“I guess we know why she’s here now,” I whispered to Tegan as I sunk back in my seat.
Jackson waved, acknowledging Skylar’s yell, and walked over to the group.
“Hey,” he said to everyone before he sunk into the empty seat beside me. “Ready to bow to the king?” he grinned as his eyes met mine.
I smiled, my distress momentarily alleviated, but that didn’t last long. Before I could give him some clever reply, Skylar took the seat on Jackson’s other side and asked, “Want to be on my team, Jackson?”
“Uh,” Jackson glanced around for a moment. “Sure. You, me, Sil, and Tegan?” he suggested, looking between us.
Tegan nodded, and I shrugged. I was happy Jackson and I would still be on a team, but it was hard not to show my disappointment that Skylar would also be on our team.
Jackson looked to Jesse, who said, “Tierney and I will team up with Garrett and Mandy.”
He motioned to the other two people, standing off to the side. We hadn’t yet been introduced, but I remembered Tierney mentioning Jesse’s best friend, Garrett, in the past, so I guessed this was him.
He and Mandy, who I guessed was Garrett’s girlfriend, seemed pretty wrapped up in each other. It wasn’t until Jesse shouted Garrett’s name that he even seemed to realize that the rest of us were there. His pale eyes widened and he smiled sheepishly before pulling the willowy redhead over to the rest of us.
Introductions were made quickly; mostly for Tegan’s and my benefit, it seemed. Aside from Skylar and us, I thought the others were all in the same year.
I wondered briefly why Tierney’s best friend, Lynna, wasn’t there, but I figured she was probably either working or had other plans. I didn’t mind by any means. I didn’t know her much better than Jesse and his friends anyway.
With teams agreed upon, we all split up either to get shoes or find a bowling ball.
I watched Skylar talking to Jackson across the room from where Tegan and I were trying to find a ball. They were in line to get shoes, and she was using her flirty smile. She was also wearing a very low cut top, showing off her ample cleavage.
“Why didn’t she just come naked?” I muttered bitterly.
“Silly, don’t pay any attention to her,” Tegan said. She picked up a ball to test its weight and made a face. “Too heavy.”
I tried one, and it was also too heavy. “Yeah, because you know how easy Skylar is to ignore.”
“Listen,” Tegan sighed, “she’s not worth getting upset over. Let’s just have fun.” I was about to argue that my sister’s presence usually made any situation where she was involved anything but fun for me, but Tegan added, “At least we’re on Jackson’s team. And, mind you, that’s because he asked us to be.”
She did have a point there. I just nodded and lifted another ball, testing its weight. It seemed good and my fingers fit into the holes. I decided it would work and helped Tegan find one for herself.
Once she found one, we went back to our lanes. We put our balls on the round thingamajig, where the ball would come out after we took our turns, and sat down to wait. It looked like everyone had his or her shoes, and they were now looking for a ball.
After a minute or so, Jackson came back. He added his ball to the round thingamajig—he later informed me that it was called a Ball Return—before he sat down beside me. “So, ready to kick ass?”
“Sure,” I smiled, nudging him in the side with my elbow. “Just remember that you’re the one leading us to victory.”
“I won’t forget,” he grinned just as Skylar called his name. Jackson and I both turned to see her motioning him over to where she was standing near one of the ball stands.
Jackson’s brows went up and then creased. He turned back to me and murmured, “I’ll be right back.”
I watched him stand and walk over to Skylar before I turned to look at Tegan, who had obviously been watching and listening. “I guess someone forgot to tell Jackson to ignore Skylar.”
“Come on,” Tegan said. “The only balls Skylar knows how to handle are a part of the male anatomy. Of course she needs help finding a bowling ball.”
I knew Tegan meant well and was probably quite accurate, but I was having trouble locating my sense of humor. Skylar was over in the far corner, no doubt, flirting with Jackson. I knew he was a nice guy, so I wasn’t sure what he could say even if he wasn’t into it—and I couldn’t tell from where I was seated, but I couldn’t help but feel her ball handling talents were more an asset than an insult in this situation.
I was glad when everyone returned to our lanes, and we could start the game. Skylar and Jackson took the same seats as before, but Tierney, Jesse, Mandy and Garrett sat in the next booth, but in the seats mirroring ours, so that we could still talk to—okay, mostly razz—each other.
Tegan went first. Then I went, and Jackson came after me with Skylar going last. The only joy I got out of the whole game was that Skylar was horrible at bowling. Her ball wound up in the gutter more often than not. I wasn’t a great bowler, but I managed to knock down more pins than my sister.
Jackson was a fierce bowler and hadn’t been exaggerating his skills. He was also in it to win, even if we weren’t playing for anything more than bragging rights. Unfortunately, because of his competitiveness, Skylar’s inability to bowl seemed to gain even more of Jackson’s attention. He had to go and try to help her often, showing her what she was doing wrong and talking her through each step. By her third time up, I suspected she was being horrible on purpose.
By the time it was over, I’d never been so happy for a game to end. Jackson had kept his promise and led us to victory. Instead of starting the next game right away, we decided to take a break.
“You guys need time to recuperate,” Jackson teased.
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll kick your ass yet, Hart,” Jesse muttered, but it was good-natured.
“Let’s go play pool,” Garrett suggested to Jesse and Jackson.
“Yeah, let’s see how smug you are after I hand you your ass,” Jesse grinned.
Jackson shrugged, looking unconcerned. “We’ll see about that.”
While the guys went to the pool tables near the arcade, Tierney suggested, “Why don’t we order a pizza?”
She seemed somewhat unsure of herself, and I suspected it was because she wasn’t used to hanging out with either Skylar or Mandy. I could feel her pain.
“Sure,” Mandy agreed easily. “Just no peppers or anything icky like that.”
“Ditto,” I called. “Especially no onions.”
Tierney rolled her eyes. “Yes, Silly, I wouldn’t dare,” she laughed.
“Good,” I grinned. It felt nice to banter with Tierney while Skylar looked somewhat out of her element. She may have hijacked my plans, but I remembered that I was the one who had actually been invited to this outing.
While Tierney and Mandy went to order the pizzas, Tegan and I decided to pick some songs to play on the jukebox. They probably wouldn’t play right away, but they’d come up eventually.
Even though they hadn’t bothered me too much throughout the day, my hands were starting to feel a little sore. Thankfully, I’d been able to get by with just a few band-aids to cover the worst of the scrapes, and either no one had noticed or dared to ask me about my injuries.
After choosing our songs, we went into the ladies room. While Tegan was in one of the stalls, I used the brush in her purse to remove the tangles from my hair and redo my ponytail.
“I look like crap,” I announced after my hair was fixed.
“Shut up, you do not,” Tegan replied as she came out of her stall. She walked over to the sink and washed her hands. “You look cute.”
“No, I don’t,” I said, inspecting my eyes. They were still a little red from all of yesterday’s tears, and my restless night of sleep had left small bruise-like circles under each eye. “I look like I’m in the ending stages of recovering from two black eyes.”
“Did you get any sleep last night?”
> “Some,” I shrugged. “I woke up a lot through the night. I even got up at one point and tried writing.”
“Have you talked to your parents yet?” she asked.
I didn’t have to ask what she was talking about. I already knew. “No, I haven’t had a chance.”
Tegan gave me her “this is something you have to do and can’t back out of it” look. I hated that look. Mom gave me that look every time I had a dentist appointment.
“I’ll talk to them tomorrow,” I sighed. Tegan opened her mouth to speak, but I beat her to it. “I promise, Tee. I don’t need a lecture. This night has turned out bad enough.”
“It hasn’t been that bad,” Tegan said. “And since when did you become such a pessimist?”
“Since Skylar swooped in and set her sights on Jackson,” I replied huffily.
“I don’t like you like this,” Tegan announced.
“Neither do I,” I frowned. “The last couple of days have just really sucked. I wish Skylar hadn’t come tonight. I feel like she’s ruining everything. I haven’t been able to get a word in edgewise with her here. Jackson and I have hardly talked at all.”
Tegan started to open her mouth to speak, but the door to the last stall opened at that moment, and, because my luck was shot to shit, Skylar stepped out.
“Oh god,” Tegan muttered as Skylar sauntered—because she couldn’t just walk anywhere—over to the sinks.
“So, I’ve ruined everything, huh?” She smirked as she washed her hands. “Seriously, Silly, if you thought you had a chance with Jackson Hart, then you were sorely mistaken. Did you really think he was hanging out with you because he liked you?”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I wondered aloud.
“Think about it, Sil,” Skylar said as she grabbed some paper towel and dried her hands. “He’s, obviously, been nice to you and hanging around you to get to me. Sorry.” She threw the paper towel into the trash on her way out, and I stared at the door after her.
I shook my head and felt like I was going to collapse into a sobbing mess all over again today. Skylar’s words felt like a slap in the face.
Jackson was only hanging out with me to get closer to her? Why would he do that? I knew I had no chance with him on a romantic level, but I thought we were really becoming friends. The hurt I felt in my chest came from the knowledge that it was more believable Jackson’s only interest in me came from a desire to get closer to Skylar. I didn’t want to believe it, but why would he care about me when he could have her?
Tegan moved up behind me and wrapped her arms around me in an awkward hug. “Don’t listen to her,” she whispered. “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”
My eyes burned as tears pooled, and when I blinked, they slid heavily down my cheeks. I leaned into Tegan’s embrace, taking the comfort she so freely offered. She was exactly what I needed right then.
If I could have spoken, I would have told her how much I loved her and appreciated her. She seemed to be taking over the optimistic role in our friendship, and I loved her for that. She had to be the best friend in the world, which made me the luckiest person in the world because she was my best friend; the saving grace John Mayer had sung about in “Not Myself.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
While there were times when I’d forget to do something and wouldn’t get it done until the last minute, I usually didn’t consider myself a procrastinator. Of course, that didn’t mean I went out of my way to get things done super early like some overachievers, but I did usually like to be done a little bit ahead of time. After all, people were always saying, “Why put off until tomorrow what you could do today?” Well, when Sunday rolled around and I returned home from Tegan’s house, I understood why some people were procrastinators.
I was still upset about the way things turned out with the bowling excursion, and the last thing I wanted was to go home and see Skylar. I hadn’t spoken to her after we started our second round of bowling. I didn’t think she noticed, though. She was too busy flashing her pearly whites at Jackson and bending over to show everyone her cleavage. I couldn’t compete with that, and, to top it all off, Jackson and I didn’t talk much either because the second game of bowling consisted of a lot of smack talk from the guys as they fought to claim victory.
Tegan spent most of the night, later at her house, trying to convince me Skylar was wrong. She even had Tierney trying to help, but it wasn’t much use. I finally just humored them.
“You know what? You guys are probably right,” I said before giving them some speech about how Skylar had no idea what she was talking about because Jackson was my friend and had no interest in her. I capped it off with claims that I was perfectly fine. I figured if I kept telling myself that maybe I would actually start to believe it.
I wasn’t sure either Tegan or Tierney really bought it, but they seemed to understand that I didn’t want to discuss it any further.
Tegan, apparently, hadn’t told Tierney about the incident with Mark Moses, though, because she waited until the next morning to make me promise to tell my parents about what happened at school on Friday. It was the first time I ever wanted to break a promise.
Luckily, when I got home, Skylar was gone. I assumed she’d gone to Stevie’s—probably to gloat about how much cleavage she’d flashed last night. I secretly hoped that she’d stay gone forever.
I didn’t know if she was intentionally trying to hurt my feelings when she said Jackson was only hanging out with me to get closer to her, but, regardless of her intent, it really stung. It wasn’t as if she needed to remind me how much better she was than me. I was well aware. She was prettier and definitely more popular. She was also strong and outgoing and not scared to go after what she wanted.
I wasn’t any of those things. As far as looks went, I considered myself pretty average. Girls like me were a dime a dozen. Nothing about me stood out that much. I didn’t have brilliant blue eyes or lush lips like Skylar or long wavy hair like Tegan or Tierney. My hair was plain and straight, and my lips were thin and usually in dire need of lip balm, and my sister had curves that seemed to be in all the right places which made what I had pretty meager in comparison.
Skylar also had friends galore. Even though she might have looked like a Goth rocker, she could mingle with anyone she wanted. They all knew her, and if they didn’t like her, they at least accepted her. She didn’t have to try very hard to catch any guy’s attention. I didn’t even register on any guy’s radar—except for Jackson, but when Skylar was around, it felt like I just melted into the surroundings.
I only wished I had her initiative and could say what I felt like saying or do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I could talk to people, but when I spoke, hardly anyone ever listened anyway. Even in my own household. Their response was usually along the lines of, “What’s Silly on about now?” I was just the weird, misfit child that everyone in my family just wanted to be quiet.
I’d always felt that way, but I usually didn’t let it bother me. I always tried to think positively. I liked to look forward to the future and not worry about what other people thought of me, but sometimes it was just too hard—especially when I felt like I had nothing but doors slamming in my face as everything in my life went to hell.
I knew Tegan would say I was just acting all emo about it, and she was probably right. I was probably just overreacting because I was still upset about the incident with Mark Moses, but I didn’t feel like trying to make the best of the situation. Instead, I felt like locking myself in my room, listening to Bright Eyes and writing angst-filled, depressing poetry about death and self-loathing.
However, I chose not to go to that extreme. Instead when I got home from Tegan’s, I parked myself on the couch and watched a Degrassi marathon on The-N until my eyes glazed over and I passed out.
When I woke up, Luke was sitting in the recliner with the remote in his hand, but Degrassi was still on. If I had been in a better mood, I would have laughed at the fact he actually see
med interested in the drama of a group of high school students. I could definitely see the appeal. They had more drama going on at Degrassi than everyone I’d ever met combined, but watching fictional drama sure beat dealing with my own real life problems.
I lay there on the couch for a while watching the show. After a while, I realized that as much as I wanted to continue to lie on the couch or disappear off the face of the earth, it wasn’t going to happen, and I had homework to finish.
I pulled myself away from the couch, and when Luke realized I was awake, he changed the station.
“You might as well finish watching the episode,” I muttered.
“I wasn’t watching that shit,” he glared.
“Luke, I’ve been awake for like fifteen minutes,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You were watching it.”
He looked like he wanted to counter with a childish, “Was not.” Instead, he glared at the television and combed a hand through his light brown hair. “Don’t tell anyone.”
“No one I know is going to give a shit,” I retorted. And it was so true. My brother’s television watching habits might have amused me—and probably Tegan—but I didn’t know any of Luke’s friends, and I couldn’t be bothered with trying to embarrass him. I had better things to do.
His eyebrows shot straight up. “Better not let Mom or Dad hear you talking like that,” he cautioned.
“Whatever,” I mumbled as I left the room.
Upstairs in my room, I took out my books and sat down at my desk to start my homework. Unfortunately, that didn’t work out so well.
At first it was too quiet, so I turned on the radio. Then it was too loud and I couldn’t concentrate, so I turned it off. No matter what I tried, I just couldn’t seem to focus. It was a battle just to get through my Algebra homework. I knew I did a really crappy job and probably got half of the answers wrong, which was a shame because I was usually fairly good at math.
When I tried my luck with my English Composition assignment, it felt like I was running into a brick wall. I was supposed to write a short story, but I had no ideas. None of my words seemed to flow together the right way. The characters were all wrong, and the dialogue sucked. Everything just came out sounding terrible.
Infinite (Strange and Beautiful, Book 1) Page 20