I wanted her to want me as badly as I wanted her. And what I was going through with Sarah was gutting me. But Sarah had never been mine. Our relationship had never gone further than friendly flirting. And I had to remind myself that it never would.
I stepped forward, pulled toward Sarah. “I just want you to stay.” She took one final step backward as she leaned against the door.
“I can’t. Sleep it off, E.” Her words were barely a whisper, and her eyes were pleading with me. Her hand felt for the door handle next to her waist and she grabbed ahold of it. I reached out, wrapping my fingers around hers, leaning closer. Her chest was rising and falling quickly, her lips parted. I looked down at her mouth and her tongue darted out, running over her lips. I could barely control my own breathing and I struggled not to press myself against her. I needed to feel her skin against mine. I glanced down at her baby-blue dress as my forehead pushed against hers and our breaths mingled.
Her eyes fell closed and I stared down at her thick lashes, getting high from her proximity. “Please,” I whispered, and her free hand came up to press against my chest. She weakly pushed back against me, her nails biting into my flesh. I’d grown painfully hard and I wanted to push my hips against hers, but I stayed inches away as she held me back.
Her eyes slowly opened and she searched mine. “You’re drunk, E. Knock it off.”
“Sarah . . .” My words caught in my throat as I stared down at her.
Without thinking, I pressed my mouth hard against hers. Her lips moved against mine for a brief second before she shoved against my chest hard, causing me to stumble back a step.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” she yelled as her eyes narrowed and her cheeks flamed red.
Her hand slid from my chest and she pushed down the handle to the door. Her eyes stayed on mine as she pulled it open and slipped out into the hallway.
The stabbing pain in my head came back full force as she walked out the door. I stumbled back to my bed and collapsed on top of the covers. I had taken a chance. I had put my feelings out there and she said no. I traced the spot on my chest that still burned from her touch.
It felt as if someone had cracked open my ribs and pulled my heart from my chest. Someone who cheated on her and degraded her was more appealing than me.
I wanted to go down to the police station and finish beating the piss out of Derek, but it wasn’t my place. Sarah loved him, not me, and I had no right to interfere with her life anymore.
I forced myself to keep my eyes open for hours. Every time I tried to fall asleep, all I saw was her sad face. Eventually, my eyes grew heavy and burned and I had to give in to my exhaustion.
MORNING CAME TOO early and my throat was painfully dry. I made my way into the bathroom, groaning as I turned on the light. My eyes fell on the mirror and I took in the damage from the night before. My lip was swollen and busted and a small bruise was on my temple, but otherwise all of my pain was inside.
I tried to block out the foggy memories from last night, hoping the alcohol would help to erase them, but they all came rushing back. I turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on my face, wincing as it burned my cut. I cupped my hands and drank a sip, relieving the burn in my throat.
Leaning against the sink, I forced myself to think of something other than Sarah. I grabbed my bottle of pain pills and took one as I wondered how Tuck and Cass were doing. I was tempted to call Cass and tell her how badly I had fucked up again last night, but I didn’t want to disturb the little bit of time they had alone.
Instead, I ran through the shower and pulled on fresh clothes, a pair of worn jeans and a white T-shirt. I grabbed my cell phone and looked at the time. It was already afternoon. I dialed Donna’s phone, hoping she would be awake.
She answered after two rings, sounding as if she had been up for hours. “I didn’t think you were going to grace us with your presence today.”
“Yeah . . . ,” I groaned, and stretched. “I feel like total shit.”
“Nothing a little greasy food won’t cure. I’m down at Hembrough’s Diner. You want me to bring you something?”
“Nah . . . I’ll come meet you. I need to get out of this fucking place.”
“See you soon.”
I said good-bye and hung up the phone, tossing it on the bed. I slipped on my sneakers and grabbed my cigarettes and wallet, and my eyes fell on a pair of high heels next to the bed. Just fucking great. I grabbed them and slipped out of my room, not ready to face Sarah after last night. I had made a complete fucking fool of myself.
I slowed as I made my way toward Sarah’s door, taking a deep breath and knocking before I could talk myself out of it. I knew I needed to apologize. I couldn’t just avoid her like an asshole and pretend nothing happened.
She pulled it open, just peeking her head out of a crack. “What are you doing here?” Her voice was a whisper, laced with anger, and she glanced back over her shoulder. I clenched my jaw when I realized that Derek must be inside. I could only imagine how fucked-up his face was this morning, and I braced for her to scream at me for hurting him.
I held up her shoes between us and she rolled her eyes, snatching them from my hand and tossing them on the floor inside the door.
“How is he?” I asked, feigning concern.
“He’s passed out. He didn’t sleep for shit in jail and his face is battered and bruised.” She folded her arms over her chest. “I can’t believe he went through that for me.”
Shock was the first emotion that rolled through me, followed by the desire to shove my way in his room and beat his ass again. “Yeah, he’s a fucking saint.”
“Shhh . . .” She pushed lightly against my chest and I took a step back as she slid into the hall and pulled the door closed behind her. My gaze dropped to her hand on my body, and every emotion I felt last night when I was so close to her came rushing back to the surface. She must have felt it, too, and she quickly pulled her arm back, wringing her hands together.
“I never said Derek was perfect, but he is trying. Last night is proof of that. You do remember last night, don’t you?” Her eyes narrowed angrily.
I rolled my eyes, wanting to scream that he wasn’t changing and that I was the one who had battered his face, but I knew she would just hate me for that, so I kept my mouth shut and swallowed back the truth yet again. If I couldn’t be with Sarah, I needed to save our friendship. I couldn’t handle losing her altogether.
“I’m sorry for last night, Sarah. I should never have put you in that position. I had way too much to drink and I acted like an asshole.”
Her gaze avoided mine as she listened to my half-assed apology.
“Still friends?” I asked, forcing a smile.
“Always.” She returned the smile and we looked at each other for a long moment before my phone began to ring in my pocket. I pulled it out and looked at the screen.
“It’s Donna. I gotta go.”
Sarah only nodded and opened the door to her room. I watched her slip inside before making my way down the hall to the elevator.
SARAH
I CLOSED THE DOOR to the hotel room quietly and leaned back against it. My heart sank into my stomach as I stared at Derek, sprawled on the bed. All I could think about all night was E. Why did he have to complicate our friendship? It had felt so good to start to reconnect with him, to move past the awkward radio silence that had defined the last few weeks between us, but then he had to go and do something that he knew would piss me off, not to mention Derek.
My mind was racing; I was pissed and confused.
And why did it suddenly piss me off that he was going to meet up with Donna? I banged my head against the door as if I were trying to knock some clarity into my mind, and the sound seemed to bring Derek back to life.
“What’s up?” Derek groaned as he stretched across the bed.
“Nothing. I just don’t feel well. I think I drank too much last night.”
He laughed and patted a spot next to him on the be
d. I pushed to my feet and slowly made my way over to him. His one eye was completely swollen shut, his cheekbone bruised and split open.
I sat down next to him and ran my fingertips over his cheek. “They got you good.”
He rolled over and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Yeah, but I won.” He let out a low laugh and coughed.
“Let me get you some water.” I went to stand but Derek’s grip tightened around my waist, holding me next to him.
“I’m fine. I just need some more sleep. Have you seen any of the guys?”
My heart began to race as I thought of what to say. Derek had been right about E, and telling him that would only cause a fight. “Not since last night. E went back in the club to look for you for me, but the cops came before he could find you.”
Derek smiled and nodded his head. “I’ll have to thank him later.”
I smiled down at him, glad that maybe he and E might finally be able to put some of their differences behind them and be friends.
“Come here.” He pulled me down so I was lying with my back to him as he snuggled against me. “Wake me up in an hour.” He yawned and laid his head against my back. I tried to relax against him, but I felt as if everything had changed in just a few short hours. It was killing me inside. Derek was finally trying. He was coming around and doing the right thing, but all I could think about was E. I closed my eyes as a tear slid onto the sheet below and prayed that sleep would take away my guilt, even if just for an hour.
WHEN I FINALLY woke, I didn’t feel any better. I wished I had someone I could talk to, but E was definitely not a good choice and Cass was still off celebrating her marriage. I felt so alone, even with my boyfriend’s arms locked around my body. I glanced at the alarm clock next to the bed. It was almost dinnertime and I had slept a lot longer than I intended. I pulled Derek’s arm off me and slowly slid out of bed to use the bathroom. I knew I should wake him, but I needed a few more minutes to myself.
I ran a hot bath and slid into the tub, my hair piled on top of my head with a clip. I wanted to disappear underneath the bubbles so I didn’t have to face the world again. I closed my eyes, getting lost in the warmth.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” Derek’s voice startled me.
I jumped, splashing water over the edge of the tub. I tried not to let the fear from memories of my past show on my face. “You looked so peaceful. I figured you could use a little more sleep.”
He lifted the lid to the toilet and peed.
I gave him a look of disgust as I pushed myself up and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around myself. The bubbles still clung to my skin, but I needed to get out of there. The room was closing in on me. Derek zipped up his pants and grabbed my arm as I tried to walk by him and out the door. His nose skimmed along my jawline up to my ear.
“I know how you could make me feel better.” His teeth nipped gently on my earlobe, and his hand trailed down my arm and gripped the towel in his hand, pulling it from my body and letting it fall to the floor. “It killed me not being here with you last night.”
He turned toward me, lacing his hands behind my neck and pulling my mouth to his, reminding me of what had drawn us together in the first place—that magnetic pull that was impossible to deny. Those strong arms that had always made me feel so protected.
Derek’s kisses were hungry and he grabbed his shirt, pulling it over his head and dropping it on the towel. My eyes danced over his tattooed chest before he pulled me back against him, needing to feel his skin on mine. His palm ran roughly over my breast as his lips moved over my jaw and down my throat.
The memories of kissing E flooded me, and my head began to swim with regret as I pushed against his chest to get away from his touch. I wasn’t feeling guilty for keeping it a secret. I felt guilty because I’d liked it.
“What’s gotten into you?”
“Nothing. I just want to take it slow.” I pressed my lips against his, desperate to ignite the fire that had nearly flickered out. Derek backed me up against the bathroom wall, his body slamming hard against mine as he undid his pants and shoved them down his hips. Slow wasn’t an option and I squeezed my eyes closed, hoping he couldn’t feel how fast my heart was racing. I begged my brain to focus on the now.
The opening notes to “Free Bird” began to play in my mind, and I focused on the song as I let my mind detach from my body. I’d never enjoyed sex, but how do you explain that to your boyfriend? How do you even begin to tell the rock god you’re dating that you don’t feel like making love?
The lyrics grew louder in my subconscious as I let my imagination wander. Unfortunately, it went to the one thought I wished I could forget: kissing E.
ERIC
I COULDN’T GET MY mind off Sarah as I spun a beer bottle in my hand.
“Shit, you’ve got it fucking bad.” Chris laughed and took a drink from his bottle as he motioned for the bartender to bring another round.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“The fuck you don’t, man. You nearly killed Derek last night.”
“I was being a good friend. You would have done the same.”
“Maybe. But I would have told her what he did. Why wouldn’t you dime him out? She would have ran right into your arms.”
“Because I want her to want me, not settle for me.”
“That’s fucking deep. You’re starting to sound like Tuck.”
“That’s what scares me.”
The bartender brought our drinks and I picked mine up. Nodding to Chris, I slowly nursed it. “She won’t leave him. She thinks he’s changed.” I stared ahead at the half-empty bottles of beer.
“She say that?”
I nodded, hating how my chest tightened when I thought of her.
“What does Donna think about all this?”
“She knows we are just friends. We’re just having some fun.”
“Like when you nearly fucked her on the dance floor last night? You’re treading in dangerous territory, man. Women don’t ever just want to be friends with benefits. They catch feelings faster than my brother gets STDs.”
I chuckled and shook my head as Chris pulled his phone from his pocket and typed out a message.
“What’s up?”
“Letting Terry know where we’re at.”
I grabbed my phone from my pocket and sent a text to Donna so she could come out with Terry and not have to walk alone. After we’d had a late lunch at the diner, she went back to her room to get some work done and set up dates and locations for our next tour.
Chris leaned over my shoulder to read my message.
“Get the fuck out of here, man.” I used my elbow to block him from reading over my shoulder.
“I can’t wait to watch this train wreck.”
TERRY SHOWED UP at the bar an hour later with Donna, who was wearing tight jeans and a black tank top that read DAMAGED across her chest. Unfortunately, he also brought Sarah and Derek. I downed the rest of my beer and ordered another as I prepared for a fight. I wasn’t sure Derek was stupid enough to say who fucked up his face just to keep me from Sarah, but he had been known to make worse decisions.
The bar was smaller than the club we hit last night, but just as crowded. Donna sat on my knee and I looped my arm loosely around her waist as I absentmindedly pulled at a loose thread on the thigh of her jeans. I owed her big-time for playing the perfect girlfriend role, although I’m sure she was enjoying being included in the group. It had to be miserable always pushing everyone away.
Derek sat on the other side of Chris, and Sarah stood between his legs with her back resting against his chest. Her dark gray skirt only came down midthigh, and it was hard not to stare at her long legs.
I swallowed down my feelings so I could prove to her that we could just be friends. I wasn’t going to risk losing her over some stupid fucking crush.
“What the fuck happened to your face?” Chris called over to Derek, knowing damn well I was what happened.
“Fight
was intense last night.” Derek looked around Chris to me. “I heard you came to find me. Good looking out, man.”
“It’s no big deal. I would do it again,” I smirked, and Terry laughed from behind me.
“Looks like it hurts,” Terry called out.
Derek shook his head with a laugh before his eyes locked on mine. “Sarah kissed it and made it better.” He pressed his lips against her cheek, and my skin felt as if it were on fire.
My eyes went to Sarah’s but she was looking down at the ground now and her cheeks were reddening as they had last night after I had kissed her.
Donna pulled at my arm that I had tightened around her waist to get me to relax so she could breathe. She leaned back, placing her lips next to my ear.
“If you snap me in half, I am going to demand a raise,” she whispered, and I laughed, turning to make a face at her, our lips nearly touching.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered back as I tried not to let Derek get to me.
“If he gets you to fight him in front of her, he wins, and I’m stuck trying to get you out of jail.”
“He already won. I won’t go after someone who doesn’t want me.”
Donna smiled sadly and nodded as she took my drink from my hand and took a sip. “Does this mean I need to find my own bar-stool?”
I gave her a small squeeze, holding her in place. “I’d be offended if you did. How much rejection can one man’s ego take?”
Inside, every piece of me felt fractured, but I smiled for the sake of saving my friendship. If Sarah needed to know I wasn’t going to pursue her, I would show her, even if it killed me inside to do it.
I placed a soft kiss on Donna’s cheek and she pressed into my lips. My eyes closed as I thought of being so close to Sarah in my hotel room. I could still smell her; feel the heat from her body. Even though she’d pushed me away, I still felt that a part of her had wanted to pull me closer . . . or had I just imagined it?
“I need to get some strange.” Chris began scanning the joint for women. “All this lovey-dovey shit is making me horny.”
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