Even when it seemed as if there was none.
It was almost impossible to fathom.
As she had been making her plans to escape, Luke had been creating a world she could run to.
And here she was.
In his bed, making love, planning weddings, getting on with their precious world.
That was love.
EPILOGUE
One year and eight months later
THIS WAS THE third birth she had witnessed as a student midwife.
Scarlet knew that she should, as the doctor had yesterday advised, be at home, putting her feet up, but she really wanted to finish this semester.
It was her second one and finally, after all these months of study, for two weeks she had been allowed in the maternity ward and these last two days had been spent in the delivery room.
‘I can’t do this,’ Hannah said, and shook her head.
Hannah was eighteen and alone and terrified, and when she should really be down at the action end, instead Scarlet put her arms around the young woman’s shoulders.
‘You already are doing this,’ Scarlet said.
They had a bond.
Scarlet’s first day observing in the antenatal clinic had been Hannah’s first visit some four months ago.
Hannah had asked loads of questions and Scarlet had admitted that it was her first day with a real patient and that soon the real midwife would be in and would answer those questions.
‘Aren’t you...?’ Hannah had asked when she had read Scarlet’s name tag.
It still happened.
The other day someone had said, ‘Didn’t you used to be Scarlet?’
‘I’m still Scarlet...’ she had smiled ‘...but, yes.’
And now here Hannah was, about to give birth.
Scarlet had arrived on the delivery ward that morning at eight.
A niggling back pain had woken her and had not relented as Luke had driven them into work.
By eight fifteen she had been about to make her excuses—her back had been killing her, the baby had felt as if it was between her thighs and she had known she was in labour. Scarlet had been about to go and find Luke when Hannah had said it.
‘I want my mum.’
‘I know that you do,’ Scarlet said.
Sometimes, so too did Scarlet.
Yes, there had been terrible times but there had been happier ones too, and, as Luke had said, leaving was always hard.
Anya hadn’t been able to make their not-very-low-key wedding.
It had been an amazing day. Luke’s family had, of course, been invited, as well as David and Angie, who felt like her friends too.
And she had, of course, asked her mother.
Anya had said that she would come but had changed her mind at the last moment. She had called two days before the wedding and said that she was in the middle of recording and had people relying on her.
Scarlet had learnt not to.
Luke had tried to come up with a solution and had suggested that someone else give Scarlet away.
Only Scarlet didn’t need anyone else.
‘Who giveth this woman to marry this man?’ the vicar had asked.
‘I do,’ Scarlet had said.
And on the day she had found out she was pregnant, she had sat on Luke’s lap and cried both happy then sad tears. After a lot of thought she had decided not to call her mother just yet.
They had told no one for quite a while. Her pregnancy had been something that she and Luke had chosen not to share for as long as they had been able to keep it quiet.
They had held in their lovely secret and just taken their time to get their heads around it themselves.
Finally they would be parents.
Scarlet would soon be a mum, or a ‘mom’, as she called it.
Yes, sometimes you needed a mum or a mom but sometimes you had to make do, and for Hannah today that person was Scarlet.
‘Don’t leave me,’ Hannah begged.
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Scarlet replied.
‘I can’t do this,’ Hannah said again.
‘Yes, you can,’ Scarlet promised, because when she looked down there was a head about to be delivered. ‘Put your hands down,’ Scarlet said, and guided them to the baby that was about to be born.
Scarlet was, as it turned out, very, very good with women at their most difficult and tumultuous times.
She’d had twenty-five years’ experience with the most difficult of the lot, Scarlet had said when Beth, her mentor, had praised her on her ability to connect.
‘One day it will be your turn,’ Hannah shouted as she went to push again. ‘Then you’ll know how hard it is!’
Scarlet just held her shoulders and watched as Hannah’s baby was delivered onto her stomach and all was quiet with the world except for the noise of a newborn’s cries.
A beautiful little boy, who was actually a very big boy, Scarlet thought as she put a little name band on his fat wrists.
And then another contraction came.
Hannah was right. Soon she would know.
Very soon, Scarlet thought as her stomach tightened for what seemed a very long time. And, no, these were definitely not imaginary pains and neither were they going away.
‘Are you okay, Scarlet?’ Beth checked, after they had helped Hannah into a fresh bed and had settled her in.
‘I’m bit tired,’ Scarlet lied. ‘I probably shouldn’t have come in but I really wanted to finish up the placement.’
‘Go home,’ Beth said, and signed off her card. ‘Do you have any questions?’
‘No,’ Scarlet said, when usually she had about a hundred and twenty of them. They could wait, her baby was refusing to. She really wanted to go and find Luke. ‘I might go home actually, if that’s okay.’
Beth nodded and Scarlet didn’t bother to grab her bag, she just left the maternity unit to take the elevator to the ground floor, and as she got in there was Angie.
‘Hi, Lucy Edwards.’ Angie smiled.
It was a joke they shared now and then.
‘Hi.’ Scarlet smiled back.
‘Where are you off to?’
‘Coffee break,’ Scarlet said. ‘I am starving.’
She lied and Beth knew that she lied. The canteen wasn’t that way!
But there were some things she didn’t want to discuss with Angie, or Beth, or anyone else, except the man who was, Scarlet soon found out, elbow deep in something in Resus.
‘Can you tell Luke I’m free for a coffee?’ Scarlet said to Barbara, who was dashing back into Resus.
‘He’s a bit busy at the moment,’ Barbara said, then she saw Scarlet’s lips press together. ‘I’ll let him know you’re here.’
Barbara went into Resus, where Luke was observing Sahin put in a chest drain. ‘Scarlet’s here,’ Barbara said.
‘Tell her to go for her break without me, I’m going to be a while.’
‘Sure.’ Barbara headed back outside. ‘He said go ahead without him.’ Barbara smiled.
‘It’s fine,’ Scarlet said. ‘I’ll wait. I might go round to his office if that’s okay?’
‘Sure.’ Barbara frowned and watched as Scarlet walked off.
At first Scarlet had been a bit of a shadow, coming down for lunch or coffee, but not lately, though.
She was tiny. From the back she didn’t even look pregnant but then she stopped walking for long enough for Barbara to guess the real reason that Scarlet wanted to see Luke.
She went back into Resus. ‘Scarlet said that she’s going to wait in your office.’
‘Fine.’
‘Luke,’ Barbara said, and Luke looked at her and into the eyes of a very experienced nurse.
‘Yes?’
‘I’m saying nothing,’ Barbara said. ‘Except that I think Sahin can take over from here.’
Sahin could. There was just the drain to be sutured in so Sahin nodded and Luke stripped off his gown and gloves, washed his hands and headed through the department.
>
There were a few people staring. They’d seen Scarlet waddle around to his office and now a usually unruffled Luke was walking briskly.
He didn’t stop to enlighten them!
Luke walked into his office and Scarlet stood there. As he had done many months ago, he saw her fear and turned on the engaged sign and never, ever would she take for granted the luxury of his arms and leaning against this chest and the bliss of the silence that he gave her when she needed it most.
Neither would Luke ever readily dismiss the scent of her hair and the knowledge that even as they stood still life was changing for ever.
Their baby kicked and Scarlet let go of the sob of fear that she’d been holding in for the last hour, just as Hannah had decided that she’d wanted Scarlet to stay close.
Luke felt her stomach tighten and his hand moved between them and he was surprised at the lack of noise from Scarlet because this was a long, deep contraction.
‘How often are you getting them?’
‘They’re getting closer,’ Scarlet said. ‘I thought it took ages.’
‘It might still,’ Luke said, and he held her for a long moment but then changed his mind as she moaned into him and tried to bend at her knees. They weren’t even two minutes apart!
‘Do they know upstairs that you’re in labour?’ Luke checked.
‘No.’ Scarlet shook her head. Just as she had wanted to hear it from him if it had been bad news about her mother, she wanted to tell him when it was good.
‘Isn’t it too soon?’
She knew thirty-six weeks was a bit early but that the baby should be okay. However, she wanted to hear it from him.
‘Scarlet, the baby will be just fine.’
He was always so calm.
‘I’ll call the labour ward and we can head up,’ Luke suggested, reaching for the phone.
‘I think I might need a chair.’
She had walked, almost run the whole way down to Emergency, holding her secret within her, but the thought of heading up that corridor now was daunting. Luke was, not that he’d show it, also feeling a bit daunted. Scarlet had her hands on his desk and her knees were bending again and she looked as if, at any second, she might squat.
‘Barbara!’ Luke buzzed around to the department and a few moments later Barbara came with a chair and a blanket.
‘Can you call them again and tell them that I want an epidural?’ Scarlet said rather urgently to Luke as she clung to the sides of the wheelchair, because it was starting to hurt seriously.
‘I’ll do that,’ Barbara said, and shared a look with Luke. ‘Maybe take Scarlet up now.’
‘You will call ahead?’ Scarlet checked, and thanked Barbara, who put the blanket over her knees.
It was the last time Scarlet remembered to be polite!
On the way to Maternity her waters broke and Scarlet had never been more grateful for the blanket, but by the time the lift got to Maternity she didn’t even care about that any more.
‘Scarlet!’ Beth wasn’t surprised to see her, Barbara had called ahead after all, but she was very surprised to see that Scarlet’s toes were curling and that she was gripping the arms of the chair. ‘Straight through,’ Beth said.
‘I want my epidural.’
‘David’s been held up,’ Beth told her, rather than telling her that that they were way past that window.
‘I don’t want to hear it!’
Luke undressed her as Beth gave up trying to attach her to a monitor as Scarlet screamed out her demands.
‘You will pull strings,’ Scarlet demanded of Luke. ‘You will call in favours...’
Scarlet was in full diva mode.
But today she was allowed to be.
‘I’m not wearing that.’ She just tossed the gown to the floor. ‘Where’s my epidural?’
‘It’s too late for that,’ Beth soothed.
It didn’t work.
‘This is barbaric!’ Scarlet screamed.
‘I know, baby...’ Luke too attempted to soothe her but he was quickly shot down.
‘Don’t tell me you know!’
‘You’re doing a fantastic job, Scarlet,’ Beth said.
Oh, she was swaying, she was shouting, she was sucking on the green whistle, and she really was doing a fantastic job!
‘I need to go to the restroom,’ Scarlet begged.
‘Scarlet,’ Beth said patiently, ‘you don’t. That’s your baby...’
And then Scarlet found out there was something she was very, very good at.
Pushing.
She just crouched down and grunted, and instinctively she knew what she needed to do.
‘Okay...’ David rushed in. ‘I’m sorry it took so long to get here. Scarlet...?’
‘Get out,’ she shouted, and then got back to closing her eyes.
‘I want to get on my knees,’ she said.
‘You can,’ Beth said and massaged her back.
Luke knelt down and faced her.
‘This is the worst...’ Scarlet started to say, but then she stopped and they smiled because this was nowhere close to the worst. She looked right into his eyes and found herself lost there for the sweetest moment. She was exactly where she wanted to be. ‘This is the best,’ Scarlet said.
‘You’re the best,’ Luke said, because staff were coming for a very rapid progression.
‘Go, go, go...’ Scarlet said to him, because her baby was coming, and Luke went around and out came a head. He watched it turn.
He saw the dark, cloudy hair and then two eyes opened and he knew even before she was out that he was a father to a little girl. Just as he acknowledged that fact, she was born into his hands.
He passed the baby up to her mother and she sat there, holding her and crying and kissing her little girl.
And there was another thing that Scarlet took easily to—breastfeeding.
She just sat on the cold floor and held and fed her little girl as the cord was cut and the placenta was delivered.
Even as they got her into bed, Scarlet could not let her go. They didn’t have a name for her yet, so she was tagged Baby Edwards.
‘I’m being selfish,’ Scarlet said, because she knew she should let Luke hold her, but her naked skin was keeping the baby warm and Beth put a blanket over them.
‘Be as selfish as you like,’ Luke said.
He had made them wait for this moment. He had kept that promise and even though they were rock solid he had insisted that they did not rush into parenthood.
Scarlet had wanted a career, she had just wanted a stab at the world, and he’d encouraged that. They’d celebrated when she’d been accepted to study midwifery and their lives had been happy and busy, but her want for a baby had remained.
And now, finally, their daughter was here.
He watched as the baby stopped feeding.
‘She’s a bit small,’ Beth said, ‘so she’ll tire quickly.’ Scarlet knew that she might need some top-up feeds and she looked at the warmer waiting for their baby, who might need a little bit of help too to regulate her temperature for the next few days. Scarlet rested back on the pillow, looking down at their tiny baby, and then she handed their daughter to Luke.
He lifted the tiny scrap that was lighter than he could comprehend, and weighted his heart with happiness to hold her.
She watched him look into his daughter’s eyes and hold her tiny fingers, and for the second time ever she saw tears in his eyes.
They were happy ones now.
‘She’s beautiful.’
Absolutely she was. A shock of dark hair and navy eyes that might stay the same colour or turn to chocolate brown, and she had lips that were as perfect as Scarlet’s now that she’d given up on fillers.
He pulled back the blanket and looked at slender pink feet and then wrapped them back up in the rug. Beth came and put a little yellow hat on her and he knew soon he would have to put her down.
‘She’s perfect,’ Luke said. ‘Like her mum.’
Scarle
t was going to be an amazing mother, Luke knew, and in turn he would give his daughter the childhood that her mother had never had.
They’d got this, Luke thought, and then he handed her back to Scarlet.
‘She needs to go under the warmer,’ Beth said. ‘Don’t worry, she can stay beside you.’ They watched as she slept and her perfect little mouth slipped into what looked like a sleepy smile as Beth got on with the paperwork.
‘Have you thought of a name?’ Beth checked.
Scarlet looked at Luke and he nodded.
‘Emily,’ Scarlet said. ‘Emily Edwards.’
There would be a couple of hooks at school with the same name, no doubt, and that suited them both just fine.
‘I’m starving,’ Scarlet said, as, on the maternity ward, she climbed into bed and Beth plugged in the warmer so that Emily could stay with them.
Scarlet had walked round to the ward, rather than be wheeled there. Had he not seen her just give birth, he wouldn’t have known she had.
Every day she surprised Luke more and more. Scarlet was so much tougher than she looked.
‘I’m seriously starving,’ Scarlet said, and looked at Luke. ‘Can you get me a muffin?’
They were her favourite thing from the vending machine.
‘You’ve earned more than a muffin,’ Beth said. ‘It’s a bit early for the lunches to come round so I’ll go and see if there are any breakfasts left.’
There were.
Toast, scrambled eggs, bacon and mushrooms.
No grapefruit juice, though.
Scarlet pouted.
‘It’s still pretty perfect,’ Luke said, and got up on the bed by her side.
Oh, it was.
Breakfast in bed, with their baby by their side.
It was a very good morning.
They all were now!
* * * * *
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