“Who’s it from then?”
“Jackson.”
My eyes grew wide and I looked back down at the gift she was shoving toward me. “Take it. It won’t bite,” she insisted.
“Are you sure?” Tegan rolled her eyes at my uncertainty and shoved the present into my reluctant hands.
“How did you end up delivering it?” I asked, shaking the box slightly, but I didn’t hear any noise from within. It wasn’t a large box, but it felt solid.
“Jackson came to my locker and asked me to give it to you,” she answered. That gleam was still there in her eyes. I wondered if she already knew what was inside.
“Why didn’t he give it to me himself?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he was afraid you’d bite,” she smirked.
“Funny.” I stared down at the gift cautiously. I couldn’t fathom why he’d give me a gift after our last conversation.
“Open it,” Tegan insisted. She sounded anxious and impatient, so I decided maybe she didn’t know what was inside.
I was gingerly tearing away the wrapping paper when Mark arrived at my locker.
“Are we opening presents already?” he asked. “Where’s mine?” He looked around, eyeing the messenger bag at my feet and the books in Tegan’s hand before peering into my locker.
“It’s not a Christmas present, and, no, we’re not opening our presents from each other today,” Tegan explained. “This is to Silly from Jackson.”
“Ooh,” Mark said. “What did he get you? Some keys to remove your chastity belt?”
I glared at him, and Tegan smacked him with one of her books. He rubbed his elbow and grinned. “I was only joking,” he said. “So what did he really get you?”
With two impatient onlookers, I sighed and forgot my stupid nervousness and tore the rest of the wrapping paper away. My eyes widened as I stared down at the deluxe hardcover version of The Complete Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis. While I had some of the individual books in the series, I didn’t have them all, and this contained all seven volumes.
My mouth watered at the sight of the lovely cover and my fingers itched to open it up and begin reading. I ran my hand over the smooth cover and down the perfect yet to be cracked spine. I lifted it to my nose and inhaled the fresh scent of a brand new book.
I glanced at Mark, who was looking at me as if I’d lost my mind. Tegan followed my gaze. “Don’t worry. She always does this when she gets a new book. I know it’s kind of freakish at first, but you get used to it.”
“Gee, thanks, Tee,” I muttered as I continued to admire my lovely new possession. Unable to control myself, I pulled open the cover, listening to it crackle as I did so. I was about to thumb through the pages, but I noticed the folded sheet of paper placed at the front of the book. I pulled out the paper before closing the book and tucking it under my arm.
“What’s that?” Tegan asked as I unfolded the sheet of paper.
My eyes skimmed the page before I answered. “It’s a note from Jackson.”
“Ooh, it’s a love letter,” Mark teased.
I rolled my eyes at him before I turned my attention back to the paper and started reading from the top of the page.
Dear Silly,
I remembered talking to you about these books before, and you mentioned you didn’t have the whole set. I saw this book sitting in a window display at the mall, so I bought it because it reminded me of you. I hope you don’t think I’m trying to buy your forgiveness because I’m not.
"Times New Roman","serif"; font-style:italic'>Honestly, I was very angry when you accused me of having some sort of ulterior motive that involved using you to get to Skylar. I’m not that kind of guy, and it felt like you must not know me at all if you thought I could do something like that. But, after I had a chance to cool down and think it over, I tried to look at things from your perspective just to try to figure what I’d done to make you so angry with me.
"Times New Roman","serif"; font-style:italic'>I realized maybe you had a point. I didn’t forget you were around when Skylar was there, but I can see why you’d think that. What can I say? There’s no excuse, so I won’t bother with trying to justify myself because I doubt it would change how you felt in the moment anyway. But I do want you to know that, as attractive as I might think your sister is, Skylar was never the reason why I wanted to hang out with you.
"Times New Roman","serif"; font-style:italic'>The first time I met you I knew there was something special about you. That probably sounds like a line, but I promise you it’s not. You’re different from most people I know. I don’t mean that in a bad way either. It’s what I like most about you.
"Times New Roman","serif"; font-style:italic'>I hope you’ll believe me when I say I’m sorry for hurting you. I hope we can talk this through because your friendship means a lot to me.
"Times New Roman","serif"; font-style:italic'>– Jackson
I bit my lip as I scanned the paper again. I already knew Jackson was pretty upset with me when he left, but I was relieved he wasn’t still angry with me and could even see things from my standpoint. In fact, I was just happy he still wanted to speak to me.
Tegan wanted to know what it said, and Mark seemed mildly interested. I quickly hit on the key points of his note, but before there could be any discussion of its contents, the warning bell rang. Reluctantly, we headed to class.
The first half of the day was spent reviewing before the finals. Both Tuesday and Wednesday would both by half days with finals for block one and two on Tuesday and three and four on Wednesday.
Once the torture of testing was over, we’d be out for winter break for almost three weeks. I couldn’t wait for vacation because I knew as soon as the teachers started talking that finals were going to be brutal. I foresaw late nights with lots of cramming and coffee.
Tegan and I decided during lunch that we’d study at my house because it was usually quieter. We invited Mark to join us, but he didn’t show any interest in studying.
He did, however, ask, “What’s the status on you and Jackson?”
I shrugged because I really didn’t know anymore. He’d apologized, so I figured the next move was up to me. Finals were the priority, though, and I was secretly glad for the distraction because I wasn’t exactly sure how to proceed with Jackson.
Tegan stayed over on Monday night. It was rare to have a sleepover during the weeknight, but once I explained to Mom that we would be studying all evening, she gave the okay.
Tuesday was a blur of mathematical problems and deciphering foreign language, and Wednesday consisted of multiple choice and essay answers. English Composition was the exam I was most worried about.
It didn’t help that when Luke popped his head into my room on Tuesday night, while Tegan and I were studying, to tell us dinner was ready, he asked, “What you studying for?”
“English Comp,” I sighed, tearing my eyes away from the notebook filled with more notes than I could ever begin to memorize.
“For Barkley’s class?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I answered distractedly as I tried to decipher a section of my notes. I’d obviously had a hand cramp or felt exceptionally lazy because my writing was a hot mess.
“Good luck passing that one,” Luke laughed evilly. “You probably have a better chance of sprouting wings.”
His comment certainly didn’t help my anxiety. By the time I made it to Miss Barkley’s class on Wednesday, I was twitchy and nervous. I probably stared at the paper, after the finals were handed out, for a good five minutes trying to decipher the questions before I finally got myself together enough to start working on it. It was definitely rough, but by the time it was over, I didn’t care anymore. I was just glad it was finished.
When I got home from school on Wednesday, I slept the afternoon away, trying to recover from the exhaustion and stress from studying. Mom ordered pizza for dinner.
“You guys deserve a treat,” she commented.
It was only then that I really looked a
t my siblings and realized they looked about as pitiful as I did. I was snidely pleased that Skylar looked less than perfect for once.
“We’ll be going upstate on Saturday morning to celebrate Christmas with your dad’s family,” Mom explained over dinner.
Dad looked pleased, but I wasn’t the only one at the table who wasn’t exactly thrilled. I was used to the holiday switch off, but I always preferred Christmas with Mom’s family.
“We’ll be leaving at eight o’clock Saturday morning,” Dad put in.
Luke groaned and Skylar pouted while I sagged at the prospect of waking so early on a Saturday, which would start with the usual lukewarm shower, followed by a two and half hour drive with my parents and siblings to visit Dad’s stuffy family. I really did love my family, but I knew it would be a long day.
The drive home would probably be longer if there was traffic. At least we’d have Christmas Eve at home to recover, but I had a feeling none of us would be getting up bright and early to open presents on Monday.
“Why are we going on the eve of Christmas Eve?” I wondered aloud.
“It was the only day we could get everyone together,” Dad answered.
I assumed that meant his brother and sister and their spouses and kids would be there too. I sagged even further in my seat. On the bright side, Mom informed us we’d be going to see her family the day after Christmas for dinner with them and to open presents.
After dinner I went up to my room, planning to wrap presents, but I took one look at my computer and the temptation was too hard to resist. I sat down before the computer and signed onto AIM. I took a look at my buddy list and saw that Jackson was on.
I right clicked on his screen name and hit the Send Instant Message option. I stared at the blank box for a minute or so before I worked up the courage to type something in the box.
thesillywallflower: Thank you for the book. I’m sorry for making you angry with me. I haven’t been ignoring you the last few days. I’ve just been busy with school, and, honestly, I didn’t really know what to say to you other than “I’m sorry.”
I clicked send before I could change my mind. My heart pounded as I waited to see if Jackson would reply. I felt like such an idiot for freaking out, but I couldn’t help it.
Finals had kept me distracted, but the last couple of weeks had been tough. I liked Jackson so much, and once I came down from the high of venting my anxieties, the hurt associated with the possibility of permanently losing my friendship with Jackson had surfaced. I was glad he was brave enough to take the first step.
If it’d been left up to me, I probably never would have made the first move. Ridiculously, it took me two days just to answer his note. I wasn’t good at confrontation, and I apparently wasn’t any better at resolving issues either. I just hoped it wasn’t too late to fix things between us.
jackyourhart: I’m sorry for making you think I was only interested in you as a way to get to Skylar.
I breathed a sigh of relief that Jackson was answering me, but I hated that he was still apologizing to me. He’d already done that, and without my seeing Jackson and Skylar together to give my jealousy a chance to rear its ugly head, I could see things a little more objectively.
thesillywallflower: But you didn’t. Not really anyway. Skylar was the one that planted the seed, and like an idiot, I believed her.
jackyourhart: But I didn’t give you a reason not disbelieve her.
thesillywallflower: Maybe that’s true. Do you think maybe we could get together and talk?
jackyourhart: Sure, I’ll be there in 15 minutes.
Before I even had a chance to reply, Jackson signed off. I glanced at the clock and saw that, despite the darkness that had overtaken the sky, it was only going on seven. I hurried to the bathroom and brushed my hair and teeth, hoping to remove the pepperoni and garlic from my breath. I sprayed on some of Skylar’s perfume from Victoria’s Secret for good measure before going downstairs.
Mom was in the utility room, folding laundry.
“Is it okay if I go out with a friend for a little while?” I asked.
Mom glanced up from folding socks—I was pleased to note the absent smile was back—and her smile widened. “Sure, sweetie, just make sure you’re back before ten.”
Since she didn’t ask any questions, I assumed she thought the friend in question was Tegan. I probably should have informed her otherwise, but I didn’t want to go into it. I knew she’d ask questions and probably want to meet Jackson, formally, which would just be awkward since things weren’t solid between us at the moment.
I waited by the front door after slipping on my shoes and coat. Every time a car passed the house I hoped it was Jackson. My heart raced as I waited to see him. I’d missed him a lot. Even though I’d got a good look at him on Saturday at the mall and caught glimpses of him in the school halls, it wasn’t the same. I wanted to see him again and not be angry or feel awkward like I had over the last few weeks.
When Jackson’s Camaro pulled up along the curb out front, I yelled to Mom that I was leaving before I hurried out of the house. The air was cool and my cheeks were pink with cold by the time I reached the passenger’s side door. I pulled the door open and hopped inside, immediately reveling in the warm air exuding from the vents.
There was an awkward silence while we stared at each other. I could feel Jackson’s eyes on my face while I examined his by the dim light cast from the streetlight overhead.
Finally, I smiled nervously and greeted him with a lame, “Hi.”
“Hey,” he grinned. It was quiet for another moment before Jackson finally said, “You better put on your seatbelt.”
“Oh.” I hurried to pull it across my chest, and there was a resounding click as I slide it into place.
“Okay,” he grinned, “now we can go.”
“Where are we going?”
“I don’t know,” Jackson said after considering for a moment. “Where’s a good place to talk?”
I bit my lip and shrugged. “I don’t know. I can usually talk anywhere.”
“That I can believe.” Even in the darkness I could tell from his tone that he was teasing good-naturedly.
Finally, we decided to go to the park. Jackson put the car in park but left the engine on so that we would stay warm. Aside from a few insane people out jogging, the park was virtually empty. The park was well lit with streetlights and Christmas lights on some of the trees, though, and we silently stared at it for a moment, taking in all of the decorations.
“Those people have to be cold,” I commented absently as I watched a lady power walk past us.
“You’d think so,” Jackson agreed.
“I think I’d join a gym,” I said. “At least in the winter.”
“I think I would too.”
Silence prevailed once again. It was so unlike me to be at such a loss for words. I really didn’t know what to make of it. If not for the tension still in the air, I thought the silence might have been comfortable, but we weren’t there just yet. With two weeks to cool off, it wasn’t so bad, but the weight of our argument still hung overhead. When I couldn’t stand the quiet any longer, I did what I was good at: I started rambling.
“I’m really sorry about the things I said to you. I guess . . .” I began. “I guess I was really just jealous.” I bit my lip, trying to decide how much to reveal. I glanced at Jackson, and he was looking at me. His eyes seemed to say, “Go on.”
Taking a deep breath, and then letting it out slowly, I went on. “You see, it’s always been so easy for Skylar. She knows so many people and has a lot of friends, but I’m not like her. I don’t have many friends, but the ones I do have mean a lot to me.”
I wanted to clarify that he was one of those friends, but I couldn’t bring myself to voice the words. “You and I seemed to be getting to know each other pretty well, but then Skylar came around and grabbed your attention. I’m used to her being the center of attention, but I’m not used to sharing my friends with her, so
it really upset me.”
I sighed, hating the next words that came out of my mouth. “When she said you were only hanging out with me to get to her, it was easy to believe her.” I rolled my eyes. “I mean, how could I not believe her? After all, why would you want to hang out with me? Lots of people think I’m weird, and I can be such a spaz sometimes, so—”
“Silly,” Jackson cut in.
I abruptly stopped rambling. I’d been staring at my hands by then, but I peeked over at him. When my eyes met his, he smiled gently.
“It’s not that unbelievable. Anyone with half a brain can see how cool you are. Don’t put yourself down. Just because you don’t follow the crowd, it doesn’t make you a spaz,” he said. “Besides, why would I need to use you to get to Skylar anyway? I already knew her, and I’d like to think I could get the girl without resorting to such backhanded tactics. Besides, in case I didn’t clarify this, I’m not interested in Skylar that way.”
I couldn’t keep the surprise from my voice. “You’re not?”
“No.” He shook his head to emphasize the word.
“But you think she’s pretty,” I pointed out, remembering what he’d said in his note.
“I think a lot of girls are pretty,” he shrugged. “That doesn’t mean I want to date them all.”
“Oh.” I hadn’t considered that.
“I’m sorry too,” Jackson sighed. “You were right. I did ignore you when Skylar was around. I didn’t mean to, but that doesn’t change the fact I did.” He frowned, shaking his head slightly, before he went on. “Coming from a big family like mine, I know what it’s like to feel ignored or like you’re walking in someone’s shadow.”
He looked up, meeting my eyes and I could see the sincerity of his remorse in their depths. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way, Silly.”
My first instinct was to say, “It’s okay,” but I suspected that wasn’t the kind of answer Jackson wanted or needed to hear. Instead, I said, “Thanks, Jackson.”
Infinite (Strange and Beautiful, Book 1) Page 31