If I didn’t keep myself busy constantly I would start to remember…and the last thing I wanted was to remember. From the moment I woke up, until the moment I went to bed, I made sure I had something to fill every hour of my day. If I was at home I was doing yoga, running, baking, or cleaning my already immaculate apartment. There always had to be something. Sleep was the only time my brain was allowed to shut down. I used to cherish sleep. I could escape the things I saw when I slept. Now sleep was becoming my enemy. If I didn’t get in to see Dr. Kinsley soon, the fraying rope that somehow managed to tether me to reality was at risk of snapping completely.
Benny watched me closely for several more seconds, and it almost felt as though she could see what I was thinking. I held my breath as I waited for her to say something. “All right,” she finally conceded, and I was able to breathe again. “If you think it’s what’s best, fine. But if you start to feel like you need to leave, you just let me know, okay?”
“Promise,” I replied a little too quickly. Benny’s smile lines were gone as concern marred her expression. She and I both knew I wouldn’t be leaving until my shift was over.
As the morning wore on, and the diners started packing in, I reveled in the organized chaos. It was exactly what I needed. I even found myself shooting small smiles at some of the customers here and there which was rare. I’d just finished serving one of my tables when I looked up and noticed a man sitting alone in my section.
“Hey Taylor, I just sat someone at seven.” I turned my attention away from the man to Cassie, Benny’s hostess and newest hire. If I had to guess, I’d say she was around my age. Cassie was the stereotypical model type with long, glossy brown hair, even longer legs and a bubbly personality. I didn’t know her all that well, but the few times we’d worked together, I got the sense she was a genuinely good person. Maybe I’d make the effort to get to know her a little better. It wasn’t like I had friends coming out of the woodwork, so I certainly had room to spare.
“Thanks, Cass.”
“You’re so lucky,” she whispered with a smile that looked like she was letting me in on a secret. “I’d die for a piece like that.” She tilted her head in the direction of table seven.
I tilted my head in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
Her forehead wrinkled and her eyes narrowed before asking, “You mean you don’t know him? He specifically asked to be seated in your section. I thought you two might have a thing?”
I looked at the man in question, studying him hard for any signs that I may have known who he was. I felt a sense of recognition, but I couldn’t place him. There was something niggling in the back of my mind telling me I knew him.
“Well,” Cassie stated, directing my attention back to her. “Maybe you have an admirer.” She looked at the man, looked back at me, and then she winked. “Could be worse, you know. I wouldn’t kick him out of my bed.”
I let out a laugh as she headed back to the hostess stand, and I made my way to table seven. “Good morning,” I greeted. “What can I getcha?”
I had my eyes on my order pad, but they instantly shot up to meet his when he replied, “Good morning to you, Taylor.” He said my name like he’d spoken it a million times before. He must have seen the shock on my face, because he grinned and pointed to my red Benny’s Diner t-shirt.
“Your name tag says Taylor. That is your name, isn’t it?”
His question sounded almost accusatory, like he knew something he wasn’t supposed to. I’d never seen this man before. It wasn’t possible for him to know Taylor wasn’t the name I’d been born with.
“Um…yeah,” I responded carefully.
The grin on his face morphed into a full on smile, and I could see what Cassie had been talking about. He was extremely handsome. His jet-black hair was a few inches too long and flopped over his forehead, but it accentuated his crystal blue eyes perfectly. I felt a strong pull as I looked into them. I didn’t know how long I stood there staring into those strange eyes but I was yanked back into reality when he cleared his throat and gave a little chuckle.
Embarrassed at being caught staring, heat started to creep up my neck and I had no doubt my cheeks were bright pink. My blush was the curse of having such a fair complexion. A complexion I got from my Irish mother. It was one of the only things I got from her. Everything else about me favored my father. Dark, wavy brown hair and light brown eyes. I had no doubt my darker features combined with my pale skin made the circles under my eyes - that Benny was concerned about - even more pronounced.
“I’m Daniel,” the man said as he held out his hand in an introduction.
I glanced down, knowing he was waiting for me to shake his hand and I couldn’t stop the pang that went through me at the thought of touching him. I might not like to touch people, but in my line of work, it was sometimes necessary. I didn’t want to come off rude and risk getting a lousy tip just because of my own idiosyncrasies.
I placed my hand in his and instantly regretted it. Visions from my childhood shot through my head like a movie on fast forward. I caught glimpses of memories that I wanted to lock in a vault and never remember again, but they wouldn’t stop. They all came flooding back in Technicolor, but something was terribly wrong. The memories that flashed through my head were different. I was seeing things that I remembered, but they weren’t from my memories. They were his. I snatched my hand back like I’d been burned, and looked at the man named Daniel through wide, horrified eyes.
“What the hell was that?” I asked in a whisper as I lifted a shaky hand to wipe away the beads of perspiration that had formed on my brow. “Do I know you?”
His knowing smile caused ice to run through my veins. “What do you think?”
At the horrifying memories the flashes from my past had caused, a wave of nausea rolled through my stomach and I had to clamp a hand over my mouth to keep from throwing up all over the table. I ran through the crowded diner and made it to the bathroom just in time to lose my breakfast in the toilet.
My stomach lurched until there was nothing left. Once I was finished, I pulled toilet paper off the roll to wipe my mouth and sat back against the metal door of the stall. The coolness against my skin helped, and eventually, I was able to pull myself up and walk to the sink to rinse that acrid taste from my mouth.
As I swished the water around, the bathroom door flew open and Cassie came rushing over to me. “Ohmigod Taylor, are you okay?”
I rested my palms on the edge of the counter and dropped my head. “Did everyone see me run in here?” Benny was going to send me home for sure now. I just knew it.
“I don’t think so.”
Thank God.
“The only reason I noticed was because I was watching you and the hottie. You shook his hand then turned white as a damn ghost before you booked it in here. Are you all right? What happened?”
I needed to come up with something fast. It couldn’t be anything catching that would risk me being sent home before my shift ended, so I went with the first thing that popped in my head. “Low blood sugar, I think.” It was a lame excuse, but when I chanced a look at Cassie’s face, I could see she’d bought it. “I went for a run this morning and came to work without eating breakfast. I guess my body just bottomed out on me.”
She reached up and began to pat my back soothingly. I tried to mask the instinctive flinch I felt anytime someone touched me with a shiver and I must have been successful because she didn’t remove her hand right away. “I have an unopened toothbrush in my purse. You want me to go get it?” Her kindness was almost too much on my frayed nerves, but I had to get the taste out of my mouth before it caused me to puke again.
“That would be great. Thank you.”
She smiled brightly. “Sure thing. Hang tight and I’ll be right back.”
Once I was alone in the bathroom, I looked in the mirror and studied my reflection. I felt as if the woman I was looking at was a total stranger to me. If you looked past the tired eyes you’d see a
woman that most people would consider to be pretty. Light brown eyes, that from a distance, looked almost copper and hair that fell in waves down the length of my back almost to my waist. I only stood at 5’3, but years of yoga and running kept my muscles long and lean. Combined with the generous curves I had thanks to my father’s family, I had a pretty decent figure.
But I already knew from experience that appearances didn’t stand for anything. For all the pretty on the outside I was a dark and ugly mess on the inside. For every person that asked ‘how is that young girl single?’ I’d think to myself ‘who in their right mind would want to deal with all my crazy?’
I was a giant ball of neuroses wrapped in a pretty little package.
“Here you go. Oral B, the brand most dentists use.”
I looked up at Cassie and gave her a small smile that didn’t quite reach my eyes. “Thank you for this,” I replied softly, pointing at the toothbrush.
“No problem. I haven’t been here long and you’ve always been nice to me, so I wanted to do something nice for you in return.” The sincerity in her voice caused a crack in my protective armor. She knew there was something strange about me, everyone I spent more than a few minutes with knew, but that didn’t seem to matter to her. That caused my smile to become more genuine and I felt myself warming up to her.
Cassie returned my smile and flashed her pearly whites.
She leaned against the sink next to me as I brushed my teeth, and strangely, it didn’t feel uncomfortable having her around me. I knew she stayed for no other reason than to make sure I was okay. Because of that alone, I couldn’t have stopped my growing respect for her even if I wanted to. “You okay to go back out there?” she asked once I’d finished and was wiping my mouth. I thought about the man at table seven and cringed.
Daniel.
“Is he still out there?” There was no way of masking the quiver in my voice. Something about him opened up memories I didn’t want to remember.
“Yeah. But I can get one of the other girls to take that table if you want. Or I can even ask him to leave if you’re not comfortable with him being here.”
The thought of interacting with him again wasn’t exactly at the top of my list, but my gut told me that this man had answers to questions I’d carried with me most of my life. I needed answers.
“It’s okay, Cassie. I’ll be out in just a minute.”
“Everything okay?” Daniel asked once I was standing in front of his table again. The level of concern shining in his bright blue eyes wasn’t something you’d expect from a person you just met.
I wasn’t sure how to ask him all the questions that were flying around in my head so I just nodded and pulled the order pad from my apron. I was a coward. “Yeah, I’m good. Are you ready to order?”
He laced his fingers together and rested his arms on the table. His eyes bore into mine as he studied every contour of my face. “You look tired, Taylor.” From the slightly amused tone of his voice and the small grin on his lips I got the distinct impression that he was baiting me. “Not getting much sleep? Let me guess…nightmares?”
The order pad and pen slipped from my hands. The tiny hairs on my arms stood on end. His knowing expression never wavered as shock spread through every cell in my body. It could have been a generic question asked by anyone—everyone had nightmares—but there was knowledge in his eyes, something that shone through telling me that he wasn’t just guessing. He knew.
“Who are you?” I finally managed to ask, though I whispered so quietly I was afraid he didn’t hear me.
One side of his mouth twitched, and I had to quell the deep desire to slap the smile off his face. “I told you, my name’s Daniel.”
He wanted to play games and I wasn’t in the mood at all. I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in forever; I was functioning solely on coffee, Red Bull, and determination, and I had just finished turning my stomach inside out.
I. Was. Not. In. The. Mood.
I put my clenched fists on the table and leaned in so that only he could hear me. “Cut the shit, Daniel. You know what I mean. Why do I feel like I know you and what the fuck did you do to me when you shook my hand? And don’t you dare act like you don’t know what I’m talking about, or I swear to God, I’ll call the cops and tell them I have a creepy-ass stalker that won’t leave me alone. I don’t give a damn how good looking you are.” I straightened and placed my hands on my hips, trying my hardest to look intimidating even though I was visibly trembling.
He remained silent for several seconds before responding. “I thought you didn’t believe in God.”
What the fuck?
“That’s it, I’m done. I’m calling the cops.” I spun on my heels as fast as I could and started toward the office in the back. The next sentence out of his mouth froze me in place.
“Come back, Lydia.”
The sound of him saying my name—my real name—caused panic. My heart started beating so hard I was certain the people at the other end of the diner could hear it.
When I slowly turned back around, the knowing smirk he previously wore on his face was gone. He almost looked like he felt sorry.
“How do you know my name?”
He could see the hesitance in my body. His shoulders lifted in a shrug and he let out a deep sigh before standing to remove his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans. “We can’t discuss this here,” he responded. “But when you’re ready to know the truth, I’m the one who has the answers.”
He dropped a twenty on the table for a meal he didn’t even order and started for the door. All of the sudden, desperation surged through me. I needed to know what he knew. “Wait,” I blurted out as I ran to him and grabbed hold of his arm. People in the diner were staring at the interaction between me and Daniel, but I didn’t care. “Answers to what?”
He placed his warm palm over the hand that was gripping his arm and gave it a reassuring pat. “You aren’t ready yet, but trust me, you will be soon. I will tell you this though, if you’d just stop fighting your gift and opened yourself up to it, maybe the nightmares would end.” His voice dropped low as he whispered, “See you soon Taylor.”
And then he was gone, leaving me reeling and freaked the fuck out.
“What’s wrong, Taylor? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Benny asked as she placed a hand on my forehead like she was checking for a fever.
I don’t know what I just saw.
I gave my head a hard shake, trying to remove the exchange with Daniel but it was no use. I was certain I’d never seen him before but the feeling of familiarity had been imprinted on my brain.
I inhaled a cleansing breath and tried to slow my heart down as I exhaled. I pasted on a cheerful smile and turned to Benny. “I just thought I saw someone I knew, but I was wrong.”
If she didn’t believe me, she thankfully didn’t push it any further. I went back to waiting tables and pushed Daniel into the far recesses of my mind. That was where I kept everything I didn’t want to deal with in my life. He was wrong about one thing though. I didn’t care how badly I wanted answers, I never planned to see him again.
“Welcome to Benny’s, gentlemen. What can I get you?” I managed to fake my way through the breakfast rush and by lunch I was finally feeling a little better.
“You mean besides your number?” Guy One asked. I lifted my head from my order pad to look at the man who’d just hit on me. It wasn’t like I never got hit on; I’d had my fair share of customers come on to me over the years, but I didn’t think I’d ever get used to it. Because of the things I saw and tried to hide from the outside world, I couldn’t allow myself the comfort of a relationship. I just had too many other things I had to worry about. Adding a boyfriend to the mix wasn’t something I was interested in.
And Guy One wasn’t going to be changing my mind any time soon.
As if the muffin top hanging over his belt and stretching the buttons on his shirt to an insulting level wasn’t enough of a turn off, his rancid onion bre
ath and the leftover food stuck in his teeth from breakfast did him in.
“Sorry, sir. I’m married.” The lie rolled off my tongue just as easily as it always did.
“Well, I didn’t see a ring on your pretty little finger. Figured you were on the market.”
I might not have been married, but I was definitely off the market.
“Hazards of the job,” I replied with a sweet smile. “Don’t want to risk losing it.” I turned my attention from Stank Breath to his friend to take his order and was instantly struck speechless. The most gorgeous hazel eyes I’d ever seen were smiling back at me. I somehow managed to pull my focus from his eyes and trailed over the rest of his face. His nose was slightly crooked, like it had been broken earlier in his life, and a light dusting of blond stubble covered his strong, square jaw. His dirty-blond hair was standing up like he’d been running his hands through it all day and the look was seriously working for him. A large part of me wanted to reach over and run my hands through the shiny strands just to see if they felt as silky as they looked, but I managed to refrain. When he laughed my eyes zoomed down to his mouth and I noticed his perfect, white teeth outlined by the most amazing, full lips.
Lips meant for kissing.
Lips meant to do serious damage to a woman’s self-control.
To my self control.
I’d never reacted to a man before the way I did this guy and the intensity of it was startling. I shouldn’t be feeling the way I was. I couldn’t. It was detrimental to my sanity.
I quickly averted my gaze to the tabletop in front of me and cleared my throat uncomfortably.
“Stevens, leave the poor woman alone. I’m sure her standards are a lot higher than a piece of shit like you.” The smile on his face and chuckle in his voice showed that he was just giving his friend a hard time, but the deep timber of his voice rumbled through me and warmed me from the inside out.
Nightmares from Within Page 2