by Amy Patrick
I tore my own gaze away. “We should go in,” I repeated, though I wasn’t feeling nearly as cold as I had before.
We swam to shore, and as we reached shallow water, I slowed, staying submerged to my shoulders. “Okay, you go on ahead. I’ll be inside in a minute.”
“What? No. I’m not leaving you out here. Let me run up to the deck and get you a towel.”
“Please Nox. Just go.”
“No way.”
I sighed. “Fine. I’ll go first then. I don’t trust you not to look when you’re on your way back.” And I walked around him, marching across the sand and up the stairs with my arms clamped across my chest. I was pretty sure he watched me the whole way, but at least all he was getting was a view of my back. And my bottom, though my black panties were no skimpier than the bikini bottoms all the girls had worn earlier.
Besides, he’d seen plenty of scantily clad female derrieres in his time. I had no doubt of that. Could mine really be any more interesting than the next?
Holy hell.
I wasn’t sure if he’d meant for me to hear that particular thought or not, but at least I had my answer.
Chapter Eighteen
Hidden Heritage
The next day Amalia gave us a free day. Nox and his bandmates were rehearsing, there would be no press around, and therefore, no need for the appearance of adoring fans. The only rule was we were to stay together. The girls took a vote, and the result by popular demand was a field trip to world-famous Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. The other girls and I wandered in and out of shops bearing brand names I’d only seen on TV and in the movies.
Though each of us had been given a generous allowance to make some purchases, I bought nothing. Just looking at the price tag on a simple t-shirt gave me the hives. It was stunning what some people were willing to spend on clothes. If only I’d had access to this money a few months ago, when my family’s land was under threat of being confiscated by the IRS.
Without Amalia’s eagle eyes around, I felt comfortable stashing my phone in my purse for the outing. After about a half hour of browsing, I told my roommates I was walking down the street to sit in the sun instead of doing any more shopping.
“Okay, suit yourself. I’ll let you know if we find any bargains,” Kim said.
I searched for a spot out of sight of the others—a bench near the Versace store where an ornate street lamp stood adorned with two huge hanging flower baskets. Pulling my phone from my purse, I turned it on and dialed Mom. I still hadn’t managed to connect with her since Grandma tipped me off to her possible status change a couple nights ago. She answered after four rings.
“Oh, Ryann honey—I’m so happy to hear from you. I miss you so much. How are you?”
“Great,” I answered in a cautious tone, watching the shoppers—and fellow gawkers—take in the dazzling window displays. “California’s beautiful. I’m on Rodeo Drive right now, shopping with some new friends.”
“How fabulous! You’re making me so jealous. I can’t wait to see L.A. Davis is promising to take me soon.”
“For a honeymoon?”
There was a long silence. Two women in obviously designer outfits passed by, pushing sleek baby strollers that looked like they cost about a thousand dollars each.
Finally, Mom spoke again, her voice now tinged with guilt. “Oh dear. Did someone tell you? I’m so sorry, honey. I wanted to tell you myself, but it’s so hard to reach you out there with the time difference and your busy schedule. You haven’t been answering your phone.”
“I know. It’s okay.”
“Well… what do you think?”
“I’m happy for you, but I do think it’s kind of fast. You haven’t known him very long.”
Now her voice took on a new brightness—almost too perky. “Well, that’s the thing. Actually, remember I told you I worked on his campaign when I was in college? We got to know each other… quite well back then.”
I sat up straight on the bench, both feet planted on the stone pavers beneath it. “What do you mean? You dated?”
“Mmmm… sort of. We couldn’t actually go out—he was running for Senator. I was a sorority girl. It wouldn’t have looked good.”
“So then you… you slept with him. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“Well, it’s not exactly the kind of thing you discuss with your teenage daughter. I was planning to tell you—when the time was right.”
Sitting hard against the iron bench back, I exhaled a long breath. “Wow. You’re like secret lovers reunited or something.” Then a terrible thought occurred to me. “You and Daddy met in college. Did you fool around with Davis while you and Dad were together?”
“No. No, Ryann. Daddy and I had dated, but we had broken up before I got involved with Davis. Then things couldn’t really progress with Davis, and I was frustrated. I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore. And your daddy and I missed each other, so we got back together.”
“Oh.” I was overwhelmed with sadness. My mom was really going to marry this guy. He wasn’t a flash in the pan or a transitional man. He really had replaced my father in her heart and now he would replace my father in our house. That was… if he intended to move in with us. Or was she planning to move in with him?
“Mom—where are you and Davis going to live when you get married?”
“He’s a Georgia senator—he has to live in Georgia. So… I’ll have to move there. But don’t worry. We’re planning to wait until you graduate for me to move. I’ll travel back and forth until then. I wouldn’t make you move before senior year, and I wouldn’t leave you.”
Ugh. She would, though. If not now, less than a year from now when I graduated high school. Things were changing so fast.
“I can’t wait for you to spend some more time with him, Ryann. You are going to love him. He already loves you.”
“What do you mean? He hasn’t even met me.”
The pause before she spoke again filled my belly with a chilling sense of nausea. “Mom?”
“He wants to get to know you. Davis is very eager to be a part of your life. He… wants to make up for lost time.”
The chill was ice cold now. I sat in the California midday sun and felt frozen solid. “Mom… what are you talking about?”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the answer, but I had to. My hand holding the phone started shaking. I was terrified that I already knew what she was about to tell me.
“Well… I feel like we should talk about this in person. We’ll talk when you get home. You and me and Davis… and Daddy.”
Now my voice turned harder. “No! Tell me now—does this have something to do with why you and Daddy broke up?” A family of four turned in my direction, and I lowered my voice. “You told me you said something to Daddy you never should have said—what was it?”
If I’d ever possessed even a drop of the Sway, as Nox had suggested, I pulled it out right then and put it in my voice. With every note of inflection I could produce, with every ounce of persuasion I could muster, I willed my mother to tell me the truth.
“Is Davis—my father?”
A sob came through the phone line. I nearly threw my cell against the wall of the shop next to me but instead let it drop to the bench where it landed with a metallic clatter.
Her far-away voice called to me. “Ryann? Ryann are you still there?”
Slowly, as if in a dream, I picked up the phone and brought it back to my ear. “I’m here.” My voice was cracked and dry as though the hot sun had sapped the life right out of me.
Mom was weeping. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I was planning to tell you someday, when you were older.”
“Daddy knows?”
“He does… now. When we got back together in college—well, I was pregnant. I realized it a few weeks later. Your dad never asked if the baby was his, though he had to know the truth because of the timing. He stood by me and married me. He loves you every bit as much as he would have if you were his own flesh and blood. I
think he actually forgot you weren’t most of the time.”
She paused and sobbed again. “Until our fight over the IRS thing—I was so angry, and I said probably the most hurtful thing I could have—that maybe we’d have been better off with your ‘real father.’ I never should have said it. It was horrible. I hurt him so badly—that’s why he… why he did what he did, and why he stayed away for so long. I was a mess for a while there—I was bitter about the way he retaliated and about what had happened with Davis, too, all those years ago. I really should have been blaming myself all this time.”
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. Even if I could’ve thought of something to say, my vocal chords wouldn’t cooperate. My mom, who’d spent the past year warning me men weren’t to be trusted, was the biggest liar of them all. And she was about to marry the very guy who’d left her to fend for herself when she was pregnant with his daughter—with me.
I hung up the phone and turned to the side to vomit into a conveniently placed planter. A woman nearby wrinkled her nose and turned away. Sorry Miss Rodeo Drive Shopper. Your lovely shopping day was also one of the worst of my life.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there, but I sort of came to when I heard voices calling my name from down the street. Stashing the phone back in my purse, I rose to my feet as Gigi and Bonnie ran over to me.
“Where have you been, girl? Everyone’s on the bus. The driver was about to leave without you.”
“We were totally freaking out. We thought maybe someone had like, kidnapped you or something.”
“Are you okay,” Gigi asked, her face the picture of concern. “You look kind of weird.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I… I think maybe I dozed off here or something. We should get to the bus.”
During the whole ride home, I re-lived the conversation again and again. The wide streets and palm trees whizzing by looked like a scene out of a TV drama—it was unreal that this was my life. I didn’t even know who I was anymore.
All the givens in my world were now up for debate. My dad wasn’t my dad. My mom had kept at least one huge secret from me. And I was going to have to deal with it all… alone. I was all alone. Except for Nox.
I need you. I leaned my head against the window, closing my eyes as if in prayer. God help me, Nox—I need you right now.
* * *
He was standing in front of the house as our bus pulled into his long driveway. The instant the hydraulic doors swished open, he rushed to the bottom of the steps, giving perfunctory greetings to the girls who got off before me. When I stepped off, he took my hand and led me inside and straight to his suite.
I didn’t argue but went with him passively, feeling completely drained of energy, of thought, of any will of my own.
Closing the doors behind us, he turned me to face him, keeping his steadying hands on my shoulders. “What happened? What’s going on?”
I blinked at him in confusion.
“Ryann… talk to me. Why did you say you needed me? Is everything okay?”
“You heard me,” I whispered. “How…”
He nodded, his eyes searching and serious. “It’s never happened to me before—hearing someone from a distance. But I’ve heard of it—when there’s a strong connection. I thought it only happened with bonded couples, but I guess not.”
The stress of the day and the weight of my new knowledge crashed over me—it was all too much to handle—I burst into tears.
Nox pulled me against his chest, wrapping his strong arms tightly around me. “Yes. Yes, I heard you. And I’m here for you. You’re okay. Whatever it is, it’ll be okay. Can you tell me what’s going on?”
“It’s not okay,” I blubbered against his chest. “Everything’s wrong, and it’ll never be okay.”
I could hear the helpless frustration in his voice. “Did you run into Emmy while you were shopping or something? Is she all right?”
I shook my head, no doubt smearing mascara across the front of his perfectly white shirt. “No. It’s not Emmy. It’s my mom. She’s a liar. And my dad is not my dad, and… I… I’m not sure who I am anymore.” A loud sob erupted from my throat and wracked my body.
Nox held me tighter. His voice was rough. “Oh baby. It’s okay. I’m sorry. I’m here. Don’t try to talk anymore now. You can tell me later.”
He led me to the white sofa in front of the fireplace and sat down, pulling me onto his lap and guiding my head onto his shoulder. As promised, he didn’t press for more information, just stroked my hair and allowed me to cry it out until I didn’t have any tears left.
After a long while, I lifted my head and glanced at his face. What I saw was deep compassion and concern. Friendship for sure, and something else—something I was too emotionally drained to consider at the moment.
His eyes softened. “You ready to talk about it now?”
Inhaling deeply and heaving a heavy breath, I shook my head. “Not really. I’m so confused and tired. I should probably go back to my room.” I moved to get up.
Nox’s arm around my back tensed as if he was unwilling to let me go. “Don’t. Stay here tonight. You can have the bed—I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“And going back to your room when you’ve obviously been crying is? The other girls will wonder what’s going on—Amalia will wonder if she sees you. How will you explain it? You’re supposed to be all glamour-happy. You can’t tell them you’ve been talking to your family. I know the pod girls aren’t supposed to have phones.”
“Oh. I didn’t think of that.”
“At least stay until you feel better.” With a soft chuckle, he added, “We can even play Xbox if you want.”
I shook my head. “No thanks. I’d rather just sit here.”
Nox nodded, apparently satisfied, and lifted a remote from the side table. When he clicked a button, a fire roared to life in the fireplace. Another click and music drifted from hidden speakers at a low level, a lovely piano melody I didn’t recognize.
“This is nice,” I said. “Who is it?” Not that I really knew my composers.
“Oh, it’s mine,” he answered, sounding rather bashful.
“You play piano, too?”
“I’ve been re-learning. I learned as a kid—then I couldn’t play in Altum—no pianos there. When I came back to California, I picked it up again. It’s a great instrument for writing music.”
I shook my head in wonder, beginning to relax as the beautiful melody drifted over and through me. Letting my face rest against his chest again, I stared at the beautiful fire. “Is there anything you can’t do?”
“Sense people’s emotions,” he said. “It’s a great skill to have. Imagine if I could sense the feelings of an audience, and then tailor my playlist so we’re always playing the perfect song to fit the mood. Every show would be epic. And I’d still swear you’ve got powerful Sway. How did a wimpy quarter-Elf get two glamours, hmm?” He squeezed his arms around me playfully. “Tell me that.”
I laughed. “Well, I’m reading your emotions right now, and I’ll tell you this—there’s no reason to be envious. I don’t even know how to use what I’ve got—if I’ve even got two glamours. They’re totally wasted on me.” I grinned against his chest, my mood lifting marginally.
“No.” Nox kissed the top of my head. His voice was warm when he spoke again, his breath sinking into my hair. “Not wasted. They’re part of all the things that make you special.”
When he planted another kiss on my forehead, he let his lips linger a second, and a zing of excitement went through my belly at the heat and softness of them. For long minutes we stayed as we were, both staring at the fire, both silent. But his chest rose and fell in a faster rhythm now. Mine too.
Something was happening. Something that felt terrifying and yet sort of amazing, too.
I didn’t dare look at him. I wasn’t sure I wanted to see what might be there in his eyes. I wasn’t sure what he’d see in mine. Finally, Nox gave me no c
hoice. He shifted back and angled toward me so I’d have to face him.
“You are special, Ryann. To me. Always have been.” He took a fractured breath and went on. “When you called to me today and told me you needed me, I was so afraid. I didn’t know where you were, what might be happening to you. I was going crazy. Then it occurred to me to call the bus driver, and I found out you were on your way back here. I was literally pacing the driveway waiting for you.” When I didn’t say anything, he continued, a new vulnerability in his eyes. “I tried to tell you this before, but you wouldn’t believe me…”
My heart thundered as I waited for his next words.
“I’m… in love with you.” His eyes widened, like he couldn’t quite believe what had come out of his own mouth, but then he swallowed hard and kept going. “When you asked me those times about my first love—it’s you. You’re the only one who really knows me, and I love you. I’m here for you. No matter what’s going on—whatever has happened—I’m here for you, and I’ll help you get through it. If you’ll let me.”
The unbelievable words, the exposed emotion in his voice, the impassioned look in his eyes yanked my heart out of the pit in my chest where it had been locked away since Lad’s rejection. I had taken a risk—let myself fall in love with Lad even though I’d seen from my parents’ example how badly it could turn out. And it had ended in pain. Lad was lost to me forever.
But Nox was here, offering me a second chance at love. Did I dare risk my heart again? No one else in the world felt this way about me. Certainly not Lad. And I didn’t want to be alone in the world. Mom was consumed with her new relationship. Dad would move on, too, eventually. Grandma had her family in Altum, and she’d have to leave us and join them permanently when her longevity reached the point of being suspicious.
Nox stared at me with shining eyes, no doubt waiting for my reaction. Maybe for a return declaration. I wasn’t ready to give him one. How could I be? I’d said those same three words to Lad only a few weeks ago.
But I did care for Nox. And he certainly seemed to care for me. He heard me when I called. He was here for me.