He smiled, rolling half on top of me.
"I promise you, I want this."
"You don't have to convince me, I believe you, Chlo."
"But I want you to be sure that I--"
He shook his head, eyes gleaming. "Just kiss me, sweetheart."
Gripping the back of his head, I pulled him down all the way and for pretty much the first time I took full control over the kiss.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chloe
I met Nell in the local coffee house and we ordered subs for lunch. She was overly happy about me and Logan - mostly me - finally getting our shit together, as Nell had put it. I kind of was too. It felt nice to be happy without the misplaced guilt weighing me down.
The terrorists that killed Jace were sentenced four days ago. We didn't go. I went to Logan's where we waited for a call. They both got life, it still wasn't enough. Even though it was a hard day we got through it knowing they'd never hurt anyone again. The day was quiet and we stuck together but once it was over it was like a weight had been lifted. Jace had justice.
Everything had clicked into place and I'd realised that I didn't need to be scared of how I felt about Logan, he wanted me and he wasn't going anywhere.
"Alright, I can't not ask this," she said, green eyes gleaming. Her hair was down and stylishly messy. She never really did anything but she had the type of hair that played along and looked great when she just washed it and left it.
"Go on," I replied, narrowing my eyes cautiously.
"Who's better in the sack?"
"Oh, fuck no!" I said. Did those words seriously just leave her mouth?
"Come on, Chlo. You've slept with brothers. Dish the dirt. My money's on Logan, all that exercise and plenty of practice."
I was so close to throwing my coffee in her face.
"You've got to be kidding me, Nell!"
She sighed, rolling her eyes. "Alright. Just know that if the roles were reversed I would totally tell you."
"You just asked me who's better in bed my boyfriend or my dead ex."
"So? This is girl talk. I seem to remember you telling me once that no subject was off limits in girl talk."
"Well, now there's a limit. Comparing Jace and Logan is officially one of them."
My mind was screaming Logan, Logan, Logan. But that was probably because the love I had for him was different, more grown up. I suppose it didn't hurt that he'd had a lot of practice too.
"Ugh, you're no fun today."
"How's your love life?" I asked, earning me a flip of her middle finger. "Ah, now you're all for girl talk limits, huh?"
"Screw you, Chlo."
I grinned. "Seriously though, nothing happening there?"
"Nope. I think if I don't get laid in the next couple days I'm going to become a nun."
The idea of Nell being a nun was hilarious. She wasn't a slut but the girl liked sex. I blamed her and her on/off sorta boyfriend, Damon, for both of their unhappy situations.
I rolled my eyes. "You and Damon need your heads banging together."
"I don't want Damon," she said, frowning stubbornly.
Of course, you don't!
"Well, what do you want, Nell?"
"Before I wanted good sex with a man that respected me. It didn't have to be anything serious or life changing, just good sex while I focused on my degree."
"Before what?" Was she actually about to admit that she wanted a relationship? Her and Damon had been together a few hundred times in high school but they were both as stubborn as each other so neither would admit what they wanted - a real, meaningful relationship with each other - first so they went around in circles, both claiming it was just a bit of fun.
She narrowed her eyes. "Before you and Logan."
I wasn't expecting that. I wasn't really expecting her to admit she wanted something real with Damon either, though. "What do we have to do with it?"
"You two are all happy. It makes me sick."
I popped a chip in my mouth and muttered, "Thanks."
"Seriously, you two are the reason I'm unhappy right now. I hope you feel bad about it." I laughed. "I met this guy."
Of course.
"He's on my course and he's so sweet."
"The problem is...?"
"He doesn't do casual."
I almost choked on nothing. "You asked him that? You want that? With him?"
"No," she replied, looking horrified. "He's mentioned it in passing before."
"Damon?"
She growled. "I told you I don't want him. I like Aaron."
"Right, okay." My head was spinning but then I never could keep up with her. "I'm failing to see the problem here then. You just said you want something more than casual."
"I do."
Now I completely understood why men thought women were confusing.
She sighed. "I can't jump in like that."
"Why not?"
"What if it doesn't work out and I'm left with a broken heart?"
"Nell, if you get your heart broken you get it broken. You'll survive. I did. But you can't go through your life never taking any risks. Love is a risk, a chance, and if you never jump you'll never find happiness."
"That was deep, Chlo."
"Plus, Aaron can't break your heart, only Damon can do that."
I was rewarded with a glare and then she brushed right over my comment, "I understand where you're coming from but as much as I want something meaningful I'm not ready to jump yet."
"That's fine." I understood full well that she wasn't ready. Sometimes jumping before you could handle it only hurt everyone involved. "But if you really think this something could happen with this guy, then don't let being afraid interfere with--"
"Okay!" she said. "I get it. I won't let him go if he's the one. Can we please change the subject now?" I wasn't sure if she was referring to Aaron or Damon but I moved on like she'd asked.
"I love Logan."
"Yeah, I know."
"I can't tell him."
"Why? I thought you were past that running shit."
"I am and I don't know why I can't. There's been so many times I've wanted to but I open my mouth and nothing comes out."
She waved her hand at me. "You really have to get over this being a baby thing, Chlo."
"Pot. Kettle. Black," I said.
"You. Fuck. Off."
I laughed, shaking my head. "It's a big thing to tell someone you're in love with them."
"He's told you. Seriously, I hate you sometimes! You've got this perfect guy who is totally in love with you, you're safe with him, Chloe, he'll never not say it back. What are you still scared of?"
"Saying it and losing him." If I hadn't loved Jace I wouldn't have ended up with a broken heart, not that I regretted it, loving him was worth it but it already scared me how much I loved Logan. If he died on me, too, I don't know what I'd do. I wouldn't just be lost or stuck. I'd be nothing. I'd just exist.
"You won't lose him. Not everyone dies young, sweetie. You've got to allow yourself to think of the future with Logan because you two are going to have a great one. Please, stop letting your fear keep you from being even more deliriously happy. Tell him."
"Yeah, I will. Thanks, Nell, you always put things into perspective. Shame you can't take your own advice, huh?"
"If you still want a lift to the garage you're going the wrong way about it. Plus, I was just reciting what you said to me. You can't take your own advice either."
I held my hand up, surrendering. "Alright, sorry. No more Damon talk this week."
"Promise?"
I crossed my heart and then smiled because it reminded me of Logan.
"Ugh," she scoffed. "You're disgusting when you're all loved up."
I was the happiest I could ever remember being, so I could definitely handle that.
Chapter Thirty-six
Chloe
The words were stuck in my throat, still. I felt it - I loved him so bloody much - so why was it so hard to say?
Well, maybe because I'd said I love you to eyes almost the same bright topaz as that before and look how that ended. Losing Jace was horrific. Even the thought of anything happening to Logan was torture.
And it was also hard because it had been two weeks since we got together and he hadn't said it again yet. I should've just said it back then. He'd said it to me before though, and I didn't want us to not have that connection.
I'd just wrapped a towel around myself when Logan - or I hoped Logan - knocked on the door. "Yeah?" I called.
He laughed. "It's me, Chlo, no one else is here. Even the cleaner's left for the night." We'd just finished a pretty intense work out and it was Logan's turn to lock up the gym.
I relaxed a little. "I'm just getting dressed."
The door opened. "Why didn't you say you were naked sooner?"
I flushed and shooed him. "Get out! This is the ladies' changing room."
"I know that," he replied.
"Then get out. What if someone comes back in?"
"I locked the doors. No one's here but us." He stalked closer, breathing heavier, eyes on fire. "Drop the towel, sweetheart."
I wasn't quite sure if I was more turned on or more shocked. Probably equal measures of both.
"Sorry?" I spluttered. He wanted us to have sex in the changing room where he worked. Logan had that look in his eye again and my bones turned to mush. Gulping, I said, "Logan, we--"
With one little flick of his hand my towel dropped to the floor. A rush of cold air did nothing to cool me down under Logan's hungry gaze. His breath blew across my face, covering my skin in goose bumps.
Oh, we are so having sex in the changing room where he works!
His eyes dropped, raking over every inch of my skin. I didn't feel the urge to cover up. I wasn't embarrassed. With Jace I had always changed quickly if it was in front of him. I was never this comfortable.
"You are so fucking beautiful, Chloe."
"Do you always have to swear?"
"What can I say, you bring it out in me." Enveloping me in his arms, he feathered kisses across my shoulder. "I've never felt every single emotion as strongly as I do with you. Whatever I feel, if it involves you, I feel it a thousand times over. I can't get enough." He worked his way up; kissing my skin so softly I barely felt it.
I arched my back and gripped his hips with trembling hands. "This really isn't a time to go slow," I said.
He flicked his tongue out, dipping into the crevice of my shoulder bone. Fuck! "Turned on, are we?"
"Don't tease."
He added his hands, gliding them over my hip and the back of my thighs. I reached for his jeans and managed to get them down in record time. I half expected him to stop me and really make me suffer before he gave us both what we needed.
His erection sprang free and I gripped it with my hand. Two could play his horrible, teasing game. Logan's fingertips bit into my skin as I squeezed, rubbing my thumb over his sensitive tip.
"Shit," he hissed, arching into my hand and slammed his mouth against mine in a rough, desperate kiss that made me forget my own sodding name.
My back hit the painted brick wall and I moaned into the kiss. Logan positioned himself between my legs and the friction was enough to send me to the place I loved most - the place where nothing else but me and him existed. Clawing his back, I nipped his bottom lip, earning a deep growl.
He sank inside me in one sharp thrust, causing us both to gasp. I loved when he first entered me; it was stimulation overload and almost drove me to madness.
"Logan," I breathed against his lips as he picked up his relentless pace. It wasn't slow and tender but it was exactly what we both needed and when we came together I thought I would pass out from the physical feeling and the emotion that went into it.
I placed my hand above his heart, feeling the thumping beat. He stared at me, those topaz eyes shining with love, pulling me under. I tightened my legs around his waist, scared that he was going to pull away soon. I needed him to hold me. My heart matched his, wild.
"I love you, Logan."
He closed his eyes, mouth opened and he sucked in a shaky breath. It felt like an eternity before he opened his eyes again but when he did they were blistering. "Shit... You have no fucking idea, sweetheart."
That was the oddest I love you, too but I'd take it. After all, it was so completely Logan.
Laughing quietly, I stroked my fingers through his hair. He looked as overwhelmed as I felt. I'd seen Logan struggle to control his emotions before but this time was different. This was happy. This time made my heart ache for him in a completely different way.
"We should probably go soon," I said after we'd held each other for a while.
He didn't say anything but very gently pulled out and set me on my feet. My legs were still boneless and if I wasn't still floating I would've collapsed to the floor.
Logan zipped up his jeans and then helped me get dressed. He still hadn't said anything and I was getting a little concerned. "Are you okay?" I asked, slipping on my shoes.
"Yeah," he replied.
"Really? You've not said anything in a long time and that's sort of not like you. At all."
"It's just..." He took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. "Sometimes it's too much and I don't know how to deal with it."
"Oh," I said in utter shock. Too much. I could identify with that. The way I felt about him was so consuming it took my breath away.
"Oh?" he asked, now smirking. Logan's back. "You do have interesting reactions to me spilling my guts."
"I told you I love you and your reply included two swear words and no mention of love."
"Hmm, maybe we're perfect for each other."
We were.
"Yeah, maybe we are," I said. "Want to go to dinner now? I'm starving."
"Sure," he replied, kissing my forehead, letting his lips linger on my skin long enough to make the ache I felt for him burst back to life.
He took my hand and led me through the empty gym, setting the alarm and locking the door behind us.
"Chloe," he said once we reached his car.
"Uh huh?"
He bent his head, looking into my eyes. I knew what was coming next but nothing could prepare me for how amazing it felt. "I love you."
"Logan, you have no fucking idea."
He laughed and then pressed me against his car, kissing me until we could barely breathe.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Logan
I woke with my arms wrapped around a naked Chloe. I'd literally never felt so fucking happy before. I'd dreamt of her telling me she loved me back a million times over but I wasn't prepared for how incredible it would feel. I thought I understood how much I loved her but I was wrong. Hearing her say those words - I love you, Logan - filled a void, made me believe I could be something, gave me hope. She just made everything better, made me better.
We could do it together. We'd build a new life. We'd take Jace with us, he was a part of us both and that was how it was supposed to be, but we could be happy together, too.
I'd preached to her about moving on and that made me a hypocrite. Until now there wasn't one moment since Jace died that I felt truly happy. My last words to him haunted me. Just get the fuck out of my life, Jace. I didn't mean it. Jace knew I didn't mean it. I still hated myself for it. My last words should have been I love you, brother.
The night before I'd overheard Jace telling Chloe he'd marry her one day and I lost it. When I saw him the next morning I picked a fight. I loved her long before Jace died, hell, I loved her long before he did. She stumbled into my life - literally - as my brother's friend and I fell for her quick wit, those amber eyes and her love of junk food and keeping her body fit in equal measures. She was my other half. And then she fell for my little brother.
Now she was finally lying in my arms, I was harder than I'd ever been in my fucking life and it was taking every ounce of self-control I had not to push inside her and start the day right now with a handful of or
gasms.
Stirring in my arms, Chloe let out a deep sigh and snuggled closer. Her naked back to my naked chest. One little movement sent my already lust filled body on high alert. I wanted in her as much as I wanted to lay with her.
Keeping myself as still as I could while my hips willed me to move and give the friction I screamed for, I decided to let her sleep and prolong the conversation we'd have as soon as she woke. I wasn't ready for more guilt over Jace just yet. I wanted a few more moments to just be Chloe and Logan with no drama.
Admitting she loved me wasn't easy for her; she still battled with the moral dilemma we faced. It was hard for us both.
Showing no sign of waking soon, I watched her for a few more minutes, then I really needed to take a piss. Chlo rolled over and settled back under my quilt as I got out of bed. I loved that I'd worn her out last night. I vowed to do it again tonight and pretty much every fucking night for the rest of our lives.
I went to the toilet and as I came out of the bathroom I heard the unmistakable sound of my mum crying. I didn't like it. She'd shed too many tears over the last three years and I hated to see her upset.
Ducking back in my room I slipped my jeans over my boxers and headed downstairs. My heart weighed of lead as I approached the kitchen, where her muffled sobbing was coming from. It had been a while since she'd cried openly like that.
"I-I can't believe..." Mum muttered. Her voice was low and hoarse, like she'd been crying for weeks. I gulped down a deep breath.
Shit, what's going on?
I pushed the kitchen door open and froze. My eyes popped out of my head and my heart stopped beating.
"Hi, bro," Jace whispered, smiling over Mum's head as she clung to him.
Chapter Thirty-eight
Logan
My brain rejected what I was seeing. Jace was dead; he couldn't be standing in the fucking kitchen. Only he was, and I didn't know what to say or what to think. I could hear my heart thumping.
Jace peeled Mum off him and Dad took over. He stepped closer and smiled that full smile I would've sold my soul to see.
"Fuck," I breathed, stumbling forwards and enveloping him in my arms.
What the fucking fuck is going on?
I didn't care that it was impossible or it didn't make sense. My brother was back - somehow - and that was all that mattered.
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