Fairy Godmothers, Inc.

by Jenniffer Wardell

  The pink skirt swung out. A second later, the nobleman was bent almost double and clutching his calf as if protecting it from wild beasts. Completely unconcerned, the girl gently guided her partner into the next round of dance.

  Grinning, Lawton waited until the next song ended before continuing his approach. These two were definitely worth talking to.

  Ned knew the stunned expression was probably still on his face, but even a whole song later he hadn’t quite wrapped his brain around what had just happened. Sure, the guy hadn’t been authorized to dance with her—Ned hadn’t really been, either—but Rellie didn’t seem the kind of girl to worry about that sort of thing. And the other guy was rich, probably a nobleman of some sort.

  Rellie lifted her hand off his shoulder to wave it in front of his eyes. “Hey, you still with me?”

  Ned blinked. “I still can’t believe you kicked him.”

  Rellie shrugged, pulling them both into another twirl. “He was rude, and I didn’t want to dance with him. I’m having too much fun with you.” She smiled, melting him all over again. “Besides, you’re really cute when you blush.”

  Before he could answer, Ned felt a tap on his shoulder, and even as he held on to Rellie more tightly he made himself turn around. It was probably his turn to do the kicking.

  As soon as their eyes met, the man—Jon’s friend, Ned remembered—held his hands up as he took a quick step back. “I come in peace.” His voice was amused, and Ned felt himself relaxing slightly. Lawton turned to Rellie, offering her his hand. “I’m a friend of Jon’s. Ned and I met earlier.”

  When Ned nodded his confirmation, Rellie sighed. “Then could you go outside and make him and Kate stop fighting? They should totally be kissing by now, but I can’t figure out how to make them do it.”

  “I would be happy to help, I assure you,” Lawton replied solemnly. “I was merely hoping you could offer some insight as to the precise nature of the argument going on outside. I know Jon technically lied about his job title, but as foolish as that decision was, there were mitigating circumstances.”

  Ned’s heart sank as he tried to figure out the gentlest way to deliver the bad news, but Rellie beat him to it. “That part Kate didn’t really seem worried about, but she’s pretty sure her boss is going to drug Jon until he thinks he wants to marry me.” She shook her head, looking over at Ned. “Are you sure you want to keep working for the Fairy Godmother people? They sound even meaner than my stepfamily tries to be.”

  “You mean there are bosses who aren’t mean?” Ned said.

  All Lawton could do was stare at the two of them. “Marry you?” Lawton attempted to school his tone back to a more neutral level, knowing its utter incredulity had to be offensive. But sweet angel of the vineyard, this was not the woman Jon had his heart set on. “I thought you and Rupert were supposed to be—”

  “Um,” Ned interrupted, feeling contractual details were probably his responsibility. “The contract says she has to marry the heir, not a specific person.” Rellie had filled him in on some of the details of Rupert’s disappearance, but he hadn’t had the heart to explain to her just how much trouble they were all in. “And if Rupert’s not the heir anymore . . .”

  “Ah.” Lawton closed his eyes. “Clearly, I’ll be needing another drink.”

  FIFTEEN

  Debating Techniques

  It was hard to yell at someone who looked like a worried mother, so the argument stayed paused while Kate watched Rellie and Ned walk inside. Jon, who used the time to watch Kate, took slow, calming breaths and tried to figure why exactly he was so mad at her.

  Logically, he knew he’d gotten off easy. The entire mess had been nearly as much his fault as it had Rupert’s, and except for deciding he’d made his idiot brother up she’d barely gotten mad at him. On top of that, she’d already apologized for thinking that, then later did the same about the extremely disturbing corporate-sponsored love potion that wasn’t even her fault. If he had any sense, Jon realized, he should probably be grateful at the way things were working out.

  As Rellie and Ned disappeared into the ballroom, Kate sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “That was probably a bad idea,” she said to herself, the soft words sounding tired and defeated.

  Hearing them, Jon was angry at her all over again. “It was the best thing to do,” he countered. “We have enough to worry about without having to deal with helpful commentary from an audience.”

  For a second her eyes narrowed, like she was considering snapping right back at him, but then her jaw tightened and her expression closed down completely again. “You have a point,” she agreed. The frustration building in Jon’s chest pressed harder. “Though if you want to avoid the True Love, you really need to be the one inside dancing with Rellie. For a couple of days, at least, Bubbles won’t check closely enough to tell if you’re faking it.”

  Jon gritted his teeth, reminding himself that shouting at a woman was not the way to make progress with her. “Stop. Trying. To. Make. Me. Leave.” When she went still, he forced his jaw to relax and repeated himself for emphasis. “I’m serious, Kate.” There was an unfortunate roughness to his voice that he half hoped she couldn’t hear. “Short of you saying ‘I never want to see you again, you miserable, idiotic excuse for a liar,’ I’m not going anywhere.”

  She stared at him for a long moment, as if trying to look deep enough inside his head to read his mind. Jon, feeling like he was eight years old again and hating it, lifted his chin and stared right back. Without anything to focus on, his anger threatened to crumble underneath the fear that had been hiding just behind it the whole time. If she would give him a chance, he was sure he could figure out a way to deal with evil Fairy Godmothers, love potions, or anything else standing in their way.

  But nothing about the last ten minutes seemed to suggest she had any interest in giving him that chance.

  Kate swallowed. “Why are you doing this?” she asked, sounding so utterly serious there was no way she could be joking. “Right now the only thing that makes any sense is that taking care of Rupert all these years has somehow made you lose your mind.”

  At first all Jon could do was stand there, caught off guard by the sudden conversational turn. “Probably,” he admitted, brain scrambling to try and find some suitable way to respond. Maybe if he had some idea of what she meant. “But unless that’s what the problem is, I’m not entirely sure what that has to do with what we’re fighting about.”

  Frustration flaring in her eyes, she threw her hands up in the air. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been trying to stop the fight!” She was nearly shouting now, clearly having been pushed over some kind of tipping point Jon hadn’t seen coming. “I’ve apologized! I’ve forgiven you! I’ve told you that I’ll take care of Bubbles and the True Love, and you’re free to go back to the rest of your life!” She stopped, voice losing some of its steam as she took a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t know what else it is I’m supposed to say.”

  Jon stared at her a moment, then swore softly and closed his eyes. “Kate, what exactly do you think it is I’ve been doing for the last two weeks?”

  There was only silence, deep and thick enough to quiet even the noises surrounding them. When Jon opened his eyes he could see Kate’s mouth open slightly, like she wasn’t entirely sure what to say to him. Her eyes, however, looked trapped, like she knew exactly what she wanted to say and couldn’t quite bring herself to do it, and without warning he felt the bottom fall out of his stomach. Not only did she not want to give him a chance, she didn’t even want him. She hadn’t, apparently, even noticed he’d wanted her.

  Or maybe she had, and simply thought it wasn’t relevant enough to remember.

  Jon sat down hard on the grass, closing his eyes again and hoping the moment would come when the memory of this would make him feel nothing more terrible than impulsive and stupid. That moment, though, was not the one he was in, so right now he was going to stay where he was until the ache in his h
eart stopped making it quite so hard to breathe.

  Then he felt Kate’s hands against his cheeks. “You idiot,” she said softly, her voice full of the tenderness he’d started to worry he’d only imagined. He opened his eyes to find her kneeling in front of him, voice thick with emotion. “I’m scared to define exactly what it is you’ve been doing the last two weeks, but I’ve loved it. You’re sweet, you’re funny, you make me laugh, you’re far more adorable than you have any right to be, and when I’m talking to you I feel just as beautiful, smart, and shining as a kingdom’s PR department always makes their princesses out to be.”

  The words did wonders for healing every injured place in Jon’s heart. He put his hands on Kate’s arms, holding onto her in case she decided to start being sensible again. “You are that beautiful, smart, and shining,” he told her, wanting her to feel the truth of the words as strongly as he did. “A PR department wouldn’t know what to do with you.”

  She smiled, blinking eyes that were suddenly a little damp. “See, just like I said. You’ve lost your mind.” Then she sobered. “But it’s going to be hard enough just keeping the True Love away from you and Rellie, especially with Rupert disappeared to who-knows-where. Even with you helping, there’s no way we can pull that off and still try to—”

  It took only a slight tug for her to be on his lap, only a heartbeat later for her to be in his arms. Her lips were soft and warm enough to drown in, fitting against his as if they were always meant to be there. She fisted her hands in his shirt to pull him closer, and he swore he could hear music start to play.

  When they broke apart for air, they separated only a few inches as they tried to return their breathing to normal. “That wasn’t fair,” she murmured, the tone of her voice suggesting she didn’t really mind all that much.

  Jon flashed a quick grin as he smoothed a hand up and down her back. “Maybe not, but it was effective.” He decided it was time to abandon the safe route, since it was leaving her far too much room for doubt about his eventual intentions. It was probably a good idea, though, to tighten his grip. “I need to keep you around long enough to convince you to marry me.”

  She didn’t respond at all for a moment, as if she hadn’t really heard what he’d said. Then she blinked, and he could practically see the words sink in as her eyes went wider than he had ever seen them. “Marry you?” she whispered, stunned.

  He nodded. “That’s what I’ve been doing the last few weeks.”

  “But . . .That’s . . .” She sat back a little, mouth working as she tried to come up with a sensible answer. “I can’t marry you! You’re a prince!”

  “You see why I didn’t tell you?” He lifted a hand to cup Kate’s cheek. “There are no marital restrictions for royalty in Somewhere. It’s left the royal family with a couple of unfortunate exes over the years, but right now I couldn’t be more grateful.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” She reached up to pull his hand off her cheek, still looking at him as if he was insane. Thankfully, she still held on to it afterward. “You’re a prince, Jon, and I’m essentially a member of the service industry. There’s no way in the world anyone would accept me as a princess for even a second.”

  “I’m sure Rellie would love to teach you how to twirl around and flutter your eyelashes.” When she made an exasperated noise, he pressed a quick kiss against her jaw that made her close her eyes. “You’d be amazing at helping me keep everything in line. All we’d need to do is teach you how to sit through three-hour-long meetings without falling asleep face first in the paperwork.”

  A grin almost snuck its way onto Kate’s face, but then she caught herself and shook her head. “We’ve only known each other for two weeks! Even if I suddenly were to lose my mind enough to go along with this, there’s nothing to say we won’t wake up one morning completely unable to stand each other.”

  A brief vision of his parents flashed across Jon’s mind. “Believe me, that’s a possibility no matter how long you’re engaged.” There was a look in Kate’s eyes that made it clear she was thinking too hard, and he kissed her again to chase it away. “But I find it hard to believe there’s anything about you that I couldn’t stand, and I promise you I’ll learn to be really good at apology presents.”

  She made another exasperated noise. “For all you know, I’m rude to waiters and snore like a dragon with a bad head cold.” She paused, eyes narrowing. “For all I know, you could snore like a dragon with a bad head cold.”

  Jon laughed. “You could never be rude to a waiter, even if he deserved it, and if we need to I’m certain we could get a deal somewhere on magical earplugs.”

  This time, the grin made it all the way onto her face, only to slip away a few seconds later. “If only magical earplugs were enough to take care of management.” She sounded tired again, but noticeably less defeated than she had only minutes before.

  Though it was a subtle enough change she probably hadn’t even noticed, it gave him all the hope he needed. “Is there any chance I could just buy out the contract?” he asked, sliding his hand back until his fingers were threaded through the silkiness of her hair. “Make it worth more to leave us in peace than it is to drug me into marrying Rellie?”

  Kate, who had winced a little at the mention of the word drug, considered it before shaking her head. “It’s a special request from one of the board of directors. I’ve only met him once, but he seemed rich enough that I doubt money would get him to change his mind.” He felt her fingers trailing around the back of his neck, absently playing with his hair as she thought. “Is there any chance of finding Rupert in the next couple of days and getting him to take his position back? Do you have any idea where he might have gone?”

  Jon mentally scanned through the last few weeks, trying to locate and put together the pieces he had been too distracted to see the first time. It was the same problem he’d started working on before the steward’s unfortunate announcement—he must really remember to fire him—but it was turning out considerably easier to contemplate when Kate was in his arms. “He mentioned wanting to find someone who could help him understand the big words in what he was reading. If he’d tried the university I would have already been called, but there’s the Wise Old Woman Training Academy in the woods along our northern border. They’re not really big on reporting to local authority figures, particularly this close to tax season.”

  “Back up a little.” Eyebrows raised, Kate held up an interrupting hand. “Rupert ran away and made you the heir because he wanted to find someone to help him understand the big words?”

  Jon sighed. “It’s a long story, and I don’t really want to tell it to you before you’re legally related to these people.” Kate scoffed but didn’t respond further, and he returned his attention to the original topic of conversation. “He’s going to start with the closer places first and work out from there, which leaves us with a handful of locations about a day’s travel away.” His eyes widened a little as a horrible thought hit. “Unless he’s trying to be cunning.”

  “Don’t think like that,” Kate said sympathetically. “Focus on what we can handle.”

  Jon nodded. “There are about ten or fifteen inns between the palace and his likely destinations, if not now then in a couple of hours—he usually likes to spend mornings safely protected by bedcovers. If I narrow it down a little with intel from Lawton, I can send riders out to find the inn he stayed at before closing in on him.”

  The rest of the sentence trailed off as he realized Kate was pulling away from him, out of his arms, standing up. She grabbed his hand and started dragging him upright.

  “What you just said is probably the closest thing we have to a plan right now, which means you should definitely be inside talking to Lawton instead of sitting out here with me.” When he was on his feet, she looked down at their still-joined hands for a moment before meeting his eyes. “Besides, until we figure out a solution it’s still probably safer for you to pretend you’re crazy about Rellie, and she’s in
side, too.”

  Jon tensed, but when Kate squeezed his hand he made himself exhale slowly and relax. At the same time, it was always a safe bet to hold tighter onto Kate .“Only if you come inside with me.”

  “What?” Kate looked remarkably close to panic. Then she took a deep breath. “I can’t do anything in there, and I really need to get started working on my end of the problem as soon as I can. I should go back to the office, maybe look for something in the old files.”

  She was right, he knew, but he couldn’t shake the certainty that if he let Kate go now it would be the last he saw of her. “The files will undoubtedly be easier for you to access in the morning, and I doubt your boss is interested enough in overtime she’ll pick up on our problem before then,” he said, moving closer to her. “And don’t worry. Even if no one’s thought to sedate my mother yet, I give you my word that I’ll protect you from her.”

  “Your mother?” This time, it was definitely panic Jon saw in those silvery green eyes. For one alarming moment, he thought Kate had somehow already met his mother, but then her voice lowered with a kind of muted horror. “You’re a prince, which means your mother is . . .” She squeezed her eyes shut, and her voice got a slightly strangled quality to it. “The queen. Who is married to your father, the king.”

  This was not a good train of thought for her to be on. “Kate.”

  But before he could say more, her eyes flew open and her voice dropped to a whisper. “The man I met was your father?” When he pulled her close, not knowing what else to do, she stayed stiff for a moment before letting him wrap her in a comforting hug. “I definitely can’t marry you now, because I’m going to have to spend the rest of my life avoiding your parents.”