I didn’t hear back until that afternoon. This time he called so I was at least able to hear his voice.
“I’m so sorry Serena. It’s just been crazy…my dad is going to need rehab which my mother is insistent needs to be done at home. But she’s driving every potential PT person to run for the hills. The board is concerned that without my dad guiding me, I’m going to run the business into the ground. I’m pretty sure a tabloid is going to come out any moment with a picture of my sister doing shots off a drag queen’s abs…”
“Oh God, Devin. Is there something I can do to help?”
“I wish there was. Ah fuck…I’m so tired. And I miss you and Andrew. How is he?”
I closed my eyes, wondering why I was so worried about Devin when all he had been was wonderful to me and Andrew. Even now, with his world gone crazy, he was asking about him.
“He misses you. He wants you to hang his airplane over his bed.”
“I’d like to do that for him.”
I heard a commotion on his end and he said something muffled as if he covered the speaking end of his phone.
“Listen, Serena, I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go. How about lunch on Friday? My sister has promised she’d keep my mother occupied. I have to take care of some business, but I should be able to meet you for lunch.” He gave me the name of a restaurant.
“I’ll see you then.”
At work, my team met with Nikita about the St. Patrick's party at the Roarke. I wondered if I needed to tell her now that I was seeing him. Then again, when I told him about Andrew, I might not be seeing him. Even so, he was Andrew’s father, so it seemed likely we’d be involved even if it was just co-parenting. God, why couldn’t anything be easy to figure out what to do?
I decided not to worry about telling Nikita now. Right now, I’d just focus on my lunch with Devin on Friday and dealing with the fallout. From this moment until then, I’d pray that he’d understand and forgive me. I crossed my fingers that my mother was right, and Devin’s mom would accept Andrew because he was part of Devin.
22
Devin
Before Serena, I managed my family and business like a machine. They were all I had in my life, and I was able to deal with everything with a sense of detachment.
But now, I was growing to resent my mother’s histrionic control, my sister’s outrageous behavior, and my father’s secret calls to the board to undermine my work. They all were taking me away from the one thing…no two things, that made me happy. Serena and Andrew. God, what I’d do just to see her. To be able to hold her and have some quiet for a minute. I wanted to hang Andrew’s airplane and have him look at me like I’d given him the world. I didn’t want the adulation as much as I needed appreciation.
I’d guilt-tripped Bri into giving up her Friday shopping spree to deal with Mom and Dad. She and I had put the New York club on the back burner, for now, because I had to exert control over the business to prevent a mutiny. There would be an emergency board meeting on Friday and I was determined to show them that I was more than capable of running Roarke businesses. I was also prepared to run any of them out if they continued to sabotage me.
The only good thing about my life now was it was so crazy hectic that time flew by. Before I knew it, I was standing in the conference room, with the board, and my father being video-conferenced in. My mother, with my sister’s help, had encouraged him to join in. He looked frail and, if you looked closely, you could see the tremors, But he was in a suit, his silver hair slicked back.
One of the longest-standing board members started to speak, but I cut him off, which might have been rude, but my intention was to show my dominance from the get-go. When my father tried to interrupt me, I muted him, and continued on. It was obnoxious, but if I didn’t win this battle, there was no use staying on.
I’d made headway, but as lunch approached, I knew I wouldn’t be able to make my date with Serena. I had to hope she’d understand. I’d call her later, and maybe if all went well tonight, I could take her and Andrew out for dinner. Maybe we’d even go see a movie.
“You’re definitely, Roarke’s son,” one of the board members said at three in the afternoon when I’d finally wrangled the last agreement out of them.
I didn’t want to be compared to my father, but for now, I’d take it if it would give them confidence in me. “I hope you see that I want what’s best for this company as well as you and my father does. I know what I’m doing, and I intend to do it.”
“That sounds like an ultimatum,” one of my father’s allies said.
“It’s a promise, Rich,” I said, using his first name, again as a rude way to hold my position of power.
He glanced at my father, who looked small on the screen. He’d have hated that. While he looked pale and frail, his green eyes were as sharp as ever. Worried about what undermining or back-handed comment he might make, I forged ahead.
“The Roarke is having a St. Patrick’s Day party. I hope you’ll all attend.” I pulled all my notes and items together, shoved them in my briefcase, and then left the meeting.
I didn’t even bother going to my office. I went straight for the elevator and headed down. My destination; Serena’s place.
It was possible the board, along with my father, would vote to get rid of me. So be it. I was thinking that perhaps I should transfer the New York Club work to my own business entity. Maybe I’d arrange to buy the other clubs too. My father would be happy and I’d be free.
I got into my car and asked Doug to drive me to Serena’s building. When he let me out, I gave him the rest of the night off. If I was lucky, I’d be staying with Serena tonight. Or maybe I could invite her back to my new place, which I hadn’t spent much time since my father’s fall.
I poked the buzzer to her apartment and waited. When she didn’t buzz me in, I rang again. The third time, I buzzed her parents’ apartment.
“Yeah?” her father’s gruff voice sounded through the intercom.
“Mr. Moore. It’s Devin Roarke. I’m looking for Serena and Andrew.”
“Come on up.” The door buzzed and I walked in. I guess they were at her parents’ place. I hated to bug them, but I did owe her an apology for missing lunch.
When I got to her apartment, I knocked.
“Devin, come in,” Mr. Moore said as he swung open the door. “Glad you’re here.”
I stepped in; the place was quiet. “Is Serena or Andrew here?”
“They’re at the park with my wife. They’ll be back any minute. Want a whiskey?”
After a day like today, I wanted several. “Maybe a small one.”
“Sorry to hear about your father. Is he okay?” Mr. Moore went to his liquor cabinet and poured two small glasses of whiskey.
“He looks frail but his mind and tongue are sharp as ever.”
Mr. Moore laughed. “Sounds like you’ve been cut a few times.”
I shrugged. “I think my father forgets I’m grown up.”
“With a son of your own even,” he said handing me the glass.
Huh?
“I have to say, I was worried how you’d take it or what you’d do. It does my heart good to see you here, Devin.”
“Ah…yes sir.”
“Andrew thinks the world of you. When do you and Serena intend to tell him?”
I sipped the whiskey trying to figure out what he was talking about. Tell Andrew what? “Ah…I don’t know. To be honest sir, I’m not sure what—”
“You know, I saw it from the beginning. The boy looks like you.” His eyes narrowed at me. “I don’t like the idea that you took advantage of my daughter all those years ago, but Andrew is the heart and soul of this family, so I guess it’s a good thing you did. I just hope that you weren’t as careless with other women over the years.”
I stared at Mr. Moore completely confused. He was speaking English and if I wasn’t mistaken, he was talking to me as if I was Andrew’s father. But that couldn’t be right. First, Serena would have told me. Second,
the boy was four, and I’d been with Serena nearly five years ago to the day. Shit. Pregnancy. I’d forgotten about the nine months. Was it possible?
My brain was in a whirl, unable to sort out what was going on.
“You weren’t, were you?” he asked. “Careless?”
I shook my head. “No sir.” I always used a condom. Except the last time with Serena but she’d told me she was on the pill and I believed her. I thought back to five years ago. I’d used a condom then too…except…Jesus, I think I didn’t once.
My lungs seized and my heart sped up like it was running the Indie 500.
Mr. Moore’s brows pulled together in concern. “Are you all right? You’re looking a little pale.”
The door opened and I heard people enter.
“Devin!” Andrew called and rushed to me, wrapping his arms around my legs.
“Hey.” I looked up at Serena, who was looking at me much in the same way as her father was.
“Devin and were just having a chat about fatherhood,” Mr. Moore said.
Immediately Serena’s eyes widened into panic. I looked down at the boy again, and knowing struck at the heart of me. Andrew was my son.
I looked at Serena. “Is it true?”
“Devin…I…”
“Of course, it’s true,” Mr. Moore said. He paused for a moment, looking from Serena then to me, before giving his attention to her again. “Ah hell, Serena, you told him, didn’t you?”
“Is what true?” Andrew asked.
“Oh dear.” Mrs. Moore’s gaze darted from me to her husband to Serena. They all settled on Andrew. “Sweetie, let’s go to the park. You too, Graham.”
“I’m right behind you,” he said.
“We just got back from the park. I want to see Devin.” Andrew held my legs tighter.
“Let’s get ice cream,” Mr. Moore held his hand out. “Come on Andrew. Your mom needs to talk to Devin, here.”
“Can I see you later?” Andrew looked up at me.
My son. Jesus. I could barely breathe. “Yes. Of course.”
He released my leg, and with Mr. and Mrs. Moore, he left the apartment.
My brain was still whirling as I looked at Serena. The guilt on her face said it all. The more I stared at her, the angrier I got.
“Why?” I couldn’t seem to form a coherent sentence. My words were lost in the anger and shock and pain.
She stepped to me, reaching her hands out. I stepped back from her. Repulsed by the idea that she’d keep something like this from me.
She stopped and looked down. “I was going to tell you, but the time was never right?”
“Don’t lie to me!”
Her head shook. “I’m not. I was going to tell you the night we got back from Washington, but your mom called—”
“You could have told me but decided to fuck me instead. Same for all those times at the beach house too. Don’t tell me you couldn’t have told me sooner. Jesus, I can’t believe this.” I raked my fingers through my hair, feeling like I wanted to throttle something. Everything about her started to fall in place. I whirled on her. “You weren’t going to tell me at all, were you?”
“I was. I was going to—”
“No. That’s why you tried to avoid me in the beginning, isn’t it? You wanted me to stay away so I wouldn’t ever know my own son. God…Serena…how could you?”
She was crying now but I had no sympathy. “I was afraid.”
“Bullshit.”
“I was.”
“You didn’t even tell me you were pregnant. Why not? You think I’m that much of a dick that you didn’t tell me.”
“I don’t think you’re a dick. I think you’re wonderful. I love you—”
“Bullshit. If you loved me, you’d have never, ever, kept this from me. Who does that? Who finds out they’re pregnant and doesn’t tell the father?”
Her voice pitched up in desperation. “I wanted to, really I did. You changed your number. I couldn’t find you.”
“My parents live in New York. They knew where I was. How to reach me.”
It looked as if all the air left her as she sagged to a chair. “She wouldn’t let me.”
“What?”
She wiped her tears. “I went to your mother. She said you couldn’t ever know. She offered me money.” She launched out of the chair. “I didn’t take it, Devin. I didn’t take one cent from her.”
I thought my heart was broken, but now it was decimated. I didn’t want to believe my mother would do this, and yet, deep down, I knew she would.
It was my turn to feel like I had no life in me. I sagged against the wall. “Why didn’t you tell me when I got back.”
“I was afraid of losing him. Of how your mother might treat him. Then I was afraid of this. Your anger and hurt.”
“You’re damn right I’m angry and hurt. What were you going to do Serena? Let me believe he wasn’t mine?”
“I was going to tell you. Honest, Devin. I was. Today at lunch was going to be my next attempt.”
“So, it’s my fault? It’s my mother and my fault that I missed four years of my son’s life.”
She only stared at me.
I shook my head as I took in the woman that I thought I knew. The woman I was beginning to think I might spend my life with. “I used to think you were different. Beyond all the bullshit. But you’re not.”
“What are you going to do?” she asked.
Good question. “Does he know?”
She shook her head. “No. I was waiting for you. We could tell him together.”
I didn’t want to do anything with her, but I had enough common sense to know that she was Andrew’s center. She’d need to be involved.
“I’m going to get a lawyer and fight for my son.”
She pressed her hands over her heart. “I’m not going to keep him from you.”
“You already have, Serena.”
She rushed to me, and this time I couldn’t stop her from grabbing my arms. “Please don’t take him from me. I know I was wrong. So wrong. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him.”
I scoffed. “There you go again, thinking I’m a monster. I can’t stand to be with you right now, but I know he needs you. I wouldn’t take that from him. But I’m not going to let you keep him from me any longer.”
“Yes. Of course.” She sniffed, releasing my arms. When she looked at me, I saw pleading in her eyes. “Please don’t let your mother hurt him. I know she’ll have unkind things to say about me, but please don’t let her do that to him.”
“I won’t.” The room started to feel small and my instinct was to run away. But I had a son. “I want him to visit me.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
“Tomorrow. I want him to meet my family and take his rightful place as a Roarke.”
She flinched.
“I have an extra room at my place. I’ll fix it up for him. Right now, I’m at my parents. He needs to know his family.”
She nodded. “I’ll have him ready, but…except for my parents, he’s never been away from me.”
“If he gets scared, I’ll bring him home.”
“Thank you.”
The door opened and her parents walked in. The way their eyes darted between us, I could see they were assessing the situation. Her mother was the first to recognize that what Serena and I had was gone. She rushed to Serena and hugged her.
Mr. Moore’s eyes narrowed toward me. “Now son, I know she hurt you—”
“You don’t know the first thing about what I feel.” I had no reason to want to impress her parents. Not anymore.
Andrew’s eyebrows arched up in surprise. “Are you mad?” He looked around the room stopping at Serena. “Did you hurt my mommy?”
“No, I—”
Andrew drew his fist back and punched me in the thigh. “You don’t hurt my mommy.”
“Andrew!” Serena rushed to him, kneeling down to hug him. “Mommy is okay.”
“You’re crying. Why are you
crying?” His little lip quivered and I hated that I was the one coming out to be the bad guy.
She stayed on her knees as she leaned back to look at him. “Because I did a terrible thing and I feel really bad about it. I hurt Devin. He has a right to be mad.”
Andrew narrowed his eyes as he glanced at me.
“You need to tell him,” my mother said. “Graham, let’s go in the kitchen.”
“Let me grab my whiskey first.” Graham grabbed his bottle and disappeared in the kitchen.
Serena stood and took Andrew’s hand leading him to the living room. “Sit on the couch, baby. I…we have something to tell you.”
“Is Devin leaving us?” This time when he looked at me, sadness filled his eyes.
“I’m never leaving you, Andrew. Not ever.” Holy hell, I was a father.
“See. It’s going to be fine.” She smiled and I had to hand it to her, she sure seemed to know how to pull it together for the boy. She sat on the coffee table and motioned me to sit next to her.
“What’s going on?” he asked, and I hated how worried he seemed.
“Remember when you asked about your dad?”
He nodded.
“I wasn’t completely truthful.”
His head tilted to the side. “Why?”
“I don’t have a good reason, but I’m going to tell you the truth now, okay?” She held his hands, pulling one to her lips and kissing them.
“Okay.” Again, he looked from me to Serena again.
“Baby, Devin is your daddy.”
I tried to smile which was hard because inside I felt like a fucking mess.
“My new daddy?”
“No honey. He’s your real daddy.”
He looked at me. “Where were you?”
I looked at Serena as resentment built. He blamed me for all this.
“Andrew, look at me, baby.” She squeezed his hands. “He didn’t know about you. I didn’t tell him. That’s why he wasn’t here. But now he knows and he’s here.”
He still looked confused and I hoped this wasn’t going to mess up our relationship.
“He wants to spend time with you. He wants to be your daddy.” She nodded and smiled like she was willing Andrew to be happy about this.
Heart of Hope: Books 1-4 Page 41