“Yes.”
“Gentiles aren’t allowed in the temple. Ever.”
“I know, Jorjina. I know.” I nodded. “And then, at Jordan’s wedding, he threatened me. It was then that I knew he was up to no good, but I had no idea what.”
“The rest of your conversation makes sense now. He’s trying to make your life miserable to keep you quiet.”
“I won’t be his puppet, Jorjina, no matter what he says.”
“His arrogance, his grandeur, it clouds his judgment, dear. The idea of anyone, let alone a woman, posing a threat to him is impossible for him to wrap his mind around. He just can’t do it. I’ve always known he had evil in his heart, ever since he was a boy. But I—what he said to you, Aspen. It was horrifying.”
“Yes, it was.”
“You have to go; you have to take your children away from here. It’s the only way to be free of him, of his maniacal games.”
I froze. “What?”
“They aren’t safe here. Ruthie isn’t safe.”
“But I’m trying to save them without leaving. The community needs to know what he’s doing. Whatever it is, it’s highly illegal.”
“Obviously, or he wouldn’t feel the need to torture you, to take your girl.”
“So you don’t think I’m crazy?”
Tears stung my eyes. I’d thought the idea of someone in my community actually believing me was out of the realm of possibility. After all, if my husband wouldn’t even listen to me, why should anyone else?
“Absolutely not. I know my son better than anyone, and even I didn’t know the depths of his depravity. He’s dangerous, and that’s exactly why I think you need to go. You need to protect your babies. Leave and never look back.”
“Then I’d be running away, and he’d still have control over thousands of lives. Yes, Ruthie would be safe, but someone else would take her place. Another innocent life will be changed forever.”
“Do you really think you can . . . that you can beat Clarence at his own game?”
“I’m going to give it my best shot.”
“But Ruthie, she’ll be married in just over a year, correct?”
I nodded.
“That means she’ll be pregnant by fourteen.”
“Stop!” I yelped, closing my eyes and holding my hand up in the air. “Please, stop. The idea of that monster with his hands on my baby, I—I can’t handle it.”
“You have to handle it, Aspen, because it’ll be her reality. You’re sending your daughter to the wolf’s den. Only you can keep her from a life under Clarence’s thumb.”
Tears filled my eyes, threatening to overflow.
Was I deceiving myself by believing I could do this? That I could catch the Prophet in his illegal activity? That I could uncover enough evidence that he would be arrested? Was I foolish to think that I could help everyone in our community?
“And you think leaving is the best way . . .” My voice faded as I stared unseeing at the sky.
“Yes, I do.”
“But if I do, Paul won’t come with me. He can’t leave the other wives, the other children. You know that, right?”
Her expression froze, causing a tightness to form in my chest.
“I do.”
“And he may try to stop me, he won’t want to be without his little boy. He loves him as much as I do.”
“That’s why you can’t tell him.”
I frowned at her. “You want me to lie? To deceive your son?”
“Of course I don’t want that. He’ll be devastated. I would never want my dear Paul to ache. And he will; he’ll ache for you if you’re gone. But your safety and the safety of your children is more important. Paul’s heart will heal. But if Ruthie marries Clarence, hers will break permanently. There’s no coming back from that. Clarence will never set her free, and you’ll have limited access to her. She’ll be imprisoned within his home. I’ve seen it happen. One of his wives has been reduced to a laundress. She’s isolated, alone. She’s a portrait of misery—”
“That’s enough!” I snapped, overwhelmed as I pictured Ruthie in that state.
Jorjina was making me question my plan, and I resented her for it. I didn’t realize it was possible to resent someone and be grateful for their help at the same time. But that was exactly how I felt.
A group of women walking in our direction whispered as they glanced our way.
Keep sweet. Keep sweet. Keep sweet.
“I’m sorry.”
Jorjina turned to face me, grabbing both of my hands and squeezing them as she shook her head furiously. Her eyes were wet, her forehead scrunched.
“No, I’m the one who should apologize. I know this is a lot to take in. I just . . . I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I left your house last night. I needed you to know that I support you.”
“Will you only support me if I leave?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“Of course not. But I know how my son is, and I don’t know that you can win, Aspen. He’s the most manipulative creature, and he’ll stop at nothing to make you the plaything he claims you to be.”
“I won’t allow that to happen.”
“I hope you’re right.”
• • •
An hour later, I was seated in Jonathan’s office, filling him in on my conversations with both Clarence and Jorjina. When I finished, Jonathan sat straight up in his seat and his eyes bored into mine.
“Don’t tell me you’re giving up,” he insisted. “You’ve come so far. We’ve almost got him.”
“You don’t know that. What if I search the temple and find nothing?”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Right now, we still have to act as if all the answers are behind those locked doors. Every single one. You get me evidence, and I get a warrant. Don’t give up, Aspen. Please don’t give up.”
“But my kids . . . With every passing day, Ruthie gets closer and closer to becoming his wife. It makes me sick just thinking about it.”
“She’s not even twelve yet. You have over a year until the wedding.”
“It doesn’t seem so far away anymore.”
“How do you know the Prophet’s mother isn’t in cahoots with him? That she isn’t planting this in your head just to stop you from discovering something big. This could all be a setup—think about it.”
“No.” I shook my head decisively. “You don’t know Jorjina; she wouldn’t do that. She’s looking out for me, for all of us.”
He crossed the room and began to pace the floor. “I’m not so sure, Aspen. You said yourself he has everyone under his thumb. Why should his mother be any different? For God’s sake, she has to be in on it.”
I ignored him, knowing he was completely off base. Jorjina was on my side; I felt it with every fiber of my being.
“Tell me about the railroad.”
He stopped, recoiling slightly. “The what?”
“The day I first met you, you told me there’s a railroad that takes people out. Tell me about it.”
“Oh.” He returned to his desk chair. “Underground railroad. It’s a term that dates back to the Civil War when whites would help slaves escape to the north so they could be free. I heard on the news that there are former members of the FLDS who help existing members leave the compound.”
“Is it true?”
He shrugged, looking defeated. “I don’t know for sure, but I can find out.”
“Please do. I’m not saying I’m giving up, but I need to weigh all of my options, for my children’s sake. You understand, don’t you?”
“I don’t have kids yet, but yeah, I think I understand. And you don’t owe me anything. It’s just, with everything you’ve told me, I want this asshole behind bars where he can’t hurt anyone else, where he can’t marry underage girls and turn them into concubines.”
“Concu-whats?”
He sighed, leaning back in his chair. “Oh, Little House, I’d love to get inside your head. Just for a day.”
&nbs
p; Uncomfortable, I shifted in my seat, not understanding why he would say something like that. “What do you mean?”
“Please don’t take offense. I mean, we’ve become friends, right? I wouldn’t want to upset you. It’s just, you’ve been so sheltered all your life. There’s so much about the world around you that you know nothing about.”
“And you think I’m stupid, don’t you?”
His eyebrows bunched and he shook his head emphatically as he sat up straight in his chair. “Hell no. You’re one of the smartest women I’ve ever met. You’re intelligent, you’re bold and assertive . . . more than most women I know, women who have been exposed to the outside world.”
“Then what do you mean?”
“I’m just fascinated by your viewpoint, that’s all. I’m fascinated by what makes you tick, how you see things, how you react to things.”
When I still didn’t look satisfied, he put his hands up in surrender. “I’m not explaining myself well. Just know that I think you’re an exceptional human being, and I’m glad I know you.”
“You make it sound like we’re saying good-bye, Detective.”
“Jonathan,” he said, correcting me yet again.
“I’m sorry, Jonathan. We’re not saying good-bye.”
“Prove it.”
“What?”
“Promise me you’ll unlock those doors before you make a decision about this. Promise me you won’t let that woman inside your head any more than you already have. You’re too strong to run away, Aspen. Way too strong.”
“I’ll do my best.” My words were noncommittal, and as he peered at me with his head tilted to one side, I knew he wasn’t convinced. The thought made me uncomfortable. “What?”
“Look, I’m not judging you. The amount of weight on your shoulders has to seem unbearable.”
“And you think I can’t handle it?”
“I know you can handle it; that’s not the issue. The issue is whether you think you can.”
“I can. And this isn’t good-bye.”
A slow smile brightened Jonathan’s face and he leaned back again in his chair, cradling his hands behind his head. “There she is. Welcome back.”
• • •
I walked out of Jonathan’s office feeling empowered, rejuvenated, and ready to tackle those locked doors. Perhaps I could sneak away that evening. Of course, I’d have to check the calendar to see if . . .
Oh no.
Paul was sitting on a bench in the lobby of the police station, his arms crossed, his eyes bloodshot, his jaw tight. A look of betrayal transformed his face when he saw me.
“Paul, what are you doing here?”
“I followed you,” he said through clenched teeth, keeping his voice low. He was angry, so very angry.
“I can explain.”
He rose from the bench and barreled toward me, his face only inches from mine, his eyes bulging from their sockets. “Why are you here, Aspen? Why?”
“It—it’s complicated.”
Paul’s eyes narrowed into a harsh squint. “You were the one who called the detective, weren’t you?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came. He grabbed my arm, pulling me closer and baring his teeth.
“I knew it! I could see it; I could see that you knew each other. You tried to fool me, but I could see it. How could you betray me like this? I’m your husband!”
“Ma’am, are you all right?” A stocky police officer with fiery red hair stepped up and placed his arm between Paul and me. “Do you need assistance?”
“I, um . . .”
“Sir, I’m gonna have to ask you to step away from the lady.”
“She’s my wife. This is a domestic issue, and you have no reason to intervene.” Paul argued with the officer, but stepped away with his hands raised in front of his chest.
“Is that true, ma’am?” the officer asked, and I nodded.
“Yes, he’s my husband. He won’t hurt me.”
“I suggest you take this outside,” the officer said, “and that you keep your hands to yourself, sir.”
“Yes, Officer,” Paul said.
As we walked in silence back to the house, Paul stayed six steps in front of me at all times. He was too angry to discuss my actions any further while in public. And although I hoped that he and I would part ways after entering through the front door, he followed me back to my bedroom, and closed and locked the door behind us. This wasn’t going to end well.
“How long have you been working with the police?”
“I don’t want to answer that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t think you really want to know.”
“What are you doing, Aspen? Why are you consulting with police officers behind my back?”
“I tried to go to you, but you rejected me. You didn’t want to hear it, so I’m handling this on my own.”
“Handling what?” he roared.
“The Prophet.”
“Again with the Prophet? I don’t understand you. He found Jeremiah, and still you won’t let things go. Ruthie will be just fine, Aspen. She’s excited to marry him; can’t you see that? He’ll treat her well. She’ll have lots of babies and be treated like royalty by everyone around her. Why are you the only one who can’t see that?”
“Because it all goes back to the temple. I caught him with those men, and he’s been punishing me ever since. He took Jeremiah, Paul, he didn’t find him! He admitted it himself last night.”
“Last night? Are you delusional? Last night, he joined us for supper and then went home. I was with him the entire time.”
“That’s not true. When Jorjina wiped his face, he went to the girls’ bedroom. Ruthie was sitting at his feet like a trained puppy, and I interrupted. He asked her to leave, and then he admitted it. He admitted everything.”
“You’ve lost your mind, haven’t you? The Prophet admits nothing. Especially not something as ludicrous as kidnapping!”
“He did. He told me that this is all for his amusement. He’s the puppet master controlling all of us, you included.”
“Can you hear yourself? You’ve obviously gone insane!”
“No, you just want to bury your head in the sand and pretend life around you is harmonious, Paul. But that’s not the real world. The Prophet is an evil man who controls all of our lives. You just don’t want to face it because you know he can take everything away.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. You know he’ll punish you. He’ll take your wives away, your children. He’ll throw your belongings on the front lawn and lock you out of your own house. You know it. That’s why you refuse to see the truth that’s right in front of your eyes.”
“Damn you, Aspen! Stop it!”
“No, I won’t stop, not until you admit the truth.”
“The truth? You want the truth? The truth is I’d rather see you in the grave than for you to go against my Prophet. That’s the truth!”
His eyes were wild, his hands drawn up in tight fists as he screamed. He lunged toward me but froze in place, turning instead to grab our wedding photo from my bureau.
“Paul, don’t!”
He threw the frame across the room, shattering the glass against the wall. The wood frame left a gash in the periwinkle paint.
The air whooshed from my lungs as I took several steps back, staring at my husband in disbelief. I placed my hand over my heart and spoke.
“You’d rather see me dead than face what he’s doing to me? To all of us?”
“Just because you say it’s so, doesn’t make it true.”
“But it is—if you would just listen.”
“Clarence was right. You’re a wicked, manipulative woman who exploited my attraction to you. You’ve taken advantage of every kindness I’ve ever given you, and you’ve tried to turn me against my brother, against my faith, against my Prophet. You had my heart, my devotion, my love, and you squandered it. All of it. Shame on you, Aspen. Shame on y
ou.”
“Paul, this is absurd. Please, just hear me out.”
“No!” He shook me off. “I’m done. Don’t speak to me ever again. Don’t come to me, don’t cry to me, don’t do . . . anything. You’re an apostate in the eyes of the Prophet, and so you’re no longer my wife. You’re the mother of my son and nothing more. Nothing more.”
And with that, my husband left me standing in the center of my bedroom, unable to move, unable to process the venom that had spewed from his angry mouth. Tears streamed from my eyes as I sank to my knees, and I pressed my forehead into the carpet as I sobbed. My marriage was destroyed.
After I spent hours on the floor, my tears finally stopped and reality set in.
Clarence was right—Paul was the Prophet’s puppet, and he was pulling those strings more than I ever thought possible. Even though I didn’t think Paul would force me to leave, I couldn’t be certain, and I didn’t know how much longer I’d be allowed to stay in his home.
I had to act fast. I had to compartmentalize my heartache, my devastation, and press forward. There was no way to know how much time I had left on the compound, the only home I’d ever known.
I couldn’t avoid it any longer.
I had to unlock those doors.
Chapter 24
“Do not question your father, your husband, your Prophet. We know best.”
—The Prophet, Clarence Black
Aspen
The small metal hairpins dug into my palm as I clutched them tightly. With my other hand, I closed the gate and walked toward the new temple, willing myself to breathe slowly in and out, in and out.
My senses were on high alert, and so I recognized the familiar sound of footsteps that clipped behind me. Without hesitation, I whipped around to face whoever was following me, and wasn’t surprised to see her face.
Pennie.
Irritated, I glowered at her, placing both hands on my hips. My confidence in Pennie, in Paul, and in any other member of my family was gone forever. No one could be trusted.
“What do you want?”
“I need to talk to you. It’s important.”
“Lower your voice,” I whispered harshly into the cold night air.
It was just after midnight, and ours were the only two voices to be heard. As hers echoed into the night air, I was skittish. No one could know where I was going or what I planned to do when I was there.
Mother Before Wife (The Compound #2) Page 19