The Amish Midwife (The Amish Bachelors 2; Lancaster Courtships 3)

by Patricia Davids

He couldn’t give Leah up. He couldn’t. She was more than his only connection to Fannie. She was the child he was learning to love as a father would love a daughter. That left him only one option. Find a wife.

  The list of women he would consider was short. There was only one name on it.

  Joseph rose to his feet, settled his hat on his head and walked toward Anne’s place. She might not know it, but she held the answer to Leah’s future. He had to make her understand that. He didn’t try fooling himself. It wasn’t going to be easy. Anne was set in her ways just as he was, but she loved Leah. That was the key. She loved the child. He saw it every time they were together.

  Somehow he had to convince her that they belonged together permanently.

  * * *

  Anne was surprised to see Joseph so early in the day. “I thought you were taking some of the young bucks to the livestock sale in town.”

  “I’ve changed my mind. I’ll go next week. There is always another sale.”

  “True. Would you like some coffee? I’m afraid it’s getting old. I made it early this morning.”

  “Nay, I’m fine. Where is Leah?”

  “She’s sleeping in my office. I thought I would get these jars washed so I can start making pumpkin puree.” She gestured toward the assortment of gourds lined up along the wall. “I’m a little tired of the pumpkins decorating my kitchen.”

  “You are always finding something to do.”

  “That’s because my work never ends.” She plunged her hands into the hot soapy water in her sink and began washing her small canning jars and lids.

  “There is something I need to talk to you about.”

  “And what is that? Has Chester eaten my windmill or my buggy?”

  “Anne, we’ve gotten along well together these last few weeks. Don’t you think?”

  She chuckled. “Compared to the past three years, I’d say you are right, Joseph.”

  “I’m being serious now. Please come and sit down. I can’t talk to your back.”

  Anne stopped washing the dishes and dried her hands as she turned to face him. The look on his face frightened her. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  He managed a half smile with some effort. “Nothing’s wrong. I just want to talk to you.”

  “All right. I’m listening.”

  She waited, but he didn’t say anything. He had his hands deep in his pockets as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. She folded her arms, giving him her complete attention.

  He glanced at her face and suddenly crossed to the stove. “A cup of coffe would be goot right now. Would you like one?” He pulled a mug from her cabinet and began filling it from her coffeepot.

  “Nay, I’m fine. Help yourself. What is it that you wanted to talk to me about?” Something was very odd. She had never seen him look so nervous.

  “Koom and sit at the table.” He settled in a chair.

  She pulled out the one across from him and sat down. “All right, I’m sitting. Joseph, what is going on?”

  He took a sip of his coffee and then gripped the mug between his fingers. His knuckles stood out white. “My farm is small, but I have room for expansion in my milking parlor. I could double my goat herd if I had someone to help me.”

  “Twice as many goats next door? Ack, I would not be overjoyed. No wonder you wanted me to sit down.” She didn’t bother to hide her sarcasm.

  He cleared his throat. “I’m trying to tell you that I can support a family.”

  “That’s good, since you already have one child.”

  “You have hit the nail on the head. I already have a child.”

  “And?”

  “You love Leah. I can see that. You are like a mother to her. She will never remember Fannie.”

  Anne dropped her gaze to stare at her hands. “I do love Leah, with all my heart.”

  Joseph reached across the table and took Anne’s hand in his. Startled, her gaze shot to his face. “You want what is best for her. So do I. I think it is best that she have a mudder.”

  “She has a mudder.”

  “Nay, she does not. I received a letter from Fannie this morning. She is never coming home. She wants me to raise Leah. I can’t do that by myself. I need a helpmate. Someone who will love Leah as a mother loves a child.”

  Anne had no idea where this conversation was going. “Are you trying to tell me that you have decided to marry?”

  Relief filled his eyes. “Ja. That is exactly what I’m trying to say.”

  Anne blinked hard as his words settled in her mind. He was going to take a wife. That would change everything. He wouldn’t need a nanny. He wouldn’t need her.

  When he married, she would have no part in Leah’s life except as the kindly woman next door. Of course, she expected Leah to grow up. In a few years, she would have no need for a kindt heedah. She would start school and soon be old enough to take care of herself.

  Tears stung the back of Anne’s eyes. She’d thought she would be able to hold her darling girl and sing her to sleep until that time. She’d thought she had years to enjoy her baby, to watch her grow up. Now Joseph was telling her another woman would take her place.

  How would she bear being alone again without her baby to brighten each day?

  She fumbled for the right words to say. “I wish you every happiness, Joseph. Who have you chosen?”

  “I’ve chosen you.”

  Anne snatched her hand away from him. Was he out of his mind? “What do you mean by that?”

  “I knew I wouldn’t do this right. I’m sorry. Anne, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? Will you become Leah’s mudder? My farm is small, and so is yours. If we combine them, we will have more than enough for one family.”

  “You want me to marry you so that you can have my farm?” She drew back to glare at him. She didn’t know if she was outraged or simply floored by his audacity.

  “Not for the farm, but you must admit it makes sense. You are a reasonable woman.”

  “I thought I was until this minute.”

  It seemed to dawn on him that he had made a mistake. “Please, Anne. Hear me out. I like you a great deal. I hope I have not offended you. I think that you like me, too. We have become friends. Goot friends. Many a marriage has started with less and prospered. We both love Leah. Together we can give her all that she needs. Will you consider my offer?”

  He liked her, but he hadn’t said that he loved her. Her feelings for him had grown by leaps and bounds in the past few weeks. It hurt that he didn’t return them. “Friendship isn’t enough to hold a marriage together.”

  “Isn’t it? It’s what binds a man and woman together. Love is like a bonfire. It burns bright and hot, but it dies down. The glowing embers of the fire are what give the warmth that lets a person draw near and use the fire. To heat a home. To cook a meal. To forge iron. Friendship is like those embers. It sustains us.”

  Anne rose to her feet and crossed the kitchen to the sink. She gripped the edge and bowed her head. Would it be so wrong to accept him? She loved him, but could she spend a lifetime with a man who didn’t love her in return?

  She would have Leah, too, as her very own babe to love and care for her entire life.

  Joseph might not love her now, but perhaps he could learn to love her over time. If she said no, he would look elsewhere for a wife and she would have to watch another woman become the center of his life. How could she bear that?

  He came to stand behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. He was so close she could feel his warmth. If she leaned back, she would be in his arms. Wasn’t that where she wanted to be?

  She had been given a choice. She could move into his arms or remain alone for the rest of her life and grow old with no one to care for her or about her.

 
Leah began fussing in the other room. The overwhelming urge to go comfort the child made up Anne’s mind.

  But before she agreed to become Joseph’s wife, she needed to tell him about her shameful past. She dreaded the look of condemnation that would fill his eyes, but it wasn’t fair to try and keep her secret from him now. Not even if it cost her everything.

  She drew a deep breath and turned around.

  “Before I give you an answer, there are some things you need to know about me.”

  A half smile tilted his lips. “I know as much about you as I need to know. You are kind. You are hardworking. You are a woman of faith. A little bossy perhaps, but you love Leah.”

  “You must listen to me. There was a time when I was not such a good woman. I was a foolish teenage girl who fell in love with the wrong man.”

  His grin disappeared. “Was this during your rumspringa? Before you were baptized?”

  “Ja.” She closed her eyes as shame burned in her chest.

  “Have you violated the Ordnung, the rules of our church, since you took your vows?” he asked softly.

  She opened her eyes so he could read the truth in them. “Nay, I have not.”

  He laid a finger to her lips as his gaze softened. “Then there is no need to speak of the past.”

  “You have a right to know.”

  “That is between you and God. The sins of your past were forgiven. I have made mistakes, too. I have done things that displeased the Lord, but I sought forgiveness and it was given to me. Our souls were made new through baptism.”

  Anne’s heart swelled with love. She could not ask for a better mate in life. Joseph was a good man in every sense of the word. She would be blessed to be his wife. Was this God’s plan for them? How could she know? How could she be sure she was doing the right thing?

  She prayed for an answer and felt it deep in her soul. She placed a hand on his chest and felt the heavy thud of his heart against her palm.

  “I will wed you, Joseph Lapp. I’ll strive to be a good wife to you and a good mother to Leah.”

  He covered her hand with his own. “Leah needs us both. This is the best thing for her.”

  Anne nodded and bit her lip as trepidation filled her heart. Was a marriage without love between the parents really the best thing for a child?

  Chapter Nineteen

  Their intention to marry was published in church the Sunday after Joseph proposed. Simeon Shetler and Dinah Plank’s intentions were published the same day and caused more of a stir than Anne and Joseph’s announcement. Anne’s wedding would take place a week before Thanksgiving. Dinah and Simeon would marry the first Tuesday in December.

  Anne expected her friends to be surprised by her engagement, but most of them weren’t. Ellen Beachy Shetler expressed it best. “The gossip about you and Joseph has been circulating for weeks. We all knew something was up. We’re all happy for you.”

  A whirlwind of activity began for Anne the next day. Invitations were sent to her far-flung relatives. She didn’t have a big family, only a few cousins in Ohio. She didn’t expect many of them to come, but she hoped they would. She sent another set of invitations to her friends and Joseph’s friends in Honeysuckle. She also sent them to a few of the nurses at the hospital in Lancaster, including Roxann. They had been instrumental in helping her improve her midwifery skills and in caring for Rhonda Yoder and her son.

  Naomi Beiler offered the use of her home for the wedding ceremony and Anne gratefully accepted since her mother was gone. The horse Pocahontas was returned to Calvin Miller, and Daisy returned to pulling the buggy, if slowly.

  Anne’s days were soon filled with sewing her wedding dress, cleaning, cooking and preparations for the big day. She chose a deep blue material for her gown and hoped that Joseph would approve. She saw little of him. He brought Leah over as usual when he was doing his chores, but he didn’t stay long. They rarely found time to be alone. It seemed that she always had company.

  The day before the wedding, a dozen of her married friends and members of her church arrived to prepare the wedding feast and the house for the bridal party. There would be a generous meal served following the wedding, but the celebration would continue until supper time, when a second meal would be needed for all the guests.

  When the day finally arrived, Anne was up at four thirty in the morning. Six of her cousins from Ohio had arrived the night before and were helping her get ready. It was wonderful to see the women she had grown up with and to share stories about old times. It had been a long time since Anne felt so connected to her family.

  She was standing at the window looking toward Joseph’s house and wondering what he was feeling when Ellen and Lizzie came in to hurry her along. Both of them were newlyweds and the light of happiness in their eyes gave Anne courage. She was doing the right thing, wasn’t she? If she married Joseph, he would never have the chance to find a woman he loved. What if he was settling for Anne and regretted it later?

  Ellen took Anne’s hand. “It’s time. Micah has the buggy here for you.”

  Anne had asked Ellen and Neziah to be members of her bridal party. Micah, Neziah’s brother, was acting as hostler, the driver for the group.

  Anne nodded. She was ready, but her fingers were as cold as ice. Was Leah reason enough to wed Joseph and be bound to him for all time?

  Ellen squeezed Anne’s hand. “It will be fine.”

  Anne took a deep breath and her panic retreated. Leah was only part of the reason for this day. She might have been instrumental in bringing them together, but it was Anne’s love that would make them a family. With God’s help, she would be a good wife and mother.

  Joseph was waiting for her at the foot of the stairs. He looked every bit as nervous as she felt, but he also looked incredibly handsome in his new black suit and bow tie. Her husband-to-be had Leah in his arms. He smiled and held out his hand. “Are you ready?”

  She grasped his fingers tightly. “I am. Are you?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Now is the time to run,” she suggested.

  “Nay, you are stuck with me.”

  “Goot. Are Rhonda and Silas here?” She and Joseph had asked them to be their second bridal-party couple.

  “They are outside in the buggy already,” Neziah answered. He slapped Joseph on the back. “Better get going.”

  The trip to Naomi’s home didn’t take long. The wedding-party couples rode in a second buggy while the bride and groom rode alone. Anne sat stiffly beside Joseph. She was grateful to have Leah on her lap because she wasn’t sure if she should hold his hand or not. Her wedding day was something she would remember all her life. She didn’t want it marred by these doubts.

  As if he could read her thoughts, he leaned toward her and whispered in her ear. “Smile. You look like you’re going to a funeral.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m not sure how to act.”

  He took her hand between his own. “Act like yourself.”

  “You mean throw a tomato at you?”

  He threw back his head and laughed. “That was a goot throw. You sure did surprise me that day.”

  Micah glanced over his shoulder at them but didn’t comment.

  Anne lowered her voice. “I was so mad at you. I hope you have forgiven me.”

  “I have. And I hope you have forgiven me for causing you so much extra work and worry. It was my responsibility to keep my goats out of your garden and I failed. I will not fail you again, Anne. I promise this.”

  She gazed into his eyes. “We’re going to be all right, aren’t we?”

  “I think so. I really think we are.”

  She believed him.

  It was just after seven o’clock when they arrived at Naomi’s home. The pocket doors between her rooms had been pushed open to make room for all the guests, and the
benches were being set up.

  Abigail came to take charge of Leah while Anne and Joseph greeted the early guests as they arrived. The ceremony wouldn’t take place until nine. By eight thirty the wedding party took their places on the benches at the front of the room where the ceremony would be held, Anne with Rhonda and Ellen on one side of the room, Joseph with Silas and Neziah on the other.

  Their forgeher, or ushers, four married couples from their church group, made sure each guest had a place on one of the long wooden benches. When the bishop entered the room, he motioned for Anne and Joseph to come with him as the congregation began singing.

  Anne and Joseph glanced at each other and quietly followed the bishop. It was customary for the bishop or ministers to counsel the couple before the ceremony took place. One of Naomi’s bedrooms had been prepared with chairs for them all. Anne’s knees were shaking.

  Holding open the door, Bishop Andy said, “Sit. Be of good heart, for I promise not to keep you long.”

  He took a seat in front of them. “Anne, your place will now be at your husband’s side. You will be his counselor, his helpmate. God willing, you will bear his children and raise them to love and serve the Lord.”

  “That is my hope,” she said softly. The thought of having more children filled her with joy, but being a true wife to Joseph filled her with concern. Her hands grew cold.

  The bishop cleared his throat. “Joseph, you must provide for and cherish your wife. Anne’s love and God’s love will be your strength in times of trial. As happy as you are today, it is hard to imagine the sorrows you will face together and alone. We are but travelers through this world on our way to eternal joy at the foot of God’s throne. No matter how great is the sorrow or joy that this life brings, it will pass away and the glory of God will shine all around you. Do you understand this?”

  Joseph nodded. “I do and I accept what God wills.”

  The bishop smiled at him and turned to Anne. “Gottes love is never wavering, never changing and never ending. Remember this in times of trouble.”

  “I will,” she said quietly.

  “Marriage is not easy, but it can be wonderful. I pray God will bless you both. Shall we go back in?”