“So, it’s official. I should tell her how I feel — about us, about saving the sex for later … about all of it.”
Rachel’s brow furrowed, and she was hit with guilt like a punch to the gut. “You should tell her. You’re right. Just be honest with her, and if she loves you back — well, I’m sure she’d do anything for you.”
• • •
It was early Saturday morning when Rachel sat straight up in bed, deciding that she couldn’t sleep. A long shower didn’t help; neither did a cup of tea. So she threw on a pair of jeans, a sweater, and her favorite Yankees cap and headed out the door. She found herself in front of Camille’s building about an hour later. She pulled her spare set of keys out of her pocket and let herself into the building.
Rachel decided to knock before entering; she’d hate to walk in on Camille and her boyfriend if they were … indisposed. She shuddered slightly, not wanting the image in her head. Thankfully, Cami was at the door within a minute. Rachel heard the click of the peephole closing and then the lock turning. The door swung open and her eyes met with Cami’s concerned expression.
“It’s seven in the morning on a Saturday,” Camille stated, disbelief in her voice. “Are you okay?”
Rachel’s brow furrowed, guilt etched on her face. “I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.”
“Get in here,” Camille instructed, holding the door wide as Rachel walked in and dropped onto the couch.
Cami closed the door and went directly into the kitchen to pull out her big strawberry teakettle. It was an essential part of her arsenal when it came to extracting the stress out of her best friend’s body. She hated when Rachel looked like this: stressed, sad, and exhausted. Camille could tell when Rachel hadn’t slept. Although she was slightly surprised that Rachel hadn’t gone right to the couch and curled up into the fetal position.
She filled the pot with water and put it on the burner. Walking back into the living room, Camille found Rachel lying in the fetal position. Cami sighed and sat on the couch at Rachel’s feet.
“What’s wrong, Rach?” she asked kindly. “You were on cloud nine yesterday. What changed?”
Rachel buried her face in one of Camille’s throw pillows. “He called last night.”
“He called again,” Camille asked, her eyes wide. “What is it now? Haven’t you been opening up to him so that he wouldn’t feel the need to run to Kirby for advice?”
Rachel lifted her head and cried, “I have, I swear! But he still had a few things to say to Kirby about me.”
“Girl, you’ve really got to stop referring to you and Kirby as two different people,” Camille stated with a shake of the head. “It’s getting creepy.”
“I don’t know how else to say it,” she groaned, slamming her face into the pillow again. “It’s all so confusing!”
Camille sighed, “You’re preaching to the choir, Rach. I don’t even understand what’s going on anymore.”
Rachel looked up. “Cam, I have to tell him.”
“No,” Camille insisted. “You can’t tell him about Kirby. He won’t … it just, from the beginning, seemed like a deal breaker kind of secret.”
Tears formed in Rachel’s eyes almost instantly. “Damn it, I know. But how could I have possibly said anything? Hey, just a heads up — remember that girl you were talking to from the sex line? That’s totally me!”
Rachel pulled herself into a sitting position and gave a great sniff. Camille moved in closer, rubbing her back in an attempt to comfort her.
“Maybe you should consider leaving the job now,” Camille said, “before it gets too ugly.”
“It’s already ugly.”
“Before it gets worse, then! If you don’t have enough money saved I’ll cover you until you land the junior editor spot.”
Rachel’s eyes stung. “What if I don’t get it?”
“You’re going to get it,” Camille stated matter-of-factly. “You will get that spot. It’s just a matter of when. And I’m telling you that I can cover whatever you need until you get it. I just think it’s time to get out of there.”
Rachel nodded. “I’ll put in my notice as soon as I can. But I’m scared that he’s going to find out. I just feel like I should clear the air and tell him. I shouldn’t have a secret this big.”
“Listen, I think it’s a huge mistake to tell him. Especially since you don’t know how he feels about you. If he’s not entirely certain about your relationship, you might — ”
Rachel shook her head, a frown forming on her face. “I know how he feels now. He told Kirby.”
“Joe told Kirby, but he didn’t tell you?”
She put her head back and spoke to the ceiling. “He didn’t want to send me running for the hills. He asked Kirby if she thought he should tell me.”
“And what did Kirby say?”
“She said … I mean, I said to tell her!”
“Okay, well, what did he say about you? How does he feel?”
Rachel shifted uncomfortably. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “He’s falling for me, Cam.”
“And how about you?”
Tears formed in her eyes again. “I’m falling in love with him.”
She bent forward and covered her face in her hands.
“Damn it, I feel like I need some time to think about all of this,” she muttered. “But I don’t want to stay away from him.”
“That should tell you all you need to know. I think it’s best if you just push it under the rug. Leave the job as soon as possible, and try pushing any of his calls to other girls.”
“That’s not cool either! I don’t want him to talk to any of the other girls!”
Camille cracked a smile. “Has he even given an indication that he’s wanted to do more than just talk to you?”
“No, but still.”
The teapot began to whistle, and Cami stood. “Congratulations, Rach. You’ve just found the world’s thinnest argument.”
Rachel made a noise of disgust. “Thanks, Cam.”
“Just think about it, that’s all I’m saying,” she called from the kitchen. “Really think about what telling him is going to do. If you’ve given it all you’ve got, and you still think it’s a good idea, then run with it. But don’t be hasty.”
• • •
The following Monday, five o’clock couldn’t come fast enough. Rachel and Joe would finally get some alone time in his Harlem apartment. Joe had insisted that he would cook, and she was only slightly afraid. She let him know as much too, making sure to add a wink face at the end of her teasing text message. The pair had been going back and forth all day; he was just as excited as she was, and let her know in no uncertain terms. Rachel was able to push everything from the past weekend to the back of her mind, though she wasn’t sure whether or not it was a good thing.
She was packing her shoulder bag and getting ready to leave when Lucy appeared over the top of her cubicle. Her fiery red hair was loose; the casualness of it took Rachel by surprise.
“Oh hey, Lucy.” Rachel said, greeting her with a smile, “What’s up?”
“Before you leave, would you stop by my office please? There’s something I need to go over with you.”
A twinge of panic made Rachel’s tummy rumble. “Uh, sure — I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
Lucy nodded with a pleasant smile and disappeared, and Rachel’s brain went into overdrive. She wasn’t due for another evaluation for two weeks. Does she know about Joe and me? Unable to bear the suspense, she finished packing quickly and headed over to Lucy’s office as fast as her feet would carry her. She lightly rapped on the door and waited. When Lucy prompted, she walked in and sat down. Rachel knotted her hands in her lap, not wanting to look too nervous.
“How was your day, Rachel?”
Lucy nodded, leaning forward. “And how are things with you and Michelle? Is everything okay?”
Huh? Rachel was genuinely confused. Well, I might as well spill it. “It’s a little tense for whatever reason. I mean, I suppose it could be better. But it’s manageable.”
Lucy paused thoughtfully, staring at her desktop for a moment before locking eyes with Rachel again. “I’m asking because Michelle had a sit down with me today. And she tells me you’re acting strange. She says that your work isn’t up to par, and that you’ve, and I quote, had better days. What do you think about this?”
Rachel was dumbfounded, thrown for a loop. “Did she? I mean, despite the obvious, she really has no reason to say something like that. I’ve done nothing but complete every task list she’s sent me since the day I got here!”
She was passionately angry almost instantly. Did anyone get the license plate of that speeding bus Michelle just threw me under? “I’ve been corresponding with all of her authors, and rereading all of her scripts and bringing them back to her when I think that they deserve a second shot! I can’t believe she would do this to me!”
Lucy nodded. “So you’re disputing her report?”
“Absolutely! I bust my butt every day and I give it my all when I’m here! Does this have anything to do with the fact that you’re considering me for a junior editor position?”
“Do you think it does?”
Rachel huffed, “Well, now I do! I don’t understand what her problem is, and I’m seriously offended that she sent you that report!”
Lucy sat back. “Okay, Rachel — I get it. Now may I speak before you have a stroke and I have to carry you to the hospital?”
“Well, that’s a little dramatic,” Rachel replied, taking a deep breath and sitting back into the cushiony office chair. “But I’m sorry, Lucy. Please go ahead.”
A ghost of a smile passed over Lucy’s face before she began. “I’ve noticed something between you and Michelle since you handed me that script. But I thought I was imagining it, so I left it alone. It surfaced again at that first meeting with Mr. Pavon, and I still let it slide because I was caught up in the process of signing him and getting his manuscript perfected. And I haven’t heard a word until this report.
“I’m more certain than ever that there’s something happening here, and I mean to get to the bottom of it. I can understand if you’re uncomfortable, and I’m willing to reassign you to a different junior editor. Would you like that?”
Rachel frowned and shook her head. “No, I can stick it out for right now. She hasn’t been too condescending. Besides, if I run from every person like her, I’ll be running forever.”
Lucy nodded, looking a bit impressed. “Well said. If it becomes too much to bear, however, I’ll go ahead and trust that you’ll tell me so that I can reassign you immediately.”
“Yeah, you can. But there’s no need to move me anywhere, Lucy. I have nothing to prove to her.”
“Right again, Miss Sirianni. It’s me to whom you have something to prove. And believe me when I say I see everything. I know what our authors think of you, I know your track record with catching rejects before they’re lost in the compactor, and I’ve seen every single one of your reports. And that brings me to the final topic of discussion — Mr. Pavon.”
Her stomach sank. She knows, Rachel hissed inwardly, a violent curse word reverberating through her subconscious. “What about Mr. Pavon?”
Lucy pulled her hand through her hair, catching it at the nape of her neck before tying it back with a ponytail holder. “Do you remember when he asked to speak to me privately?”
Rachel nodded. “I do. It was during his first meeting.”
“Right,” Lucy replied. “He told me something really interesting, and I’ve been turning it over in my head. I’ve come to the realization that I’m not going to be able to put my conversation with him to rest until I ask you about what he told me.”
Rachel felt slightly nauseous, but she swallowed the golf ball sized lump in her throat. “What did he say?”
Lucy folded her hands on the desk in front of her. “Joe explained to me that he had been confused initially about my call. He didn’t understand how I’d gotten the manuscript when he’d already gotten a rejection letter.”
Rachel tilted her head to the side quizzically; this seemed to relieve Lucy. “He got a rejection letter?”
“He showed it to me,” Lucy answered with a nod. “I haven’t brought it to Michelle’s attention just yet, because I felt I should speak to you first. You are the one who normally sends Michelle’s rejection letters, right?”
“Right.”
“Answer me honestly, Rachel. I will find out if you’re lying. Did you send Joe Pavon a rejection letter?”
“Lucy, I swear to you, I didn’t send a rejection letter,” Rachel answered, looking Lucy in the eye in the hopes it would assure her further. “I couldn’t bring myself to toss it — I walked around with it in my bag for days before I handed it to you.”
Lucy held her gaze for a long moment after that. After a stretch of silence that seemed to last forever, she stood. “Thank you, Rachel.”
Rachel must’ve looked as confused as she felt, but she stood and took Lucy’s hand when it was extended to her.
Lucy gave it a firm shake. “Rachel, I’m going to need to postpone your usual evaluation by about a week. Are you okay with that?”
“I’m fine with it,” Rachel answered, trying to make sense of what had just happened. “Just let me know when you’re ready.”
“I will,” Lucy said, smiling. “Have a good night, Rachel.”
“You too, Lucy.”
Rachel stepped quickly out of the door, and a strange feeling of anticipation washed over her. Whatever Lucy had interrogated her about, it wasn’t over. She took a brief look back into Lucy’s office and saw her staring pensively out of the window and into the streets below. Turning back, she headed out into the lobby. Amy looked up.
“Rachel,” she whispered, “did you see Lucy?”
Rachel nodded, calling the elevator and walking back to the reception counter to wait. Amy stood and leaned over to talk quietly.
“Lucy’s been acting strange the last day or so,” Amy whispered. “Did she say anything to you?”
Rachel shrugged. “She didn’t bring up anything special.”
“I’ve been here a long time,” Amy replied, “The last time I saw her acting like this was when my roommate got fired. Is everything okay with you and Michelle?”
Damn it! The elevator doors opened, and Rachel hightailed it out of there, calling over her shoulder. “Everything’s fine, Amy — but I’ll let you know if something comes up.”
Amy called out. “See you tomorrow!”
Rachel managed a weak smile as the elevator doors closed. Is that what this is about? Is that why Lucy postponed my evaluation? Am I going to be the next assistant casualty? The elevator car seemed a hell of a lot smaller than it did when she rode it this morning. Her breath was ragged, coming in short bursts as she felt her chest tightening. Panic attack, Rachel — breathe!
She leaned against the metal railing that snaked around the car and closed her eyes. Please calm down, she begged herself, trying to force her racing heart to slow. Just think about Joe — think about Joe! She thought about Joe, and tears came to her eyes. His apartment seemed so far away.
Mercifully, the doors opened at the first floor before she ended up screaming. Rachel took careful steps toward the revolving doors that led to the street. Men and women working in the building sped past her in either direction, not helping her anxiety in the slightest. She stepped out into the sun, and the light bouncing off of the pavement made her eyes squint. Trying to catch her br
eath, she looked to the left and to the right and started walking.
• • •
Rachel stepped inside of what was fast becoming her favorite day-job haunt. She got to the counter, breathlessly asked for the calmest bag of tea in the largest cup they had and practically threw her card at the unsuspecting counter girl. Her face was flushed, and her breathing was still erratic. She placed her hands on the counter and cast her eyes downward, forcing herself to take a few slow, deep breaths.
The counter girl looked at her nervously. “Um, are you okay?”
Rachel looked up, forcing another weak smile. “I’ll be fine, thank you. Just the tea, if you don’t mind.”
She found her favorite table at the back of the shop and sat. Thanks to Michelle from Hell, you may be out of a job by the end of next week. Rachel tried to sigh, but it left her mouth as a dry sob. So much for leaving Orchid behind, she thought despondently. It would be a stupid move on her part to give her two weeks’ notice now.
A loud ring nearly sent Rachel out of her seat and onto the floor. She realized after a second that it was her cell phone. She answered without checking the caller id.
“Hello.”
“Hi babe, it’s me.”
Rachel felt the anxious tears building. “Hey.”
Joe’s voice dripped with concern. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing … I mean, I’m just having a bit of a freak out right now, but I’m stopping for a cup of tea at the coffeehouse downstairs. I’ll be headed up to you soon.”
“Stay there, baby. I’m coming to get you.”
Rachel held back a sniff. “No, you don’t have to.”
“I know I don’t,” he replied flatly. “I’ll be there in a little while. Just take a few deep breaths, and we’ll talk when I get there.”
Rachel’s lower lip pouted slightly as her whole body reacted to the idea of him swooping in to whisk her away. My hero. “Okay.”
“Be there soon, babe.”
Sexy in the City Page 49