by Karen Deen
It’s amazing how more in control of your life you feel after a good night’s sleep. I consider getting more than six hours is the guideline for normality in a doctor’s life. Last night I got eleven which is totally unheard of for me. I feel like I am so full of excess energy, even after my gym session and working the morning shift at the hospital.
“Come on, Memphis, let’s go out for a walk and see Aunty Bella. She’s been a bit quiet, so we need to go visit. I think she’s hiding from us. What you think, boy?” My little buddy looks up at me, tail wagging. Not really understanding or caring what I said, except for the words walk and Bella.
I can’t even describe what type of dog he is except for an awesome one. He was a rescue puppy I got from a shelter when I finally got my own place about eight years ago. Buying my condo meant no longer begging a landlord for permission to have a pet. When I walked into the adoption area, he bounded straight over to me and plonked his butt down on my feet. It was like he was calling dibs on me, making sure I couldn’t actually move to look at any of the other puppies. When I picked him up and looked at his cute little face that was black with white patches, he licked me up the cheek and I was sold. It was more like he claimed me rather than me choosing him.
That first night we were home, I had Elvis playing in the background and he stood in front of the speaker and whined like he was singing along, then after a while he curled himself up right there and slept through the rest of the album. I knew he was meant to be my family. Of course, the only obvious name was Memphis, the place where magic and love was made.
“Go and get your lead.” I look down at him and he is off down the hallway to the front door where it’s kept. By the time I get there, he’s sitting on his backside, up straight, lead in his mouth, waiting patiently. “Good boy.” I attach it and we are off to play big brother. I know she’s at home because I can see her active on my snap map. That’s the good and bad thing about technology. You’re never invisible. Even if you think you are.
The afternoon weather today is superb. Not as hot as the last few days and a slight breeze which makes it perfect. Memphis trots along like he owns Chicago. This boy has attitude which I’m sure has nothing to do with how spoiled he is. Thinks he’s human, I’m sure. Heading up the lift in Bella’s apartment, I wonder what she’s up to. I know she thinks I’m annoying, but I made a promise to Mom years ago that I would always look out for her. So far, I’m doing just that.
Memphis is sitting patiently at her door, tail wagging like a floor sweeper. I can hear her coming and so can he. His tail speeds up and starts thumping the floor.
“You know you give away who it is, Memphis, with your tail banging. You take away our element of surprise.” I lean down to rub the top of his head with my knuckles as she opens the door.
Bella drops down to get attacked with affection. “How’s my favorite boy?” By this stage his paws are up on her shoulders and he is all over her.
“I’m doing great, thanks, how about you?” I answer as she totally ignores me. “Good to know who is loved more,” I say as I walk past her and into her apartment.
“Memphis, of course. Why do you even question that?” She follows with him at her heels and closes the door.
“To what do I owe this pleasure, big brother?” Bella asks sarcastically.
“Do I need an excuse to visit my sister?” I open the fridge to grab a bottle of water for me and pull Memphis’s water bowl out from under her sink that she keeps for his visits. She fills his as I swallow down mine.
“No, you don’t. So, what’s new?” The perfect opening for me.
“What’s new is that I haven’t heard from you for over a week. Except for a few one-word answers on reply texts. You know that makes me stress.” I lean against her kitchen cupboard while she just rolls her eyes at me.
“Seriously, Gray, I’m not a child anymore. You know I’m responsible for people’s lives just like you. Time to let go.” She laughs as she comes in for a hug.
“Like that’s ever going to happen. You might be responsible for people’s lives. Well, guess what, you are one of the lives I’m responsible for. So, suck it up.”
She pulls away and heads over to fall into her chair in front of the television where I join her. “Gray, when you promised Mom you would take care of me, I was five years old and you were fifteen. That was twenty years ago. You have done your job. I’m sure Dad also has the job under control. He’s just as bad as you. I might have missed out growing up with a mom in my life, but I ended up with two parents. I’m sorry Mom put that on your shoulders, but it’s time to stop worrying about me. I promise you’ll always be the first person I come to if I need help. It’s time you just spent your energy finding yourself someone else to worry about. A girlfriend, perhaps, that maybe you could eventually call a wife. Then even a daughter who you could smother rather than me.”
I place my arm around her and draw her into my side for a hug. I know she’s right, it’s just been my pledge for so long I don’t know how to let it go. Dad has sat me down so many times and told me that Mom never meant it to be forever, but I can’t get the memory of that day out of my head.
Mom felt just generally unwell for a few months, nothing specific, just not herself. Dad was busy with work, so she didn’t tell him. She just kept going, doing her day-to-day things, being the amazing mom she was for all of us. Arabella hadn’t started school yet, so she spent time with her during the day then was always there with food for me when I walked in the door from school. Then she was the chauffeur for me and usually at least a few of the guys for any practices or after-school activities we had. She never said a word to any of us.
Until it was too late.
After collapsing at home in immense pain, she was rushed to the hospital. Dad flew in from New York where he was on a business trip to be by her bedside as they did tests. The results devastated us all. She had Stage 4 cervical cancer, and it had spread to her liver. There wasn’t anything they could do except give her chemo which was only to prolong her time. It wasn’t going to cure her. She and Dad decided against it and let her live her life out as best she could without becoming unwell with treatments.
At first, I was angry.
Angry at cancer, angry at her for ignoring the symptoms, angry at Dad for not noticing and taking better care of her. Just angry at the world, as a fifteen-year-old boy is when he’s told his mom is dying.
One night, Mom asked me to come and sit with her in her room. I sat on the bed with her while we talked. Reminisced. Laughed and cried together for hours. She explained how she hadn’t really had any symptoms and that is why it is known as the silent killer. Then we talked about her wishes for my life. She begged me not to let this overtake me and make me bitter and mad at life. Take my time, grieve, and then make the best of my life that I can, for myself and for her.
That was the night she asked me to promise I would look after Arabella. Mom knew how devastated Dad was going to be when she was gone. She was the love of his life and I would need to hold the family together, until he was strong enough again, to take over. I promised I would never let anything happen to my baby sister and that the three of us will always stay together and as close as we were then. I would make her proud of me. I laid down and curled up in my dying mother’s arms and sobbed myself to sleep like a little boy.
She was gone three days later. I didn’t know until years later my dad had sat outside the door of their bedroom on the floor listening to the whole thing, silently crying for the love of the strong woman he married and the sadness we were all about to endure. She knew her time was coming and had taken time with all of us to say her piece before she left us.
It was then I decided I would become a gynecologist. Hoping I could make a little difference in the world and save other families going through what we had.
“Do you still remember her?” Bella quietly whispered into my chest.
“Yeah, Bella, like she was here yesterday.” I spoke into the top of h
er head as I kissed it softly.
“Tell me a memory,” is her reply. This is what we do. From the time Mom left us, I tried to make sure Bella always knew Mom. Only being five when our mom died, her memories of her are limited, but she has as many as I have in my heart. I have shared every single one of them multiple times. One day I will be doing the same to Bella’s kids, telling them about the grandmother who would have loved them so dearly.
After we sat and talked for a while, I look at the time and realize I need to get moving so I’m not late for dinner with the guys. Memphis is sleeping soundly in his bed that Bella keeps for him when he stays over if I’m out of town.
We both laugh at the little snore coming from him.
“Leave him with me tonight if you’re going out. I could use the company. I’m off work tonight and tomorrow so I’ll bring him back in the morning.” She looks a little sad, which is not what I came over to do, but I know leaving Memphis here with her will be a good idea.
“Okay, and don’t think I didn’t notice how you managed to get out of telling me what has been going on in your world lately. That conversation will happen tomorrow. Got it?” I tap my finger on her nose as she smiles up at me. “Just tell me, are you okay?” I look her straight in the eyes so she can’t dodge me.
“Yes, Dad, I’m fine.” She stands up on her toes and kisses me on the cheek, then opens the door for me.
As I’m about to leave, she puts her hand on my arm gently.
“I love you and will always be grateful for you in my life.” I hug her as tight as I can and we both separate. Trying to break the mood, she then pushes me into the hallway outside the door.
“Now screw off and find some woman to take home tonight while I babysit your child. Tell the guys I said hi.” I just laugh and nod. I walk away knowing there is something not right with my sister, I’ll try again tomorrow.
It’s okay, Mom. I’ve got her. I always will. Just like I promised.
Sitting at the bar, I made sure I was first here. I’m not giving them any more opportunity to get on my case. There’ll be enough ammunition with what Ally will have sent them and then my Matilda story will give them plenty to last weeks.
If I’m lucky, maybe they will have forgotten.
Right, and the sky is green.
Lex never forgets a thing. His legal brain listens, catalogues, then files it in the correct folder, only to be drawn out at a later date, quoting word for word. No wonder he was on the Dean’s Honor List at college graduation.
Just as Mason taps me on the shoulder and nods to the bartender for one of the same, we hear Tate entering the pub. That man is always the life of the party. No matter where he is, he’s the loudest. The only time I’ve ever seen him quiet is when he’s operating on a brain. It’s like you are looking at a totally different person. The intense concentration and focus he shows are what make him a top neurosurgeon. That type of surgery is powerful and needs stamina for the long hours each operation can take. I think that’s part of the reason he’s such a wild one out of the hospital. He works hard and then plays harder.
“Where’s our anal friend?” Tate says as he pulls up his bar stool.
“Not up mine, that’s for sure,” Mason says as he takes his first sip of his beer. I just laugh at them both.
“I don’t know, I haven’t heard from him, but you can be assured I’ll be pointing out the time when he gets here. He never manages to miss it when one of us is late.” I signal for another beer and one for Tate.
We fill in time chatting about our day and the sport we’re looking at on the television screens. Finally, Lex arrives to cheers from us all. He looks pissed and just orders a beer and a shot. Downing the shot, he then turns to us with his beer in his hand.
“Thank fuck it’s Friday!” To which we all clink glasses together and cheers to that. One of the things about being friends for over twenty years is we know the times when you need to just shut up and let someone be. Right now is one of those times for Lex. Work must have kicked him in the ass today, so we just go on discussing the boxing match that’s about to start on cable.
I thought I would have to do something drastic to save me from the interrogation, but Lex arriving late and pissed at the world has taken the attention. Well, that is until the steaks are placed down in front of us at the table. Tate then pulls out his wallet and flicks a condom packet onto the table.
Shit.
Then Mason and Lex follow.
“Apparently, you’re in need of some of these, Ally tells us. Care to explain, lover boy? My guess is it has something to do with a cute little lady you escorted out of the ball last week.” As Tate finishes his speech, they’re all laughing and waiting for me to talk.
“Is this what had you playing pathetic basketball yesterday?” Mason adds his little bit in too.
“You’re all about as funny as Ally. That woman needs to be taught a good lesson. She thinks she can play with the big boys. I’ll get her, don’t you worry.” I start to tell them everything that happened. Well, not everything, just the boys’ bullet-point version that’s needed. As usual, Tate cannot keep his mouth closed.
“If you just shut up and let me finish, you’ll know the answer. So, it turns out my first appointment of the day was her, Hannah—or actually, Matilda, to be precise.” I try to continue only to have Tate reply.
“You know this is just like one of those soaps that the nurses watch. Wait, let’s get popcorn.” He sniggers.
“Shut up, asshole.” I throw a chip at him from my plate.
I continue, until I get to the part of Matilda running away again after finally confirming she knew it was me.
“Of course, then Lisa, Ally’s secretary, turns me in, and she’s all up in my grill yesterday about it. Then thinking she’s fucking hilarious with the condom delivery.” I finish the last mouthful of my beer and sit back in my seat while they’re all enjoying teasing the hell out of me and my life.
“You have to admit, though, that it was a pretty awesome idea. Who doesn’t need a bunch of condom flowers? I wish she would send me something special too.” Tate is trying to poke me to bite again.
Lex can’t resist throwing back at him, “The only thing she will send you is a bunch of barf bags for all the crap that comes out of your mouth. You know how much she loves to listen to that.”
This continues for a while until they get all their jokes out of the way. Then finally Mason asks the first serious question since I started.
“All jokes aside, man, you liked her, didn’t you?” They all go quiet for the first time of the night.
I don’t have to think it over, my answer is straight off my tongue.
“There is something about her. I don’t know what it is, she just fascinates me. The fire in her is a massive turn-on. Too bad I can’t track her down. All that privacy crap.”
Lex just shakes his head at me. “Gray, you’ll be lucky if you don’t end up being slapped with a medical lawsuit for examining her before you admitted you knew her, not to mention you were a dick to her. Therefore, if you want me to stand up in court and convince a judge you’re a good guy just extremely stupid, do not—I repeat, do not—use her personal information to chase her down. Are we on the same page here, my friend?” The doctor part of my brain is nodding, yet there is a small part of my brain wanting to ignore him and turn up on her doorstep.
“Besides,” Tate adds, “she’ll probably add a clause in that lawsuit that she wants compensation for the false advertising you used the night before, telling her you were going to be the best sex she had. We all know that’s not possible.”
“You are such a dick, Tate, you know that? I’m still confused why we’re friends with you,” I mumble.
Tate grins and keeps going with his ego. “Because you all need me, to keep my awesome talents rubbing off on you.”
Lex rubs his chin. “You are my biggest worry, Tate, we all know that. There will come a time when I am seriously bailing your ass out of jail for f
inally fucking the wrong woman. I mean, I’m sure you’ve already been with half of Chicago, so at least some of them must have been married. Or the other even scarier thing is, the chance of having a child support claim for multiple children you have running around this city.” He actually looks serious about how much he worries about us.
Mason laughs. “Lex, you need to chill out. We’re big boys, and if we get ourselves into trouble then you can kick our ass then. We don’t expect you to save us. Well, in saying that, if I ever need anyone, it better be you standing up there.” He slaps Lex on the shoulder.
Lex just shakes his head. “See? You do expect me to save all you stupid idiots. I should have walked away from you three troublemakers that first day at school. I’m sure they sat you with me to see if I would make you all behave.” He sighs and runs his hand through his hair.
“Like you are such an angel, Alexander Jefferson the third.” Tate puts on his poshest voice. “We all have stories that are to the contrary. So, stop with the holier-than-thou crap.”
We all start to laugh, even Lex. No matter what happens in my life, I know these guys have my back.
Talking about what everyone else is up to in their lives, the conversation turns to Mason and his new job as a charter pilot on a private jet for a client. She’s a high-profile business magnate.
“Basically, I’m just on standby for whenever she needs the jet or is letting someone else use it for business or pleasure. Don’t get me wrong, I’m at the airport every day doing checks and maintenance and I have trips booked in. But my job also means if she needs to fly at any time, I need to make it happen. She rewards me very well for this privilege.” He smirks a little which tells me there is more to this story than he’s telling us.
“How the hell do you get a job where you get paid to just wait around until someone needs you?” Tate asks.