Jas: Really? I thought it was more Prince Charming Saving His Lady Love.
Tom: I was, um, just, you know, doing what anyone would do.
Jas: Are you blushing? TOM IS BLUSHING. You guys, come down here and check this out. Tom is blushing.
Roxy: Jas, I think we have more important things to do. Have you noticed what is going on in your story? What is going on with Ivan? He was supposed to be one of the good guys, protecting Fiona. But he’s not! He must be working for Red Early. And even worse, did you see how the Evil Henches were clinging to him?
Jas: Um, Roxy, I think—
Polly: Less chatting, more butt-kicking, everyone. Places, people.
(Tom, that was really cool what you did. Thank you. I mean it, it was really amazing.)
Tom: (It was nothing. Besides—)
Polly: (Shhh. Just say “You’re welcome.”)
Tom: (You’re welcome, Polly. Anytime.)
55Roxy: Did someone mention pizza?
Jas: No.
56Roxy: There it is again!
Jas: Not really.
57Roxy: I knew it! I knew someone was talking about pizza!
Jas: Only figuratively.
Roxy: Can you talk about it literally? Because I don’t want to scare you or anything, but Lord of the Flies is beginning to seem less like a novel and more like a cookbook to me, if you get my drift.
Jas: I think that is a drift I am going to steer clear of.
Roxy: Mmmmm, steer.
58Polly: Oh, you don’t have to worry about that, Jas. You are always très unintentionally amusing. I also like that little dance you are doing from side to side.
Jas: It’s not a dance. I have to go to the bathroom.
Polly: I’m not hearing that. I’m hearing dance.
59Jas: Ah, young love. So idealistic. Don’t you think they are cute, Roxy?
Roxy: I guess.
Jas: I’m sorry, Roxy. It was thoughtless of me to bring that up while your own wound is still so fresh.
Polly: Hello, ladies. Are you aware that there are people up there trying to have a conversation?
Jas, you are being very rude to Red Early by whispering like this behind his back.
Jas: Sheesh. Love-sick Teens are SO BOSSY.
Polly: You take that back! I am not a—
Jas: Gee, I’d love to chat, but I’ve got to get back up to my story.
60Jas: Are you okay, Rox? I’m really sorry he turned out to be a bad guy.
Roxy: It’s just my luck. All the good men I like aren’t.
Jas: Aren’t?
Roxy: Either they aren’t good, or they aren’t men.
Jas: Have you ever considered maybe you should look for another type?
Roxy: You mean like Jack?
Jas: No, for once I was actually not thinking about myself. I don’t know, maybe someone who shares your interests. Or someone your age.
Roxy: I guess. Are you flossing?
Jas: Yes. There’s nothing else to do. Want some?
Roxy: Sure. I wish it were flavored, I’m starving. Do you think I would have to kill Alyson to get a piece of her Bubble Yum, or could we just hold her down and take it?
Jas: I like the first idea best. Plus, it would be something to pass the time.
Roxy: Yeah. But we could probably have more fun tormenting her while she’s alive.
Jas: Good point.
Roxy: So if Red isn’t the murderer, do you know who is?
Jas: I might. I wish I could figure out why you would throw away two broken Oreos.
Roxy: Is that one of those Zen questions? Or are you—ouch!
Jas: Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. Is that your sore heart?
Roxy: No, it’s the shoulder Mr. Curtis banged into. What are you doing?
Jas: You had something on your T-shirt.
Roxy: Is it edible? PLEASE say it’s edible.
Jas: It’s just some of those purple fibers from that car.
Roxy: Maybe if I pretend they are grape flav—hey, look at Polly and Tom.
Jas: No way! She’s sitting near him! Six inches closer and they’d be touching!
Roxy: She’s probably only doing it because he’s in handcuffs, so it’s safe.
Jas: Still, it’s a start. Maybe one day they can hold hands.
Roxy: And after, like, a year, they could kiss.
Jas: A year and a half.
Roxy: Through a sheet.
Polly: That’s not how I am! Plus, sheets hold a lot of germs. Do not roll your eyes at me, Jas.
You’re more picky about the TV you watch than the boys you kiss.
Roxy: And you watch a lot of bad TV.
Jas: I just want practice for when I meet the One. And I do not watch bad TV, Girl Who Has
Subscriptions to Tabloids.
Roxy: Okay, Girl Who TiVos Maury Povich.
Polly: Once I caught her flipping between Dr. Phil and Circle of Power Ministry at the same time. It was like no bad TV could satisfy her. I think Jas may be a bad TV hussy.
Jas: Call me what you will, duckling. I interest myself in our modern culture, that is true. You can learn a lot from those shows. There is more human drama and pathos in one episode of Dr. Phil than—
Veronique: Hi, you guys. What are you doing down here?
Roxy: We’re working on an escape plan.
Veronique: For real?
Polly: Shhh, not so loud. Top secret.
Veronique: I knew you’d be doing something cool. Can I be part of it? I want to help.
Roxy: Do you have any special skills we should take into account when formulating our line of attack?
Veronique: Well, I’m really good at macramé. You know, things with knots. If that helps.
Polly: It does. We’ll definitely include some knots in our plan.
61Polly: Um, Jas? Punctuation alone doesn’t mean anything. You need words.
Jas: Oh, really? Then why are you BLUSHING? Did you FEEL something?
Polly: I’m sorry, I cannot hear you over the pleasant tunes I am humming to block out your untoward suggestions.
Jas: I bet you felt his big, thick, smooth—
Polly: STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!
Jas:—wallet.
Roxy: Heh. Good one.
Polly: Never. That is when I will speak to you two again. Mark it on your calendars.
62Polly: During which Polly felt NOTHING. No. Thing.
Jas: Taht eveileb I erus.
Roxy: Oot em sey.
Polly: What?
Jas: Oh, I’m sorry. I thought we were playing backwards day, where we say everything the opposite of what we mean.
Polly: Gniltrohc flesruoy truh t’nod uoy luferac eb.
63Roxy: I can’t believe they really got cement blocks. I thought that was just in movies.
Polly: I guess they work well because they’re easy to tie people to. I wonder how many each of us get. Do you think it’s better to sink fast or slow?
Roxy: I think it’s better not to think about it at all. Didn’t Jas say she had a plan?
Polly: She also said I was filet mignon.
Veronique: Did you say there’s a plan? What should I do?
Polly: If you see any opportunities at all to macramé anything, take them. TAKE THEM!
Roxy: We’ll be counting on you.
Veronique: Okay. What knot do you think I should do?
Polly? Roxy?
Wait up! Wait for me!
64Roxy: But I thought he was on our side! He fought Ivan for our freedom.
Tom: I knew that fight looked kind of staged. I bet he planned it when he made that call before getting into the Pink Pearl with us.
Polly: That traitor! I can’t believe I let him ride in my van. He is in BIG trouble.
65Roxy: So that is what Jas meant about throwing away a broken cookie!
Polly: What are you talking about?
Roxy: You were too busy making Fawn Eyes at Tom to hear it, but Jas was wondering why you would throw away a broken Oreo.
It’s because you’d want the cookie to look absolutely one-hundred-percent normal if you drugged it. Which is why I always eat broken cookies. Perfection is suspicious.
Polly: That explains a lot about your taste in men too. And by the way, I was not making Fawn Eyes at your brother.
Roxy: Of course you weren’t, deer.
66Roxy: Wait, is that true? Did she really leave a note?
Polly: No, Rox. There is no note. Jas is lying out her ear holes.
67Roxy: Is that tr—?
Polly: No.
68Roxy: Who is Adam Nightshade?
Polly: It’s that guy Mr. Curtis the Big Evil Liar was telling us about on the way here. The blackmailer who was killed in Vegas. I’d totally forgotten.
Roxy: But Jas didn’t! Way to go, Jas!
Veronique: You guys, is this tr—?
Polly/Roxy: No.
69Veronique: You guys, is this tr—?
Polly/Roxy: No.
Veronique: Oh. Wow.
70Polly: Wait, there WAS a note?
Jas: Everyone knows you should summarize your case as you go along, and leave it somewhere people could find it if something should happen to you.
Polly: You’re saying you really left a note? With fingerprints? But we had all the evidence with us.
Jas: Not all of it. I left—are you hugging me?
Polly: You are the beef, Jasmine Callihan.
71Polly: Did you see how Alex had her cuffs in a special pocket in her leather pants?
Jas: I know!!! I want some pants like that so bad!!
Roxy: And her wrist cuff was actually a walkie-talkie.
Jas: No. Way.
Polly: The bar on assignation chic has just been raised. Jas, prepare yourself for a whole new wardrobe.
72Polly: This is a joke, right, Jas?
Jas: Why would I joke about not having a superpower?
Roxy: Because you totally have one, sweetie.
Jas: I do? What is it?
Polly: There’s dancing in Kermit underwear, of course.
Jas: I’m serious. Just tell me what it is. Please?
Polly: Hate to chat and run, but the band is about to start.
Jas: Please? Superpower? Me? Please? Fine. Be like that. I don’t care anyway. At all.
Roxy: That’s the spirit.
Jas: TELL ME WHAT IT—Ouch! That thing you’re pulling on, Polly, is attached to my body. It’s called my arm. Okay, I’m coming.
73Jas: Did you guys know about this? That Jack was in a band?
Roxy: Not at first, I just thought he looked familiar. Then I saw a picture of the NASCAR Dads in Spin and I realized why.
Polly: What are you doing down here? Get back up there. The band is about to start. Up up up!
74Veronique: Saluton! That’s hello in Esperanto. Am I late? Did I miss the band? Hey, where is everyone? Jas? Roxy? Polly? Tommy?
Hello?
Saluton?
Anyone?
Drat.
75FAKE zebra carpeting. No zebras were harmed in the carpeting of Michele’s office. You can all sleep easily now.
Table of Contents
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
About the Author
Credits
Copyright
About the Publisher
Bad Kitty Page 23