Madame Elsie took my hand in a firm grip and smiled. “How is that old scoundrel? How is Molly?”
“They’re fine, ma’am,” I said trying desperately to remember my manners.
She kept my hand in hers and tucked it under her arm. “Laney, relax. I don’t bite hard.” She led me toward a back area that was curtained off. I looked for the others but only Mason was following. Well, that was something. At least I wasn’t completely thrown to the wolves. Madame Elise signaled two women standing nearby, who were no less than drop-dead gorgeous. Talk about an ugly duckling complex. Now I know how Julia Roberts felt in Pretty Woman. Madame Elise started spouting off orders to the young women in French and they scattered around the room to bring things to Madame for her approval. Then I was directed to a dressing room and told to try everything on. I must have looked terrified because Madame Elise softened her manner.
“Laney, you truly have no idea what gift you are about to give yourself. As this lingerie is a foundation for the outer clothing we wear, your confidence is a foundation as well. Your outer self, that person that we see when she walks into a room and the room lights up because of her. That is what confidence gives us. That radiance. Look at Mason. Do you think she was always like the woman you see now? Mon dieu, she was far from it. But her confidence has brought her to what we see now. Lingerie has the ability to make us feel beautiful and that in turns boosts our confidence. No one else may know what you have on but you do and that is enough. Now allow me to give you some advice. No?”
I nodded and spent the next hour learning that silk and lace can come in amazing colors and textures. But I also learned that Madame was right as I critically looked at my almost naked body in the mirror. How these filmy, flimsy things could make me feel more feminine I didn’t know — but they did. Somehow I found that all was not lost. That deep inside me was a woman who had long since been neglected, a woman who had gone through many transformations and had yet to find her place in this world, but a woman nonetheless.
There were no prices on the items and I had a feeling that most of what I had picked out would be more than my first month’s pay. But, Mason signed a receipt, ignoring my protests, and off we went across the street to another store, and then another. By then my stomach was growling and I was getting grumpy but we stopped at a hair salon called Ronni’s. “I didn’t know they served food at hair salons?”
Apparently I was to be delayed a bit longer. Mason introduced me to Ronni himself and I was dragged off to get the “works.” By now all I wanted to do was get something to eat but first I had a hair consultation, then my nails were done, my skin tone reviewed and my eyebrows waxed. Damn it, that hurt. Through it all the girls gave advice and tips. And through it all they teased and complimented each other and me. I was included and that was that.
Finally, after being poked, prodded, waxed, shorn, and redone, I was allowed to look in the mirror. I had no idea who looked back at me; the transformation was amazing. A little color here, a few highlights there and I hardly knew the woman in the mirror.
Finally, we found a place to eat dinner and relax.
“So what’s wrong with my brother?” Stacey asked me as she cut into her slice of cheesecake.
“Huh? Nothing that I know of, why?” I was hoping to divert this conversation to something else quickly. They laughed.
“He’s not Sean,” teased Mindy and I blushed. Christ, I blushed. What was the world coming to?
“Well, well,” Stacey said and winked at Mason, who true to her word said nothing but directed the conversation to something else. I was grateful. It was not that I didn’t want to talk about Sean or my feelings. I kind of did want to. But I didn’t know how to, nor did I really have a clear picture yet of what my feelings were for Sean.
Later that night I sat on the floor of my room amid the boxes of lingerie, clothing, bags of hair care products, and — Lord have mercy — makeup. I was now the proud owner of lacy, frilly underwear. No more serviceable plain white stuff for me. I now had lingerie that would grace a fashion runway. I also had two inches lopped off my hair. But even though my bones ached and my lip, where Mike had smacked me, hurt, I felt good. Going out with the girls had not been as torturous or as traumatic as I feared it would be. I’d almost hazard a guess that I had really made friends today. Who would have thought that this could happen, given the fact that almost three months ago I had no hope left and had nearly decided the world would be better off without me.
I understand why I had given up all hope. But the reasoning now, some few months later, was no longer as solid. I’m not saying my life was perfect. Whose is? But I now had family that I could count on, should I want to ask them to be there for me. I had a solid job with an incredible company — albeit a strange one. Regardless, it was a damn good company and I now had friends I could also count on should the occasion arise. Just because I had people that I could count on didn’t mean I would do it. Yes, I trusted them. But allowing myself to rely on anyone but myself was still folly. Disappointment and betrayal came in many guises.
Then there was Sean. After losing William, I swore I wouldn’t give my heart to another again. Of course I was being foolish to think that. The human heart needs love; so does the mind. They need to believe in a realm of comfort and trust, a place to rest. I had a man who wanted me — now, granted, he didn’t want to want me, but he found himself doing it anyway. I could understand this. I hadn’t wanted to fall in love with William, but I had. William had been gone for a year. Was a year long enough to grieve? I didn’t think time limits were placed on the heart’s ability to heal. It healed when it was ready. But how could I allow myself to try again? I would think it requires a leap of faith. But here I was. Still in the seventh inning slump. I had no faith. I certainly had none in God. I did have faith in myself and my abilities. But was that enough? I didn’t know. I was sure I would get my answers sooner or later.
The next day I received my first assignment. We were providing security for a political fundraiser at a private residence. I was teamed up with Sean and four other guys. Dallas would also be there, in the company van. He would provide our wireless headsets as well as going over the surveillance set up for the house and its layout. Chase was even going to be there in a semi-official capacity — he’d been invited to the fundraiser. I wondered how that had come about? It didn’t seem like Chase’s cup of tea to schmooze with the movers and shakers of the political world. But there was so much more to Chase than met the eye. I was learning pretty quickly that, where Chase was concerned, I had to stop trying to put him in any one category.
Many of San Francisco’s top-notch players would be on hand while the man who wanted to be governor did his best to get money out of their pockets and into his. We spent the day going through the house and grounds. By evening, when the guests arrived, we were in place to quietly observe. The governor-to-be had upset several groups that had now made threats on his life and candidacy prospects and were protesting his local appearances. But inside there was plenty of glitter and gold around the room as he pressed hands and drank champagne. I had been watching for a couple of hours when a voice from my past slipped quietly up behind me and whispered in my ear.
“Well, well, looked what the cat dragged in. If it isn’t my little Helena all grown up.” His hand touched my shoulder and I flinched stepping slightly away from him but not turning around. “I’m working, James, so forgive me if I don’t greet you with something resembling kindness.” I forced a wall of disdain into my voice hoping it would quell the fear that was now centered in my gut.
“My, my, such a well-spoken lady now. You know, Helena, I’ve never forgotten you. You used to call me Cousin James. Please Cousin James. Please stop.” His breath was close to my ear again. Pitched higher like that of a child begging for freedom. My body went rigid, my hands clenched, and a cold chill ran along my spine.
“You’re a bodyg
uard now. How quaint. Not surprising, given your penchant for violence.” James came around and stood in front of me forcing me to look at him. God, how I hated him! All that I had suffered at his hands came back to me. The fear, the pain, the bruises, the humiliation — and the lies to Aunt Katherine.
He pulled a business card out and slowly slid it into the front breast pocket of my jacket. “Call me. We’ll do lunch. Catch up on old times?”
“Laney. Can you go to section four, please.” said Chase from behind James. James smiled at me but did not turn around to look at Chase.
“Yes, sir.” I looked up at James with revulsion and left. I made my way to another room passing Sean who touched my hand but didn’t look at me. Once in position I took several calming breaths, my knees felt like jelly and I wanted to run and hide.
“Who was that creep?” said a voice in my head and I remembered that Dallas could hear everything. “No one, Dallas,” I said praying my voice was calm now. “No one important. Let’s drop it!” I insisted, before he could say anything more. I couldn’t let the panic come back. He couldn’t hurt me now and I had to believe in that. The rest of the night went quietly and agonizingly slow. I wanted to leave. I wanted to go home, bury my head in a pillow, and forget my childhood. Why does the past keep haunting us? Why can’t I bury the dead and be done with it?
The night was finally done around eleven o’clock and the last of the movers and shakers had been tucked into their limos and sent on their way. We packed up and went back to Woo to put all the equipment away. I bid good night to all and headed down the driveway. I didn’t want to face the questions that were sure to come from Chase, or even Dallas and Sean, so I made my retreat quickly, before anyone insisted on seeing me home. I wanted the time alone to clear my head.
I was about two blocks away when I realized that someone was following me. I stopped and looked back as Sean caught up to me. He looked up at the clear sky and the few stars that were visible. “Nice night for a walk.”
“What are you doing, Sean?”
“I’m walking. Or I was, until you stopped.”
“You were following me.”
“Of course I was.”
I rubbed my hands over my face. “Look let’s be reasonable about this. You’re just confused. We both know that anything between us is madness. Besides, you’ve disliked me from the start and I don’t like you much, either. You’re just confused.”
“You said that twice.” Sean smiled at me. “I was confused at first. I didn’t understand why I wanted to push that cute nose of yours back a few inches and yet still want to kiss your lovely mouth. Hell, I’m still not sure whether I want to kiss you or deck you.” He stepped closer to me. “I was angry at you, Tommy, myself. It didn’t matter. I kept coming round and round to the same conclusion.” Sean slowly moved his hands to my waist and pulled me close to him. But he didn’t kiss me. He hugged me. I tried to pull away, but his grip tightened.
“No, Laney. I may not be ready for this but I want it. I want you and since I’m an extremely patient man I’ll wait until you come around to my way of thinking. But for now I am going to hold you. And even though I want to ask you about the man who scared you tonight, I won’t. That will be much more difficult to be patient on, since I came within a hairsbreadth of punching his smarmy face in. But I will wait until you want to talk about it.”
Sean moved a hand to my face and lifted my chin up. “Laney, you’re not alone. Remember that. If you ignore everything else I say, please remember that you are not alone.” He kissed the tip of my nose.
I leaned against Sean for a minute, closed my eyes, and breathed. A deep breath of him, his scent, and the comfort he was offering gave me strength. I opened my eyes and looked at him. “You’re nuts.”
He laughed, “Certifiably.” He stepped back and slowly let go of me. Taking my hand we started walking. “I’m hungry,” I said just as my stomach echoed my comment.
“Of course you are,” he chuckled. “Come on. Let’s get out of this neighborhood and find someplace real to eat. Pizza?”
I shook my head and looked at Sean. We both said “Muldoon’s” at the same time. Home.
Molly had gone to her sister’s in Washington for the week so we raided the refrigerator. I amazed Sean by using the microwave. “It’s not that difficult,” I said, ignoring his sarcasm. “I may even graduate to boiling water someday.”
After a snack of leftovers we sat on the floor of the family room and watched TV. “Go ahead.” I said munching some popcorn.
“What?”
“Go ahead and ask me about the man from the event tonight.”
“Does that mean you want to talk about him?” I thought for a moment. I guess it did. “If I don’t talk about it then he still has power over me, and I will not allow that ever again. He’s my cousin. James Edward Prescott. When I was five, my mother died and her sister Katherine let me live with them. I am not sure why, since every day of my life in that house was like being Cinderella. I was the ugly stepsister who had to do all the work. I was told I had to earn my keep, that I couldn’t be a freeloader like my dad. I had three cousins. Amy, who was my age; Christina, who was ten; and her twin, James. James is a cruel and sadistic bastard. I knew from the moment I met him that he would make my life a living hell. He started out ignoring me, but I knew by the way he looked at me that it was only a matter of time. I used to wake up at night and find him standing over my bed, staring at me. I started leaving things in the doorway to make noise so that I’d wake up when he tried to come in the room. I shared a room with Amy, who slept like a log.
“As we got older, his sisters learned to tell on him when he picked on them, so he started on me. He’d pinch me to make bruises, punch me, trip me. When I didn’t yell or cry, it only got worse. He read that if you put a bar of soap in some nylons you can beat without bruising. He learned not to leave marks on my face, but that bar of soap still bruised the rest of me plenty. Damn, it hurt. If I fought back he blamed it all on me, and Aunt Katherine would naturally side with her golden child. He could do no wrong. I only begged him to stop once. I was so humiliated that I never said one word to him again. He went off to boarding school when he was fourteen along with Christina so I was safe for awhile. Amy was a piece of cake to handle once her cohorts were gone.”
I had no idea what was on the TV. Telling my story had taken me back to those days and nights of hiding anywhere I could to stay away from James. I jumped as Sean took the bowl of popcorn out of my hands. He took my face in his hands, “I’m sorry.” I tried to pull away. I didn’t want his pity, but he wouldn’t let go.
“Laney, look at me. I’m sorry. Sorry for the little girl who had no one to turn to for help. But he can’t hurt you now. Not only can you stop him if he ever comes near you again, but you have so many people who care about you now. Those family and friends would go to the ends of the earth for you.”
I sighed. “I know. It just seems that every time I get things settled in the here and now, my past keeps popping up to haunt me.”
“I understand,” Sean shifted to look at me, “Tommy and Molly took me in when I was eight. Tommy found me digging in his trash cans. My mother had abandoned me when I was six to find some rich moneyman and left me with my grandmother. Grandma did her best when she could, but by the time I was eight her health was going and so was her memory. I learned early on to not trust anyone and how to raid a dumpster for the good stuff. Needless to say, when Tommy found me I was a little hellion. But he proved that no matter what I did, I would be given love and respect. Short supply of those, where I had come from. My mother used to show up now and then just to pretend to see how I was doing. She’d try to hit Tommy up for money but he wouldn’t give her any. The first few times it happened I was terrified that I would get sent back to live with her. I hid in the cellar one time so no one could find me and make me go back. Eventual
ly Tommy and Molly convinced me that I was here to stay.
“I faced her one day, Laney. Once I stood up to her and told her to go away, she stopped scaring me. It takes time to trust. But I think it takes even more time to truly believe in someone. The one thing you need to remember is that you are not alone. Whatever came before in many ways doesn’t matter. It doesn’t have to define who you are now.”
I looked into those eyes of his and was entranced. I couldn’t have stopped myself from drowning for all the tea in China. A little voice in my head was shouting out warnings but I squelched it. I ran my hands up his arms and pulled him toward me. His eyes never left mine as I drew him into a kiss just as — wouldn’t you know it? — the phone rang. Sean sighed and I had to laugh. “Be right back.” and he got up to answer the phone. I heard him say a couple of “uh huhs” and then he handed the phone to me “It’s Chase.”
“Hello?”
“You need to be at the Well-Kept Secret Bookstore at Eighth and Brannon at ten tomorrow. You’re spending the day at a book signing for Amelia Heart. Ever heard of her?”
“Nope.”
“Then I suggest you do some research.” Chase’s voice was curt. “I’ll fax over the intro form to Tommy’s for you to read. All the information is on it. You’ll be with her at all the signings she has scheduled in the area. I have Jason on for the night shifts.” He hung up. Well boy, howdy, what the hell did I do now? I replaced the receiver back in the cradle and looked at Sean. “So I guess I have a job tomorrow. I get to watch over an author. Amelia Heart. Chase is faxing over the intro sheet. You ever heard of her?”
“You know, I think Molly reads her stuff. Her books are in the office.” We went down the hall in search of the books. As neat at Molly kept the house, I had no idea how she was able to stand not cleaning up Tommy’s half of the office. No wonder he kept the door closed. He had stuff piled on stuff. Old receipts, photo albums, Irish newspapers, police reports.
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