His words could have meant so many different things. His finding someone else could be personal, as in he’d find another woman. Or he could be telling me he’d find another planner. Maybe he’d even find one outside my company. That last thing I needed is getting blamed for losing the Roarke family as a client.
I took the card. “Okay.”
“I’ll walk you out.” He held his hand out toward the lounge exit. I made my way through the bar and restaurant toward the elevator.
He poked the button and waited with me. I wanted to tell him he didn’t have to escort me out of the building, but I sensed that he was still irritated at me, so I kept quiet. I could handle an elevator ride.
When the car arrived, he let me in first. I leaned back against the back wall as a new wave of fatigue hit me.
“Would you think it rakish of me to offer to drive you home?” he said leaning against the wall next to me.
I closed my eyes, hating to be so difficult with him. “I can call a car.”
He nodded, and while I was glad that he wasn’t going to fight me on it, I admit I was disappointed too.
“Do you have someone in your life now?” he asked.
I did, but not in the way he meant. “Just work. You?”
He frowned. “Do you think because I have money and power that I use women? That I’d be showing interest in you if I had a woman at home?”
Crap, again I was coming off as a bitch. “I don’t know you, Devin. Not really.”
“I suppose it was a good thing then that you didn’t come with me five years ago if that’s the kind of man you think I am.”
I turned to him, not realizing until too late how close he was to me. He turned too, our eyes holding as he stared and waited for me to say what was on my mind.
“You act like I broke your heart, Devin and we both know that you haven’t been a monk these last five years.”
He leaned in slightly closer. I could feel the heat of him and my entire body woke from its fatigue. “How do you know that you didn’t break my heart?”
What?
“And when you didn’t show up, I had no reason not to be with other women.”
I swallowed hard as his gaze drifted from my eyes to my lips and then back again.
“What about you, Serena? Have you been celibate all these years?”
Yes. The word came into my head, but I didn’t say it.
“Is that why you’re so prickly? Do you need to get laid?”
Thank God he decided to be a dick, because I was precariously close to stripping off my clothes and begging him to fuck me.
I stepped back. “You’re more of a jerk than you were before.”
He turned and leaned his back against the wall. “You are too.”
The elevator reached the ground floor and I was through the doors before they finished opening. I pulled out my phone, opening the app to order a car.
“Doug will take you home,” Devin said opening the door of a dark sedan. “Don’t worry, I won’t ride with you.” He leaned down and peered at the driver. “Doug, please take Ms. Moore wherever she wants.”
“Yes sir.”
“I don’t need—” My words stopped when I saw the intense glare in his eyes.
“I’m not trying to get into your pants,” he bit out. “Just accept the ride, Serena.”
I nodded because I didn’t want to be ungrateful. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
I slid into the back seat.
“Should I come back for you, Mr. Roarke?” Doug the driver asked.
“No, that’s okay. You can go home when you drop off Ms. Moore.”
It was then I realized he was using my last name. Was that just for his driver, or was it a sign that he’d given up on me? If so, that was a good thing, I reminded myself. I needed him to understand that we couldn’t have another go at what we started five years ago.
My stomach clenched at that idea. I wasn’t sure if it was from guilt at my deception or sadness that I wouldn’t have another chance to have the excitement I’d had five years ago. It didn’t really matter which one it was. What mattered was that Andrew stayed safe from the Roarke family.
I got home late, and normally I’d just go to my apartment and leave Andrew at my parents. But if I was going to meet Devin out at his Hampton house tomorrow by nine, I’d be up in a few hours and on the train heading to the beach community. I need to ask my parents if they could watch Andrew.
As I put my key into my parents’ apartment, my phone beeped.
BTW…Doug will pick you up tomorrow to bring you to the appointment.
I had to work to tell myself that Devin was likely just being helpful. It’s not a problem for me to take the train.
It was a few seconds before he replied. I imagined he was trying to talk himself into not thinking I was being bitchy.
You’ll be able to rest on the way out, and work on the way home if Doug drives.
He had a point.
Thank you.
A few seconds later he responded with, You’re welcome.
I checked on Andrew sleeping in the bedroom I grew up in, now decorated with airplanes. I gave him a quick kiss and then went to my parents’ room, gently knocking on the door.
“Everything all right?” my mother asked sleepily.
“Yes. I’m sorry to wake you, but I got an offer to do an anniversary. The meeting is tomorrow in the Hamptons. Can Andrew stay with you?”
“Of course, honey,” my mother sat up against her headboard.
“So this Gallagher shindig is already paying off for you, eh?” my father said reaching over to turn on his bedside lamp.
We all squinted as the bright light lit up the area.
“Yes.”
“Is it Mr. Roarke?” my mother asked with a hopeful tone.
I tried not to roll my eyes. “Yes. His parents' thirtieth anniversary is coming up.”
“He must have been impressed with your work that he’s asking you. Or did Nikita pass it on?” my father asked.
Actually, I wasn’t sure. Maybe he approached Nikita first. “He asked me before I left tonight.”
“I know you’ll blow his socks off,” my father said.
“Get a ring before socks come off,” my mother said with a wink.
That time I did roll my eyes. “Thank you. Now go back to sleep.”
Back in my own apartment, I tried to sleep but it was hard when I was going to spend time with Devin alone at the beach house. It was easy to resist him so far, but I was no idiot. I was no match for my hormones that came alive when he was around. I had to hope that I’d done an effective job at dissuading him, because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to continue to resist him.
6
Devin
I was a glutton for punishment. That was the only way to explain my continued interest in Serena. She not only had no interest in me, but clearly thought I was defective in some way. And yet, after sending her off with my driver, at nearly two in the morning, made arrangements to head out to the Hamptons right then to prepare for her visit. Schmuck.
Was I wanting what I couldn’t have or simply challenged by her resistance? I hoped it was the latter, because that suggested there wasn’t a real connection. If it was the former, I was fucked. Who wanted to go through life unfulfilled missing what I wanted?
Had I felt unfulfilled without her the last five years, I wondered when I finally hit the sack at the beach house just before four in the morning. My work in Europe was exciting. I’d been good at it, too, which was why I knew that I could not only take over from my father but also push the business further, to greater success.
But I supposed there was a part of me that was unfulfilled. Like I told Serena, I hadn’t lived like a monk, but I hadn’t connected with anyone like I had with her that short week we’d had. Of course, even if she’d come with me to Europe, there was no guarantee that we’d still be together or that I’d feel any more fulfilled. With all this rattlin
g around in my brain, I finally fell asleep.
The next day, I was fatigued and yet excited about Serena’s visit. I was in real trouble.
I was filling a second cup of coffee when there was a knock on the door. I made my way to open it, checking my dress. Jeans. T-shirt under an open button-down. No shoes. Casual. Maybe seeing me in something other than a suit would make her more comfortable around me.
“Serena,” I said opening the door.
“Devin.”
At least she was using my first name. “I have coffee and some baked goods from the local French bakery. Want some?”
“I’d love coffee.”
I showed her through the house to the kitchen where I poured her a cup. “Want creamer or something.”
She shook her head and sipped. Her eyes closed as if she was savoring the dark brew.
“Let’s go out back.” I motioned toward the sunroom with the view of the ocean.
She followed me, putting her purse on the table and pulling out a notepad. “I guess we can start with what you envision for your parents’ anniversary party.
“Because of my dad’s illness, it will be small. Just close friends and family. I’d like to maximize this sunroom and maybe the deck if it’s not too cold. Plus, the living area inside. That’s the largest space.”
“Do you want a sit-down dinner or more of an hors d'oeuvres and drinks thing?”
I hadn’t thought of that. “What’s usual?”
She shrugged. “It depends. If you’re having more than twenty people, perhaps not a sit down unless you have a large dining room.” She looked back at the house. “How many does the dining room sit?”
“Ten or twelve. I’m not sure.” We rarely had dinners at the beach house. In fact, as a family, we hadn’t been out here since I was in high school. I’d made plenty of use of the home when I was in college, but my friends and I didn’t use the dining room either.
“Do you have a theme in mind?”
I shook my head. “What do you recommend?”
“Well, there are a couple of options. Thirty years is pearls so we could work off that. We can have a pearl color scheme. We’re on the beach so seafood would work with that. Oysters.”
“I don’t need my parents getting horny,” I said as a joke.
She quirked a brow at me, but didn’t respond. Instead she said, “Or we can work off your Irish background. The pearl idea is probably more elegant, but the Irish theme might better fit your parents. The goal is to celebrate them and their relationship. We should probably have pictures of them and you to show off thirty years of life together.”
“I’ll ask Bri to get those.”
“Bri?”
“My sister. I’m sure I mentioned her before.”
“Oh yes.”
I leaned forward. “It’s weird how close I felt to you but now I realize, we never met our friends or family.” I felt guilty for not taking a greater interest in her life outside of me back then.
She squirmed slightly and looked out toward the ocean.
“Unless you’ve met my parents through the course of your event planning work,” I said.
She shook her head.
“I can’t remember if you have a brother or sister.” All of a sudden, I felt the need to know her better.
“Just me and my parents.” She turned her attention to her list. “So, the pearl theme, you think?”
I sat back, annoyed that she was going to make this all business. Even if we weren’t going to see if we could rekindle the past, we could be friends.
“Pearl sounds nice.”
“We’ll need to get invites out asap because we don’t have much time.”
I pulled out my phone. “I’ll have my assistant get me a list.” I typed the message to myself.
We continued to hash out ideas about the party, then I showed her the areas of the house that we could use for the party.
Serena walked through each room with the eye of a planner, but every now and then I saw awe, maybe even envy. I realized that in our short time together, I’d never brought her to the beach house.
“If we’d had more time together, I’d have brought you here,” I said.
She had her back to me as she looked out the kitchen window toward the beach. “I’d have never fit in.”
“What are you talking about?”
She gave herself a little shake as if she was getting rid of a thought or feeling. She went to her pad of paper. “Do you have a caterer out here you prefer? We have a few we’ve worked—”
“What did you mean that you wouldn’t fit in?” I moved closer to her. I wasn’t going to let her finagle her way out of this discussion.
She sighed. “Your parents wouldn’t have accepted me.”
“How do you know?” I turned her to look at me, leaving my hands on her shoulders.
She kept her eyes down, like she was hiding. “I’m not part of your world, Devin. And your world likes to keep to itself. That’s how we met, remember?”
“I do remember. I was lamenting how shallow and boring my world could be. I wanted to experience something real.” I hooked my finger under her chin, tilting her head to look up at me. “But that doesn’t mean my parents wouldn’t like you.”
She gave me an expression that said I was feeding her bullshit. I suppose I was. The truth was, my parents probably wouldn’t have liked her. At least not as a potential wife for me. Evelyn was their pick for that spot.
“What my parents think doesn’t matter.”
“You’re fooling yourself.” She scoffed.
I shook my head. “I’m my own man now. When they summoned me home, I was clear that I’d only come if I was given free rein to make decisions.”
“In business,” she said.
I dropped my hands. “Why am I bothering?”
Her brows furrowed. “Bothering with what?”
“Trying to convince you to see me again?”
“Is that why I’m here? Is this job simply so you can get me alone?”
To be honest, it was, and yet hearing her say it pissed me off. I had to know what the hell was up. “Why didn’t you come with me five years ago?”
“I told you—”
“No, you didn’t. You gave me some excuse about it being just a fling for you—”
“And you.”
“No. Not for me.”
Her breath hitched and she looked at me in surprise.
“So why didn’t you come with me to Europe,” I pressed again.
“I was convinced not to.”
“By who?”
She stared up at me and I couldn’t decide if she was hesitant to say who or was trying to come up with a story.
Finally, she said, “My parents. They were right in that I still had school to finish and I was being impulsive on something that could change my future.”
I studied her eyes wanting to know if that was the truth. The fact that I couldn’t be sure was reason enough to give up and walk away.
“It might have changed your future. Maybe for the better. Did you think I wouldn’t let you finish school? That I wouldn’t help you pursue a career. I know you’ll think I’m being arrogant, but I have the influence to help you get whatever you want.”
“What about your parents? I’m sure they couldn’t have been too happy at the idea of you running off with a waitress.”
“They had no say in it. I didn’t even bother telling them.”
She jerked a bit. “You didn’t tell them?”
“Nope. Only Danny and Bri knew.” I waited for her to respond but she didn’t. “Why do I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me?”
This time she flinched and stepped away from me. “I think your ego just can’t handle a woman saying no.”
I shook my head. “I think you want me to be the jerk here because you don’t want to accept the truth.”
“What truth?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. That’s what I’m trying
to find out.”
She let out an exasperated breath and rushed out of the kitchen back to the sunporch. She was shoving her folders and papers back into her bag when I reached her.
“It’s not my ego,” I said as I watched her. “At least not five years ago. Five years ago, it was my heart, Serena.”
She stopped what she was doing, but didn’t look at me. “Devin…we were young and foolish.”
“Maybe. But I was in love too. Was I alone in that?” I really was a glutton for punishment. Did I really want this woman to tell me she hadn’t loved me? That I really was a fool to fall for her five years ago?
“That was a long time ago. Things are different now.”
Angry that she couldn’t give me a straight answer, I moved to her. I took her arms and turned her to look at me.
“That’s not what I asked. I get that you’ve moved on, but I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me how you felt five years ago. Did you care for me at all or was I really just the guy who took your v-card?”
She stared up at me with a mixture of sadness and defiance.
“Dammit Serena, I need to know the truth. Did you care for me?”
“Yes.”
I wasn’t sure I could believe her. For all I knew, she was just saying that to get me to back off. That was reason enough to let it go. To let her go. Yet, I stood there, looking down into her incredible blue eyes wanting desperately to believe her. I didn’t understand it then and I didn’t understand now how she’d bewitched me.
“I did care for you, Devin. But that doesn’t change anything now.”
“No, I guess it doesn’t.” I released her, feeling like a fool. She was right. We were in the past. What was happening to me now was probably just a desire to recapture the love and fun and freedom I’d felt back then. Even if it could be rekindled, she clearly didn’t want that.
“But just so we’re clear, my parents and my lifestyle had nothing to do with back then or right now. For reasons I don’t understand, I’m attracted to you Serena, but you’re clearly not to me. I’ll respect—”
“I never said that.”
“What? That my parents had no bearing—”
“No, that I’m not attracted to you.”
Heart of Hope: Books 1-4 Page 30