Broken and Beautiful

by Ryan, Kendall

  I looked down at my tiny vampire, whose chin was once again covered in bright red popsicle juice and was in a deep sleep in my arms. My brain started whirring, calculating, and recalculating the consequences of every option that lay before me. The answer was obvious. I looked down at CJ again.

  “Lisa?” Sasha whispered into the phone. “Are you still there?”

  "Tell Mike, I quit."

  * * *

  I woke up to a banging noise. My body was curled around CJ's, and we were napping on my living room floor.

  "Lisa?" Cole shouted my name, then he knocked on the door again.

  I whipped it open and put a finger to my lips.

  “Where is he?” Cole whispered as he tried to push past me. “Is he okay?”

  “He’s fine… He’s sleeping.” I placed my hands on his biceps, which seemed to relax him before I pointed at the tiny slumbering lump in the middle of the blanket. CJ had pulled his knees under his belly and was fast asleep with his butt in the air.

  Cole walked around the blanket, flopped onto my couch, and leaned forward, dropping his head into his hands.

  “Why does this shit keep happening?” he groaned.

  "I'm sorry, but it's okay. I was here, and CJ's fine."

  “I am so fucked. What kind of person—”

  “Hey." I put my hand on his, curled my fingers into his palm, and squeezed, pulling it away from his face. "Don't beat yourself up over this. You're doing your best."

  He looked at me. I mean, he really looked at me. His eyes were devouring my face, looking at me as if he wouldn’t be able to look at me enough with an expression I couldn’t quite place.

  “Thank you, Lisa.”

  I shrugged.

  “Seriously, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. Not just today. Everything you’ve done for us…”

  “Hey, you took care of me when I was drunk that night. So, it’s not exactly a one-sided thing.”

  Cole slid his hand around the nape of my neck and stroked my cheek with his thumb.

  “Lisa,” Cole whispered, leaning forward. “I’m gonna—”

  “Shhh,” I silenced him with a finger to his lips. “Just do it. We may not have a lot of time.” I jerked my head at CJ, who had rolled onto his side.

  He grinned and leaned forward, pulling me into him and joining our mouths. I parted my lips, and he swept the inside of my mouth with his tongue, tantalizing and exploring.

  Cole leaned forward while taking off his suit jacket. I reclined with my arms wrapped around his neck to keep our mouths together. He loosened his tie and slid it out of his collar, tossing it over the back of the couch with his jacket. He took a break from my lips and moved on to my neck, moaning and whispering how good I felt to him and how much he wanted me. I couldn't remember how long it had been since I felt wanted or how long it had been since I'd had sex for pleasure, not for a purpose.

  Cole leaned up and stared down at me again. His chest was heaving, and he was biting his lip. "Lisa, if you want to stop this, just say the word."

  I grinned, reached up, and hooked my fingers into the placket of his shirt and yanked it open, sending buttons flying across the living room. We gasped as we watch one almost hit CJ, who was still passed out a few feet away.

  “We should go to my room.” I panted. “Give me your phone.”

  Cole's brow furrowed as he handed me his phone. I dialed my number and answered it, leaving the line open. I muted the microphone on Cole's phone and put my phone on the blanket near CJ after gathering up the buttons from Cole's shirt.

  "Baby monitor?" he asked, grinning. I nodded, returning his smile, and he kissed me. "Is it weird that I find your ingenuity incredibly sexy?"

  "A little." I giggled as he hoisted me onto his waist and carried me to my bedroom.

  13

  lisa

  Cole lowered me onto my bed and crawled on top of me. We left the door open a crack, and the corner of the blanket CJ was sleeping on was still visible.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispered in my ear between kisses. I giggled as he fluttered kisses down my body, moving over my breasts and belly. His thumbs hooked into the waistband of my leggings and panties as he began to slide them down my legs. I tried to sit up.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t shave. I didn’t know—”

  "I don't fucking care," he mumbled into my thighs and shut me up with a swipe of his tongue between my legs. I gasped and shuddered as he expertly used his tongue, lips, and fingers to carry me to another explosive orgasm.

  "Lisa." Cole was kneeling at the foot of my bed between my open legs, and I propped myself up on my elbows to look at him. His hair was rumpled, and his face was flushed. "When I imagined this moment, I pictured it going a lot slower, I wanted to take my time, exploring you, but given our current circumstances…" He nodded towards his phone. "I just really want to be inside you. So, I'd understand if..."

  Cole continued to talk, and I know I should've been paying attention, but I was reeling from today's events. What he probably didn't understand is that I knew exactly what he wanted because I wanted the same thing. Cole and I had some kind of insane physical chemistry, and the universe kept putting us in each other's path.

  But a relationship with Cole or anyone was a bad idea. I was newly divorced, very freshly unemployed, and recovering from being replaced by my ex-husband before the ink on our divorce papers dried. Cole had just lost his birth mother, become a parent, and was probably on the verge of unemployment, too. We were two swirling natural disasters in no emotional shape to even be thinking about relationships. However, we'd both had the day from hell and were probably on the verge of nervous breakdowns with no one to turn to but each other.

  This wasn't love or some deep, meaningful connection. This was physical attraction, a primal need. We would be letting off steam and relieving stress. It would be a form of self-care, really. Most of all, it would be sex—amazingly hot, mind-blowing sex that I desperately wanted—but that's all it could be.

  “Lisa?”

  I blinked and looked at Cole, who was still kneeling between my legs, waiting for a response. I looked at his phone on my nightstand, hearing CJ's sleepy contented breaths. I thought of Dr. Douglas' words.

  “Do you plan to become sexually active in the near future?”

  "Cole," I said, and he eyed me apprehensively. "Do you have a condom?"

  True to his word, Cole was fast but very efficient. His mouth covered mine in a desperate bruising kiss as he peeled me out of my clothes. I shivered with electric energy every time his fingers grazed my skin. It was a team effort to undress him before he nudged my thighs apart with his knee and lowered himself to me. His eyes were hooded, and he was wearing his lopsided grin.

  "Lisa?" he asked. I smiled at him. His face was flushed, and his sapphire blue eyes were gazing at me. "You still with me?”

  "Yes," I answered him in a breathy whisper, and Cole pressed himself into me.

  "Oh God," he groaned. "You feel so fucking good." Then he started to move. I relaxed into my mattress, reveling in the pleasure of Cole's thick cock massaging and stretching me while feeling the waves of heat rolling off of his massive frame. He was powerful and attentive, and I'd never made love like this before. He'd managed to give me three more orgasms in two different positions. Soon, I felt him clench and relax, wrapping his large hands around my back, clasping my shoulders and pulling me into him. He filled me with every inch of himself as he filled the condom he'd produced from his wallet.

  He planted a kiss on my bare hip and got up to go to the bathroom without directions, telling me that the layout of his ground-floor apartment must be identical. When he came back holding a washcloth, I was holding his phone.

  “I hope you’re not checking the time.”

  “No.” I laughed. “I was checking on the baby.”

  "Still knocked out. When I went to check on your little friend, he was sleeping on his belly with his arms and legs splayed like a
starfish." He climbed on the bed and knelt between my legs again. "I found these washcloths folded on the towel rack; I hope they're okay to use."

  I nodded, and he cleaned me. I flinched at the mixture of sensitivity and soreness, but his touch was gentle.

  “Thank you,” I whispered when he climbed back into bed and wrapped me in his arms. He looked at me with a furrowed brow. “For the washcloth thing.”

  “Wait.” He pulled me into him and planted a kiss on my ear. “Don’t tell me your ex didn’t do that either.”

  I shook my head before flipping over onto my stomach and kissing him. "So, that happened." I tucked my bottom lip between my teeth and raised my eyebrows.

  “It definitely did.” He rolled me on top of him so he could kiss me again. “Are you having regrets?”

  “Definitely not, but—”

  “Is this where you tell me that even though we spent the last”—he checked his watch—“fifteen minutes having the best sex I’ve ever had, during which I made you come three”

  —I held up four fingers, grinning—

  "oh, excuse me, four times. It was a bad decision, and we should never do it again?"

  “Cole…”

  "Lisa, I'm probably going to lose my job tomorrow, and CJ's gonna wake up any minute. Can we just enjoy this moment?"

  A wide grin split my face. “The best sex you’ve ever had?”

  “That’s what I said.”

  “Okay.” I held his face in my hands and kissed him. “Let’s enjoy this moment.”

  * * *

  The moment lasted another three minutes before we heard CJ whimpering through the phone. Cole stepped into his boxers, and I threw on my robe before rushing into the living room to see CJ sitting up in the middle of the blanket, rubbing his eyes.

  "I should get this guy home. He's probably hungry, and he definitely needs a new diaper." He handed the baby to me, so he could get dressed. "Come with us."

  I glared at him skeptically.

  “Let me buy you dinner to say thank you. You really saved my ass today.”

  I hesitated, bouncing CJ on my hip while I considered his offer.

  “Ow!” I yelped when CJ leaned forward and bit my nose. “Oh my God! Those teeth are lethal.”

  "Sorry. We're working on his interpersonal skills."

  I giggled. "Okay, you can buy me dinner. Let me take a shower, and I'll come right over." As I handed CJ to him, he bent down to take him from my arms and stole a kiss, making the baby laugh.

  “Sorry.” He bit his lip. “I couldn’t resist.”

  I pulled his face close to mine and whispered, “I guess CJ isn’t the only one who has to work on his interpersonal skills.”

  * * *

  Four hours later found CJ fed, dry, bathed, sufficiently worn out from hours of play, and in his crib settling down to sleep. Cole and I assumed our familiar positions on opposite ends of the couch with the baby monitor between us.

  “Did I say thank you for today?” He grinned at me.

  “Only about a million times.” I laughed.

  “Well, thank you…again.”

  "You're welcome…again. Now stop."

  “Hey, don’t you usually work on Thursdays?”

  “You know my work schedule?”

  "I'm not stalking you, but I noticed that you usually work Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays."

  "Definitely not stalkerish." I smirked at him.

  “Well, you obviously memorized my work schedule so you could avoid me all this time.”

  “Touché.” I smiled and nodded.

  “So why aren’t you at work?” he asked.

  Damn, I was hoping to avoid this question.

  "I took the day off." I shrugged, and I grabbed a lock of my hair and twisted up the ends to examine the strands for splits.

  "Because of CJ," he said in a sigh. It wasn't a question, and the guilt I was trying to avoid was etched in his expression. "I can pay you to cover whatever you lost in tips and salary. Are you gonna get in trouble? Fuck, I'm so sorry."

  "Stop. This isn't your fault. I hated that job anyway." I leaned forward, putting my hand on his forearm. His arm went tense under my palm.

  "What do you mean, hated?” His eyes narrowed.

  Shit. As the daughter of an attorney, I definitely should’ve known to phrase that differently.

  “Did you get fired?” His other hand clamped over the one that rested on his forearm.

  "Technically, I quit." I grinned, hoping my cheer would be contagious, but instead, Cole dropped his head and sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's fine. I have enough to pay my bills for a couple of months. I'll just find something else. Don't worry about me. Worry about finding a new daycare for CJ."

  Cole picked up his head and began gnawing on his bottom lip. He seemed like he wanted to say something, but was too deep in thought. Finally, he spoke. "So, I've been thinking about something since I saw you last Friday." He released my hand and shifted backward on the couch. I braced myself. "What if you were CJ's nanny?"

  “Cole.” I huffed out a mirthless chuckle. “I thought we ruled that out. You can’t afford it. Remember?”

  "Well, I crunched some numbers, and I have a vacant garden-level apartment, the same size as Kimberly's. If you lived there and subtracted the rent and utilities combined with what I can afford to pay a full-time nanny, you'd actually be making more money." He pulled a piece of paper out of his suit pants pocket and handed it to me.

  “How do you know how much money I make?”

  "You told me when you were drunk." He smiled sheepishly, and I rolled my eyes. "You talk in your sleep. It's adorable. And I estimated."

  "How long have you had this in your pocket?" I laughed and unfolded the well-worn sheet of paper. The page was filled with scribbled numbers and equations. He pointed to a large number circled at the bottom. Wow. Cole was making a very compelling argument. Also, first-year associates in Manhattan made a lot more than they did in Charlotte. Based on the cost of living and that daycare tuition, it made sense. I refolded the paper, placed it in my lap, and looked into Cole's expectant face.

  “So, Friday night you carried me into your house—drunk—dressed me in your pajamas, and kept me from puking all over your floor. Then, you thought, ‘Hey, this person should definitely be in charge of my kid.’”

  "This idea came to me on Friday afternoon," he said with a laugh. "And I'm definitely not one to throw stones, so yeah. CJ loves you, and it's pretty obvious that you love him. You are now unemployed, and I have an immediate job opening because you fired my last nanny…" He raised his eyebrows, and I snorted a laugh.

  “I thought you didn’t want a stranger living in your house.”

  “I would say we’re pretty well acquainted, Lisa.” He smiled at me then tucked his bottom lip between his teeth.

  “About that…” I raised my eyebrow. “If I agree to this crazy idea of yours, there can’t be anymore…getting acquainted.”

  "I figured as much." He nodded, and his face was stoic, before perking up. "Does that mean you're considering it?" He had an adorable expression of hope, which made my heart melt and reminded me why this would be a disaster.

  "The commute would be amazing," I said. Cole chuckled. "I love hanging out with CJ. It wouldn't even feel like a job, really. Auditions would be hard. Not like I'm getting a ton anyway." It had been over a month since my last one, and even though I was sure I'd nailed it, I still hadn't heard anything. I paused for a moment and caught Cole hanging on my every word. "Can we do this?"

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know what I mean. Neither one of us is in any shape to handle…more, but whenever we’re together for too long…more happens. If we’re living in the same house, it just creates more opportunities for—”

  “More?” Cole supplied with a grin.

  “More.” I agreed.

  "Look, I understand. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care about you. A lot. I think about y
ou all the time. When I'm awake and when I'm asleep. CJ and I wouldn't have made it these last two and a half months without you."

  He raked his fingers through his hair.

  "But I work too much. I have a lot of unresolved shit with Crystal to work through, and I have CJ. You're amazing, and you should be with somebody who can give you what you deserve, which is everything. If I tried to make it work with you, it would be because it's what I want and not what was best for you. I also couldn't risk CJ losing someone else he cares about because I'm a selfish asshole."

  He reached out and captured my hand with his.

  "And this might sound crazy, but I feel like all of this is happening for a reason. It's like fate keeps throwing the three of us together. Let's stop fighting it and figure out a way to make this work. CJ and I need you in our lives. Any way we can get you."

  My eyes stung as I listened to Cole’s speech. I felt like I needed him and CJ, too. “When do you want me to start?”

  “Seriously?”

  “Seriously. You have yourself a nanny.”

  He leaped across the couch and wrapped his arms around me.

  “Cole!” I laughed and reclined into the cushions looking up at him.

  "Can you start tomorrow?" He propped himself up on his arms and looked down at me with a big grin on his face. My legs were wrapped around his waist, and I could feel his excitement at our new arrangement pressing into my thigh.

  “Yes, I can, but—”

  "So, technically, I'm not your boss until tomorrow." He slowly lowered himself on top of me, and I knew exactly where this conversation was headed.

  "No, you aren't, but—" I was interrupted by Cole kissing my neck.

  "Hear me out." He slid a hand between us, smoothing his palm over my sex through the thin fabric of my leggings. He had my full attention. "We've agreed"—he was painting my collarbone with feather-light kisses—"that we should keep our relationship completely professional."