Head of the Firm

by Caz Finlay

  ‘Maybe you should get a bigger safe?’ Connor suggested.

  ‘Or maybe we should have just left it with Nipper,’ Jake replied. ‘You know, the guy we pay to take care of our cash?’

  ‘Oh, fuck off,’ Connor snapped at him, sensing the dig. ‘I’ll take it then.’

  ‘Settled,’ Paul said with a smile, trying to defuse the tension that had been lingering in the air all evening. ‘Fancy a drink then, lads?’

  ‘Can’t.’ Jake shook his head. ‘It’s Isla’s birthday tomorrow. I was supposed to be home hours ago and I promised Siobhan I’d help with the balloons and all that.’

  ‘Not for me either, I’m knackered,’ Connor replied.

  Paul sat back in his seat and sighed. ‘You two are a right pair of fucking bores today.’

  Jake laughed. ‘It’s my kid’s first birthday, mate. What do you expect me to do?’

  ‘I know,’ Paul conceded.

  ‘You two are coming tomorrow, aren’t you?’ Jake asked.

  Paul rolled his eyes, but there was no way he would miss it. ‘Course, mate,’ he said.

  ‘Con?’ Jake nudged him with his arm.

  ‘Yeah, course,’ Connor said.

  ‘Good. The party starts at one.’ Jake said.

  Paul watched his brother and his best mate carefully as they drove on in silence. Jake seemed happier than he’d been in a while. To the outside world, Jake seemed to have it all. He adored Isla and he and Siobhan were the perfect couple – on paper anyway, and Jake seemed to enjoy playing the role of the married man. Although Paul knew that the recent spring in Jake’s step was nothing to do with Siobhan or Isla.

  Jake pulled up outside Eric’s gym where Connor had left his car earlier.

  ‘You coming, Bro?’ He turned to Paul in the back seat as he unfastened his seat belt.

  ‘Nah. I’m going for a drink.’ Paul smiled as he handed his brother the holdall full of cash.

  ‘I’ll drop him off in town,’ Jake said.

  ‘I’ll see you tomorrow at the party then,’ Connor said as he climbed out of the car and slammed the door.

  ‘What’s the matter with him?’ Jake asked as he put the car into gear and pulled away from the kerb.

  ‘Fuck knows,’ Paul said with a shrug, feigning ignorance. The truth was, Connor obviously had something more on his mind than his belief that someone was ripping them off, and Paul was afraid he knew exactly what it was.

  ‘Where do you want dropping?’ Jake asked when they stopped at the traffic lights.

  Paul leaned forward in his seat and placed his hand on Jake’s shoulder. ‘You’re not really going straight home, are you?’

  Jake sighed. ‘I should. I promised Siobhan.’

  ‘You don’t have to stay out late,’ he said. ‘Just a few hours. You can sort the balloons and shit in the morning.’

  Jake relented. ‘Just an hour. Tops.’

  ‘An hour’s all I need, mate,’ Paul replied with a grin.

  Chapter Ten

  Jake climbed out of bed and started picking his clothes up off the floor. Paul lay back with his arms above his head and a grin on his face as he admired Jake’s naked body.

  ‘Shit! It’s fucking one o’clock,’ Jake said as he pulled his jeans on. ‘Siobhan’s going to go fucking mental.’

  ‘Tell her you were on a job,’ Paul said dismissively.

  ‘Just like that?’ Jake snapped at him. ‘I’m going to get earache for days for this.’

  ‘Hey. It’s not my fault you can’t keep your dick in your pants, lad,’ Paul said with a laugh.

  Jake looked at him, lying in bed without a care in the world. No responsibilities. No ties to anyone or anything. He went around screwing who he liked, when he liked, without any thought for the consequences. But, to Jake, he was like a drug. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t stay away from him.

  ‘It’s all your fucking fault,’ Jake said. ‘I was going home until—’

  ‘Until I dragged you here against your will?’ Paul interrupted him. ‘You could stay the night, you know?’

  Jake shook his head. ‘You know I can’t.’

  ‘Shame.’ Paul grinned. ‘I like waking up with a warm body next to me.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Jake said as he picked up his shirt. ‘I bet you fucking do.’

  Paul suppressed a grin. ‘Don’t tell me you’re jealous, mate?’

  ‘Fuck off!’ Jake shot back.

  ‘You’re the one who’s married,’ Paul reminded him.

  ‘Yeah I know,’ he said as he finished buttoning his shirt. ‘But you’re the one who’ll fuck anything with a pulse.’

  ‘But I’d give ’em all up for you,’ Paul said with a wink.

  ‘Oh you would? Really?’ Jake said, picking up a stray pillow and throwing it at him. ‘Now stop taking the piss and let me get home before my missus sends out a search party for me.’

  ‘Go on then,’ Paul said with a wave of his hand. ‘Get lost and let me watch Venom in peace. You’ll only spoil the ending anyway.’

  ‘We really need to stop doing this, Paul,’ Jake said as he opened the bedroom door.

  ‘Whatever you say, Jake,’ he replied.

  Paul lay in bed and flicked through the television channels after Jake left. His mind raced and he couldn’t focus on the film. He and Jake had been on and off for two years. When his dad and Grace had got married, they’d sworn they’d stay just friends. Being step-brothers just made the whole thing feel even more awkward and wrong. They’d stuck to their agreement too – for a while. But they’d been back on again for the past six weeks.

  Paul didn’t do relationships. He didn’t like to be tied down to anyone. But like it or not, he was tied to Jake Conlon, and there wasn’t a single thing he could do about it.

  Jake Conlon climbed into his car and started the engine. It would be almost two o’clock by the time he got home. Siobhan was going to have his bollocks on a skewer. Not that he could blame her. As much as he always enjoyed his time with Paul, sometimes the guilt was overwhelming. Siobhan was a good woman. She was an amazing mum, and she deserved so much better than him.

  Jake smiled as he thought about his daughter. Big brown eyes and beautiful dark curls. She had him wrapped around her little finger. He would do absolutely anything for her. He thought back to the night Siobhan had told him she was pregnant. He’d been planning to break things off with her, then she’d hit him with that bombshell. Less than a year later they were married in a massive do at Liverpool Town Hall – his mum had pulled some strings to get the venue at short notice. A shotgun wedding, his in-laws had affectionately called it. He’d never intended to marry Siobhan; he loved her, but not like a husband should. But she had given him a beautiful daughter, and for that he would always be grateful to her. He would always be there for her, even if it meant he had to keep so many secrets that it sometimes felt like his head would explode.

  Now his daughter was about to turn one and Jake felt like he had been sleepwalking through the past twelve months of his life. To the outside world, he had it all. He was the happy, devoted family man with a beautiful wife and daughter. He and the Carter twins were at the top of their game. Money. Respect. Power. But the only time he felt like he was being the real him was when he was with Paul. He knew they could never be together. Not really. Not out in the open. But sometimes he wondered what it would be like if they could. He could still be a dad to Isla. His mum and Michael would get over the shock eventually. If he could just get out of his marriage, then maybe it could work?

  Jake sighed as he put his foot down on the accelerator. It was a fucking ball-ache having to live two separate lives. There was no way out of his marriage. Siobhan wouldn’t divorce him. She was a good Catholic girl from a traditional family. Besides, she loved spending his money too much.

  Chapter Eleven

  Grace looked around the crowded kitchen of Jake and Siobhan’s large detached house and smiled to herself. She had always dreamed of having a big family, b
ut being an only child and losing both of her parents so young, as well as her marriage to Nathan Conlon, had put paid to such notions – or so she’d thought. Now, here she was, in the midst of all these people, children, grandchildren, grandparents, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, and she loved them all. She was finally a part of the family she’d longed for and it made her happier than she had ever dreamed possible.

  ‘I think the milk monster needs a feed,’ Michael said in her ear as he walked up behind her.

  Turning around, she took their wriggling son Oscar from his arms. His cherubic little face was beginning to turn a familiar shade of puce and she knew they had mere seconds before he let the entire kitchen know how much he needed a feed – and loudly. ‘Let’s go and find somewhere nice and quiet then, my little man,’ Grace said softly to him as she cuddled him to her. She left the kitchen and went upstairs to Isla’s nursery, where she could nurse Oscar in the rocking chair, whispering to him all the way as he began to become increasingly agitated.

  Sitting in her granddaughter’s nursery, feeding her son, Grace looked around the room. She could hardly believe Isla was one year old today. How the time had flown. She’d been shocked to learn she was becoming a grandmother at the age of forty-two, but that had soon turned to excitement once Siobhan’s bump had started to grow. While some women might resist any involvement from their mother-in-law, Siobhan had always encouraged it, inviting Grace along to some of her scans and ante-natal appointments. Grace had learned that Siobhan wasn’t particularly close to her own mother, Theresa, and thought what a shame it was that Theresa had missed out on so much of Siobhan’s pregnancy. When Siobhan and Jake had got married when Isla was just two months old, Grace had finally met Theresa and Siobhan’s father Harry, and found them to be friendly enough, but they seemed to keep very much to themselves. They saw Isla once a month when Siobhan took her for a visit, but beyond that, they didn’t seem to show much interest. Their loss, Grace thought. Siobhan was an incredible woman and Isla was quite simply adorable. With big brown eyes and dark curls, she looked so much like her aunty Belle. If Grace ever took the two girls out together, they were often mistaken for sisters.

  Leaning back in the chair, Grace stared at the contented face of her son and felt a warm rush of love for him. She was so lucky to have her three children. All of them were incredible in their own way. All of them were healthy. And most importantly, all of them were happy. Grace had few memories of her own mum, who’d died when she was a toddler. When she’d fallen pregnant with Jake at the age of nineteen, she’d been terrified she wouldn’t know what to do. That seemed so long ago now – a different lifetime. Smiling to herself, she supposed that she wasn’t doing such a bad job after all.

  Michael walked into the garden of Jake and Siobhan’s house and found Connor sitting alone at the patio table.

  ‘What are you doing out here on your own, Con? It’s freezing.’

  Connor shrugged. ‘It was getting a bit noisy in there, that’s all.’

  ‘Well, it is a kids’ birthday party.’ Michael laughed but Connor didn’t join in. ‘What’s going on with you lately? Is it this woman you’re seeing?’

  ‘How do you even know about her?’ Connor said.

  ‘Well, I didn’t really. I suspected you had someone on the go though. You’re permanently glued to your phone.’

  ‘It’s nothing to do with her anyway,’ Connor replied defensively.

  ‘Well what then? Has something happened between you and Jake?’

  ‘No. Why?’ Connor bristled.

  ‘Because you seem especially on edge around him, that’s why.’

  ‘No, I don’t,’ Connor protested.

  ‘You do. And look at you now. You’re fidgeting like a crackhead waiting for his next fix. What the fuck is going on, Son?’ Michael asked.

  Connor hung his head and Michael wondered what the hell his son was hiding.

  ‘You really don’t want to know, Dad. Trust me,’ Connor said as he stood up and started to walk away.

  Michael grabbed him by the arm. ‘There is nothing you can’t tell me, Con. I’m your dad. Whatever it is, you can talk to me about it.’

  ‘I’m warning you, Dad. This is something you really don’t want to know. Because once I tell you, you can’t un-know it, and it’s going to put you in a fucking impossible position.’

  ‘If it’s anything to do with you, then I want to know. No matter what it is.’

  Connor shook his head. ‘No, Dad. Not this. I can’t…’

  ‘Connor. Please? You’re starting to freak me out. What could possibly be so bad that you can’t tell me?’

  Connor stared at him then nodded. ‘Okay then. Have you ever noticed how much Isla looks like Belle?’

  ‘Yeah. So?’

  ‘But Belle looks like you, doesn’t she? Even Grace has said none of her kids look like her.’

  Where the hell was Connor going with this? ‘Yeah. So what? What the hell are you trying to tell me?’

  ‘I think Isla is mine, Dad.’ Connor swallowed.

  ‘What?’ he snapped. ‘How?’

  Connor shrugged. ‘Siobhan and I… It was just before she got pregnant with Isla. The dates all fit.’

  ‘Jesus Christ! What the fuck are you kids trying to do to me?’ Michael said as he ran his hands through his hair.

  ‘I warned you that you wouldn’t want to know,’ Connor said.

  ‘Son’—Michael shook his head—‘what the hell were you thinking? This is a fucking shit-storm waiting to happen. Does anyone else know?’

  Connor shook his head. ‘No. Well, only Paul. He knows that me and Siobhan were together anyway, but he doesn’t know that I think Isla is mine. Look, Dad, no one ever needs to know. I just need to work this through in my head and then I can forget about it.’

  ‘And you think this will all just magically go away then, do you? Michael said.

  ‘It might. I just need to get through these next few weeks. I think Isla’s birthday has stirred all of this shit up for me. I’ll work it out and then everything can go back to normal,’ Connor pleaded.

  Michael started to pace up and down the garden. ‘Between you and your brother, I’m surprised I’m not fucking hairless,’ he sighed. ‘Grace will bloody kill me if this ever comes out and she finds out I know.’

  ‘I know that. I know I’ve put you in a difficult situation and I’m sorry, but you asked.’

  ‘I know, Son.’ He put an arm around Connor’s shoulder and gave him a hug. ‘You’re a fucking idiot, you know that, don’t you?’

  ‘I know, Dad,’ Connor sighed against his shoulder.

  Michael looked up at the house and saw Siobhan watching them from the kitchen window. He wondered if she suspected Isla was actually Connor’s child, and a part of him hoped that it gave her sleepless nights. He wasn’t a vindictive man by nature and he knew that it took two to tango, but it hurt him to see his son in such turmoil. Now that Connor had mentioned it, the resemblance between him and Isla was clear. How had nobody else seen it and asked questions? Because it was too bloody awful to even imagine, that was why. If it wasn’t bad enough that Paul and Jake had once had a thing for each other, now this. Connor had been right about putting him in an impossible position. There was no way he could tell Grace about this, but keeping something so big from her was unthinkable.

  Connor straightened himself up. ‘We’d better get back inside before someone misses us, or sees us hugging in the garden,’ he said with a faint smile.

  Michael nodded. ‘Let’s go.’ They headed up the steps to the back door and Michael wondered how on earth he was going to keep this monster of a secret from his wife. His wife whom he’d promised he would never keep secrets from. His wife who was one of the smartest people he had ever met, and who knew him better than anyone. If he told her, she would have to tell Jake. Then she would be compelled by her innate need to protect her family and drive herself crazy trying to fix everything for everyone. But she couldn’t fix this,
and it would break her. Her loyalty would be torn, just as Michael’s was right now, and he couldn’t bear to do it to her.

  As he walked back into the kitchen and saw her waiting for him, with a smile on her face, and their son in her arms, he knew in his heart that one day she would find out, and she might never forgive him.

  Chapter Twelve

  Grace smiled as she looked at her sleeping children on the back seat of the car. Turning in her seat, she switched the radio to Smooth FM and sang along to Phyllis Nelson’s “Move Closer” as Michael drove them home.

  ‘Are you okay?’ she asked Michael when the song had finished.

  He turned his head to look at her and gave a weak smile. ‘I’m fine. Why?’

  ‘You just seem a bit quiet. And you didn’t sing the chorus with me,’ she said with a laugh.

  ‘I enjoyed listening to you sing. I didn’t want to spoil it with my tone-deaf wailing.’

  ‘I love your tone-deaf wailing,’ she replied.

  He took her hand in his and raised it to his lips, kissing her fingertips. ‘I’m good,’ he assured her.

  ‘It was a nice party,’ Grace said. ‘Isla seemed to enjoy herself anyway.’

  ‘Yeah. And Belle.’

  ‘I love it when the whole family gets together,’ Grace said with a contented sigh.

  They sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the radio, before Grace spoke again. ‘Do you think Connor is seeing someone?’

  ‘He’s always seeing someone.’

  ‘I mean someone special?’

  ‘What makes you think that?’

  ‘He kept checking his phone every ten minutes, and then when it finally rang, he slipped off outside with a strange look on his face.’

  ‘Could have been anything,’ Michael replied with a shrug.