Josh skipped the showers and avoided Kevin and Jim when practice was over. When he got home, he was relieved to find that his father wasn’t around. He noticed the local newspaper was sitting on the kitchen counter. On a whim, he flipped it open to the obituaries. He had to skim through the names of several senior citizens before he found the small blurb about Lily. It was brief and to the point. It had her name, age, and stated that she had passed suddenly on Friday afternoon. Josh felt his heart drop. He had harbored some small hope that Bryan hallucinated the whole thing in his drunken stupor. Now that he was looking at proof in black and white, there was no way to deny it any longer. Lily really was gone. Josh put his head in his hands, and fought back the waves of nausea that were caused just as much by self-disgust as the lingering effects of his illness.
“Josh?”
Josh forced himself to look up and found Andrea standing beside him. He had been so involved in his own morbid thoughts he hadn’t even heard her come in. She instantly reached out to wrap him in a comforting hug that he knew he didn’t deserve. He accepted the embrace, and returned it with an almost desperate vigor.
“You always know when I need you,” Josh whispered.
“I know this must be hard for you,” Andrea said sympathetically as they pulled up the stools by the kitchen nook.
“I feel like a murderer,” Josh told her despondently. “Like I might as well have put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger myself. It’s my fault, Andy!”
“You can’t blame yourself for this,” Andrea told him. “You’re not responsible for what Lily did.”
“Her brother sure seems to think so.”
“You can’t listen to Bryan. He was out of his head with grief,” Andrea reminded him.
“She killed herself because of me!” Josh cried. In a sudden burst of anger, he swiped his hand across the counter top. Andrea flinched as a bowl of mixed fruit crashed to the ground, sending shards of broken ceramic flying in every direction, and apples and oranges rolling across the kitchen floor. “How can I not blame myself?”
“You don’t know if it was really because of you,” Andrea continued, unfazed. “She probably had a lot of problems and just snapped. Bryan just needed someone to blame.”
“You know, I have trouble believing she would kill herself at all,” Josh admitted once had calmed down. Destroying his mom’s ugly fruit bowl had actually made him feel a little bit better. “She was always so happy.”
She paused, unsure of what to say. Finally, she cleared her throat and changed the subject. “Are you going to go to the funeral tomorrow?”
Josh nodded. “I have to.”
Chapter 13
Even though she had been popular in life, there weren’t many people at Lily’s funeral. There were only a few girls in uniforms. The adults that lingered around them were undoubtedly the teachers from the Catholic school Lily had attended. A few of them were nuns in black and white habits. There were no more than twenty people in all. It was sad. Lily deserved better.
The service was short. The voices in the large, cathedral style church echoed eerily off the elaborate walls. Josh had never been inside such a large church. It was beautiful, but a little intimidating. The windows were decorated with stunning stained glass that depicted the scenes of Christ’s life, and the altar was adorned with large golden chalices. Josh sat alone in a pew far in the back of the building. He listened as one of the uniformed girls stood and talked about what a good friend Lily had been, and said, through tears, how much everyone was going to miss her. All the while, the Ava Maria played in the background.
Josh noticed Bryan sitting in the front row next to his mother. She dabbed at her eyes with a tissue as she wept softly. Neither of them had taken part in the service, and Josh didn’t think Bryan was paying attention to what anyone was saying. His eyes never strayed from the closed full couch coffin that held his sister’s body. Josh could only imagine the pain that Bryan must be feeling. Even if he did find proof that Bryan had been the one to poison him, he would forgive him. He had already suffered enough for one lifetime.
After the closing prayers, the majority of the funeral party made their way to the cemetery. The casket was carried away, but Josh noticed that Bryan stayed behind. He was still in the front pew, staring up at the large cross hanging above the altar with a strange combination of longing and despair. Josh had never been very religious and he couldn’t imagine what thoughts were going through Bryan’s head, but he hated seeing him there all alone. He wasn’t sure that it was the right choice, but he decided he should offer Bryan his condolences.
Josh crept up behind Bryan in the empty church, knowing he was risking an argument or worse, but daring Bryan’s wrath just the same. He put a hand on Bryan’s thick shoulder, and the larger boy turned and looked at him with a confused expression, like he wasn’t even sure who he was.
“Bryan, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss.”
Josh hoped he sounded sincere. He hoped the fact that he was trying to choke back his own grief didn’t make his voice sound hard or uncaring. Bryan didn’t respond for what seemed like an eternity. Josh was worried he had made a mistake and only made things worse for Bryan. He was about to make an awkward exit when Bryan finally spoke. His voice was a hushed whisper, and Josh had to strain his ears make out the words.
“Lily was all I had in the world. She was the only person who ever loved me.”
“I’m sorry,” Josh repeated. There was nothing else he could say.
Bryan looked up at Josh, meeting his eyes for the first time. “Why are you here?”
“I wanted to say goodbye to Lily.” Josh had to clear his throat to get the words past the lump that had materialized. “Even though things didn’t work out between us, I still considered her a friend.”
Bryan nodded. “You know something, I believe you. I’m sorry about what I said yesterday. This isn’t your fault.”
Josh shrugged. “It’s all right. I know you were upset about Lily’s suicide.”
“My sister didn’t commit suicide,” Bryan announced calmly, but with conviction. “She was murdered.”
That was the last thing Josh expected him to say. Shocked, he had to grab the back of the pew to steady himself before he could speak again. “What are you talking about? Lily . . . she—”
“I know my sister. She wouldn’t have killed herself,” Bryan interrupted. “To take her own life would go against everything she believed in. Why would she do it?”
Bryan continued to stare at the crucified man hanging from the cross as if he expected Him to back up his theory. When Josh looked at the strangely gruesome figure, he thought the Son of God stared back at him accusingly, reminding him that Lily was gone because of his cruelty. One bloody finger seemed to point directly at Josh, condemning him. The guilt it invoked was unbearable. Josh had to look away.
“Why would someone want to kill Lily?” Josh asked. He tried to sound compassionate and understanding, but Bryan was obviously suffering from a serious case of denial.
“I don’t know,” Bryan admitted. “But I plan on finding out. I’m going to prove that Lily was murdered. I’m going to clear her name.” He looked Josh right in the eye. “And I want you to help me.”
Bryan’s voice echoed and multiplied as it rose in desperation and volume. Even though his mouth had snapped shut, Josh still heard “Help me! Help me! Help Me!” reverberating off the high ceilings of the church.
“I . . . I don’t know what I can do,” Josh stuttered. “I mean, isn’t there a note or something?”
“Yeah, there was a note,” Bryan replied, a little more gruffly. “But what does that prove? It could’ve been forged or Lily might have been forced to write it.”
“Bryan, I don’t want to sound harsh, but do you really think you’re being realistic?” Josh asked gently. “This isn’t an episode of CSI.”
Bryan kicked the back of the pew in frustration and gave Josh a dirty look. “I know what this
sounds like to you. All the evidence points to a suicide and you probably think I’m just her crazy brother. But no one knew Lily the way I did. We weren’t just brother and sister. We were best friends. I know she wouldn’t kill herself!”
“It sure sounded like you believed it yesterday,” Josh said, still unconvinced.
“I was drunk.” Bryan waved his hand in dismissal, as if that explained away everything. “When I sobered up, I saw things differently. I realized that Lily wouldn’t have done this to me. She loved me too much to put me through this kind of pain.”
Josh took a deep, unsteady breath and sat down next to Bryan. On the one hand, he wanted to believe what Bryan was saying, if only to ease his own guilt. Even if it were true, how were two high school kids going to prove it?
“What about the cops?” Josh asked him. “What did they say?”
Bryan’s face immediately flushed red with anger. “The cops were too fast to assume it was a suicide. They barely investigated at all. They’re nothing but a bunch of lazy, donut-dunking pigs!”
“Bryan,” Josh said carefully. He felt like he was walking on eggshells. That at any moment Bryan was going to snap and they’d be back to exchanging punches. “I think you might be too upset to think rationally about this right now. I mean, really, who would want to hurt Lily? She was so nice. She never gave anyone any reason to dislike her, let alone hate her enough to kill her.”
“I’m not crazy,” Bryan said quietly. “I told you, my sister wouldn’t kill herself. I know that, and I think you know it too. Last week, you told me that you never meant to hurt Lily. If you meant that, if you really did care about her, even a little, then you’ll help me clear her name.”
Bryan was going to play the guilt card. Josh supposed he deserved it. “Why me?” Josh asked. “Of all the people in the world to ask for help, why would you come to me?”
“Honestly? I don’t have anyone else.” Bryan raised his eyes, and Josh could see they were red-rimmed and swollen. He hardly seemed threatening anymore. He seemed like a lost, lonely kid. Josh couldn’t help but pity him. “You don’t have to give me an answer right now,” Bryan continued. “Just think about what I said. That’s all I’m asking.”
Without another word, Bryan stood and exited the church, leaving Josh alone with the imposing figure of Jesus still looming above him. Josh found himself silently asking Him for guidance. The sun glistened through the colorful windows, making rainbows dance along the ornate altar. They were beautiful, but they hardly offered any enlightenment. It seemed that God had no intention of offering any advice. Josh had no epiphany. There were no answers and he had no idea what he should do. He thought going to Lily’s funeral would give him some closure, but he left the church more confused than ever.
The roads were quiet on the ride home. In the upper-middle class neighborhood, the majority of residents were at work during the early afternoon hours. It gave him time to think about what Bryan had said. Lily had never seemed unhappy. She had never acted upset or withdrawn. Would simply breaking up with a guy she’d only been dating a few months make her take her own life? It seemed very unlikely. Maybe Bryan was right after all.
Josh pulled the Mercedes into his driveway behind his father’s second car, a silver Jaguar. When he realized his dad was home, he huffed in exasperation. The last thing he needed was to try to have a civil conversation with his father. They were barely on speaking terms. Josh inched his way through the kitchen, and tried to slip past him without being seen, but his father raised an eyebrow over his newspaper when he heard the door creak open. When he realized Josh was home, he put down the paper and frowned.
“Why aren’t you in school?”
“I was at a funeral,” Josh told him, a little sharply. Why did his father always think the worst of him? Josh had never cut class, not even once.
“Oh yes, your mother did mention something about that.” There was no hint of apology for his previous assumptions or sympathy for the fact that Josh had lost a young friend. “Wasn’t that the girl who committed suicide? How did you know her?”
Josh felt a familiar lump in his throat and he struggled to answer without letting his voice crack. “She was . . . an old girlfriend,” Josh explained. “We just broke up a little while ago.”
His father actually looked startled. As the chief of staff at the hospital, he would have undoubtedly heard the details of Lily’s death, including the fact that it had to do with a bad breakup. He quickly put the pieces together, and he gave Josh an almost fatherly pep talk.
“Try not to blame yourself for what happened to your friend. She probably had a lot of problems. If it makes it any easier, she didn’t suffer. She died of carbon monoxide poisoning. It was painless. She just went to sleep.”
Except that she was never going to wake up, Josh thought. It wasn’t really comforting, but it was more effort than Josh’s father had made in a long time. Maybe he really did have a heart after all.
“Thanks, Dad,” Josh said.
His father nodded absently, and went back to reading his newspaper. As he turned the pages, a small envelope slipped out from in between the folds and dropped onto the linoleum. “Oh, that letter came in the mail,” his father said. “It’s addressed to you.” He didn’t even bother to look up from the newspaper again as he sipped his black coffee.
Josh bent down to pick the letter up, and gasped when he recognized the scrawled red letters. It was an exact duplicate of the letter that had arrived on Friday—the one that had hinted that the rat poison was more than just an accident. The whole thing had seemed trivial in comparison to what had happened to Lily, and he had almost forgotten about it. Seeing a second note was an eerie reminder that something sinister was still going on.
Josh gripped the letter tightly in his trembling hands and ran up to his bedroom. He locked himself in his room, sat down on his bed, and after taking a few deep breaths, prepared to open the letter. No amount of preparation could have lessened the shock of what he found inside. The note was scrawled in the same bright red ink, written on the same lined paper with frayed edges. As he skimmed the four blotchy lines, there was no doubt left in Josh’s mind as to whether or not Lily had committed suicide.
“One of Josh’s girls was a delicate flower
But before too long their love turned sour.
By breaking her heart Josh made a blunder.
Because now sweet Lily is six feet under.”
Bryan was right. Lily was murdered—murdered by the same sadistic person who had poisoned him. Josh decided he was going to do whatever it took to help Bryan find the killer and bring them to justice.
Chapter 14
“Why won’t you listen to me?” Josh demanded. “Lily was murdered!”
Josh slumped back in his chair and glared at the large man who was smoking a cigarette in front of him, despite the prominently displayed “No Smoking” sign in the lobby. His large gut flapped over his tight black pants. He heaved a sigh of annoyance as he pulled off his suit jacket, revealing a dress shirt stained with sweat, accentuated by a pair of outdated red suspenders. His stern colorless eyes narrowed as he looked Josh over with obvious disdain. Apparently, the detective didn’t enjoy spending time talking to paranoid teenagers.
“Kid, Lily Cavalier committed suicide,” Detective Gibula told him, as he shuffled a stack of papers on his messy desk. “The case has already been closed.”
The office was cluttered and stuffy and it was making Josh feel more than a little claustrophobic. The smell of the stale cigarettes was nauseating and the stench of sweat that wafted in his direction wasn’t much better. Josh had little hope that this slovenly man was going to be much help in finding a killer, even if he could get him to believe his story. The detective was much better suited to deskwork than actually getting his hands dirty in the field.
“But what about the notes?” Josh asked him.
“I’ll have our forensics team look them over,” the detective promised. “But to be honest,
kid, I think you’re probably the brunt of a practical joke. Or maybe—and I can’t help wondering if this is the case—maybe you’re just some wise guy who came in here to waste my time. I wouldn’t appreciate that very much. I’m a very busy man.”
Yeah, busy keeping the donut shops in business, Josh thought to himself.
“But I got a note and then I was poisoned. And now I get one about Lily right after she dies. Do you honestly think that’s a coincidence?”
“I don’t think it was a coincidence at all!”
The angry voice came from just outside the hallway. Josh swiveled around in his chair and was stunned when he saw his parents standing in the doorway. His mother looked nervous and concerned. Her lips were turned in a frown, but she remained silent. His father was livid, so much so that his face was blotched red, and a large vein was protruding on his forehead. His eyes flashed dangerously, and Josh was fairly certain that if his father could have kicked the living crap out of him without being arrested for child abuse, he would have done it at that moment. Fortunately for Josh, he couldn’t get away with it in the middle of the police department.
“Dad? Mom? What are you doing here?”
“What are we doing here?” Mr. Hanover repeated, furious. Spittle flew from his twisted lips. “What are you doing here? This has gone too far, Joshua! Why are you bothering this detective with your nonsense?”
“Nonsense!” Josh shouted back, growing equally angry. “You have no idea what I’ve been through!”
“Now everyone just calm down,” Detective Gibula instructed. He squished his cigarette butt into his overflowing ashtray. “Josh, I called your parents. You’re a minor. We shouldn’t be talking at all without them present.”
Josh silently cursed the fact that his eighteenth birthday was still four months away.
“If you were really concerned that your friend’s death wasn’t an accident, why didn’t you come to us first?” his mother asked.
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