by M. S. Parker
Our eyes met.
Oh…wow…
Oh…wow…
He kissed me, and he tasted like heaven.
I giggled a little bit, because the bourbon he’d been drinking had been called something…heaven something. And I knew it was closer to hell, especially on the stomach.
But it tasted pretty damn good on him, and now he was with me, his skin hot and naked on mine.
“Stop,” he muttered when I slid my hand down his chest. “You’ve got to stop.”
“Why?” I giggled again as I slid my hands farther down, his skin hot against my palms. Hot and amazing. Everything about him was amazing.
“Stop, because…fuck. I need…”
“Yes, you need to fuck.” I laughed, delighted with everything. Curling my arms around his neck, I tugged him back to me. “You need to fuck me. Right?”
“Right…” He laughed this time, and then he kissed me again.
And again.
And again…
I jerked upright in the bed, staring at the wall.
That dream…
“Wow.”
The echo of something from the dream came back to haunt me.
Oh…wow.
Had I said that?
Or just dreamed it?
I couldn’t remember, couldn’t think.
Shaking, I rubbed my hands up and down my face.
I had a headache, and the outline of the bottle of wine mocked me. I’d drank almost half of it. Not that much in the scheme of things, and not enough to give me a hangover, but maybe enough to fuel a wild dream.
Yet…it didn’t feel like a dream,
Not really.
It had felt like…well, a memory.
“Wow.”
27
Kaleb
The pathetic little hotel where I was staying might not have been exactly a fleabag, but it wasn’t much better.
The watery light made it impossible to read, but I didn’t have anything else to do so I stayed bent over the book Piety gave me, ignoring the slowly building headache and focusing on the words on the page.
I had nothing else to focus on, unless I wanted to think about the phone that hadn’t rang or the sister that was still strangely absent.
But it was getting harder and harder to keep my thoughts on anything that didn’t either piss me off or make me wish I’d done everything – and I mean everything – about this differently.
I hadn’t seen or heard from Stefano since I’d given him the money yesterday. Camry hadn’t so much as called. I lost track of how many times I sent her a text or tried to call. I left the address of where I was staying.
She knew where I was. She knew how to get in touch with me. She could, assuming Stefano had actually let her go. I don’t see why he wouldn’t. If he was trying to string me along for more money, he would have made that clear.
Shit, I hope that wasn’t what he was up to.
Still, if he planned to jerk me around more, I would have expected to hear from him.
I hadn’t heard from anybody. My phone had been wonderfully, miserably silent. Camry hadn’t called, begging for money.
Piety hadn’t called. Not even once.
Unable to tolerate the stingy light any longer, I closed the book and placed it face down on my chest. Throwing my arm over my eyes, I tried to forget about where I was and pretend I was back in Philadelphia. With her. Of course, it didn’t help me feel any less miserable. Maybe I should imagine I was back in Sydney, surfing.
At least that was a little more likely.
One thing I do know – I wanted to get the hell out of Las Vegas.
I hated it here.
The wind, the dirt, the sun…and there was never any darkness, never any silence.
I must have half-drifted off to sleep because the knock on the door was so unexpected, it jerked me into awareness – and confusion. I sat up, not entirely sure where I was. I was hungry, sore, and irritated, and when the knock came again, louder, I shouted, “What is it?”
“Open up, grouchy pants!” a thin, familiar voice said through the door.
Camry.
I almost fell on my face rushing to get there.
Something light, almost happy settled inside my chest, ready to explode. Finally!
And then it died, all in the span of a second.
Camry stood staring up at me, a wobbly smile on her mouth and her pupils so huge, I could barely see her eyes. She threw herself at me and practically missed. If I hadn’t caught her, she would have toppled to the floor. “Oops!” she said cheerfully. “Hi, big brother!”
“Camry.”
She gave me a smacking kiss on the cheek and then brushed me off, moving deeper into the room.
Her pupils were too big, and her smile was too big and too bright.
“You took forever to answer the door, Kaleb.” She giggled and said my name again. “Kaleb. Ka-leb. That’s a cool sound…Kaleb.”
“You’re high.”
“Maybe.” She held up her index finger and thumb about an inch apart. “Just a little.”
More than a little. I wanted to hit something. As I fought with that urge, Camry turned in a circle, looking around the room. “Wow. This place is a dump. Why are you staying here?”
“I’ve been too busy saving every penny to pay off your drug debt, Camry,” I snapped. “I’m afraid I don’t have money for a room at the Bellagio.”
“Ooohhh…” She smiled and spun around in a circle. “That’s a nice place. Stefano’s taken me there.”
I clenched my jaw. “I bet he has. Did he give you the drugs?”
“Not like I’d take them from anybody else.” She sniffed. “I’m careful.”
“And that’s how you ended up owing him ten grand.”
“Shit, Kaleb. You’re grouchy. You’re so grouchy. You want to know why I get high? It’s because I don’t want to be grouchy and boring like you. Lighten up, brother. Life’s too short. You’re supposed to have fun.”
The bed springs squeaked under her, and she laughed again at the sound, bouncing up and down. Turning away from her, I moved to the window and threw open the curtains. Immediately, the heat made me wish I hadn’t. The air conditioner had a hard time keeping up with the heat and I could feel the scalding temperature outside beating against the glass.
I hated it here.
I wanted to go back home.
Back to Philadelphia.
Somewhere…anywhere but here.
“Maybe I should get high,” I said absently. “Rack up a debt of ten thousand dollars, whore myself out too. But who will bail me out when I get in trouble, Camry?”
“Don’t be mean.” Camry sniffed. “You know, I could have taken care of it myself.”
“Then why in the blue fuck did you call me?” Spinning around, I glared at her. “I gave up everything for you – my job, my apartment, my chance to buy the shop. Everything! Because I thought you needed me.”
She flinched, tears filling her big eyes.
I felt terrible but steeled myself against it. I knew better than to do this, to let her get to me. I should have known better than to even come here. Piety was right. She sure as hell hadn’t acted afraid of Stefano, and I was starting to get a bad feeling about this whole miserable mess.
Looking away from her, I focused on the wall. “Don’t try and use tears on me, Camry. Not now.”
“I’m not trying to use anything!” She stood up, wobbling on a pair of heels that had to be five inches. She gave me a defiant glare and still managed to look pathetic and woebegone.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked. “Where did you get the money for the drugs this time?”
“It was free!” She flung it at me like a weapon. “He likes me, so he does that sometimes.”
“Bastards like him likes nobody but themselves.” I wanted to shake her. “Dammit, you can’t fall down that hole again. I can’t get that kind of money again.”
“Why not?” She shrugged, not lookin
g worried. “You did it easy enough this time.”
“Easy?” I started to see red. I’d given up Piety for her.
The first time I finally found anybody who meant something to me, and I gave her up…and for what?
“Easy?” I shook my head and turned away. Gathering up some clothes, I started for the bathroom. I needed to cool down before I lost it. “I don’t think you have any idea what it cost me, Camry. What you have cost me. You probably never will. And I’m about ready to stop trying to make you understand.”
“What does that mean?”
I paused to look at her. “Just that. You can get help. You don’t need Stefano. You can get help, get off the drugs, stop sleeping with men for money or for a quick fix…whatever. But if you’re going to keep this up…I won’t be the one to help you back up the next time you’re in trouble. You’ll have to figure it out on your own.”
“I’ve always had to do that.” She poked her lip out. “You had Mom and Dad. But I only had…me.”
“You had me.” I wasn’t going to do this. “And you know it. But if you want to tell yourself otherwise, then do it. Maybe it makes it easier for you to make bad choices.”
I left her alone, locking myself in the bathroom.
I stayed in there more than long enough for her to give up waiting and leave, but when I came out, she was still there, standing in front of the window with her hands in her pockets.
“You never needed me,” she said, her voice soft.
Was that what all of this was about? I didn’t let myself ask the question though. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer. And to be honest, I wasn’t sure it mattered. Camry didn’t want to get clean. Until she was ready, there was nothing I could do to help her.
“You know, if I’m such a pain in the ass, you could just…” She laughed, the sound shrill and harsh. Turning to face me, she jutted her chin up, an indignant look on her face. “I’ve tried, Kaleb. Things aren’t as easy for me, okay? I wanted my mom and my dad to be there. I wanted…things. You did too, I get that, but you coped better than I did.”
“No. I just coped. You had it rough. I get that.” Shaking my head, I looked away. “But instead of trying to cope, you partied, you did drugs and acted out. I’m done feeling sorry for you.”
“I’m not asking you to feel sorry for me!” she shouted. “Just go! Go do…whatever it is you do.”
“Your entire life is a plea for attention, Camry.” Already tired, I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at her. “I came here to help you. Apparently, that is what I do – look out for you. I don’t know how else to define myself. And every time, it gets thrown back at me. I’m…tired of it. I’m just tired.”
“Then stop.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t need you to take care of me, Kaleb. I don’t need it, and I don’t want it.”
There was something final in her voice, and I looked up to find her staring at me.
She gave me a tight smile and then turned. I didn’t even have time to process what was happening until she was already out the door. I lurched up, heading for her, but she just kept going.
There was a car waiting for her in the parking lot.
“What are you going to do?” I asked.
“Whatever I want.” She glanced at me as she neared the car. “You don’t want to talk to me, you want to bitch at me. So fine. I’ll leave.”
“You didn’t come here to talk. You came here strung out and feeling sorry for yourself. Sorry if I’m not really in the mood for a pity party when I’m dealing with my own shit, Camry.”
“Well, now you can do whatever you want. And so can I. You made that clear.” She lifted her chin. For a moment, just a brief one, I thought I saw something in her eyes.
Sorrow.
Guilt.
Hurt.
I couldn’t tell.
It was gone so fast, then she was too. She climbed into the car, and the driver pulled off with a spray of dust and gravel.
I stared after the car until it was lost from sight, and then, feeling oddly numb, I went inside.
I was done with this.
Friends had told me I couldn’t help her if she wasn’t ready, and maybe I was a slow learner, but I finally got it.
I wasn’t going to sit around wasting my time trying. I wasn’t going to hang around for her to jerk me around again.
I grabbed my wallet and started to shove it into my pocket, only to pause.
Dread filled me when I squeezed it.
Earlier, it was fat with the Benjamin’s I’d put in there, half the cash I had left over. Now, it was almost pathetically thin.
“Camry…” I closed my eyes, hoping against hope.
I had to make myself look inside, even though I already knew what I’d find. Or what I wouldn’t find.
I’d stashed half the money in my wallet, and every last dollar was gone.
Flinging the wallet across the room, I swore. It hit the wall and bounced before falling to the floor. Without waiting a moment, I went to the mattress and hauled it up, searching for the small slit I’d made, and the rest of the money.
It was there.
Thank God.
I wasn’t completely broke.
But what was I going to do…?
It hit me then.
There was only one thing I could do.
One thing.
28
Piety
The resume in front of me wasn’t coming together.
One of my clients at the shelter was trying to get a job. She had a place to stay as well as childcare, and if she could just get a job, we could make a case with the kid’s social worker.
But the job…I needed to get a resume together so we could practice her interview techniques.
We were so close. Things would get better for her once the last block fell into place.
Normally, this was the part of my job that I loved. Carol had done the hard part, leaving her husband and asking for help. But I couldn’t focus on this task to save my life.
I was distracted. By the dream, by Kaleb, by everything that had been going on in my life.
And I was miserable.
My heart hurt.
Throwing down my pen, I leaned back in my chair and shoved my hair from my face. “Focus,” I told myself. “I’ve got to focus.”
Getting up, I went to the coffee maker.
It had long since gone burnt. Disgusted, I dumped the dregs out and started a fresh pot. At the rate I was going, I wouldn’t be done before midnight anyway, and I definitely didn’t want to sleep.
If I slept, I’d dream about Kaleb again.
Once the coffee was done, I leaned against the counter, sipping the hot brew and coaxing my muddied brain into thinking. All the key info was there – I just had to get it down.
Outside, rain pounded against the window, and thunder crashed. It was a miserable night. Or a great one, depending on who you were with and what you were doing. Astra was out with a guy, probably snuggled up and doing something debauched.
And here I was alone and miserable. The storm was adding to my overall melancholy state, but I tried to block it out. Returning to my desk, I settled down and stared at the laptop.
Carol could do this. She had a solid work background.
She was trying to get on at a daycare, and she had experience with kids.
She’d left the workplace when she had her daughter, but she’d done some volunteering…I could do this.
After a brief mental pep talk, I buckled down.
A half hour later, I was done. The resume wasn’t perfect but it would do.
Now I had nothing left to occupy my time, and it didn’t take long for my thoughts to drift back to Kaleb.
What was he doing?
Had things worked out with Camry?
The phone rang, and I grabbed it, hoping it was something else that might distract me. Man, even my parents.
It was just Carlos, the nighttime doorman for the building.
> “Hello, Miss Piety. Lovely weather we’re having, yes?”
I eyed the storm and smiled. “Absolutely, if you like floods. Do you like floods?”
“I like the rain. Are you having a good night?”
“Good enough,” I lied. “And you?”
“Of course. Ma’am…there’s a young man here to see you. I believe he stayed with you and Miss Astra a few nights last week. His name is Kaleb…”
I didn’t even hear the rest of the sentence.
In my rush down to the lobby, I neglected to think about what I was wearing, an oversized men’s shirt that I liked to sleep in. The cool air blowing in through the vents had me shivering, but I wasn’t about to go back upstairs.
When the elevator doors slid open, and I caught sight of him, my heart lurched.
For one moment, everything stopped.
It just stopped.
I stumbled to a halt, my fingers curling into fists so I didn’t reach for him. He was soaking wet, broad shoulders slumped, head hanging low.
“Kaleb.”
At the sound of my voice, he looked up, and I found myself lost in those pale blue eyes.
“Piety,” he said, his voice raw.
“Hi.” I sounded breathless, like I’d run every flight from the loft down here to the lobby. I felt like it too.
“Can we…?” He looked around. “Can we talk?”
“Of course.” I didn’t know what else to say, and I lifted a hand. “Come upstairs.”
He stared at my hand for a moment, and I didn’t realize what he was looking at so intently until the light bounced off the ring. My wedding ring. The one I still hadn’t been able to take off. Slowly, he accepted my hand, and I turned, knees shaking and heart racing.
Giving Carlos a weak smile, I tugged Kaleb into the elevator and pushed the button for the loft. Barely daring to breathe, I closed my eyes.
He still held my hand.
His skin was hot.
Hot and damp from the rain, and I could smell him.
I wanted to peel the clothes away and touch him, kiss him…do all the things I thought I’d never do again.
On the top floor, the elevator stopped, and the doors slid open.