"Well, that's good then, you'll be able to concentrate."
I drove us into town and followed Nell as she headed straight for the bookshop. My phone beeped with a text as we looked for the book she needed.
Rhys: Fancy dinner tonight?
"Who's that?" Nell asked, not being one to worry about something not being her business.
"Rhys," I replied. "He wants to know if I want dinner tonight."
"You look thrilled he asked," she said sarcastically.
Wasn't I? "He's nice and we have a good time."
"Nice and good. If Damon used either of those words to describe anything about me I'd kick him in the balls."
"Ugh, I don't know. Maybe it's just because we're getting to know each other outside work. We've only had two dates."
"Exactly! You've only just started dating, you should want to see him, your face should have lit up when he just texted you."
"Yeah, maybe. Or maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe I'm looking to feel about Rhys the way I felt about Jace."
"You'll love someone as much as you did Jace but not right away."
"I know. I fully appreciate that but how do I know if that person is Rhys? What if I break things off and it turns out that I would've loved him?"
"Jesus, Chloe, you analyse things to death, girl. If you're not feeling anything now you're probably not going to. You should at least want to go on this date and right now you look like you could take it or leave it."
I could, that was the problem. I don't think it would bother me if Rhys said at lunch on Monday that he didn't want to go on another date. But I wanted it to bother me.
"Look, he's the first guy you've been out with since Jace and I get that you want it to go somewhere so it wasn't pointless or meaningless but you shouldn't feel bad for that. You made the decision to date again so stop second-guessing it. You're not doing anything wrong."
Was that what I was doing? Seeing someone new was a big deal to me and I didn't want it to mean nothing. I couldn't force things with Rhys though, that wasn't fair to either of us.
"Yeah, you might be right."
"Of course, I'm right! Go on the date and if you still just think he's a nice guy that you have fun with then ditch him."
"I will." This would be date number three; I couldn't let it go past tonight if it didn't even have a chance at going somewhere.
"Ooh, here's my book. Text him back while I pay thirteen pounds to fail my exam next week."
I rolled my eyes and replied to Rhys, setting up dinner.
***
I wasn't feeling it. Not even a little bit. When he kissed me it was nice but there was still no spark. I didn't want to deepen the kiss, to have him touch me and take me back to his. It was just... nice.
We were supposed to be going to the comedy club at the weekend. I couldn't go on that date. I wasn't even sure what had happened, our first date was good but it was my first date since Jace and it had gone well. I think I was over enthusiastic because I'd come away not feeling horrible but feeling hopeful.
Rhys smiled from across the table. "Know what you want yet?" he asked.
Yeah, I did - excitement. I wanted to get a thrill every time I even thought about him. I wanted to want to be around him all the time, but I didn't and it was nothing he'd done, I just wasn't into him.
"I'm not sure yet. You?"
"Steak," he replied.
My phone rang in my handbag. "Sorry," I said, reaching for it. "I thought I'd put it on silent."
"That's okay, answer it."
I shook my head and pulled the phone out - it was Logan. I bit my lip, I wanted to answer but I wouldn't. I'd call him back later.
"No, it's fine. I'll ring him back tonight." I hated when people answered calls and texts when they were at dinner with others. It was rude and there was no way I was doing it.
He smiled and ran his hand through his dark copper hair. He looked like he was trying to think of something to say. We'd reached the point where we were forcing it. If we'd have come out as friends we'd probably be chatting away.
By the time dessert was brought out I think Rhys knew this was the last date, too. I dug into my chocolate cake and couldn't hold it in any longer. It was becoming painfully hard work.
"Rhys," I said.
"Don't. I know what you're about to say. At lunch yesterday you were distant and today you're even more distant. I'm getting the brush off, aren't I?"
I squirmed in my seat. This is so awkward. "I'm sorry." Breathing deeply, I managed to stop myself churning out all the cliches like 'it's not you, it's me.' Truth was, it wasn't really either of us. He was great and I liked him but there was nothing romantic between us at all.
"It's okay. Not gonna lie, I had hoped this would go differently but I get it. For the last few years at work you've kind of been like a zombie, it was nice to see you back to your old self for the last six months. Even though this isn't working out for you I hope, and my God, this is going to sound so cheesy, that we can still be friends."
"I'd like that. I've missed messing around with you and the other guys in the kitchen."
Smiling sadly, he replied, "So have I."
Dessert flew by since we decided to be friends and I finally relaxed with him again. He didn't mention wanting to give it another go or hoping it would've worked out again so that led me to believe he wasn't really into me either. We were definitely supposed to be friends.
Chapter Twelve
Chloe
After dinner and the slightly awkward sort of break-up, I called Logan's phone on the walk back to my car to see what he wanted earlier. Cassie answered and something inside me twisted. Why didn't he answer? That was so unlike him.
"Thank God, Chlo! I wanted to call earlier but I remembered you were out with Rhys," she said.
"What's going on? Logan called but I was at dinner. Where is he?"
"He came home about ten minutes ago drunk and covered in lipstick."
"What?" He was past that. He'd been doing so well. Shit, he'd called me an hour ago, was that before he'd lost it?
"I don't know what's happened, all I know is that he's relapsed and barely making sense."
I picked up my pace, jogging to my car. Rhys peeled away but I didn't have enough time to worry if he just drove like a crazy person when he was alone or if I'd really hurt his feelings. "Is he awake?"
"Yeah, laying on the sofa having a full conversation with my dad about random crap."
"Good. Keep him awake; kicking his arse will be so much more effective if he's aware of it. I'll be there in ten minutes." I hung up, ripping my car door open so hard I almost knocked it into the car next to me. Bloody boy!
As mad at him as I was it also worried me why he was drinking again. There was no way on earth he was going back there. Recently, he'd been a much better person, better than before Jace died even. He didn't use women at all now, well, until this evening, apparently.
It took me a little over ten minutes to get to his house, I'd purposefully driven a little slower so I could think, try to work out why he'd fallen and what I was going to do about it. He didn't let me lose myself to grief and my hermit-like state and I sure as hell wasn't letting him lose himself again.
I stormed through the front door, ready to kill him. In the kitchen I could hear Julia and Cassie talking but my focus was on Logan, laying on the sofa with Daryl holding out a bottle of water to him.
Daryl looked up and smiled, relieved. Somehow, after being the ones to save each other, we knew what to do to keep the other in check. He'd done it for me a lot and hadn't given me many opportunities to need to pick him up but now he had and I wasn't going to let him down.
"What are you doing, Logan?" I asked, folding my arms over.
As mad as I was I couldn't help admiring how adorable he looked with glossy topaz eyes and a lopsided smile. He looked like a naughty kid.
"What're you doing, Chlo?"
"I'm here to kick your arse." I dropped to the sofa he was
on and sighed. "You're better than this. What happened?" Daryl got up and left for the kitchen, giving us privacy.
"I don't know." He scrubbed his face with his hands. "I really don't know. We all fall off the wagon, right?"
He was right. There had been times since the first time he pulled me from my pit that I'd not wanted to get out again. I couldn't be too mad at him, everyone had setbacks. "Do you want to talk about why you picked up a bottle?"
"I only had a few glasses."
"You're drunk."
He grinned. "Well, they were big glasses."
I was back to being so pissed off that he'd got himself into this state - although not as bad as it had been, apparently - that I had to take a few seconds to breathe.
"Logan, sit the fuck up and drink the fucking water."
With the curve of his mouth and humorous glint in his eye, he sat up and said, "Chloe's got a potty mouth tonight."
Chloe's seconds from pouring the water on your head.
He slumped back on the sofa and held his hand out. "Alright, water me."
"Don't tempt me, Logan." I handed him the drink, which he drained in one.
"Why're you so pissed? It wasn't that long ago that I was holding your hair back."
"We were on a night out and I had one too many, I wasn't drowning my sorrows at home alone."
"Po-tay-to, po-tah-to."
I rubbed my forehead. "I am so not in the mood for this tonight."
"What happened tonight?"
Removing my hand from my face, I looked down at him. All trace of humour had gone and he was watching me with curiosity and concern. "I had the awkward let's just be friends conversation with Rhys."
"The prick broke up with you?" His voice actually went up a couple octaves.
"He's not a prick. I broke up with him and technically, it wasn't really breaking up, we weren't official."
He stared at me with a completely blank expression. I hated when I couldn't read him. "Ohhhh." Tilting his head to the side, he added, "That makes sense. You can do better."
"There was nothing wrong with him at all. It just wasn't working out."
"He's not sexy enough."
I did a double take. "Sorry?"
"You're a ten and he's a four, max." Rhys was good looking but the drunken idiot was biased.
"Can we not number people, please?" At school guys would call out numbers, scoring girls as they walked by, it was so pathetic and actually made one girl cry once. Since then it bothered me. Also, Logan was rating men?
"Number me," he said, and smiled wide, showing his pearly white teeth.
I couldn't keep a straight face. "Looking like that?"
"I can't help sexy. I was born like this, sweetheart."
"Okay, there is no getting sense out of you when you're like this. I'm just gonna put you to bed and do the arse kicking in the morning."
"Shall I list the pros and cons?"
Again, I was stumped and slowly losing patience. "What?"
He held up a finger. "Con, my family will hear you scream." My eyes bulged. Where the hell was his head tonight? "Con, you'll get awkward in the morning. Con, in my drunken state I might feel a little violated in the morning." Now why didn't I believe that? "Con, people will ask you who is better in the sack and you'll have to refrain from shouting out my name, which will be hard."
"Okay, there we have it. All cons and no pros so let's just get you upstairs so you can sleep." I hooked my arm under his.
"There is a pro," he said, not moving an inch to help me get him up. He was damn heavy.
I sighed in frustration. "Go on then! Pro...?"
He leant forward and whispered, "It will be fucking mind-blowing." His breath cascaded across my neck and I shuddered.
And what in the world do I say to that? I gulped, goose bumps prickled all the way along my arms. What was he doing? He didn't say things like that and I certainly didn't react to him the way I was.
Just when looking into those deep topaz eyes was getting too much, he chuckled. "But," he said, shoving himself forward, "an awkward Chloe would suck, so please stop begging and we'll forget this conversation ever happened."
With a devilish smile over his shoulder, he walked upstairs and left me speechless in the living room. I'd forgotten what drunk Logan was like. Pretty amusing if you weren't the one that had to deal with him and if you weren't the one whose heart rate was all over the place.
"Is he okay?" Julia asked.
I snapped out of it and turned to her, plastering on a smile and rolling my eyes. "Yeah, he drank the water so I sent him to bed."
"Good. Are you staying tonight?"
"That okay?"
She pointed at me and arched a perfectly plucked eyebrow. "I'll pretend I didn't hear you ask. Night."
Smiling for real, I replied, "Night, Julia, Daryl." Daryl nodded and followed his wife up to bed. Cass hadn't come out of the kitchen so I went in. "You okay?"
She looked up from staring at the worktop. "Yeah, sorry. I've not seen him like that in a while. Thought it was behind him."
"Like he said to me, people have setbacks. Like you've told me before, he'll be fine."
"Don't let him fall, Chloe."
"Don't plan to."
I sat down and she opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of white wine. "This late?" I asked.
"Oh, yes."
"Logan's good, Cass."
"I hope so. Want a glass?"
Why not? "Please."
"I'm worried about him. I lost one brother and I'm not prepared to lose another."
I ran my finger around the bottom of the empty wine glasses on the counter. "You won't lose him." I won't lose him. "It was a one off. We stopped by Jace's grave a few days ago, that's probably why he's not dealing so well. I shouldn't have suggested we stopped."
"Don't blame yourself for his drinking, he's perfectly old enough to not get smashed." She poured two very generous glasses of wine and immediately took a long sip.
"Thanks, Cass. I know he's old enough to handle it but sometimes he just doesn't. I'll talk to him in the morning."
"You think he'll tell you more than I'm fine?"
I shook my head. "Not at all, but I'll try anyway."
"You're good for him. He wouldn't listen to any of us."
"Not convinced he listens to me the whole time either. Guys are a nightmare."
She laughed. "Yeah, don't I know it? Fucking Rick."
"Sorry, Cass. How's everything going there?"
"Nothing new. I can't wait for all this to be over, to go back to my maiden name and put him firmly in the past. I must've had a six year brain meltdown."
"You didn't. He was great before he turned into a selfish wanker."
She blinked hard and opened her eyes wide. "I don't think I've ever heard you say the word wanker before."
"Don't think I've used it much. Rick thoroughly deserves that title."
She held her glass up and I did the same, ready to toast to whatever she wanted. "To moving on from wankers."
I clinked my glass against hers. "To the next man in your life being worthy of your love."
"Back atcha, chick," she said. "Never know, maybe we'll both get lucky this year."
"I'll definitely drink to that!"
Chapter Thirteen
Chloe
Nell leant in, shouting over the music, "So no more Rhys?"
I shook my head. "No, he's nice and everything but--"
"You don't want to rip his clothes off?"
"I was going to go with there's no spark but that works too." I sat back, taking a sip of my vodka and lemonade. The whole situation was irritating. Here I was completely ready to move on and date again but I didn't want anyone. The only guy I wanted to spend time with was Logan. Perhaps not wanting anyone was my punishment for moving on from Jace.
"Don't fret, Chlo, you'll find your Mr Right."
"Hey," Ollie said, holding out his arms, "you could always settle for a Mr Right Now."
Logan kindly slapped the back of Ollie's head for me.
"I think I'll pass, Ollie, but thanks."
"Yeah, got someone else in mind?"
Logan thrust his empty glass at Ollie. "Your round, mate."
He stood and rolled his eyes. "Same again, ladies?"
Not being ones to turn down free drinks, me and Nell accepted and downed our last few mouthfuls.
"Oh, I know what we can do!" Nell said. "Me and Logan can set you up with someone in here."
"I don't think so," I replied.
"Oh, come on, Chloe. You'll never find someone if you don't meet anyone new."
"I thought we came for a drink, not to pimp Chlo out," Logan said.
I pointed to him. "Exactly, thank you!"
"Don't be antisocial."
"I'm not, Nell, if someone approaches me I'll talk to them and if I like them maybe something will happen but I'm not walking around this club looking for a man." Dating was something I wanted to do again but I wasn't desperate. I had at least another ten years before I started worrying about that.
"Okay, well, after this drink we'll go dance and I'm sure you'll be approached by loads of gorgeous, eligible bachelors."
"Or slimy, dirt bags with pregnant girlfriends back at home," Logan said, earning a glare from Nell.
"Right, let's slow down, shall we. I'm perfectly fine hanging out with you guys. In fact that's all I want to do tonight, so no more talk of setting me up." I stared pointedly at Nell.
She raised her hands. "Fine. It's up to you."
"Can't resist playing Cupid, can ya?"
"I just want to see you happy, Chlo."
"I am happy. I miss Jace and that'll never change but I'm happy again. I don't need a man for that, okay."
She gave me a one sided hug. "I'm glad you're happy and I promise there will be no more man talk tonight."
***
So I was drunk. That happy, everything's just dandy drunk, and I was loving it. Logan had made himself my bloody babysitter for the night but I didn't really care because he was good to look at and smelt great.
He was the designated driver because after I'd yelled at him for about twenty minutes for getting wasted alone like he used to he agreed to give drinking a miss for this weekend. I did feel bad about being mean to him but he worried me so I didn't feel bad enough to suggest a taxi.
Nell had been trying to get me to dance with her for the last ten minutes but I was content sitting at our table, laughing with Logan. I wish Ollie didn't have his tongue down some girl's mouth and hand up her skirt because then he could dance with Nell and leave me and Logan alone.
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