Staring up at the glass and steel structure, I made a decision that had butterflies exploding in my belly. He’d made me feel normal for the first time and all I could think was that I wanted that feeling to continue.
I looked over at Jordan and admired his attractive profile as he put the car in park.
It was now or never.
I reached for my locket and started rubbing a circle with my thumb. “Uh…do you want to come up?” I asked nervously.
His face lit up and all my nerves disappeared. That expression told me all I needed to know. He wanted the night to continue just as badly as I did.
“Yeah. I’d like that.”
He hopped out of the car and came around to collect me from the passenger seat. I started walking toward the building when Jordan gave my hand a tug and pulled me back into his solid frame. I tilted my face up to meet his gaze, and as soon as I did, his lips came down on mine in a kiss so hungry I felt my knees give out. He wrapped one arm around my waist to hold me up and plunged his free hand into my hair, tugging just enough to cause a moan to break loose from my throat.
After several seconds he pulled back slightly and traced the tip of his tongue across my bottom lip. “I’ve been dying to do that since we left the ball park,” he whispered against my lips.
Shyly, I pulled back and reached for his hand, lacing our fingers together and led him into my building. As we made our way to the elevator Gary looked up from his book—The Shining this time—and shot me a knowing grin. “Nice evening, Taylor?” he asked cheekily.
I felt the heat creeping up my neck and face as Jordan wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I could feel his body shaking with silent laughter.
“Yes, Gary. Thank you. It was fantastic.”
The corners of his mouth tipped up a little more and I heard him mumble, “I bet,” as he looked back down at his book.
When we got into the privacy of the elevator Jordan pulled me to him, wrapped both arms around my waist and gave me a peck on the lips. “I think I kind of like that guy.”
I smiled against his lips and replied, “I kind of like him too.”
We stayed wrapped around each other until the elevator opened on my floor. I had twenty floors to decide exactly how I was going to make a move on Jordan and I’d come up with nothing. Not a single damn thing.
My hands were shaking so much that I had trouble getting the key in the lock. Seeing my tenseness, Jordan placed his hand over mine and gently guided the key into the lock. I finally got my door unlocked and open with his help. I turned the lights on and dropped my purse on the entryway table. My palms started sweating again and I had to rub them on my dress as I turned back to face him. “Um…do you want something to drink? I have water, soda...oh! I might have a bottle of wine or some beer or something…” Now that he was in my apartment, I didn’t have a clue what I was going to do. I’d spent so much of my life avoiding other people that I’d never even been with a man before. I’d had a taste of what it was like to be normal because of Jordan and I desperately wanted more. I wanted to be with him.
“Sure, whatever you’re having is fine.”
I was definitely having something stronger than water; I was going to need it. I opened the fridge, grabbed two beers and handed one to him before opening the other and taking a long pull.
Oh God, I don’t think I can do this.
I turned my back on him and rested my hands on the island trying to calm my nerves when I felt the hair being brushed off the back of my neck. His breath tickled against my bare skin. My head fell to the side to allow better access. “You know, we don’t have to do anything if you’re not ready,” he whispered.
With just the brush of his nose against the shell of my ear, he’d eradicated all of my anxiety. Overwhelmed by what he was doing to my body, I spun around and kissed him. I poured every ounce of need I had for him into that kiss. My head started spinning when his tongue dove into my mouth and tangled with mine. He tasted like mint and a hint of beer; it was absolutely intoxicating.
I melted further into the kiss when he trailed his hands down my waist, past my ass and to the back of my thighs. Using those delectable muscles, he lifted me off the ground and wrapped both of my legs around his lean hips as he hoisted me up and planted my ass on the island.
On instinct, my nails raked lightly down Jordan’s back as his lips left mine and glided down my neck to my collarbone.
There was no way of holding back the moan that escaped. “Oh God, Jordan.”
“Bedroom, baby,” he said into my neck. “Where is it?”
I needed him. Now.
“Down the hall,” I flung my arm carelessly in the direction of my room and before I could register his movements I was lifted back up and being carried out of the kitchen and into the bedroom like I weighed nothing.
I had no clue what I was doing but I gladly let Jordan take the lead again. I wanted him more than my next breath. The fear of what I was about to do was drowned out by my overwhelming desire for him. Even if I had been second guessing myself earlier, it was pointless now. I was lost in Jordan’s touch, unable to see anything but him.
I felt him kick the bedroom door open and we stumbled in. Just as I thought he was about to drop me, he turned and landed on my bed on his back with me on top, straddling his hips. I kept kissing him as he sat up and reached around the back of my dress and started patting around for what I could only assume was the zipper.
Laughter bubbled up when he let out a frustrated growl and ripped his mouth from mine. “Where’s the fucking zipper on this damn thing?” he said, practically spinning me around on his lap so he could find it.
I couldn’t stop it; he was just so damn frustrated that it was funny as hell. The laugh I’d been trying to suppress came out in a snort and there was no stopping it once it started. “It’s on the side,” I wheezed out.
He turned me back around and looked up at me with amusement in his eyes. “I’m so glad this is funny for you. I’m going out of my head trying to get you naked and you’re cracking up.”
I snorted again. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry…but you should see your face. It’s hilarious!”
I could feel his body shake as he began to chuckle along with me. “I’m just going to rip the damn thing off.”
“No!” I shouted as I hopped off his lap. “It’s the only dress I own.”
He stood and stalked after me like a lion stalked its prey. His normally light hazel eyes had grown dark with lust; seeing him so turned on made it difficult to breathe. “I’ll buy you a new one,” he hissed as he lunged at me. I let out a startled screech as he lifted me up and threw me onto the bed. Before I could blink, the dress was gone and I was lying there in nothing but pale blue lace panties and a matching bra.
I felt my entire body turning red as his eyes scanned over every inch of bare flesh. I lifted my arms in an attempt to cover myself but Jordan grabbed hold of my wrists, his eyes hitting mine. “Don’t do that. Please don’t cover yourself around me.” The lust that had been in his eyes seconds earlier disappeared and had been replaced by something deeper…something I didn’t quite recognize. “You’re so fucking perfect,” he whispered as he leaned over me and pressed his lips to the center of my chest.
I never thought anyone would ever say those words to me. I was the complete opposite of perfect, but the passion in his voice made me want to believe him. It felt as if everything with Jordan was moving at warp speed, but it all seemed so familiar, almost natural. His voice, his touch, how he looked at me, all of those things broke down my barriers and erased any doubt I might have had.
I sighed against his lips and realized I was at a complete disadvantage. There I was, lying underneath him practically naked, while he was still fully clothed. I reached for his shirt and started working the buttons but the tremble in my hands made the task nearly impossible. “I need to see you,” I said in a frantic plea, barely recognizing my voice. “Please, Jordan.” The man had reduced me to begging af
ter just one date. Either he was that good or I was just that desperate. I hoped it was the former.
“Anything you want, baby.” He sat back on his haunches, still hovering above me and made quick work of the buttons on his shirt. As he pulled it from his slacks, his abs flexed and his biceps bulged as he stripped it off. It was official. Jordan Donovan was a freaking Adonis. No man on earth should ever look that good.
His body was a work of art.
I sat up and trailed my tongue along his ribs, my body reacting instinctively.
“Christ,” he ground out before covering my body with his. Reaching behind me, he flicked the clasp of my bra and pulled it down my arms without ever breaking away from the kiss. I arched my back, pushing my chest into his as close as I could. I felt like my body would spontaneously combust at any moment if he didn’t touch me. As if reading exactly what my body needed, he cupped one of my breasts and rubbed his thumb across its peak while his mouth wrapped around the other. My hips bucked under his as he sucked my nipple into his mouth. I fisted my hands in his hair and let out a needy groan in response to his teeth scraping against my aching tip.
“Jordan, please,” I begged, still not quite sure what I was begging for. My body knew what it wanted even if my brain wasn’t catching on. And I was hungry for it.
Desperate for it.
His hand on my breast started down my waist while his lips made their way back to mine. “I’ve got you, baby,” he said into my mouth just as his fingers slipped past the edge of my panties. I let out a gasp as he slid one finger through my wetness before pulling back to circle around my clit. My breathing became frantic and I grabbed hold of the comforter, fisting it in both hands so tightly I was sure I’d rip it.
“So wet,” he mumbled as he pushed one finger into me, pumping it in and out so slowly I wanted to scream. When he began to insert a second finger I felt a flicker of pain as he began to stretch me. “Jesus baby, you’re so fucking tight.”
I couldn’t tell him the truth…that I was a virgin. I didn’t want to risk him stopping if he found out so I did what came naturally, I lied. “It’s been a while,” I replied as I pulled his mouth back to mine and wrapped my tongue around his. His hands continued to do glorious things to my body. “Please,” I pleaded. “Jordan, I need you.”
“What do you need, baby? I’ll give you anything, just say the words.”
“I need you inside me,” I gasped.
Before I could process his movement, Jordan removed his hand from between my legs and jumped off the bed. He reached for his wallet, removed a square foil packet, tossed it on the floor and ripped his slacks and boxer briefs down his body in one quick motion.
Holy shit.
In that very moment I started to re-think everything about my plan. All I could do was lay there and stare at Jordan in all his naked glory as he rolled the condom down his long, thick shaft. There was no way in hell this was going to work.
He must have read the look on my face correctly because he said, “Don’t worry, it’ll fit. You’re body was made for mine.”
He hooked one arm around the back of my thigh and pushed it up closer to my chest as he poised himself at my entrance. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back waiting for him to move but he wasn’t having that. “Look at me, Taylor. Never take your eyes off mine.” There was so much intensity in his voice that my eyes flew open and locked on his, immediately being pulled into the lust that swam in them.
He thrust forward just slightly and hissed out a breath. “Fuck,” he moaned before pulling back and pushing in a little further. “You’re so damn tight,” he panted. “Am I hurting you?”
“No,” It was the second time in minutes that I had lied. The truth was that the burning sensation was becoming almost too much to take as he pulled out and pushed back in slowly, only sliding in a fraction of an inch further each time. “Just do it, Jordan,” I demanded, praying the pain wouldn’t be so intense if he just got it over with and slid all the way in.
His hips pulled back and he pounded all the way in with one deep thrust…and I instantly regretted my decision. I let out a sharp scream and hot tears blurred my vision then started rolling down the corner of my eyes. The burning sensation intensified to a horrible level and I felt like he was tearing me in two.
“Jesus fucking Christ!” he bellowed into my neck where he’d buried his head the minute he was fully seating inside me. He didn’t move as he attempted to get his breathing under control.
He attempted to pull out, but I whimpered at the slight movement and dug my nails into the skin on his back. His pulling out hurt almost as much as when he pushed in. He lifted his head and looked at my with what appeared to be a combination of concern and anger.
I tried to wiggle out from under him but it just hurt too damn much. “Be still,” he demanded. “You’re going to make it worse. Just…just try and relax.”
The tears trickling down the sides of my face were no longer from the pain, but instead, from humiliation. I’d lied to him. I’d kept the fact that I was a virgin from him, and now that he knew, I just wanted to curl into a tiny little ball and fade away.
I tried to turn my face to the side and cover it with my hands but he wouldn’t let me. Pinning both my wrists in one hand above my head, he used his other hand to turn my face back to his. “Why didn’t you tell me, baby?”
“Because I was afraid you’d stop,” I said in a strangled voice.
I tried to give his body a shove, but he refused to move; he just pinned me deeper into the mattress. “I wouldn’t have stopped,” he finally whispered catching me totally off guard.
“You wouldn’t have?” I asked with a sniffle.
He leaned down and placed a kiss on my mouth. “Fuck no. I’ve wanted you like crazy from the moment I laid eyes on you. There’s no way I could ever say no to you…but I would have done things differently. I could have made it less painful but you didn’t give me that option.”
I sniffled again and tried to wipe the tears away with the back of my hands. He gently brushed the hair off my face and gave me a sympathetic smile. “Do you trust me?” he asked for the second time that night.
“Yes.”
“Then let me take care of you, okay? I promise I won’t hurt you again.” He leaned back down and kissed me so fiercely it made my toes curl. His fingers made their way back between my legs and he started circling that tight bundle of nerves again, eliciting a deep moan from me. “That’s it, baby,” he said against my lips.
His fingers sped up and his hips started to thrust slowly. The pain that was there earlier was gone, a dull ache the only thing that remained.
“Jordan,” I gasped as I raised my hips to meet his. His thrusts became faster and deeper as he continued to kiss me. He released his hold on my leg and I wrapped them both around his hips, digging my heels into his back. My arms made their way around his neck and we both began to move faster. I felt my release building up inside me again as Jordan powered in and out. Sweat broke out on our skin as our thrusts became frantic and I was lost. I couldn’t think. All I could do was feel. Feel Jordan’s strong hands on me, feel him moving inside me, feel all the emotions he stirred up that I hadn’t realized even existed. “I need you,” I cried out, unable to hold back the words.
“I’m right here, baby.” His eyes were on mine, never wavering; the intensity was almost enough to push me over. “Let go, Taylor. I’ve got you.”
That was all it took. Those few words pushed me over the edge and I came, crying out his name over and over. Overwhelmed, tears ran down the sides of my cheeks.
“Christ, baby…so good,” he groaned before burying his face in my neck as he followed me over seconds later.
We were both breathing hard and all of the energy was drained from my body. I was blissfully exhausted and on the edge of sleep when I felt Jordan brush the hair away from my neck and tug my earlobe with his teeth. “Perfect,” I heard him whisper right before I drifted off completely.
&nbs
p; It was just a dream…It was just a dream. I chanted over and over in my head as I tried to forget what I’d seen. Tried to forget that horrible poem running on repeat in my head. I’d woken up from my nightmare screaming as the knife was plunged into my stomach but like always, I was alone in my bed, no killer lurking in the shadows.
That was when it hit me. I was alone in my bed.
Alone.
When I’d fallen asleep last night my cheek had been resting on Jordan’s strong chest and our legs were tangled together, but as I looked around the sun filled room, he was nowhere to be found. There were no signs that he’d ever even been there, and if it wasn’t for the dull throb between my thighs, I might have been concerned that I imagined the whole thing.
He left.
The thought caused tears to prick the backs of my eyes, but I inhaled deeply and blinked them away. I had been nothing more than a one-night stand.
But…why?
Why would he bother saying all of those wonderful things to me if he had known he was just going to walk away afterwards? I felt a knot deep in my stomach as I recalled all of the things he’d said the night before. I felt like such an idiot for dropping my guard and allowing myself to buy into everything he said.
I could spend hours wracking my brain trying to come up with answers, but it was useless. He was a guy and that’s what guys did. At least I’d gotten a few hours of freedom from the darkness thanks to him. I’d felt like a normal person for a small amount of time so I tried to concentrate on being thankful to Jordan for that. I needed to ignore the pain twisting in my gut at the realization that I obviously meant less than nothing.
Glancing at the clock, I noticed that I only had an hour before my shift started. No time for yoga in an attempt to rid my mind of the horrible dream or of Jordan.
I stood from my bed and was hit with blinding pain. I grabbed the sides of my head as the migraine caused me to double over onto the floor. It was another hallucination. No…vision. I caught flashes of blonde hair and screams. Then I remembered what Daniel told me. If I tried to embrace the visions the headaches would stop.
Nightmares from Within Page 8