by HJ Lawson
ALSO BY HJLAWSON
War Kids
The Sanction Series
Revolting Youth
BROKEN
By HJLawson
~~~
Kindle Edition 2
Copyright © 2015 by HJLawson. All rights reserved.
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BROKEN
“Quick. She’s moving,” Kaylee says, as she places her soft hand onto the back of mine and pulls it towards her stomach—her stomach is as large as a watermelon.
I wince at Kaylee’s touch—burning pain shoots over my raw knuckles.
“Sorry, Liam,” Kaylee says, as she notices the pain in my face. Her face mirrors the pain—not for herself, but for me.
“Just a few cuts; nothing I can’t handle,” I say. I’ve had a lot worse than this, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. My throbbing head feels as if I’ve been in a rugby scrum and my head was the ball. I smile at Kaylee, trying to reassure her.
“Put your hand here.” Gently, I move my hand.
Kaylee’s stomach pushes into my palm.
“She just ninja-kicked me,” I tell Kaylee, she laughs.
“Soon we will be out of here, away from all this.” If my arm wasn’t lodged under Kaylee’s head, I would have waved it around my room in my mum’s house. There is just enough space for a few of our things with my small single bed, which I’ve had since I was a child.
We call it a park bench, instead of a bed, because only one person at a time can lie on their back or front—the other person has to lie sideways. It was a little easier when Kaylee wasn’t pregnant—her petite frame would neatly wrap around me at night with her head nesting on my chest, allowing me to stretch out on my back.
Last week, I got us a new top layer mattress to go over our moth-eaten one. Kaylee’s back was in pieces from lying on it, and I was sick of the metal springs poking into me in the middle of the night—I would wake up with jolts of sharp pain.
We also have a wardrobe—minus its doors, after years of my stumbling into it after a night out. All that remains are the gold hinges with white wood fragments holding on for dear life. I have a few going-out shirts hanging in there like lifeless people.
Kaylee has her old waitress uniform hanging up—a white shirt which she used for work after she no longer had to wear it for school. Kaylee left school when she found out she was pregnant. There is also the awful red tartan skirt which used to hang over her knees, making her look like a colourful Scottish woman. A laugh escapes my lips.
“What’s so funny?” Kaylee asks as she lifts her head up from my chest. There is a blue twinkle of joy in her eyes, and the warmth which I hope my daughter will also have.
“When you going to throw that out?” I say, tilting my head towards her uniform.
“I’m going into town with your mum tomorrow. I will drop it off at the hotel and pick up my last pay cheque. I think I will get a deposit back for the skirt,” Kaylee replies, beaming with the thought of extra cash she hadn’t planned on.
It’s nice how the two people I care about most in this whole world get on so well. I was worried at first because of Kaylee’s age, with her having just turned sixteen and me three years older. I think it’s the way they met that helps squash any of my mum’s worries.
THIRTY-SIX WEEKS EARLIER.
“Madam, a rose for a rose,” my arm bumps into Kaylee as I try, and fail, to bow in front of her. I regain my balance and pass her the crisp red rose which I just stole from the neighbours as we hopped from one garden to another.
She brings the rose up towards her nose and breathes in deeply; there is a sweet smell in the air from the flowers lining the gardens of the council houses on my street. Our street is on the edge of the estate. The flowers are like some type of fake barrier, making the people feel as if they don’t live here, and trying to hide the fact that we have crackheads and street whores living in the estate behind us. We have a full view of their goings on from the back of our houses—our very own peephole into another world.
“Do you think one day you will buy me flowers?” Kaylee asks playfully, with a croaky tone because the bronchitis still has control over her vocal cords. We only came out tonight because she said she was getting cabin fever from being indoors all week and her mum was driving her crazy.
She brushes her hair back—it shimmers under the street lamps—and then places the rose behind her ear. Her brown hair weaves gracefully around it, as if the flower is part of her hair.
“Why buy them when I can get them for free every day?” I say, pleased with my response, even though the words slur out of my mouth.
Her petite arm around my waist is holding me up from falling over again as the alcohol takes over my body.
“Hey,” Kaylee snaps as my body leans too much on hers, making her stumble sideways from the weight. She pushes me into a straight, standing position. My head rolls around my neck as if it’s trying to get away. A silly grin appears on my face.
“Can’t help it, I’m falling for you,” I say, laughing.
I fell for her the first day I set eyes on her. I was working on a building site near her school. She walked past one day, laughing with her school friends, as fresh as the morning sun. That’s when I knew I’d just seen the girl I was going to marry.
“And I’m coming for you,” I yell, as I lurch forward.
Kaylee lets out a scream as she dives out of the way. “Catch me if you can,” she says hoarsely, waving her hips side-to-side playfully. Then Kaylee takes off running, jumping over the fences, bushes and flowered boundaries between people’s homes, the orange glow from the street lamps guiding her path.
I stand for a moment watching my girlfriend playfully jumping from one garden to the next. She doesn’t have a care in the world, her long hair dancing up and down with her movements. I run my fingers across the tiny stubble on my chin—my stubble is aware that the night is ending and is preparing for the new day. I intend to stay in bed though—that’s what Sundays are for, aren’t they? A day of rest.
“Scared a little girl will beat you?” Kaylee starts to yell. Then her voice turns to a whisper as she realizes she’s standing in someone else’s garden whilst they are asleep.
“Me, scared?” I say, extending my arm outwards, then thumping my chest.
“Looks like it,” Kaylee replies, laughing, and then a bout of chesty coughing follow and she rests her hands by her sides.
I leap over the fences, leaving a trail of broken flower heads behind me. “Are you okay?” I ask as I reach Kaylee.
“Yeah,” she wheezes. Kaylee may be little, but she’s stronger than most men I know.
“Come on, let’s get you inside,” I say, placing my arm around her, trying not to be heavy-handed.
Before I can open my mum’s front door, I can hear the roars of laughter. “Sounds like my brothers are up,” I say, as I push down on our metal door handle. I don’t even own a key to the house I live in—to be honest, I don’t know if my mum even knows where it is. Our front door is always open—most people’s doors are unlocked on the estate, unless they are trying to hide something from the police.
If someone stupidly came into our house to steal something, they would end up going to on
e of the other estates to sell the stolen goods. And we would find out about it, as everyone knows my family and everyone knows they shouldn’t mess with us.
I push the front door, stumbling inside and bringing Kaylee along for the ride. She twists forward and lands on the bottom of the flower-carpeted staircase—a dust cloud hazes over the steps. There are indentations in the carpet from years of use.
The boots are unevenly piled behind the door under the radiator. They ended up there after a long week on the building site. Honest work, Mum calls it. Whoever said you can’t get rich digging a ditch is right, as I make more money on the estate in one night than I do in a week on the site. I suddenly realize that Kaylee is staring at the boots—they are part of the reason she’s sitting on the ground.
I reach out my arm for Kaylee to take.
“I’m starving,” she says as she stands on the bottom step. She climbs up two steps, so we are at the same height.
Her blue eyes twinkle and stare back into mine, making me want her.
“Me too, get over here,” I say as I pull her into an embrace and push my lips against her soft ones. Kaylee kisses me back as if she’s as hungry as I am.
“Are you two coming in?” My mum’s voice drifts under the closed living room door. Damn, I wasn’t excepting Mum to be up—she’s normally in bed by the time we get home.
Kaylee releases herself from my grip and scoots under my arm to push down the living room door handle.
“Wait,” I say quickly. I’m not ready for my mum to meet Kaylee yet.
“What?”
“You go up to my room; I will bring you something to eat.”
“Yeah, right, after you and your brothers drink till morning, and then forget about me starving upstairs. Not a chance,” Kaylee croaks as her voice drifts between high and low tones.
She pushes open the living room door, allowing a flood of light into the hall, along with a joyful cheer.
“Kaylee, I’d like you to meet our sister,” I hear Jason say as I stumble into the living room. Sister? I squeeze my eyebrows together, hoping the force will clear my mind. My mouth feels as dry as the crusted dirt on my work boots—I need another beer.
“Hey,” I say as I stumble into the living room and head towards the kitchen, trying to walk as soberly as possible.
“Hey, Kaylee, this is Tish, our sister,” Jason says, smiling as he nudges his head towards our mum, who is sitting on the main sofa with a smile on her face, clearly enjoying the game Jason is playing.
The sides of Kaylee’s cheekbones go up and down as she clenches her teeth and looks at me. “I never knew you had a sister,” she says, shaking her head.
Jason is sitting behind her in the chair closest to the television with the curtains drawn behind him. There is a glimmer of mischief in Jason’s eyes as he places a finger over his lips.
Keith is my younger brother by a year, but his mental age is a lot younger—the doctors say eleven or twelve. He’s sitting in the chair across from Jason—I can see his knees twitching with excitement.
Kaylee folds her arms and looks away from me in disgust, clearly thinking I've been hiding from her the fact I had a sister. “It’s very nice to meet you,” Kaylee says, as polite as always. She also grew up on a council estate, but a different one from mine—hers is across the river.
Her mum kept her away from the other kids on the estate, unlike mine. That made her stand out from the other kids—she literally had to fight her way out of the estate each time she wanted to go anywhere. Me, on the other hand, I fit right in—too much so.
“It’s my mum!” I yell as I enter the kitchen.
Fizzles comes from the beer can as I pull the top open—a white froth spills from the opening as the beer tries to escape. I put my mouth around it and suck in the fluffy beer bubbles.
“Don’t be rude to your sister; she’s far too young to be your mum!” Kaylee snaps. “Sorry about him, he’s had too much to drink,” I hear Kaylee apologise.
“I’m hungry, make me a sandwich,” Kaylee croaks from the living room.
I take a gulp of beer—it wets my dry throat. As I walk back into the living room, I see a beaming smile on Jason’s face.
Keith pokes his head round the chair, hiding his laughter behind the beer can that’s in front of his face.
“Come on, Kaylee,” I say as I march through the room, not impressed that my brothers and mum are laughing at her.
Jason raises his shoulders up and mouths, “What?” I’m too tired for his games.
Kaylee looks at me as if I’m her parent telling her off—when she looks at me, she looks so young, younger than her actual age. Because of her size, most people think that she’s younger than she is.
“Nice to meet you, goodnight,” she says, turning on her heels with her head lowered.
“Kaylee,” I say, as I follow her upstairs.
“Don’t,” she exclaims, as she enters my room.
“Why would you not tell me you had a sister? Are you ashamed of me?” She slumps onto my bed with glazed-over eyes.
“I would never be ashamed of you,” I say as I drop to my knees, resting my hands on her warm, naked ones.
“Really, that’s my mum,” I tell Kaylee, as I place my hand under her chin.
Kaylee’s eyes bulge out as she finally realises I was telling the truth.
She grips her hands together, making a fist. “I’m going to kill Jason!” she croaks as she gets to her feet. Since then, Jason and Kaylee have been like brother and sister. Jason is older than Kaylee by six years, but he acts like her little brother.
My body tilts backwards from her swift movement until I become unsteady on my feet, bringing me down to the carpet with a gentle thud.
“Leave Jason for tonight, we’ll get our own back on him,” I say as I look up at her from the floor. There is more room down here than on my bed—well, only just.
There is a musty smell from the carpet; Mum gave up cleaning it years ago. I push my hand down on it—it’s matted together with a sticky coating. Whatever was spilled and left over the years has taken on a new form. There is a camouflage effect of stains on my once-cream carpet. I only know it was cream because once I tried to move the bed around to give me more room.
Problem was, it’s a box room, and so wherever I put the bed, I just ended up with the same result… no room. So I moved everything back to where it started under the window.
It’s really a better location anyway because I can lie in my bed and watch the night’s activities. On a quiet evening, I can yell to my friends through the window.
A thud… thud… comes from my bedroom door, as someone’s fist pounds against it. “Are you decent? I’ve made you a sandwich,” my mum’s soft voice comes from the other side of the door.
Kaylee looks down at me and freezes with her mouth tilted down warily.
“Yeah, come in,” I yell from the ground, smiling up at Kaylee.
The hinges of the door creak out in pain as the door begins to slowly open. I pull in my stretched legs, realising that at any moment the door will hit them.
Damn, my beer! I’ve knocked it over—another stain added to the collection.
Slowly, a white plate edges round the door with two giant sandwiches on it, filled with all the good stuff.
Next, my mum’s brown hair, then her head with a sneaky grin on her face. “You okay down there, Liam?” Mum asks, as I now lie uncomfortable and wet on the carpet with beer on my shorts.
“Couldn’t be better,” I say, placing my hands under my head as if I’m sunbathing like I sometimes do on top of the toilet roof outside my bedroom window—but, instead of the sun, I have a light bulb and a horrendous old-fashioned lampshade with its fringed bottom catching the years of dust.
I smile up at the lampshade and see the edge of some money poking out and then I realise I’ve been staring too long and I feel Kaylee’s and my mum’s eyes looking up too.
“Just tanning,” I say nervously, drawing the atten
tion from the lampshade to me. I can’t have them finding my secret stash of money there, though it’s just one of many places where I keep it.
Mum shakes her head and rolls her eyes, smiling down at me.
“Sorry about before, Jason was just having a little bit of fun,” my mum says to Kaylee.
There is a flush of red in both their cheeks—my mother’s from the joke and Kaylee’s from embarrassment.
“See,” I say, as I move up onto one hand with my elbow leaning into a bald patch on the carpet.
Mum and Kaylee glance at one another and smile.
“Hey,” I yell out as a lumpy pillow comes crashing into my face, knocking me off my hand and back onto the carpet full of God knows what.
“Sorry, I thought you looked too young to be his mum,” Kaylee says as she shakes her head and looks down towards me.
Mum’s shoulders rise up as she smiles.
Mum has treated Kaylee like a daughter since that day—the daughter she had always dreamt of having.
It was thirty-six weeks ago when they met for the first time, the night our daughter was conceived… an accident, a life-changing accident.
A week later, Jason left to join the army—better him than me. He said it was his way out of the estate, and mine was Kaylee and Casey, our unborn daughter.
My hand rises up as Casey powerfully kicks out, making Kaylee’s belly expand like there is an alien inside her. It is so frigging weird that there is a living person inside of Kaylee—my baby, part of me.
“Did you feel her, did you feel her kick?” Kaylee asks, giggling.
Kaylee’s face is radiant from our baby being inside her. A soft breeze drifts through the open window across Kaylee’s hair—she is naturally beautiful, stunning.
And there I was, ready to throw it all away last night over a stupid argument with the scum of the estate. Glad my mates dragged me away before the police came, or I would have been banged up for sure.
I lean over towards Kaylee’s forehead and gently place a kiss there, without a care for the pain it will bring my split lip.