by Staci Hart
I smirked and picked it up, standing in front of the mirror, watching my form as I pulled the barbell up and lowered it, then again, rep after rep.
A girl walked behind us, towel hanging around her neck, blond ponytail high and black shorts short. Her eyes were on me in the mirror, lip between her teeth. My smile climbed a little, though I looked back at myself before she made eye contact, watching my tattoos shift as my shoulders flexed.
West shook his head when she’d passed, smiling as he leaned against the mirror and retied his hair into a knot.
“That chick has walked by probably twelve times.”
I lowered the bar. “Hadn’t noticed.” I pulled it up as I took a breath and held it.
“It’s weird that you wouldn’t notice. The minute we walked over here, no less than four girls materialized to half-ass use whatever they knew how to.”
I did a rep. “I dunno, man. People look at me all the time.” I lowered the weights. “ I usually assume it’s the ink,” I said and pulled it up again, jaw flexing as the burn set in.
He folded his arms. “Yeah, they didn’t look curious. They looked like they were starving.”
I snorted and set the barbell down. “How do you know they’re not looking at you?” We switched places, and he picked it up.
“Because I have eyes. Seriously, when you were doing dead lifts, one of them almost fell off the treadmill over there.”
I laughed and picked up my water.
He lifted the bar and held it. “Lily’s ready for your birthday, by the way.”
“Oh, God.”
He smirked as he lowered the weights. “Oh, yes. I know how much you’re looking forward to it.”
“Having everybody in the same place is rare. I just have to endure a little attention. At least there will be booze.”
“Ha.” He did another rep.
I took a drink, watching him. “Seth came by the shop the other day.”
He glanced at me. “I heard.”
“I figured,” I said as I screwed the cap back on. “He’s going to be at Habits.”
“It’s been a long time.”
“Yeah.”
“How are you feeling about seeing him?” He eased the barbell down and back up again.
“Not sure,” I said, realizing he was the first person who asked me how I felt about Seth before offering their opinion. “Part of me really believes he’s got it together. He’s going to NarcAnon meetings, has a steady job … it’s everything I ever wanted for him.”
West nodded and did another upright row.
“It doesn’t erase everything, but it’s a start. I can’t turn him away. He says he doesn’t even drink anymore.”
West huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, well, that’s definitely good to hear. His drinking was the worst part. Almost more destructive than the drugs.”
I shook my head and crossed my ankles. “I used to just plan on getting into a fight every time we went out. Like, I thought that was normal.”
“You thought a lot was normal that wasn’t.”
“Sometimes, I’m still amazed at how different we all grew up.”
West set down the weights, and we traded places again. “I know. I’m glad you met Joel when you did. I can’t imagine what life would have been like otherwise.”
I shook my head. “Me either.” I took a deep breath before starting the reps quietly, trying not to think about it.
“Well,” West said after a second, “I hope it’s his time. It’ll be good to see him sober.”
I nodded, jaw tight. “Yeah. Me too.”
I finished my set in silence and set down the barbell. West stepped over to the dumbbell rack. “Let’s run the rack. Shrugs.”
“One hundred to fifty?”
“Burn it out. I’ll go first.” He grabbed the hundred-pound dumbbells, holding them by his side. He blew out a breath, brows drawn as he began to shrug, using just his shoulders to lift his arms and the weight until he strained, then set down the hundreds and moved to the nineties.
I was still cooling down from my last set, and as I waited, the girl with the blond ponytail walked by again. She smiled, and I shook my head, chuckling in West’s direction.
“All right. I see what you mean.”
He was too busy concentrating to answer, but his brows rose comically. I watched as he burned all the way down to the fifty-pound weights, setting them down on the rack with a clang.
His chest heaved, sweat dripping down his brow and shining on his skin. “You’re up, Tricky.”
I rolled my shoulders and shook out my arms before picking up the hundreds, blowing out a breath before grinding my teeth and hitting it hard, pushing until I couldn’t push anymore, until my shoulders burned and a trickle of sweat rolled down the valleys of my back. My face was flushed as I set the fifties down, and I grabbed my towel to dry off.
West took a drink of his water and picked up his bag. “Tomorrow’s leg day. No pussing out.”
“I’ll be here, will you?”
“Of course I will. I’ve got nothin’ but time these days, Trick.” He opened his arms in display.
I chuckled. “Seems like you’re enjoying it.”
“It’s good. I usually hang out with Cooper during break. Luckily I have Lily this summer or I’d be awful lonesome.”
I slung on my bag and took a drink of water, knowing he didn’t realize that was where I was. Lonesome. “I’m happy for you, man.”
He nodded down at his feet, smiling as we headed out of the gym. “Thanks. It’s the strangest thing. Like everything in my life can be classified as before and after her. I don’t know how I ever was me without her. Don’t really care to ever know again.” He glanced over at me. “I think she’s it for me. Forever.”
I smirked at him. “I know.”
He met my eyes. “I’m going to marry that girl, Patrick.”
My smile softened, heart warm in my chest. “That makes more sense than just about anything I’ve ever heard. I’m really am happy for you, West. For both of you.”
His eyes held a shadow of sadness. “I want this for you. I want for you to feel like this.”
I smiled and pushed open the door, and we turned to walk the blocks home. “I know. Wanting has only ever brought me sadness, but ignoring what I want with Rose is worse. So I’m trying to make the best of it for the last time with her.”
“Rose doesn’t anything easy, does she?”
I sighed. “Neither do I. I want to want her. I want to hurt and pay for my mistakes. I want her to punish me just as much as I want her to forgive me, but that’s only been killing the both of us. I can’t pretend that I don’t want all of her, and I’m not going to anymore.”
He shook his head. “I’m glad you’re going after her, but I wish it wasn’t like this. I honest to God believe that if you just kissed her, she’d forget about all of it. She’s hanging on to an idea that she believes is the truth, not the truth itself, and the second she lets that go, you’re in the clear.”
“I don’t think it’s that simple. Otherwise I would have already kissed her.”
He chuckled.
“Look, it’s like I said. I’m just trying to take this one step at a time, and I won’t give up so easily. We’re talking, hanging out again. She told me what she wanted, and I’ve respected that. I gave that to her because I owed her after how I handled things. Everything I’ve ever done is because I care about her, even when I hurt her. I just …” I shook my head. “I just want her to be happy. My happiness is secondary to that.”
He let out a breath. “It’s noble, I’ll give you that. But you sacrifice what you want for everyone else.”
“Because no one ever did for me.”
His eyes went soft. “I guess that’s fair.”
“I’m not hurt about it, it’s just a fact. That sacrifice is the most I can ever do for anyone, and I don’t think twice about it. You don’t, not when you love someone.” I stuffed my hands in my pockets as we crossed the street. “But I ha
ve a feeling that what Rose and I want — our happiness — has the same answer: being together.”
“There has to be a way to make her come around. I know she cares about you.”
“I finally think you could be right. We just have to see. It’s all going to come down to timing. I’ve got to wait for an opening, and to do that, I’ve got to be in her eye-line as much as possible.” I sighed as we approached our building. “She met another guy today.”
“I guess she’s pretty serious about dating.”
“Seems that way, but don’t count me out yet. We’ll see how it went. The worse they are, the better my chances.”
“Well, let’s forget about it tonight. We’ll go drink scotch at Cooper’s and play video games like the good old days.”
“Deal,” I said as we opened the door and climbed the stairs. “Let’s shower and head over there. Is Lily home?”
“I think so. I don’t know what the girls are doing tonight.”
“Rose has to work. Maggie’s probably leaving Cooper’s for the night— I figured they were all getting together.”
West opened the door, and Lily looked up from the couch where she laid reading.
“Hello, boys. Don’t you look all sweaty and beefy.” She waggled her brows.
West looked like he’d just found Shangri-La as he leaned over the back of the couch to kiss her sweetly. “Let me go get showered up and then I’ll give you a proper kiss.”
She closed her book, beaming, eyes roaming over his arms, across the sleeve I’d done for him. “Hmm. You know, I think I left something in the bathroom. Let me go check and see if it’s there.” It was like I wasn’t even in the room.
She bounded off to the bathroom, and West looked over his shoulder with a shrug, dropping his bag and pulling off his shirt on the way to meet her.
“Guess I’ll shower at Rose’s,” I said to myself, since no one was even in the room with me anymore.
I grabbed a towel and clothes from my room, leaving to the sound of the running shower and a string of giggles.
Rose’s apartment was quiet and empty, and I made my way through, into her bathroom, turned the water on hot. When I pulled off my shirt, I saw her red lipstick on the counter, the dark hair ties and bobby pins, little signs of her everywhere. I undressed and stepped into the claw-foot tub and under the hot stream, thinking about those red lips of hers, wondering if they’d ever be mine again.
Rose
Ellie and I hauled ass up the stairs, plastic Thank You bag in hand full of feminine hygiene products, in preparation for my impending monthly. I was thirty seconds from peeing my pants and regretting not making a pit stop before leaving Genie’s to run errands with Ellie. But whatever, at that point, it was every woman for herself.
Ellie cracked up as I ran down the hallway, face pinched as I hunched over, pressing on my bladder. “You run like a cow, Rose.” She made mooing sounds, and I laughed, then moaned.
“Oh, my God. Don’t make me laugh, you dick.” I bounced as I slipped my key in the door and unlocked it, then dropped everything, keys and all, and bolted through the house unbuttoning my pants before throwing open the door to the bathroom.
And then I screamed. And maybe peed a little.
Patrick paused as he dried off his hair.
He was otherwise absolutely, completely, and blissfully naked.
It was probably only a full second, but I swear to God, my eyes combed every glistening, glorious square inch of him, every tattoo, the curve of his gorgeous ass, thighs, and then, the motherfucking Promised Land.
Not even ashamed. I one-hundred-percent stared straight at his dick. I had no will to stop. Tell me you wouldn’t have done the same.
Time started in a burst of adrenaline and a sharp bladder pang.
“Jesus Motherfucking Christ, Tricky!” I screamed. “Get out! Get the fuck out!”
He wrapped the towel around his waist, looking at me like I’d lost my mind. I maybe kind of had. “Out of the bathroom, or—”
“Let’s start there.” I brushed past him, trying not to touch his soaking wet skin, attempting to not inhale the clean scent of him and failing horrible. I pushed him out of the room and slammed the door.
I rushed to the can and released the Kraken, sighing from relief, dropping my head into my hands, cursing the universe and Patrick alike.
After what was possibly the longest pee of my life, I washed my hands, grumbling at myself in the mirror. “Don’t you fucking let that bastard off the hook. Not this time. It’s too far. Too fucking far, and he almost made you piss yourself. Don’t you forget that, Rose Fisher. You could have had piss all down the front of you while you stared at his dick like a fucking asshole.” I turned off the water and wiped my hands on the towel, pointing at myself in the mirror again in warning.
When I opened the door, Patrick was just on the other side, leaning on the wall with a fucking smirk on his face, black hair dripping and hanging in his eyes, towel hanging around his hips, low enough that I could see that goddamn v, covered in tattoos, all the way down to his—
I snapped my eyes up to his and let loose. “What the fuck is the idea, Tricky? Nobody gave you permission to shower over here, not when you have a perfectly good shower right down the hall where you can get naked and wash your stupid muscles and, and, and whatever the hell else you need to wash. You,” I poked him in the shoulder, “don’t,” poke, “live,” poke, “here,” extra hard poke.
But he was still smiling, that son of a bitch, and I realized he was enjoying this. “I’m sorry, Rose. Really. I thought you were gone, and West and Lily are … uh …” He rubbed the back of his neck, and I tried not to stare at his bicep.
My face screwed up. “Ugh. They are the fucking world’s worst.” I huffed and crossed my arms. “No excuse, man. You should have fucking put on headphones or something, gone for a run or a … I don’t know. You should have not come here.” I looked him over, fuming. “Why the fuck are you still standing here in a towel, anyway?”
He leaned to look behind me. “Because all of my stuff is right there.” He pointed, and I saw his yellow gym bag, clothes folded neatly on top.
I huffed and stepped out of the way so he could pass, and he gave me a long look, still smirking as he closed the door.
Ellie was standing in the living room, mouth hanging open in a smile. And then, she busted out laughing.
I stormed past her and flopped on the couch, folding my arms. “Not funny.”
She caught her breath. “No. You’re right. That was a fucking riot.”
“I’m glad you’re amused.” I scowled.
“Aww,” she said, mock soothing me. “Don’t be mad, Rosie. Let me make you a drink.”
I was still scowling, but I felt a little better at the offer.
The door to the bathroom opened, and out walked Patrick, looking clean and fresh and not at all embarrassed that I’d walked in on him naked. No, he still looked amused, smiling crooked as he approached, gym bag in hand.
“Listen, I really am sorry, Rose. It won’t happen again. Forgive me.”
Those eyes of his begged me, and I couldn’t say no. But I wouldn’t let myself say yes, either. “At least text me a heads-up next time, dude. You’ve got to quit springing shit on me.”
He nodded. “Deal. I’ll get out of here. Hopefully West and Lily are … done in the shower. See you, Rose.”
I sniffed and looked away. “Bye.”
He shook his head, smiling as he made for the door. “Bye, Ellie.”
Ellie waved, her eyes on our drinks as she poured. “See you later.”
The door opened and closed behind me, and a few seconds later, Ellie sat down next to me and handed me a drink, turning so her back was against the arm of the couch.
“I mean, at least you got a peep show.” She took a sip, watching me over the rim of her glass.
I glared at her, but I couldn’t even hold it before we both started laughing. My cheeks were hot. “That was awful.”
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“Dude, you should have seen it. You were running like a leprechaun or something, your legs all bowed out. I thought you were going to faint when you opened that door.”
“For a second, I thought I was going to, too.” I took a sip of the sweet honey whiskey she’d poured. “And did you see that?”
Her brows were up, her smile wide as she nodded emphatically. “Uh, yeah I did. Way to go, Rose. You bagged a fucking winner.”
I sighed. “Once upon a time. Feels like a million years ago. Or at least my vagina feels like it was a million years ago.”
She laughed. “Yeah, well, I can see why your vagina misses him. I mean, damn.”
“Yup.” I took a drink.
“Like, he’s tattooed almost everywhere. And I didn’t realize how big his muscles were. He’s fucking cut.”
I shot her a look and changed the subject. “Anyway, I wonder if SkateTreason messaged me yet?”
Her eyes lit up. “Oooh, check your phone.”
I pulled it out of my pocket and unlocked the screen.
“I still think you should hit up three or four hotties. Get a pool going. Better odds.”
I had a message and I opened it up, feeling nervous and surprised. I was sort of banking on him not responding. “He messaged.”
“What was your message to him?”
“I said, ‘I couldn’t help but notice on your profile that you’re into hamburgers. I consider myself somewhat of an aficionado, so the question is, to bacon, or not to bacon?’”
She made a face. “That’s the weirdest pickup line I’ve ever heard.”
I shrugged. “Maybe, but if he got it then he passes test number one.”
When I didn’t speak again, she asked, “Well, what did he say?”
“He said, ‘Ah, the age old question. To burger without bacon is a sacrilege that can’t be undone. Unless, of course, you’re Jewish, in which case you should probably not bacon.’”
Her eyes narrowed in thought. “Is that good?”
I smiled and settled into the couch. “Very good.” Tell me your thoughts on whiskey.
The little messenger bubble said he was typing.
“He’s online,” I said.
Ellie bounced.