by M. S. Parker
“Aw, my feelings are hurt,” I said, forcing out a mock sigh. “Anyway, I’ve got to run. I’ve got a new job I’m starting, and if I’m late, I’m screwed. You can…look, I’m sorry. I was drunk, and I didn’t know you were married. Doubt it will make much difference, but tell your husband I’m sorry.”
“Fine,” she said to my back. “The man I slept with last night wants me to tell you he’s sorry.”
I froze. One hand on the door knob, I stared at the pale, gleaming oak and tried to make sense of those words. The man I slept with…
Slowly, I turned around and stared at her. “Is that supposed to be a joke?”
She had crossed her arms over her chest as stood there, glaring at me, her chin in the air. “Do I look like I’m laughing?”
No. She looked like she was torn between crying and hitting something. I could sympathize with the feeling.
“You…” I looked back at the ring, then at her. “Are you telling me…?”
Her lip curled into a snarl. “We got hitched last night, sweetheart.”
“That’s not possible,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t even know your name.”
“That’s what I said. But my friend assures me the wedding did happen. She recorded it. We’ve got a license…somewhere. As to our names…” She came toward me, her right hand outstretched.
Good, if I had to look at the awful plastic trinket another moment…
Slowly, I took her hand, staring into those gorgeous eyes.
“I’m Piety,” she murmured.
“Kaleb.” Then I laughed, feeling like the entire world had flipped upside down. “Look, I’m sorry, but I…I still have to go. If I lose this job, I’m screwed.”
3
Piety
I finally convinced him that we’re married, and he’s worried about losing his job.
I could have rolled my eyes, but then I reminded myself I wasn’t someone who’d ever had to worry about money before. When you didn’t have to do that, it was easy to dismiss things that seemed relatively simple.
“We have to figure this out,” I said. “I mean, your boss will understand, right?”
He gave me a tight look and shot another glance at his phone – checking the time. He swore and shoved it into his pocket. “Too late now. The bus leaves in two minutes. I’ll never make it.” A scowl twisted his features and he spun away, swearing under his breath.
I took a step forward, only to stop myself. I’d been about to comfort him.
I didn’t even know this guy, and I wanted to make him feel better.
“How in the hell did this happen?” he demanded, still facing away from us.
“Well…” Astra laughed a little, as she gave him a nervous look.
I had a bad feeling we might have just messed up his life even more than mine. Judging by the look she gave me, Astra was thinking the same thing.
“It’s pretty funny, really. We were all drinking. You were at the bar, and you were cute, so I dragged Piety over to sit down and talk with you. We all got to talking, and we told you about how Piety’s parents are serious control freaks and that they’re pushing her toward this guy who is so fucking lame. He gets excited talking about spreadsheets.” She paused as the stranger – Kaleb, I reminded myself – turned around. “Spreadsheets!”
“I’m still waiting to hear how talking about spreadsheets got two strangers married.”
“Yeah. Me too.” I rubbed a hand over my belly because I was still feeling seriously nauseated and my head was spinning. Feeling his eyes on me, I glanced his way and stopped rubbing, reaching up to clutch at the neck of my robe instead. He wasn’t gawking at me or anything, but there was something about the way he watched me that was unsettling at best. “Seriously, I don’t get how I could have thought this was a good idea, drunk or not.”
“But you did.” Astra grabbed my shoulders and shook me a little. I groaned, batting her hands away.
“Stop it.” I sat down on the edge of the couch and glanced from him to her. “Explain why I thought this was a good idea.”
“I did–”
“Astra.” Giving her a hard look, I waited.
“Fine.” She huffed out a breath and then gave the hottie from Down Under a brilliant smile. “See, her parents are the most uptight people you’ve ever met, and they are constantly pushing her toward somebody who could be a clone of her dad. In character, not physically, because that could be gross. But he is a stuffed shirt and so uptight. They keep nagging her–”
Kaleb held up a hand, and Astra went politely quiet. She beamed at him, and he returned the smile, although his was a lot less…excited. “Look, this is all fascinating, and I assume I should know something about my…wife’s family. But none of this is answering anything.”
“It is,” Astra said emphatically. “Just give me a moment. “See, that’s why we’re here. They were driving her crazy, and after they tried to set her up on some sort of crazy couples thing with this killjoy, we knew we had to get away for a while.”
“And we came here,” I said, sighing. “Astra, you’re not exactly explaining.” I took a deep breath. “I remember going down to the bar for drinks. Then…nothing until this morning when I opened my eyes and saw this ring. So explain this part of things.”
“You thought it would be funny.” Astra sighed and moved over to sit beside me. She took my hand and then looked over to Kaleb. “You were on the stool next to us. There was a woman…she was flirting with you and pushing really hard. Piety could tell you weren’t into it, so she told her to lay off.”
Kaleb shook his head as if trying to shake the memory back into it. “What happened next?”
“Well, the woman got pissy and asked her what the problem was. Piety said you were her fiancé. You laughed about it. When she got up and stormed off, we asked you to join us.” Astra shrugged. “We got to talking and…well, Piety said it was too bad her dad hadn’t been there. If he’d heard her telling some chick that you two were engaged, even though it was just a joke, he’d have a heart attack. And I told you guys you should do it – marry him. I’d videotape it, and we could upload it to YouTube.”
I rubbed my forehead, feeling a pounding headache that had nothing to do with alcohol.
“Why, oh, why would I think this was a good idea?” I muttered.
“Because we were drunk and stupid, and you were pissed off.” Astra looked over at Kaleb. “You were pissed off about something too. I don’t know what because you wouldn’t say. But you loosened up a bit, and we all got to laughing and having a good time.”
Kaleb raised an eyebrow. “A good time still doesn't equal getting married.”
“I…” I grimaced and then looked at Astra before meeting Kaleb’s eyes again. “My dad is a senator. Silas Van Allan from Philadelphia. He’s planning on running for president, and my mom…well, she’s already mentally redecorating the White House. They’ve got ideas for how their lives will be, and they’re doing everything they can to make sure I do everything I can to help expedite his career and improve his image.”
“Come on, they can’t be all that bad,” he said, crooking a smile at me.
My belly flipped at the sight of it. A dimple, one that deepened into a wider groove as his smile grew, caused my heart to stutter a few beats. Dimples. That smile. That accent. Well, if I was going to go and marry a stranger, I sure as hell picked a hot one.
Then my brain locked in on what he said.
“Oh, they’re worse.” Heaving out a sigh, I looked over toward the window, not seeing anything around me but the life they were trying to force me into. “They hate my job, hate the things I enjoy. Sometimes I think they only had me because they thought about all the photo ops I’d present them with. That and everybody knows that a family man is much more trustworthy.”
Rolling my eyes, I managed to smile at him.
“And that’s it. Somehow my shitty mood translated into hey, let’s do something stupid. We’re in Vegas, after all. Right, K
aleb?” I hesitated before asking, “It is Kaleb?”
He gave me a short nod, still looking distracted. He pulled out his phone again, checked it.
“Look, this job…I’ll call you a cab, pay for it. We can discuss this again later?” I hated how much he was stressing over this job. And I could tell he was. He’d only checked his phone like…oh, ten times in the past five minutes.
“No such luck, Piety.” His accent gave my name a sharper sound, but I liked it. His smile was sharp too, full of edges that might cut. “The bus I needed to catch was leaving the city. They’re gone by now.”
“Oh.” My belly dropped a little more, and I rubbed my temple. “Okay, I’ll find some other way to get you where you need to go. We’ll rent a car or something. Just what is it you do?”
“I’m with Flames Down Under.” He said it calmly, staring me straight in the face, but there was a daring glint in his eye.
I couldn’t understand why. That meant nothing to me. “And just what is Flames Down Under?”
“Oh…oh!” Astra squealed and started to laugh, clapping. “This is perfect. Piety, it’s perfect. Really!”
She laughed even harder, all but bent over now.
“What’s so funny?” I glared at her while Kaleb moved over to the window and stared outside. Probably searching for his bus.
“Flames Down Under. Honey, he’s a stripper! Flames Down Under is kinda…well, they are almost like the Chippendales, but from Australia…and way hotter, if you ask me.”
Oh, shit.
My face went hot, and I shoved upright, glaring at Astra. “You think this is funny? My dad is going to freak. Dammit, Astra, stop laughing! I married a stripper! My parents are going to kill me!”
4
Piety
The second the words left my mouth, I wanted to take them back.
Appalled at myself, I looked over at him and said, “I’m so sorry. I mean, not that I really…it’s just…”
“It’s fine.” He made an absent, clearly distracted motion with his hand, his gaze once more returning to the window, his jaw locked tight.
“I really am sorry. I imagine you work pretty damn hard and I–”
“It’s fine,” he said, his accent doing nothing to soften the word, and this time, he looked at me. His jaw was tight, but there was something about the way his eyes met mine that made me think he had other things on his mind besides my unintended insult.
“Are you…um…well…I know you’re worried about the job, but I swear, I’ll get you wherever you need to be.”
He shook his head, his expression pinched. “I need that fucking job. I need the money. It’s…never mind.”
Something flashed in his pale eyes, a mix of fury and helplessness, and my belly twisted into a hundred ugly little knots. Something was going on. I didn’t know what it was, but I had a feeling it was bad. And I wanted to help him. Stranger, husband, it didn't matter. No one deserved to look like that.
“Hey!” Astra clapped her hands, drawing our attention to her. “I’ve got an idea. Kaleb, this could really help you out.”
The look in her eyes was sly, and her smile had that devious slant to it that I knew all too well. Shit.
I almost told her I didn’t want to hear it, but sometimes her ideas did have merit. Still, I was more than a little suspicious as I studied her. She was practically rubbing her hands together in glee, she looked so pleased with herself, and that was never good.
“Just what is this…idea?” I asked warily.
“Hire him.” Astra moved a little closer, standing between us like a referee as she looked from me to him.
Kaleb and I stared at each other blankly.
“Hire me?”
“Hire him?”
We spoke at the same time, and the inanity of it left us both smiling awkwardly at each other. He gestured to me, and I cocked an eyebrow at my best friend. “Don’t take this wrong, Astra, but I’m not exactly the sort of woman who wants her own personal exotic dancer.”
“That’s not what I meant.” She rolled her eyes. “But for the record – you’re nuts. Why wouldn’t you want your own private exotic dancer?”
“Just because you want your own personal pool boy, your own masseuse, a personal shopper, your own driver…”
I rolled my eyes at her, although I was teasing. She had none of those things. She joked about it, but while we’d both been born with the proverbial silver spoon, neither of us liked being waited on or catered to non-stop. Each of us had a personal assistant, but that was simply because we couldn’t keep things straight thanks to everything our parents were constantly expecting us to keep up with.
“Look, this has all been fun, but I need to figure out what I’m going to do,” Kaleb interjected.
“We’ve already figured that out.” Astra folded her arms across her chest, looking determined. “Just at least hear me out. If you don't want to do it, I’ll rent a car and chase down the bus myself.” She waggled her eyebrows. “I wouldn’t mind seeing Flames Down Under all up close and personal.”
“But–”
“Five minutes!” She moved, placing herself in front of the door, spreading her hands against it. She tossed in a bright smile and then looked at me. “Trust me, PS. It’s way better than just uploading the video to YouTube. You can prove to your parents that you’re done letting them dictate your life. And we can help Kaleb out since we went and screwed up his job.”
“As fascinating as this is, whatever you’re planning, I don’t think you can pay me what I’d be making with Flames,” Kaleb said, looking more and more pissed off by the minute. “I’m the new boy and I’m still learning, but I made fifteen hundred dollars last week – American – and that doesn’t include the tips.”
I didn’t blame him for being pissed. Fifteen hundred dollars was a decent amount of money to a lot of people. Except I could do better. I didn't know what pushed me to say anything, but to my surprise, I was the one to speak before Astra could pipe in. “I can pay more than that.”
He swung his head around, a startled expression on his face.
“I can.” I lifted a shoulder. “Granted, I don’t know just what Astra has in mind, but I can pay more than fifteen hundred a week. My assistant makes almost that. Granted, I work her into the ground, but…”
He started to say something else, but he stopped abruptly, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter how much your assistant makes, unless you plan on hiring me to take her place. Look, I need to be going.”
“I’ve got an idea.” Astra placed herself between him and the door. “You listen to me for five minutes, and within the next half hour, Piety will pay you fifteen hundred, and we’ll make sure you get a ride to wherever your bus is heading if you decide you don’t want to do things my way.”
That caught him off guard.
Me too.
I mean, it wasn’t like I couldn’t afford it, but it was irritating when other people got free and loose with my money. From behind him, I gave Astra a dark look, then wiped it off my face before I moved to sit down on the couch.
“It’s a fair deal,” I said, keeping my voice neutral. “After all, we messed things up. We can at least rectify the situation.”
“Absolutely.”
Kaleb looked from me to her and then back. Then he shook his head. “The two of you are insane. You know that, right?”
5
Kaleb
Insane.
It didn’t even come close.
And I wasn’t any better.
Hands braced against the shower wall, I stared down at the floor. Water dripped into my face and eyes, ran down my cheekbones and chin, then along my nose before falling to my feet.
Water pounded into me from five different angles, the pressure so high, I almost felt like I was getting a top rate massage.
There was one thing to be said for this set-up so far – the shower was top-notch.
I could stay in here for another week.
Or at
least another hour or so. If I could do that, maybe things would start making sense.
Somehow between last night and now, I’d gotten married to one of the most elegant, beautiful women I’d ever met. Not to mention, she was funny and determined. And that was just from the little bit of time I'd spent with her.
And her shower…
Groaning, I angled my back so that one of the jets hit it full on, pounding away stress that felt like it had been building for years. Now, if I could just stay in here long enough to figure out what the hell I'd gotten myself into.
But that wasn’t likely. How was I supposed to figure out how I’d ended up married to Piety Van Allan?
I still needed to make some phone calls. I had to call my boss for one. Even though the bus had already left, I owed it to him – and the rest of the guys – to let them know I wouldn’t be in. Not today, not any other day in the near future.
I felt like a piece of shit leaving him hanging, but even if I could get to the next tour stop, the bottom line was that Piety was offering more money. Once I’d heard her friend, Astra, out Piety had disappeared, and in less than twenty minutes, she’d returned with cash as promised.
But it hadn’t been fifteen hundred.
It was two thousand, and she said if I helped her out, she’d pay me five times that.
Ten grand. The exact amount I needed.
I’d spent the time while she was gone researching her. She was exactly who she said she was. It wasn’t hard to find information about her. She was a bit of a do-gooder, and her parents look like they had a pair of matching sticks shoved up their asses. If they were as bad as she was letting on…
But even as the idea formed in my mind, I pushed it away. My parents were gone. It was hard to think about doing something just to piss them off although I knew I’d done it a time or two. This, well this was a bit more extreme than anything I could've thought up. Still...