“They’re pretty typical. The only difference is they listen to you more when you put an end to it than they do me.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, knowing there isn’t much else I can say. “I’ll be here more often, even if it’s only a night, I’ll be a better parent and not just the fun dad who saves the day.”
“Thank you.” She walks over to me where I’m still squatted and slides her fingers through my messy, damp hair. “I need to go heat those yucky green things or she really won’t eat any at all.”
She kisses my head and turns to walk away, adding “You smell good, Cowboy,” as she walks out of the room.
Allie
Chase and the girls are all passed out on the sectional couch together with half-finished glasses of milk and water, the plates their s’mores were on, and the cards they used for Go Fish on the table in front of them. I can see the sticky remnants of Aubrey’s s’mores on her face and hands from where I’m seated in the chair.
Ava has her arm flung over her face, with her hand dangling just over Chase’s head. He has Aubrey in front of him, with his arms wrapped around her tiny frame, holding her close so she doesn’t roll off the couch.
He’s going to leave tomorrow, and he’s made all these promises to me. We both have made them. But it’s easy to say one thing when we’ve settled into our normal home rhythm. When we are all together and things are great. It’s easy to say you’re going to fix what’s broken while you’re doing everything you can to stop the break from getting worse.
Actions, on both our parts, will speak louder than our words. It’ll start with him coming home Saturday night to see Aubrey’s gymnastics. It will continue when I make it to his rodeo in Wyoming next weekend.
We’ve made so much progress I didn’t even realize we needed to make until we had our disagreement in Cheyenne last week. That’s why, even though I should wake them all up and get them into their own beds, I think I’m going to leave them here for the night.
Chase
“You seem lighter than you have in a long time,” Cody says, as he sits down on the stool beside me. We just got back to the hotel from tonight’s “extravaganza.” Thirty of the world’s top bull riders roped into coming out and competing for an independent pot of money, which has nothing to do with pro rodeo. It’s all about having fun and growing the sport for everyone, according to the event holders.
“I feel lighter,” I answer honestly, signaling the bartender to get Cody a beer, too.
“Megatron thought you were, too, if how high he sent your ass flying tonight was any indication.”
I let out a laugh and shake my head. “Fuck you,” I say around the bottle I’m tipping to my lips. I take a long pull and set it down, then glance at him. “My grip was shit, I had no chance of making my eight tonight. I could feel it the second we were out of the gate.”
“And you’re okay with that?” he asks, seriously.
“Yeah, I am. This isn’t counting toward our world rankings since it’s not PRCA sanctioned, so…” I shrug my shoulders to prove I really am okay with it.
“Right, but it’s still worth a ton of fucking money. Isn’t that this year’s primary objective?”
“It is, but…”
“But?”
“I didn’t tell you, but the night you took the girls for us in Cheyenne, Allie and I had a pretty good argument.”
“No shit? What over?”
“Rodeo…”
“Fuck, dude. Does she want you to quit?”
“No, she doesn’t. And we worked it all out. It started with her refusal to acknowledge the part she once had in rodeo. Then it spiraled from there. The amount of time I’ve been gone, the baby we lost, the fact we haven’t conceived, her resentment, we hit it all.”
He raises his brows and asks for two shots of whiskey. “So what happened?”
“Well, for starters, I’m going to go home more often. Tomorrow, after I finish my ride, my ass will be speeding to the airport so I can fly into Denver and make it in time to watch Aubrey’s first gymnastics thing.”
“You’re not staying here tomorrow? You do realize your ass will be tanked by the time you ride Sunday, right? And your arm is finally healing, not taking care will increase the odds of you fucking it up again.”
“Being there for the girls will be worth it.”
“Wow.”
He doesn’t mean that in a bad way, I know. It is pretty amazing. And he’s not wrong. Traveling like that, two flights in less than twelve hours, no time to ice down, give my body a break, it’s going to make Sunday more difficult.
“If that’s for starters, what else came of your argument?”
“Allie knows why I’ve been so hell-bent on winning everything.”
“You told her about your plans to aid the baby-making process?”
“I did. I had to.”
“What did she say?”
“She appreciated it. Hell, that’s a bad word to use. It’s not enough to convey how she really felt, but she also called me on it and told me to quit using her and a baby as an excuse, because we both know I’d be out here anyway, even if she’d already had another.”
“Was she right about that?”
“Maybe, yeah. I love riding, you know that.”
“I do. It’s in your blood, same as it is mine.” He glances around the bar, taking in the group walking into the room.
“It is. But…”
He looks back at me again. “But what?”
“I’m having thoughts, brother. There’s shit I need to sort out, but once I do… this year may be my last full time.”
“If you win?”
“If I win. Maybe even if I don’t. Only time will tell what I ultimately end up doing, but I’m working out a few scenarios, and I’m meeting with someone who may be able to help me clear some things up in the morning before we ride, too.”
“Do I want to know who you’re meeting?”
“Yeah, probably. You should come with. Because if I end up following through with all of this, I’ll want to bring you in to partner with me.”
“Well, shit, I guess we better get another beer, because it sounds like I need to be filled in on whatever the hell it is that has your head spinning.”
Cody orders us another round, and sends one to the table of women across the room. His mind is going to be blown when I tell him everything I’m thinking. It could possibly change both our lives forever.
Allie
“Ava! Aubrey! Get in here, we need to leave soon.” Oversleeping was not on the to-do list this morning, yet it happened, and I’m so behind because of it. Aubrey has her gymnastics meet this evening, and we are going to meet her coach and the other little girls and their parents on her team in Denver to spend an afternoon having lunch and exploring before we go to the competition.
Aubrey runs into the kitchen first, still in her pajamas, brushing her teeth. “What, Mommy?” she says, spraying toothpaste all over.
“Why aren’t you dressed yet?” I ask, walking her back to her room, and passing Ava’s on the way. “Ava, are you dressed?”
“Yep, I’m putting my ponytail in now,” she answers from their bathroom.
At least one of them is almost done.
“Aubrey, we need to go. Why aren’t you wearing your leo yet?”
She gets ready to answer, but I stop her. “Go finish brushing your teeth, you’re spitting all over us when you talk.”
She giggles and goes into the bathroom. I hear the water run, then Ava mumbles about getting splashed, before Aubrey walks back in.
“Try again, why aren’t you in your leo?”
“My purple one isn’t here,” she says, frowning. “Daddy got it for me, and he’s coming. I want to wear that one.”
“Baby, it’s dirty, you need to wear another one. He won’t be upset. I promise.”
“But I want to wear that one!” she shouts in frustration.
“Aubrey Jane, enough. You’ll wear your black one, just
like the rest of your team. Now get dressed. Put your jean shorts and shirt over the top, please.”
I help her get her pajamas off and then her leotard on. “Now your hair. We’ll just brush it out here, Coach Tatum said one of the other mom’s on the team offered to braid everyone’s hair when we get to Denver, so you all match.”
“Really?” she says, bringing me her brush.
“Really.” I run the brush through her hair, making sure all the tangles are out and she looks presentable, then hand her brush back. “Take this back into your bathroom. Ava,” I call out in the same breath. “It’s time to leave.”
She pops into Aubrey’s room, dressed in her jean shorts, her favorite Converse shoes, and a navy blue tank top.
“Daddy’s coming to watch Aubrey, still, right?” she asks.
“When I talked to him last night, that’s what he said. He has a flight out of New Mexico a couple hours before Aubrey starts. So he should make it just in time.”
“Yay!” Aubrey shouts as she finishes putting her T-shirt on.
“So we can save a seat for him?” Ava looks at me expectantly.
“We have to save one. We’ll make him sit right between us, front and center so he can see everything Aubrey does. How does that sound to both of you?”
Ava nods and Aubrey beams up at me.
“Good, then we need to make sure we have everything we want to take so we can go. It’s going to take a while to get into Denver, and we’re supposed to meet for lunch at one.”
The girls each set out to grab the last-minute things they’ll want for the long car ride and then meet me at the front door.
“Ready, ladies?”
“Ready,” they say together.
Aubrey’s meet starts in thirty minutes, and Chase should be here by now. Every call I’ve made to him has gone unanswered, every text left unread. According to the online flight tracker, his flight was a little delayed, but got in with enough time. It shows they landed in Denver thirty minutes ago. There are two thoughts on my mind. Chase either missed his flight, getting caught up in everything after today’s ride at their exhibition, or there was a car accident with his Uber or Lyft coming from the airport.
One has me so pissed off I could throttle my husband, and the other has me so worried my heart is splitting in half in my chest.
Even Cody has gone silent. I tried him, too, and there was nothing. Not that it surprises me, necessarily. He usually picks up his dates after rides, so he’s in all likelihood got some girl bent over his hotel room bed, gaining her little rodeo cred for being with him.
I dial Chase’s number again and lift my phone to my ear. It goes straight to voicemail, as it has been all evening.
He turns it off when it’s in his bag during rides so the battery doesn’t die. He would’ve turned it on airplane mode for the flight. So even it’s status doesn’t give me any hint as to where he can be. So I dial again. Hoping maybe, just maybe, this time it’ll ring.
C’mon, Chase. Just answer me.
After it sends me to voicemail, again, I give up and am ready to walk back into the little gym set up for the girls.
I don’t make it two steps before my phone is vibrating in my hand, and I glance at the screen. The caller information displayed reads New Mexico and I answer in a hurry.
“Where are you, Chase? The girls are counting on you to be here.”
The voice on the other end stops me in my tracks. It’s not Chase’s. The strain and fear in Cody’s voice paralyzes me. “Allie, you need to get out here. Hurry. Chase is hurt. He’s hurt bad. Oh God. I’m so sorry. You need to get here.”
“What do you mean he’s hurt, Cody?”
“It’s his back and his head.”
“That doesn’t tell me anything!” I shout, panic filling every inch of my system. “How bad is it?”
“He’s unconscious, and they fear he may be paralyzed. You need to get here now.”
“Oh my God. Oh my God. I’m—I have the girls at Aubrey’s meet. I can’t leave them, Cody.” I’m frantic now. I don’t know what to do. I can’t possibly take the girls out there. “What do I do?”
“Allie, you need to calm down. Breathe. Who can you leave the girls with?”
“Nobody, I don’t know. Maybe one of the moms here. I don’t know.”
My voice must be carrying into the gym, because Tatum, Aubrey’s coach, walks out to check on me.
“Mrs. Canton, is everything okay? The girls are worried, we all heard you in there.”
I shake my head no, letting tears fall down my cheek. “My husband, he’s hurt. In New Mexico. It’s bad. I have to get there.” Every word comes out choppy, full of agony and fear.
“Okay, okay,” she says calmly, nodding her head. “Is that him on the phone?”
I only shake my head no.
“May I?” she asks, holding her hand out.
I pass her my phone then wrap my arms tight around myself, watching her.
“Hello?” she says, then listens quietly. “No, I’m Aubrey’s coach. Mrs. Canton is scared and I want to help her.”
She pauses again, nodding her head at what Cody is saying on the other side.
“Okay, can you repeat that so I can spell it out for her in a text?”
She pulls her own phone out and starts typing furiously with my phone pressed between her shoulder and ear.
“Albuquerque Regional, got it. Do you know what airline he was supposed to fly out on?” Another pause. “Okay, good. I’ll call them and get an earlier flight in her name.”
She goes quiet again, then smiles a little. “Thank you. Yes, I’ll take care of the girls. I’ll drive Allie’s car home, and we will get her a safe ride to the airport as fast as we can.”
Some of the other moms have filtered into the hallway and gathered around us. When Tatum hangs up the call, she hands my phone back and says, “I got all of the information you need. They are going to take Chase in for tests, it’s imperative they know what they’re dealing with. I’ll keep the girls, but we need to get you a flight to New Mexico as fast as possible.”
When the other moms hear what’s going on, everyone springs into action. One hurries off to keep the girls occupied, others start looking up flight information, and Tatum explains to the other coach what’s going on and asks if they can postpone the start a little. Then she busies herself calling the airline and steps away from us.
Everything happens so fast, but all I can feel are the miles spanning between me and Chase, the uncertainty of what’s going on and what will happen.
“Allie,” Tatum says, pulling me from my own thoughts of what-if and how bad. “You’re booked on a flight leaving in forty minutes. You should be to New Mexico within the next two hours. Okay. You need to tell the girls what’s going on before you go.”
I nod. Then her words really hit me. Oh my God. My girls.
“Mrs. Finch is bringing them to you now. We will keep them here. Aubrey can compete if she wants or not. Do you have any family we can call to be with them?”
“I um,” I stop and shake my head. “Chase’s parents are in Florida, I’ll need to let them know what’s going on. But my family is gone. My parents died seven and a half years ago. It’s just us.”
“Okay, then I’ll stay with the girls at your place, if that’s okay.”
“Yes, yes, please. Thank you.”
The girls walk out into the hallway and Ava sees it instantly. She goes from smiling and moving purposefully to frowning, with her steps slowing, faltering beneath her.
“What’s wrong, Mommy?” she asks.
“Is Daddy here yet?” Aubrey adds.
I bend down so I’m level with my girls and reach for their hands.
“No, baby girl, your daddy isn’t going to make it after all. He got bucked pretty hard off his bull and he had to go to the hospital to be seen, to make sure he’s okay.”
“Is he hurt really bad?” Ava asks.
“Is it like when Ava fell off Lightning?�
�
I muster up as much strength and determination to lie and smile as I can and nod my head. “Yeah, it’s a little like when Ava fell. So I’m going to fly out there to be with him, and see how bad he’s hurt. I don’t know much yet. But Miss Tatum is going to get you both home tonight, and she’s going to stay at our house with you until someone else can take you.”
Ava looks at me warily and asks, “Can we go, too?”
“No, not this time. I have to leave right now so I can catch my flight. But I will call you both as soon as I can. I promise.” I pull them both into my arms and hug them, holding them as tight as I can. “I love you both, and so does your daddy. Don’t forget, okay?”
I let them go and pull back so I can stand, and I see tears rolling down Ava’s face. “Tell him we love him,” she whispers, wiping her eyes.
She can’t buy any of this, she’s too smart, and she knows what can happen on a bull. But she won’t say anything in front of Aubrey.
“Of course I will. You two, listen to Miss Tatum, I’ll call when I can.”
With that I step away and follow one of the other moms outside where a ride is already waiting for me.
Hold on, Cowboy. You better stay strong and not give up on us now.
Allie
The car pulls up to the hospital and I jump out before it’s even reached a complete stop. My only focus is on getting to my husband as fast as I possibly can. Then I realize I never even paid the driver. I spin back around, fiddling with my purse, and lean my head in.
“How much do I owe you, sir?”
He shakes his head and waves me off. “It’s already been handled, you get to your husband. I hope everything turns out okay with him. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family.”
He has the kindest, grayest eyes I’ve ever seen. I didn’t even pay attention to him during the drive from the airport to here, but I know I’ll never forget the way his eyes held all the sympathy, or maybe empathy, in the world for me. Or how his hand was soft and reassuring when he squeezed mine.
Hold on Tight (Cowboys & Angels Book 1) Page 16