I kissed his forehead. I started to tell him that if he needed me to call, but I didn’t want Brayden to think I was sabotaging his plan.
“Goodnight, honey.”
“G’night mommy.”
Brayden took my hand and led me to the living room. “Want some wine?”
I was tired and feeling like I should be with Noah, but I knew I’d destroy everything if I went to be with Noah. Or maybe I was trying to avoid being alone with him because I didn’t want to tell him about the cancer. Once that was out, everything would change. “Yes. That would be nice.”
He poured me a glass and came to sit with me on the couch. “We need to talk.”
I nodded. I was apprehensive. Brayden and I rarely talked alone anymore.
“I’m going to look into ways I can work less,” he said.
This was what I wanted all along. Plus, if he worked less, that would mean more time with the kids, which would be important if I didn’t survive. So why didn’t I grab hold of his words?
“You don’t have to do that. Your work is important.”
He frowned. “So are you and the kids.”
I looked down into my wine. I needed to tell him about my cancer, but I couldn’t seem to find the words.
“I thought this was what you wanted. What’s going on?” Irritation laced his tone.
“You don’t need to do us any favors.” Again, I cursed myself for such insensitive words.
His eyes flashed with anger. “Jesus, Terra. Do you really think that’s what today was?”
“No.” I shook my head.
He started to move away, but I put my hand over his forearm.
“No. Today was lovely and I know you did it because you love the kids.”
“And you. I love you too, Terra. Is that it? You’ve stopped loving me?”
“No.” I’d always love him.
“Then what is going on? I’m trying to fix this between us. I want to take you out without the kids like we used to, but you seem to be putting on the breaks on everything I try. Why is that?”
I took a gulp of wine, trying to find the words to tell him I was sick. “I’d like to go out,” I said instead.
He studied me like he wasn’t sure if he could believe me.
“Emma could watch the kids.” I told myself that I’d tell him about my illness then. I wouldn’t spoil our lovely day with my news, even though I knew I was just making excuses because I was a coward.
“I’ll set it up,” he said, still looking skeptical.
I smiled.
“You look tired,” he said, pushing a strand of my hair behind my ears. I closed my eyes as I savored the warmth of his hand and the tenderness in his voice.
“I am. You wore us out today.”
“Come on then. Let’s go to bed.”
I wondered if he was going to try and have sex with me as he led me to our bedroom. I wondered if I’d feel comfortable enough in my body to let him. Instead, once we had our pajamas on and climbed into bed, he simply pulled me into his arms and held me.
“We’ll be okay, Terra,” he whispered. “I promise.”
I pressed my lips together to keep the cry of despair from escaping. I lay in his arms for the first time in longer than I could remember, wanting to fall into him and his love, and yet knowing it was possible that this time next year or maybe the year after, he’d be in this bed alone.
11
Brayden
Waking with Terra by my side the next morning, I wanted to believe that I made headway in the save-my-marriage plan, but I couldn’t be sure. There were moments when I felt like I was connecting with Terra and other times, she still felt out of reach. Worse, I got the feeling she wanted to keep the distance between us. Why?
Even in sleep, she looked tired, so I let her sleep as I got ready for work, and then got the kids ready for school. She woke just as I was helping Lanie get her backpack together.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sleep in. I must have slept through the alarm.”
“I turned it off.”
She stared at me and like before, for a moment she felt mine until something shifted in her eyes and she was gone again. It was fucking annoying, but there was nothing I could do about it there in front of the kids.
Later that morning, after a productive meeting with the cloud security project team, I sat at my desk, looking for ways to spend more time at home. I figured Terra appreciated my help in the morning, but what I really needed to do was get home at a decent hour. It was my fault I missed dinner so often. I loved my family, but I loved my work too. Or, at least I felt competent at it. I wasn’t proving to be a very good husband or father, but I rocked it in the tech industry. That, and time easily got away from me. When I was focused, little distracted me, including the fact that it was dark out and no one was left in the office. I’d need to work on that.
The problem was, as the cloud security project neared its final steps, I knew that I’d be needing to spend more time at work, not less. The program needed to go into beta tests and eventually the launch. These were some of the most crucial times in a new project. If I wasn’t there to make sure all the bugs were out or that it had a good release plan, we could end up with a failed product, and lose money.
I sat back in my chair, running my hands through my hair as conflict did a tug-of-war in my gut. Had it always been like this? The answer was no. I’d always worked late, but before the kids, Terra was here with me. We built this business side by side. She’d been equally as focused on success. We’d work together, and on occasion take breaks that involved fucking on the desk or the office couch or the office table.
Sitting at my desk, my brain zeroed in on a memory of being in this chair as I ate Terra’s pussy while she sat on my desk. We’d been married a couple of years, but the sex was still like new every time. She’d come so hard and loud, if anyone was in the building, chances were, they’d heard her.
Then she’d dropped to her knees and sucked my dick like fucking vacuum. My cock swelled in my slacks at the memory. Christ, she had a mouth on her.
Another time, we worked late running the numbers and realized we would hit our first million dollars by the end of the quarter.
“I think we should celebrate,” Terra said with that sexy gleam in her eyes that told me she was already wet.
“Oh? How so?”
She stripped off her clothes and sat on the edge of the desk. “Fuck me with that impressive cock of yours.”
He’d already been hard, but at her words, he damn near came out of his skin. I checked that the door was locked, even though most of our staff had left hours before. Then I stripped down too. I stepped between her thighs, running my hands up from her hips, over her waist to her tits. Her nipples were hard nubs, and I couldn’t wait to get them in my mouth. But first, I had to kiss her. I fused my lips to hers, pressing my tongue inside her mouth, getting drunk on her taste.
Her hand wrapped around my cock, making me groan into her mouth.
“Fill me, Bray,” she demanded.
“What’s your hurry?” I tore my lips from hers, and moved down to suckled one nipple and then the other, loving how she gasped and arched. It was like she was offering her tits on a platter.
“I have to feel you inside me.”
The truth was, I needed to be inside her just as badly. I took my dick in hand, and rubbed him over her pussy, teasing her clit.
She moaned and her head fell back. “Brayden.”
“Open up, baby.”
She lay back on the desk as I hooked her legs over my arms and then grabbed her hips. I pressed in, not with a quick thrust, but a slow steady movement. I felt every inch of her sweet pussy as my dick went further and further inside her. It was like heaven every time I was immersed in her wet heat.
She writhed as I pressed in, inch by slow inch. “Yes, yes,” she chanted.
Finally, fully seeped inside her, I ground my hips against her, loving how her pussy squeezed my cock.
“Pl
ay with your tits,” I said on a rough growl.
She licked her fingers and then pinched her nipples. The action made her pussy contract on my cock, making me gasp.
“Fuck me.” Her hips rocked, urging me to move.
Unable to hold off, I withdrew and thrust in again, making her cry out. I did it again, and again, each time a little bit faster, a little bit harder than before.
“Yes…I love your dick…”
And I loved it when she talked like that. “You like it when I fuck you, baby?”
“Yes. I love it…Oh God…” Her body arched and her pussy gripped my dick like it wouldn’t ever let go.
I hissed, and fought for control. I didn’t want to come yet, but it was hard with the way her pussy massaged my cock as I continued to plunge in and out of her. Instead I focused on her, and watching her beautiful face as her orgasm swept through her.
Her body relaxed as she came down, but I was committed to making her come again. I repositioned her legs from the crook of my arms to my shoulders.
“You’re so fucking beautiful when you come.” I plunged in, and then held, giving myself a chance to calm down so I could take her up again.
“I want you to come in me, Brayden.”
I groaned, as her words always made control more difficult.
“Give me your seed. Let’s make a baby.”
It was odd how the idea of impregnating her turned me on even more. But it did.
“Make me come with your pussy, Terra. We do this together.”
When she first talked about having kids, I wasn’t sure I was ready. It wasn’t that I didn’t want them, because I did. But our business, while successful, was still fairly new in the scheme of things. But it was hard to resist Terra when she wanted something, especially if that something was my dick. So I acquiesced, and somehow the sex was even hotter knowing that I was planting my seed inside her.
I rubbed my thumb over her clit as I slowly moved in and out of her pussy.
“Yes,” she moaned. “Make me come again.”
Her pussy contracted harder each time I moved, her body writhed, and her breathing sped up, telling me she was making the acsent to pleasureland.
“Does that feel good, baby?”
“Mmm…yes…so good…”
My own pleasure teetered on the brink. So much so, I couldn’t wait for her any longer.
“Fuck I’m gonna come…” I chanted over and over again as each slide into her sweetness felt more spectacular than the last.
“Come in me, Brayden. Make a baby…”
My balls coiled up, and my dick readied to fire. “Rub your clit, Ter. Make yourself come. Take me with you.”
I didn’t need her to come for me to find release. I just liked it more when her pleasure set off my own.
Her hand slid down over her belly, and her finger flicked at her clit.
“Oh!” She arched and her entire body went taut. Her pussy clamped down, and she shot me straight to oblivion.
“Yes!” I yelled out as I plunged in and ground against her shooting the first of my load.
Her hips rocked and her pussy squeezed and massaged my cock as I withdrew and thrust in again, releasing more cum. I felt like a fertility God as I planted my seed in her.
A few weeks later, we learned we’d been successful in the baby making department, although we’d been having so much sex, I couldn’t be sure that Lanie was conceived on my desk. It could have been anywhere in the office or at home.
We had been so happy then. I felt like I’d finally achieved everything I’d wanted. I’d escaped the poverty of my childhood. I’d found an incredible woman who shared my vision in life and business. Together we were building a family.
As I sat at my desk reminiscing, I couldn’t help but wonder where the fuck did it go wrong? Why didn’t I notice sooner that Terra wasn’t happy? Or that we somehow lost the connection? We hadn’t had sex in forever, a sure sign that something was up compared to how often we did it before. Why hadn’t I realized that?
They say hindsight is twenty-twenty, and clearly it was true, because looking back, I could see the various signs that things were moving off the rails. It was a slow progression, which I suppose was why I didn’t notice in the moment. But now, I clearly saw all the late nights I’d come home feeling horny, but Terra was asleep and I didn’t want to wake her. All the mornings I told her I’d be home for dinner, and yet wasn’t.
I’d thought having financial security and giving her a home and a life that she’d been accustomed to growing up in her affluent family was what I needed to do. But to achieve that, I’d sacrificed us.
The question was, would it be too late to change it? She said she didn’t want a divorce, and yet, why would she meet with a lawyer if she wasn’t at least partly serious about it? While there were moments in the last few days that I felt like the connection between us could rekindle, other times, I got the feeling she was purposefully dousing it. Was that because she didn’t love me anymore or was there another reason?
Perhaps the answer was to get couples therapy. Clearly, we’d stopped communicating, and my attempts to talk to her weren’t working.
“Mr. Burrow?” Johanna peeked her head into my office.
“Yes?” I pushed the memories and worries away as I looked to my administrative assistant and refocused on work.
“I have that data you asked for,” she said, stepping into my office. “There are a few items I wasn’t sure about.”
I waved her in. “Let me see them.”
She handed the papers to me and remained standing on the opposite side of my desk. I looked over the spreadsheets and graphs she’d brought related to each project.
“What’s the problem?” I asked her.
“Well, for example, the cloud security project is shared among two departments, and I wasn’t sure if or how you wanted that data organized.” She pointed to a graph. “That shows a total for a project, but about eighty percent of that is through the security team.”
I studied the papers trying to decide if I needed just the overall project data or if I wanted it further detailed by team.
“What about this cost assessment?” I asked.
She tilted her head as she tried to read it upside down. Unable to do so, she came around to my side and looked at the data. “That is about sixty percent cloud team.”
She leaned over to point to another paper on my desk. Her scent filled my nostrils, and her blouse flared open slightly. It occurred to me that if I was a different sort of man, I might try to take advantage of that. Johanna was a beautiful woman, and when I first hired her, I’d gotten the feeling that she might have been open to extracurricular work with the boss. For a long time, she volunteered to stay late when I worked after hours. Once, she answered my cell phone when I was indisposed in the restroom. Terra never said anything about it, but I remember thinking having my secretary answer my personal phone after hours wasn’t a good thing.
Of course, I wasn’t the type of man to cheat. I didn’t watch porn or read girlie magazines. When I jacked off, it was always Terra that I fantasized about.
“This here.” She leaned a little closer, but didn’t finish her sentence as she was interrupted by a gasp coming from my door.
I looked up to see Terra standing in the doorway. Seeing her made me smile. It had been a long time since she’d come down to the office. I wondered if that was a good sign. Maybe she was going to meet me halfway on fixing our marriage after all.
But when I looked at her face, I could tell something was wrong. It was only then I realized Johanna’s tits were still within my eyes’ view. Fuck, this couldn’t look good.
“Oh, Mrs. Burrow.” Johanna straightened. “How are you?”
Terra’s eyes were sharp and menacing. It was good to see fire in them again, although I was certain she was going to give me that same lethal glare.
“Good, Johanna. And you?”
Johanna smiled and stepped away. I couldn’t be su
re if she recognized how the situation looked or if she cared if she did.
“Good.” She turned to me. “I’ll just leave this for you. Let me know if you want to go in further.”
I winced as I felt like her words could have a hidden meaning.
“This is enough.” I said hoping Terra wasn’t thinking the worst. Then again, I’d never given her any reason to doubt me, so if she did, that would piss me off. She should know I’d never cheat on her.
But as Johanna left my office, closing the door behind her, Terra turned her attention to me, and I could see in her eyes, she didn’t know me at all.
12
Terra
Most times when I wondered if Brayden was fucking his secretary, I chastised myself for it. He and I were having marital problems, but that didn’t make him a cheater. And yet, with his face practically buried in his secretary’s cleavage and the smile on his face when he looked up, I realized that any man, even one I thought was good, decent, and loyal, could cheat.
When the door shut behind Johanna, he stood and came around his desk.
“What a surprise.” He was smiling again, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Not like it had when Johanna’s tits were in his face.
“I can see that,” I quipped. I was second guessing having stopped by the office. Since I rarely saw him without the kids around, now seemed like a good time since the kids were in school and I had time before my next appointment. Now, I wanted to rip his dick off.
“Is everything okay? The kids alright?”
“The kids are fine.” I studied him as I tried to figure out the best way to ask him about Johanna. Did I just go with the presumptive statement; “How long have you been fucking your secretary?” Or should I see if he’ll lie and ask, “Are you fucking your secretary?”
He motioned for me to sit on the couch. My memory flashed to one of the many times he’d had me naked on it. In fact, I think we’d had each other on every surface and in every corner of this room. Now he was having Johanna.
Because I couldn’t bring myself to sit where he might have been screwing her, I remained standing.
Heart of Hope: Books 1-4 Page 72