Broken and Beautiful

by Ryan, Kendall

  I want to finish my degree and stick to the plan, and yet… I remember last winter here in Great Falls, nights wrapped in an Indian blanket, making love in front of a blazing campfire under a sky full of stars.

  “I think I’ll be happy wherever my family is.”

  She doesn’t say anything, and when I look up, I’m surprised she’s not smiling. Her forehead is lined, and she only nods. “It’s a hard decision to make right now—in the summer when you’re in love. Now with a baby on the way… Maybe Stuart is right. Maybe you need to give it more thought.”

  I’m ready to argue, to explain what I meant, but she heads to the door. “I’ll let you get dressed. Whatever happens, you still need a doctor. Winona can give us a recommendation, and I’m happy to make you an appointment. We can go into town tomorrow.”

  “Thanks,” I say as she disappears through the door.

  Looking again at my reflection, I think ahead six months to when we’ll be holding our baby. I meant what I said. I’ll be happy wherever my family is.

  * * *

  Stuart

  Bert & Ernie’s Tavern and Grill has brick walls, wooden booths, and brass-lantern-style lights hanging from the ceiling. A shelf holding what looks like a bottle of every kind of beer ever made runs along the ceiling, and it’s noisy and boisterous as a growing dinner crowd filters in. Evan Robertson is at a long table in the back with two younger men who look like his sons.

  The last time I saw Evan was during the Chinook last December. The weather phenomenon drives strong winds down from the mountains, raising temperatures dramatically and causing some animals to panic. His herd of beef cattle mixed with buffalo stampeded, and I’d joined Bill and a team of local ranchers and hands to help round them up.

  “Bill,” Evan stands as we approach. A smile crosses his face at the sight of me. “Stuart! I wasn’t expecting you. It’s been a while.”

  “Stuart and his fiancée are in town visiting.” Bill shakes the man’s hand and pulls out a chair. I do the same.

  “These are my two boys, Ryan and Cal,” he gestures to the men. “Here, let me buy you a drink.”

  “Pepsi for me,” Bill says.

  “Stuart?” Evan pivots, giving my shoulder a firm grip. “You’ll take something stronger I know.”

  “Johnnie Walker,” I pull out a chair beside my uncle, across from the Robertsons.

  A waitress dressed in a tight white tee and black short-shorts appears to take our drink orders. Ryan, the younger of the two sons, makes a low whistle.

  She gives him a wink. “What can I get you boys?”

  “Stay and eat with us,” Evan says to Bill. “The blue-cheese Angus burger will make you fire Winona.”

  “I doubt it,” my uncle says with a chuckle, giving me a glance.

  I shrug. “Sure.”

  Several minutes later, I’m halfway through my scotch when five servings of burgers, onion rings, and poutine are placed in front of us.

  “I haven’t had poutine in years,” I say, scooping up a French fry covered with gravy and cheese curds. The burger I ordered is hearty angus cut by the soapy-creamy flavor of blue cheese. It’s delicious.

  “Well?” Evan grins, watching my uncle lean back from his Hades burger, a thick beef patty covered with jalapenos and cucumber ranch.

  “I’ll have to drive Winona out here for lunch,” he says slowly. His neighbor breaks into a laugh.

  Cal laughs loudly before taking a long sip of his draft beer. I cut my eyes at the guy, not sure what I think of him. Both of Evan’s sons come across as immature, and I figure their father won’t be turning his cattle ranch over to them any time soon.

  Once we’ve finished eating, the conversation turns from last year’s Chinook and the subsequent round-up to how severe everyone’s predicting the coming winter to be, until finally we arrive at the business that brought us here. Fresh pints of draft are placed in front of the three Robertsons. I get a refill on my whiskey.

  “You know I don’t mind a monthly grazing fee,” Evan says, taking a sip of his brew. “But that’s a couple hundred acres of prime grassland going unused since you slowed down the ranch.”

  Bill’s eyes are on the table. His elbow is bent, and I watch as he strokes his mustache thinking.

  Evan presses forward. “Conway and I are considering a merger. He’s got fifty head of bison and a contract with Gordon’s. It’s a large demand to meet.”

  Conway Hendricks’s large spread borders Bill’s to the north. He also joined the roundup last year, along with a few of his hired hands.

  “I’m not sure I like the sound of that.” Bill shifts in his seat. “Get too many of these herds on the land, and you wind up with a dustbowl.” Cal makes a grunting noise of dissent, but my uncle continues. “I’m happy to let you cross over, back and forth, but I’m not onboard with a full-scale expansion.”

  “You can’t stop progress, Bill. Places like Logan’s and Turner’s specialize in wild game. They need the meat.”

  “They can go other places.” Bill’s voice is solemn, and I know he’s speaking as much as a rancher as an old ex-hippie. Balance has always been his creed.

  “Or…” Evan’s voice slows. “How would you feel about parceling up some of your unused property and selling it?”

  Shifting in my chair, I don’t expect my level of irritation at this suggestion. It’s not like the ranch is our family farm. Bill has been here almost twenty years, but we didn’t grow up on the place. As if sensing my reaction, he shoots me a confident grin.

  “Don’t think I’ll be doing that,” he says. “I get suspicious when folks start trying to get rid of me.”

  “We’d never suggest that.” Evan smiles, but it doesn’t seem sincere to me.

  “How would you feel about capping the size of your herd?” Bill gives him a wink.

  “How would you feel about being more cooperative?” Evan’s youngest son Ryan is one crack away from a smack across the mouth.

  “That’s enough.” His father scolds him, but I’m not satisfied.

  “I agree with Bill.” The irritation in my voice silences the table. Three pair of eyes flash to me.

  “I didn’t know you had a dog in this fight, Stuart,” Evan says.

  Meeting his cool blue eyes, I level my gaze. “It’s a possibility I might be taking over the place. If that happens, we’ll bring back the horses, and I don’t want an overabundance of steers mucking up their running space.”

  It’s quiet several moments, and I’m gratified that the two younger Robertsons back down. Evan raises his eyebrows before taking a slug of his drink. “Well, that changes things.”

  Bill leans away, giving me a sideways grin. “I’d say it does.” He stands, fishing out his wallet. I’m right beside him. “Well, I thank you for the drinks. Always good talking to you, Evan. Boys.”

  He nods, placing his hat on his head, and I give them a tight smile before following him through the tables and out the door.

  “Little punk needs to be taught a lesson,” I grumble as we climb into the truck.

  “Nah, he’s just young. Feeling his oats.” My uncle looks through the windshield as he turns the key and gets us on the road to home.

  We don’t do a lot of talking on the drive, which isn’t unusual for us, still the weight of what I said is hanging in the air.

  “Interesting proposition you made back there,” he finally says. “When were you planning to discuss it with me?”

  I don’t answer right away—mostly because I surprised myself tonight. My internal response to Evan’s suggestion, my feelings of possessiveness toward the ranch, my anger at the thought of breaking it up, and the idea of taking it over, all of these thoughts are new and rolling around in my mind.

  “It wasn’t something I’d considered until tonight.” I look out the window at the miles of black prairie. “I didn’t like what those guys were saying.”

  “I didn’t like it either.”

  More silence, the sound of wheels
on a gravel road crunch through the dark. Bill flicks on the radio, and the strains of Willie Nelson’s “Time of the Preacher” fill the cab. It brings Mariska to the front of my thoughts, and all the things I internally vowed I wasn’t going to do. Only now I don’t feel as sure anymore.

  Before we came here, we’d decided to move into my penthouse condo in Princeton, transfer her credits, get married, and live happily ever after. Coming here wouldn’t necessarily change things, but it would increase the level of difficulty.

  Glancing over at my uncle’s lined face, I don’t want to leave him hanging. Still, a decision like this requires a lot more than an impulsive statement to a punk over dinner. I have to give it more thought.

  Mariska is in bed with her back to me when I enter our suite. Bill put us on the opposite wing of the house from my mother and him, giving us a nice degree of privacy. My threat to the Robertsons still dominates my mind as I stop to use the metal bootjack to pull off my cowboy boots.

  Part of the land Evan wants to take over includes the small cabin on the range. It’s a primitive little shack with no electricity and only the basest of appliances and equipment, but it’s my place. It’s the one spot outside of the desert where I feel my insides unclench, where I can relax. It’s also a pretty special place for Mariska and me since last winter.

  I look over at her sleeping form under the thick duvet, and I remember her naked body moving against mine, soft and beautiful as we made love in an Indian blanket beside the campfire. The sky was full of stars, and we were far from any signs of civilization, like the last two people on earth. Those were the best three days of my life up to that point.

  My boot hits the floor, and she sits up in the bed. “It’s about time you got home.”

  The blanket drops and she’s topless, her long brown hair falling in a wavy cape over her shoulders, ending in soft curls at her dark nipples.

  “Mariska.” The simmering need I’ve had since waking up alone this morning surges to life.

  Her lips curl into a grin, and she leans forward, crawling to the side of the large bed. “I’ve been waiting for you!” It’s a gentle scold as she hops out of bed, quickly closing the space between us.

  Only a small scrap of lace covers her bare pussy. I reach for her, sliding my palms from her narrow waist up to her luscious tits. They’re full in my hands, and my thumbs graze her hardened nipples. “If I’d known, I’d have been back an hour ago.”

  Taking a step back, she drops to her knees. “Are you still angry?” Those sunset hazel eyes are round as she looks up at me from the level of my waist.

  “Angry?” I don’t move as her small hands quickly unfasten my belt.

  “Because I left you all alone this morning?” She’s teasing, but I’ll be damned if I’ll derail this train of thought.

  “I hate a cold mattress where you should be.”

  Cool hands slide over my hips, lowering my boxer briefs. “I guess I have to make it up to you.”

  My cock is out, hard as steel and straining for her mouth. She takes the base and gently guides the mushroom tip to her lips before teasing it with her tongue.

  “Shit, Mariska,” I hiss. One hand grips the dresser beside me. The other gently touches her cheek as she opens and takes me all the way to her throat. “Fuck!” I can’t help fisting her hair as she pulls back and begins to bob and suck.

  Her mouth is so hot my knees almost buckle, and I’m fumbling for what the hell was even on my mind when I walked through the door. Who gives a shit? She leans back, teasing me with her tongue again before taking me all the way in, squeezing the base as she looks up with round eyes.

  “Get on the bed. Now.” That’s an order. I’ll be damned if I finish in her mouth.

  My dick is out with a pop, and she quickly climbs onto the mattress. She’s on all fours with her ass in the air looking back over her shoulder. I cross the room and shove my jeans off, ready to finish what she’s started.

  Standing at the bedside, I grip her heart-shaped ass a moment, watching my handprints as they fade into her ivory skin. “You’re beautiful.”

  She sighs a laugh, and I trace my finger under the thin string of lace running between her cheeks. It takes half a second to rip it out of my way. A little squeal, and for a moment, I slide my fingers between her thighs, down and back up along that dripping crease.

  “Oh, god, Stuart, yes!” Her arms shudder, and I slide a finger inside her, then two.

  “You’re so fucking wet.” My brow lines, and she peeks at me again over her shoulder.

  “I started without you. I couldn’t wait.”

  “Then fuck it.” I drive my cock straight into those swollen lips. We both let out groan, mine laced with swears.

  “Yes…” she gasps, rocking her ass against my pelvis. “I was touching myself…” she murmurs. “Massaging, thinking about you…” another gasp, “Taking me hard and rough.”

  I reach around, but her hand is already covering her pussy circling fast. “Fuck me.” This dirty-talking sex-kitten act is new, and it’s got me right at the edge ready to blow.

  Grasping her hips, I thrust hard and fast, feeling it the moment she breaks into orgasm. She lets out a high-pitched moan, and her entire body shudders, her insides spasm, gripping my dick in a hot, wet embrace.

  With a loud groan, I follow her, giving into the spirals of pleasure snaking up my thighs. My ass tightens, and I hold on as the room tilts, as I let go, coming deep inside this woman I love.

  Learning

  Mariska

  My insides shimmer and pulse with afterglow, and I smile as Stuart moves us both onto the mattress, up to the pillows, collapsing in a satisfied embrace. That went exactly the way I planned it. I’m horny as hell these days, and when I saw him standing there, brooding in the doorway, I couldn’t resist. I know how to get my grumpy cowboy out of his head.

  His large hands move from my hips to my waist, tracing the S-shaped constellation of little stars tattooed on my side. “I love these,” he says, outlining one, two…

  “They’re for that night at the cabin, when we sat under the stars.” The night I made my wish.

  From there, his hand slides around to my breasts, where they pause for a squeeze, a stroke. I melt against his firm chest.

  “Am I forgiven?” Reaching up, I run my fingertips along the stubble of his jaw.

  “Mm.” He exhales in my hair, sending chills down my legs. “I forgot why I was supposed to be mad.”

  “Maybe I should get up early more often.” The suggestion earns me a low growl, and I giggle, turning in his arms to face him.

  Smoky hazel eyes gaze down at me, scanning the lines of my face with such intensity, I slide forward, pressing my cheek against his chest.

  “Something’s different,” he says, running his finger down my back. The vibration of his voice tickles my cheek. “You seem different. Why?”

  Eyes closed, I press my lips against his heated skin. I want to tell him so much why my body is changing, why I can’t seem to get enough of him, why I’m tired and emotional and… why I need him more than ever. But I have to wait.

  Sylvia made an appointment for us to visit a doctor in town tomorrow, and once I get the final thumbs up, I’ll let him know. I just have to be patient.

  “I don’t know what you mean.” Lifting my chin, I slide my hands to his strong arms, up to his shoulders. “I love you. I love the way you love me.”

  He catches my chin and kisses my lips gently. “That makes two of us.”

  “Can we start working with Jessie tomorrow?”

  “While we’re on the subject?” His dark brow lines, and I grin.

  Lightly pushing his arms, I pretend-pout. “Did you forget to ask Bill about it?”

  “Of course not. He said it would be fine for you to help me with her.”

  “Yay!” Clapping softly, I reach for his cheeks to pull his mouth down to mine. “Thank you!”

  Lifting his head, he props it on his hand. “What about your
art? You said you wanted to paint while we’re here. Training horses takes time.”

  “Your mother is driving me into town tomorrow. We’ll do a little shopping and pick up a canvass and some paint. I can fit it in.”

  “I can drive you into town.”

  “I know.” Reaching out, I slide my thumb over the small crease in the center of his chin. “But now your mom and I have something to do together.”

  He’s satisfied with that answer, and my fatigue is creeping back. Blinking heavy eyes, I lean up for one more kiss before snuggling down into the blankets, my back to his chest. I feel him still awake, returning to whatever dark thoughts were troubling him when he entered our bedroom, but for now I have to rest.

  * * *

  Large hands grasp my arms…

  Run away!

  They hold me down, dragging me to that place.

  The whisper has become a shout. The hands are on my waist.

  “You’re coming with us.”

  My eyes snap open in the darkness, and I gasp for air. Stuart is behind me, his arms around my waist. We’re both naked in the darkness, and I’m panting, trying to shake off the vision.

  “You okay?” His low voice is thick, and I can tell he’s not entirely awake.

  “I’m okay,” I whisper, allowing my body to melt into his strength again.

  He kisses me behind my ear, his lips brushing the sensitive spot that makes me shiver, and I feel his erection at my back. Dropping my head against his shoulder, I arch my back to meet him. I don’t want to be troubled by nightmares. I don’t want to figure out my dreams. I want my cowboy to take me away.

  He slips inside, and my eyes close with a sigh. A large hand skims down my stomach, between my thighs. He touches me just right, circling, teasing, and the tension melts away as we ride together over the moon and back to sleep.

  When I open my eyes again, the morning sun streams through the crack in the curtains. Stuart is gone, and I sit up slowly, feeling both times we made love last night deep in my core. I pull the blanket over my breasts. They’re slightly tender after all the attention. They’re also slightly bigger. I won’t be able to keep this secret much longer with my body changing.