, though, I was convinced Jackson held no interest in me other than amusement and a shared love of the written word. After all, he was far too normal by Skylar’s standards to like me as anything more than a friend.
“So,” Tegan said, raising an eyebrow, “are you going to invite Jackson?”
“Oh, I don’t think—”
“Well, I do think it’s a good idea!” Tegan broke in.
“You didn’t let me finish. You don’t know that’s what I was going to say,” I frowned.
She narrowed her silver eyes, and I sighed, throwing up my free hand. “Okay, maybe that’s what I was going to say,” I admitted. “And you might be sure about inviting Jackson, but I’m not so sure.”
“Why not?” Tegan frowned. “We had a good time last weekend.”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I mean, are Jackson and I even really friends?”
Tegan’s eyes widened as her jaw slackened and her shoulders drew back, as if she’d been socked in the midsection. It wasn’t often Tegan looked at me as if I’d lost my mind—or completely blew hers—so I’d obviously said something that seemed unbelievable to her.
“You’re kidding, right?” There was an edge of worry mixed with her incredulity.
I started to speak, but I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just shrugged. Guys were an even bigger mystery to me than friendship, and, considering I only had one really good friend I spent my time with outside of school, I thought that said a lot. That, combined with Tegan’s astonishment had me feeling unsure of myself.
“Sil,” Tegan said, her voice softer and serious. “Of course you and Jackson are friends. You talk to him online all the time, and he came over to your house to invite you to hang out with him. That’s the same sort of thing you and I do all the time, so why would it be any different with him?”
When Tegan put it that way, she made my uncertainty about my relationship status with Jackson sound rather dumb. I knew that wasn’t her intent, though. I knew she was just trying to make me see sense, which wasn’t always easy.
Even so, the idea of inviting Jackson to come with us was a little intimidating. My shyness had mostly faded over the years, but when it came to Jackson, I always seemed to find myself feeling awkward and timid until the conversation picked up. It felt like those initial sentences had to be carefully chosen, or I’d end up saying something incredibly stupid and from there I would only feel stupid and ill at ease.
It wasn’t that Jackson made me feel dumb. In fact, he seemed to put me at ease, which was odd because he was also the source of my anxiety. I had no idea liking a guy could be so much work. I wondered if guys had the same sort of anxiety around girls. If so, they seemed much better at covering it up.
After a little more coaxing from Tegan, I finally agreed to invite Jackson. The only problem was I had no idea where his locker was located. I usually saw him in one general area of the school, though, so I figured that was probably the best place to look. I knew trying to find him, invite him and make it to class on time would be tricky.
Since Tegan refused to let me back out of inviting Jackson, I decided I’d just have to manage somehow. If worse came to worse I’d just be late for Spanish. I didn’t think Mrs. Willis would care too much because she usually wasn’t as strict as the other teachers when it came to stragglers.
After Algebra, I sent Tegan to my locker with my books. She’d offered to take them and get my Spanish book for me while I was talking to Jackson. Then I headed for the hallway where I saw Jackson most often.
The hallway was awfully crowded, even more so than the ones I usually traveled. Even though I was a few inches taller, it didn’t seem to help in locating him. Most of the upperclassmen—namely the guys—still had several inches of height over me.
Worried about the bell, I was about to give up and look for Jackson at the end of the day when I spotted him toward the end of the hallway. I weaved my way through the crowd. One of the perks of being small was the ability to move quickly through tight spaces. I was just lucky I wasn’t claustrophobic; otherwise, it might not have been so easy to maneuver through the large crowd.
Once I’d escaped the bulk of people, I stood up straight and patted my hair down. While volume was a seemingly impossible option, static was a whole other issue. Satisfied my hair wasn’t a complete wreck, I headed toward Jackson, who had his broad back to me.
I admired the way the royal blue t-shirt he wore stretched across the expanse of his shoulders. It was also lovely against his light skin and dark hair. It was disgusting how gorgeous he managed to look from behind under the florescent glow of the overhead lights.
He was grabbing books from his locker as I reached him. Feeling brave due to Tegan’s assurances that Jackson and I were, indeed, friends, I poked him in the right side. “Hello, Jacks.”
He jumped when I spoke and laughed when he turned to see me. The use of his nickname didn’t even seem to faze him. “Didn’t anyone tell you it’s not nice to sneak up on people?”
“Might’ve mentioned it,” I shrugged with a smile.
He grinned. “So, what are you doing in this neck of the woods?”
“Well, I thought I’d brave the lions, tigers, and bears—”
“Oh my!” Jackson put in before I could finish speaking.
I grinned in spite of myself, and Jackson made a zipping motion across his mouth, which was my cue to continue.
“So, I braved the big bad eleventh and twelfth grade hall because I wanted to invite you to go bowling with Tegan, her sister, her sister’s boyfriend and a few other people tomorrow night.”
By the time I’d finished speaking, I was no longer looking at Jackson. Now that I actually had the words out, I went back to worrying I was overstepping some boundary and thinking maybe Tegan was completely wrong about my relationship with Jackson and we weren’t really friends at all. My next fear was he would think I was out of my mind for even asking him something like that. After all, why would he want to hang out with a wee little freshman that didn’t even register on the social radar?
Then Jackson said, “Sure, sounds like fun. What time? And which bowling alley?”
Elated, I looked up to meet his eyes, which looked more the color of melted toffee than green today under the florescent glow. “We’re meeting at eight at Suburban Lanes because they have cosmic bowling.”
“Okay, sounds good,” Jackson nodded. “I’ll see you there.”
“Great,” I nodded, forcing myself not to bounce in place. “I’ll see you.”
Instead of stepping away like I knew I should, Jackson and I stayed in place and looked at each other for a beat. Then someone slammed a locker nearby, shocking us both into motion. I gave a little wave and Jackson did a quick salute before I spun around and scurried toward my classroom.
On the way, I noticed the hallways had thinned out significantly. I prayed I hadn’t made Jackson late for class as I dashed into the Spanish classroom just as the bell rang.
During class Tegan kept whispering to me, trying to find out what Jackson said. I ignored her at first because I didn’t want to disrupt Mrs. Willis’ lesson, but finally I mouthed, “He said he’d go!”
I refused to look at Tegan the rest of class even though I couldn’t fight the smile playing on my lips. I was so happy Jackson had agreed to come, and I was sure Tegan would have about a million questions to ask after class.
As soon as the bell rang, Tegan and I followed the rest of the class out into the hallway. There weren’t as many people in the hallway, but before Tegan could begin asking questions about my conversation with Jackson, I said, “I’ll tell you when we get to the cafeteria.”
“Fine,” she huffed.
We dropped our books off at our lockers and were discussing what we were going to wear the fo
llowing evening as we headed for the cafeteria. Normally, we would have hurried in order to avoid Mark Moses, but apparently we were both too distracted by our plans to worry about him.
So, of course, we ran into him in one of the vacant halls.
As soon as I spotted the mass of black that was Mark Moses midway down the hall, my good mood flew right out the window. It had been a while since he’d managed to corner me, and I was sure he knew that wasn’t an accident. For a moment I considered turning back around and fleeing, but I didn’t think I’d manage to get far.
“Hey, Granger, just the kid I was looking for,” he snarled. With just a few long strides he was standing in front of me.
I glanced at Tegan, and from the worried crease of her forehead, I knew I wasn’t the only one who felt nervous. The happiness that had resided in my belly had evaporated, twisting into a bundle of knots.
Tegan and I didn’t talk about Mark Moses often. It was easier just to pretend the encounters with him never happened, but on the few occasions we had acknowledged it, we’d wondered aloud why he only picked on me and took my lunch money when he could have just as easily taken it from Tegan as well.
We’d joked, feebly, that it was a good thing he only bothered me; otherwise, we’d never get to eat. Tegan had been kind enough to share her lunch with me on those occasions when we hadn’t been able to evade Mark Moses. Sometimes I even gave her a few extra dollars at my locker for her to keep safe, and then I’d give the rest to Mark Moses if he caught up with us. We’d been able to elude him since Monday. I probably should have expected him to catch up with us, though. My luck wasn’t that good.
Taking a deep breath, I straightened to my full height, which was nothing on his mass. I’d never seen them side-by-side, but I thought he and Jackson were close to the same height. I knew from Jackson that he was six two. Even with the additional inches to my height, that was still very tall compared to me.
Trying to put on a brave face, I asked, “Did you need something?”
Of course I knew what he needed—my lunch money, but since I was on a bit of a high from speaking to and making plans with Jackson, I felt braver than usual. I decided maybe it was time to use a new approach with Mark Moses.
“Come on, Granger, don’t be stupid,” he smirked. “Hand over the cash.”
“No.” I wanted my words to come out sounding confident and strong, but, embarrassingly, my voice cracked as I said, “I need it.”
“As it happens, so do I.” Instead of his typical menacing amusement, there was a hard edge to Mark Moses’ voice, and I flinched when he held out his hand and demanded, “Give it. Now.”
“No.” I shook my head, heart pounding as I took a half step back. “Don’t you have a job? Or parents? Can’t they give you money?”
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, it was clear it was the wrong thing to say. If possible, his expression hardened even further, making his usually round, plump face suddenly seem razor sharp. Any bit of amusement that had lingered was long gone.
Instead of shouting like I expected, his voice was low and steady as he said, “Watch your mouth. You don’t know nothing about me.”
The smart thing to do would have been to keep my mouth shut and hand over the money, but I couldn’t stop myself from countering. “You don’t know anything about me either!”
I knew in my gut I was just digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole I wouldn’t be able to get out of. Tegan seemed to know this as well because she tugged at the sleeve of my shirt as if to tell me to be quiet, but it was already too late.
Before I even had a chance to draw in a breath, Mark Moses was charging toward me. He grasped my shoulders roughly, blunt nails digging into my skin through the material of my shirt, as he pushed me up against a locker.
“You sure don’t know when to keep your mouth shut, do you?” he growled, leaning down and looking me in the eyes. His hot breath hit my face, sending tremors down my spine. “I think it’s time for someone to teach you a lesson.”
My stomach lurched and I cried out, processing the pain of his large, meaty hands as they moved from my shoulders to squeeze my upper arms and hold me in place. I tried to pull away, but everything seemed to be happening so fast. His hold was so strong; he had me pinned to the locker. I didn’t know what kind of lesson he was going to teach me. I didn’t want to find out. I knew it was going to be bad.
He backed away slowly, but the look on his face said quite clearly, “Don’t move,” so I stayed put, hoping not to anger him further. Besides, I wasn’t entirely sure I could have moved even if I wanted to; I was shaking so badly. He moved down a couple of lockers and pulled one open. It, obviously, wasn’t being used because there was no lock, but that did little to curb my terror.
Locker open, Mark Moses reached over and grabbed me by the arm, pulling me toward him and the open locker.
“Get in,” he seethed.
“What?” I sounded like the wind had been knocked out of me. Mark Moses didn’t acknowledge my words. Instead, he grasped a shoulder, shoving me toward the empty locker.
“Move it,” he growled, pointing to the blackness within the small locker. “In!”
Somehow, I was able to make my hands move forward. I braced them on either side of the locker and tried to keep myself rooted to the ground as he tried to push me inside the locker. I wasn’t strong enough, and I lost hold of the outside of the locker. In the background, as if through a tunnel, I could hear Tegan telling him to stop.
There was a fierce pounding behind my ears, and I was certain my heart had leapt up into my throat and lodged itself there because it felt as if I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs.
Then, it was as if everything stopped moving at a normal pace and slowed. Words stopped making sense right before the world went silent, and I could no longer feel my body as it was being stuffed into a dark, cold locker. The door slammed in my face, but I didn’t register the sound as I was covered in darkness. For a beat the slow motion remained.
Then my heart beat picked back up, pounding in my ears as sound returned. But there was just darkness and the sound my heart and heaving breaths as I gasped for air. It felt like my heart would explode. There was no room. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t move.
It could have been a minute, an hour or even just a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity, as the only thing my brain could comprehend was blind panic.
Would I be stuck in here forever? Would he ever let me out? That was all I wanted. I just wanted out. I’d never open my mouth again. I’d give him my lunch money without any problem. I’d swear my life on it if he’d just let me out.
Then, suddenly, there was light again as the door swung open. The first thing that registered in my vision once my eyes adjusted to the light was Tegan’s face. Her cheeks were pink and stained with tear tracks as more flowed from her stormy bloodshot eyes; and her lips trembled as she helped me out of the locker with shaking hands. I could hear Tegan’s voice again, but I couldn’t understand her words.
I nearly collapsed as soon as my feet touched the solid ground of the school building, but Tegan held me up and pulled me to her. My whole body seemed to shudder, and as sound began to make sense again, I registered a strange, high keening and that was when I realized I wasn’t just crying; I was sobbing.
Panic still prominent in my mind, I looked around, but I didn’t see Mark Moses. I should have been relieved, but the terror was still too fresh to feel safe just yet. I couldn’t find my voice either, but Tegan just made comforting shushing noises as she led me to the nearest restroom.
Once inside, I slid down the nearest wall into a heap on the floor. Tegan sank down beside me and wrapped her arms around me. At some point, I heard the bell ring, but I couldn’t make myself move. The thought that someone might come in and find me in a sobbing heap on the floor only crossed my mind for a minute before it was gone. I realized I didn’t care. I was too hurt and scared and thoroughly mortified by what had just happene
d to worry about someone seeing me cry.
Tegan eventually managed to compose herself, and she grabbed my hands and looked at them with a frown. I followed her gaze, and it was only then that I realized they were all scratched up and bleeding. Even Tegan’s gentle touch hurt. I hadn’t even realized it, but I must have been pounding on the inside of the locker door.
Tegan stood up and walked over to the sinks. She turned on the water and gathered some paper towels and wetted them before coming back to me and proceeding to clean my hands.
“I think I have some band-aids in my purse,” she commented as she dug through the bag slung across her shoulder. For once, I was glad Tegan was obsessed with purses and that she had everything under the sun stuffed inside. She took out a couple of band-aids and wrapped them around my fingers.
“You’ll need to put some antibacterial ointment on them when you get home,” she commented. “Unless you want to go to the nurse.”
“No,” I said quickly.
Tegan looked like she wanted to argue, but then she just sighed. “At least it’s mostly just your right hand,” she said after a beat. I didn’t understand what she meant until she clarified, “At least you’ll still be able to write and go bowling; although I doubt either will be that comfortable.”
I frowned at my hands, but I nodded vaguely to acknowledge that I understood what she meant. For once in my life was I thankful to be the left-handed black sheep of the family.
It still felt so surreal. The shock hadn’t worn off yet. I couldn’t believe that it had really happened. I’d been shoved into a locker. I thought of all those times on television shows or in movies when they’d showed it as something comical. I couldn’t find the humor now. It was completely horrific. My heart was still pounding.
It took me a moment to register Tegan’s words when she said, “You have to tell someone about this, Silly.”
Infinite (Strange and Beautiful, Book 1) Page 18