Lydia shrugged. “I’m sorry, but I can’t help laughing sometimes.”
“At those times,” said Miss Thackerey, “a lady must excuse herself. Or perhaps hide behind a drink or a fan or her gloves. Overall, however, a lady must strive to bring herself under control.”
Lydia folded her hands in her lap and nodded. “Yes, Miss Thackerey. I’m quite sorry.”
Jane looked at Elizabeth, eyebrows raised.
Elizabeth beamed.
Well, it was true, then. Elizabeth had told her that Lydia had much improved in Pemberley, but Jane could not have believed it. She had never seen Lydia respond so to a correction in her behavior. Usually, she would take no advice. She would be headstrong and rude. This was quite a change in the girl.
The talk shifted, and Jane realized she was not going to get any more answers from Elizabeth about the state of her marriage and her happiness. She longed to speak to her sister alone, but it would not be accomplished that day.
She herself had nothing of note to contribute to the conversation. Indeed, her own life had been quite uneventful for the past few months, but then she had been in mourning, so it was expected to be that way.
They spoke of other things instead, and time passed quickly. Mrs. Gardiner came home and was happy to see Elizabeth and Lydia.
They all visited for some time longer before the group took their leave.
Jane promised to come and call soon. She hoped there would be a way that she and Elizabeth could talk privately someday soon. She could send more letters, of course. Now that they were both in town, letters could come and go quickly. The posts ran often in London. But she did not expect Elizabeth would be open in a letter. No, she wanted to speak to her sister. She suspected Lizzy was sad, and she wanted to know why.
* * *
Elizabeth was standing in Mrs. Stickley’s office, trying to keep her temper in check. She had labored over putting together a menu for the household for the week, which had not been easy, because Elizabeth had never made one before. But now that she was presenting the plan to the housekeeper, the woman was finding fault with everything.
Apparently, some of the dishes that Elizabeth had asked for were simply “not done” by people of a certain status in society. “Why,” said Mrs. Stickley, “if any of the other housekeepers heard that I was serving this to Mr. Darcy, I should be laughed out of town.”
Elizabeth was fairly certain that she had been served some of these dishes in Pemberley, and she strongly suspected that Mrs. Stickley was making trouble simply to make trouble.
But of course, why would she do such a thing? No, Mrs. Stickley must have a reason for behaving as she was, but Elizabeth could only think that it was because she didn’t like Elizabeth for some reason. She must not think that Elizabeth was worthy of Mr. Darcy.
And, heavens, she had not been a good wife to him thus far. She hadn’t even done her duty by them. The marriage was still not consummated. At this point, Elizabeth did not know if she was to go to him of her own accord or wait for him to come and exercise his husbandly rights. She debated going to his room every night. But she was always too nervous to actually go and knock on his door.
“Do you have any suggestions of what we might serve instead?” said Elizabeth.
“I hardly think it is my place to give suggestions to the lady of the house.”
“You should do whatever it is that your mistress wishes,” Elizabeth said sharply. She could feel something coming into her voice, a tinge of Miss Caroline Bingley perhaps? Yes, that was it. How would Miss Bingley respond to a servant who spoke to her thus? She drew herself up. “Or, if you have no way to be helpful, then you may simply prepare the meals as I have asked.”
“But as I am telling you, they are not appropriate.”
“How dare you question my tastes?” said Elizabeth imperiously. “How dare you deny me what I wish? Has not my husband instructed you to indulge me? I should think that I warrant the courtesy of being obeyed.”
“Well,” said Mrs. Stickley, offended. “If you must be so intemperate about it—”
“I am only trying to accomplish something important for the household and meeting resistance for it. Largely from you, not from anywhere else. You seem to be resisting me for some reason. Will you talk to me about why?”
“Madam, I am here to serve you,” said Mrs. Stickly stiffly.
“Then serve me,” said Elizabeth. “Do as I ask, please. Have I made myself clear?”
Mrs. Stickley’s nostrils flared. “Very good, madam. I shall follow your instructions to the letter.”
Elizabeth pasted a smile on her face. “See that you do. Thank you, Mrs. Stickley.”
* * *
But the words would come back to haunt her, because Elizabeth had made mistakes with the menu. For one evening, she had forgotten the entire second course, and they all sat there as the footmen cleared the plates for the course while Mrs. Stickley announced that it was purposefully done by Mrs. Darcy, who doubtless had some reason for it all.
Elizabeth was mortified, and apologized to everyone, including Mr. Darcy, who seemed unruffled by it. “Honest mistake,” he said. He patted her arm. “I always find there’s too much food at dinner anyway. If we eat it all, we’ll be too portly to dance.”
One night, she had mixed up two of the dinners and had put a traditional poultry side dish with lamb. Mrs. Stickley had not consulted her on it, because she was “sure Mrs. Darcy knew what she was doing.”
Elizabeth felt horrible, but Mr. Darcy only said he thought the flavors went well together, and that he wouldn’t mind having it served together again.
That night after dinner, Elizabeth went downstairs to speak to Mrs. Litten on her own and asked her if they could perhaps work together on creating menus. Mrs. Litten pulled out several sheaves of paper to show Elizabeth the rotating menu she had been using at the behest of Mr. Darcy. “We could use this as a base, mum, if you are looking for some guidance.”
Elizabeth flipped through it. “We could use this exactly. Do this, Mrs. Litten.”
Mrs. Litten smiled at her. “You mustn’t mind Mrs. Stickley. Sometimes, I think the servants in a great household are more conscience of little differences in social status than those they serve.”
Elizabeth pressed her lips together. “It is as I thought then. She does not think me worthy to be her mistress. That is why she resents me.”
“Well, she does not seem to make a secret out of it, mum,” said Mrs. Litten. “But I like you quite a great deal, and the other servants have heard from Martha that you are quite amiable. We are willing to help out any way we can, mum. Lean on us, and let us make things easier for you rather than worrying over Mrs. Stickley.”
When Mrs. Stickley came for Elizabeth’s menus for the following week, Elizabeth coldly informed her that she worked out the menus with Mrs. Litten, and that if Mrs. Stickley wished to know what would be served, she could speak to the cook herself.
Mrs. Stickley got very huffy, saying that she could not do her job if she was left out of important decisions.
Elizabeth didn’t listen to her complain. She simply turned her back on the woman and stalked out of the room.
Honestly, the housekeeper was insufferable!
* * *
Elizabeth was quite pleased later on in the week when Jane came to visit. She had thought perhaps her sister would bring along her aunt, but Jane came alone one morning when Miss Thackerey had taken Georgiana and Lydia out for a walk in a park. They were alone, and Elizabeth was so pleased to be able to tell her sister everything that had happened.
She had cut short much of what had occurred with Wickham, not feeling as though it was the sort of thing that one should write in a letter. Imagine if it fell into the wrong hands! It could cast aspersion on Georgiana’s reputation or even hers. She had felt she must wait to tell Jane all. Now, however, she could unburden herself, and she did.
When she was finished, she regarded Jane with worry. “So, what do you think? I was quite h
orrible, wasn’t I? I am lucky that Mr. Darcy was kind to me.”
“I think…” Jane didn’t seem to know what to say.
“It’s all right. You can tell me that I was in the wrong, for I know that I was. You, sweet Jane, are always endeavoring never to say a critical word to anyone, but sometimes you must, and I understand it all.”
“No, no,” said Jane. “I do not think that you have truly done anything wrong. Think how confused you were by it all. You knew not why Mr. Darcy quarreled with Wickham. You had every reason to think that Mr. Darcy was in the wrong. You thought Wickham a wronged party.”
“Yes, but sneaking out to go on walks with him! I should never have done that.”
“I’m sure you would have taken a chaperone had one been available.”
“I did think about asking a servant to accompany us, though I don’t know if it would matter, since one can always pay a servant to say whatever it is one wishes them to say.” Elizabeth twisted her hands together. “I knew it was wrong, but… well, I always felt as though it was as if we simply happened on each other, and it is not so shocking as all that if that was the case. And a walk is not as scandalous as all that, at least it would not have been in Hertfordshire. But I knew I was only making excuses to myself, and I regret it all.”
“But Mr. Darcy, he has not held it against you, has he? You are married.”
“No, he is kind. He said he would not do that to me and to my family after everything we have been through. But he does not seem to be… that is, I do not know if he even cares for me, anymore. We seem to be living as though we are brother and sister. We have not…” Elizabeth was not sure what she should say to Jane about this subject. “Well, perhaps it is not proper to—”
“Lizzy,” said Jane in a low voice. “I am your sister. You can tell me anything.”
“Well, we are not truly married,” said Elizabeth. “There has been no wedding night.”
“He refused you?”
“No.” Elizabeth bit down on her lip. “No, I was nervous, and he said that we did not have to fulfill our duty yet, that we could wait, but I did not realize we would wait for so long. I think he must find some fault with me.”
“If I had some advice for you—”
But a servant had appeared in the doorway of the sitting room.
Both Elizabeth and Jane were so embarrassed by the subject of their conversation that they stood up.
“Colonel Fitzwilliam,” said the servant.
“Oh,” said Jane, swallowing. “What a surprise.”
“Oh, yes,” said Elizabeth. “Mr. Darcy told me that he had been visiting you, but you never mentioned it once in your letters.”
Jane looked away, the tips of her ears turning pink. “Well, there was no reason to bring it up. He was only checking in on us. It didn’t mean anything.”
“Mean anything? Why would you say such a thing? What could it mean?”
“Nothing,” said Jane, sitting back down.
Colonel Fitzwilliam entered.
Jane did not look at him.
Colonel Fitzwilliam was surprised to see Jane there. “Oh,” he said. “Miss Bennet. I had not realized you were visiting.”
“Lovely to see you,” Jane told her hands.
Elizabeth furrowed her brow. Didn’t Jane like the colonel?
But then Jane raised her gaze and Elizabeth watched the colonel’s eyes lock with Jane’s.
Oh. Now, Elizabeth understood entirely. Hmm. What a situation to be in. After all, the colonel had made it quite clear he would never marry anyone except someone wealthy enough to support the lifestyle to which he was accustomed.
Colonel Fitzwilliam sat down. “I thought that Mr. Darcy would be with you.”
“Oh, he is busy with some sort of business,” said Elizabeth. “I shall send someone to fetch him if you wish.”
“No need,” said the colonel lightly. “The company of the two of you is quite all I should desire.” He winked at Jane, who turned scarlet.
“Have you visited my sister often over the past months?” said Elizabeth.
“What is often?” said the colonel.
At the same time, Jane said, “Not really.”
The colonel cleared his throat.
Jane clasped her hands together in her lap.
Elizabeth did not know what to say. The tension between the two of them was thick enough to cut. She could not believe that things had progressed this far and Jane had said nothing. Why what were they to do?
“There is a ball in a few days,” the colonel said suddenly. “At the Egerton household. I wonder if you will be going?”
“Yes,” said Elizabeth. “Mr. Darcy has spoken to me of it.” She turned to her sister. “I was going to tell you that you must come along with us if you can. It will be my first time out and about in London and I crave your company.”
“Of course,” said Jane.
“Well, I must dance with you both, then,” said the colonel. “Don’t let your dance card fill up, Miss Bennet.”
“Of course,” said Jane again, but now she seemed a bit pale.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Elizabeth tried to compose a letter to Jane about the situation with Colonel Fitzwilliam, but she could not find the right things to say. She felt that she had to put things delicately since neither of them were acknowledging their feelings for each other.
But she was getting nowhere. It was late afternoon, and she was crumpling up attempt after attempt.
Mr. Darcy was reading on the couch. “What are you doing over there?”
She sighed. “Oh, I don’t even know. My sister is foolish, and your cousin is foolish too, and I must tell her to stop it, but I am probably too late.”
“Oh,” said Mr. Darcy. “You are referring to Jane, I take it. And Fitzwilliam?”
Elizabeth sighed. “You know of this?”
“Well, from his letters, I had come to see that he was rather smitten with your sister, but I did not know that the affection went both ways.”
“You should have seen them together,” said Elizabeth. “Neither speaking, both blushing, refusing to look the other in the eye…” She sat back in her chair. “But it is hopeless, is it not? The colonel will never marry my sister. She has no fortune. He is seeking a different sort of bride.”
Mr. Darcy did not answer right away. Finally, he nodded. “I think you are probably right. My cousin is the son of an earl. He was raised in a certain way. He is still doted on and cared for by his father, but that will not last, and I do not think that his family could or would support him in the manner he is accustomed if he took a wife. He would be considered on his own, then, his own man.”
“But he could live on his salary, couldn’t he? It is not as if he is paid nothing.”
Mr. Darcy was silent.
Elizabeth sighed. “But he won’t. And I know this. I am trying to write Jane a letter and tell her to forget about him. Of course, it would probably be easier to forget him if she did not have to see him all the time. And here we are, foisting them on each other for that ball.”
“What ball?” said an eager voice at the door.
It was Lydia. She was leading the way into the sitting room. Georgiana and Miss Thackerey followed her.
“The shops were lovely,” said Georgiana, smiling brightly. “We found such ribbons and such lace, and there was also a bonnet, and Lydia said I must have it, because it looked so good on me, so I did, and we had a wonderful time.”
“Very good,” said Mr. Darcy, smiling at her.
“I paid for it myself,” said Georgiana. “And I even asked the shopkeeper to take down one of the other bonnets to look at. I spoke to a complete stranger, are you not proud of me, Fitzwilliam?”
“I am indeed.” Mr. Darcy’s smile was very wide. “You have done a marvelous job.”
“But you were talking of a ball,” said Lydia. “Do go back to that, might we?”
“Oh, I can’t go,” said Georgiana. “I have not come out yet.�
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“Oh,” said Lydia, sighing, her shoulders sinking. “Well, then I shan’t go either.”
“Truly?” said Elizabeth, who was shocked. “You would pass up a ball, Lydia?”
“It wouldn’t be fair to leave poor Georgiana here,” said Lydia. “She would be all alone.”
“But would you wish to go to a ball?” Darcy said to his sister. “They are very crowded and very noisy. Do you think you could manage one?”
“I do,” said Georgiana, her eyes bright. “I long to go, in fact.”
“Good,” said Mr. Darcy. “Don’t worry. There will be balls aplenty this Season. Not this one, but you will be attending one soon.”
* * *
“Did you mean it?” Elizabeth asked Darcy later that week in the carriage to the ball. “Are you going to allow Georgiana out in society?”
“I wouldn’t lie about such a thing,” said Darcy. “Of course I meant it.”
“Well, that means we’ll have to throw a coming-out ball for her,” said Elizabeth. She knew that some women were presented to the queen, but it was not necessary unless one was to appear in court often. Also, the queen was in ill health and not holding drawing rooms at the time.
“Yes, I had imagined such. I know nothing about that, however.” He smiled at her. “That will be entirely up to you.”
Elizabeth swallowed. “Up to me? Yes, up to me.” Of course it would.
“Won’t be a problem, will it?” said Mr. Darcy.
She smiled at him. “Of course not. I shall start planning it immediately.” She was silent as the carriage rolled down the streets, dread beginning to build in her throat. She knew nothing about planning a ball like this, for these sorts of people. There had never been a ball hosted at Longbourn and there never would be. The estate was nowhere near large enough for such thing. She had no experience in it, of course. She had attended balls before, though. She felt encouraged by that thought. Surely, it couldn’t be as difficult as all that.
They stopped to collect Jane at the Gardiners’ home. Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner had been invited to accompany them to the ball but had a previous engagement with some of Mr. Gardiner’s business associates and felt they could not but decline.
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