by Rita Hestand
Hannah hadn't changed clothes yet, but if she had ideas to go back out in this cold, he'd soon change them for her. She didn't know it yet, but for a while, he was taking over.
A few minutes later Hannah brought a tray of hot chocolate and a big bowl of popcorn and placed it on the coffee table. At first glance, she nearly dropped the tray. The man was lethal with those pajamas riding low on his hips, and no shirt and a cowboy hat on his head. What a picture he made. What a big lovable picture.
She sat down stiffly, her eyes flitting all over him and away. It was obvious she wasn't comfortable and her eyes seemed to stray to his pajamas more than once.
"This looks great. Want to watch TV?" he suggested as though he had no idea she was uncomfortable. He sorta liked the way she squirmed.
"You can, I've got to get back to the barn." She began and started to get up again.
He shook his head, as his hand extended to stay her. "No you don't, young lady. It's too cold to be out there any more than is necessary. Now relax, cover up and let's share a minute. After all, we are getting married tomorrow."
"Rusty," she began, but he held up his finger to her lips and winked.
"I know you've got questions, and I'll be glad to answer them, in time." He said.
She leaned back into the couch, and stared at him a long time. He didn't mind that she was looking at much more than his face now. In fact he rather enjoyed it, but he wished he could see a little more than those baggy clothes she wore too. In fact, his curiosity was getting the best of him. What was she hiding, a thick waist, a little pot belly. It couldn't be much. He'd been on top of her and hadn't noticed any bulges in the wrong direction. Maybe she was one of those shy little creatures that just didn't know how pretty she was.
He crossed his longs legs, pushed back his hat and dug into the popcorn, trying to squash his own curiosity..
After a few minutes she took off her boots and tucked her feet under her as she pulled the afghan over her. When she had almost warmed up, and her eyes began to droop a little he smiled.
"That's better, isn't it?"
She shot him a scowl. "Yes, but don't think I'm taking orders from you all the time."
"No ma'am." His teasing smile smoothed her frown away.
"Are you going to tell me what happened?"
He put his hot chocolate down, and leaned back into the recliner. "Not much."
He saw her eyes flash with anger and he smiled. "Okay. Jennifer came to the house this morning. She had a brand new car, new clothes, and a great job, in the city of course. She was happy, she said."
"And..."
"I'm getting there." He grinned. "Nothing happened. I took one look and it hit me....I wasn't in love with her."
Hannah straightened and glared at him, narrowing her pretty brown eyes on him like a dog ready to pounce.
"Oh God," she rolled her eyes. "Men are so shallow. How can you suddenly be out of love with someone? Especially someone you've been involved with for years."
"I don't know." He shrugged, as though it had perplexed him too, popping the popcorn into his mouth and glancing at her again. "Unless maybe I wasn't in love with her in the first place. I just know that I looked at her and felt absolutely nothing for her. Except maybe pity."
"Pity?"
Rusty stared at Hannah a minute, looking straight into those warm brown eyes that were so expressive, he could almost read her every thought.. "She's found a great paying job, got all those fancy things she always wanted, and says she's happy."
"Then why pity her?"
Rusty looked down at the floor for a minute, reflecting on the day. "Because when I looked at her, I saw me, a few months ago. And I didn't like what I saw. I measured Jennifer by her looks, her ambition, and her place in society. Who she was, what she was, not what was in here..." He pointed to his heart.
What he said must have had some impact because Hannah's eyes softened on him.
"Most men do..."
"Well...not me...not anymore. I see how shallow it all is now. Don't ask me how I see it, suddenly. I just do. I took a long hard look at myself and decided I didn't like me very much. And I'll bet Jennifer doesn't like herself so much either."
Hannah blew a wild tendril of hair away from her face as though exasperated with his explanation. "Isn't it a little shallow to suddenly decide you don't love someone too?"
Rusty nodded and took some more popcorn, but he didn't eat it. He needed to make Hannah see just how sincere he was, because it seemed important.
"It's natural for a man to look at a woman, Hannah. It's also natural to admire her for her beauty. It's even natural for a man to want her. But that isn't very mature thinking. In fact, it isn't thinking at all. I guess since we've been wrangled into this marriage thing I've given it more thought. Marriage was always a little elusive to me. When I looked at Jennifer today I realized that her looks wouldn't carry over for years of marriage. Like...well...like the times in life when things don't go right. Would she stick around? I doubted it. And seriously, I felt I needed more. I needed someone I could talk to, someone I could rely on, someone I could worry and fret over. The minute she opened her mouth I knew she hadn't grown up one bit. She was still talking about her cheer-leading days, the prom, things that just don't matter any longer. She didn't need me any longer, maybe she never did. And maybe this is selfish Hannah, but a man likes to be needed."
Hannah sipped her hot chocolate and leaned back into the couch. She closed her eyes and Rusty stared long and hard at her. Hannah was such a mystery. He looked from the top of her wild head of dark hair to her legs that were tucked under her. He couldn't tell what she looked like under those clothes, but somehow it didn't seem important. He liked her just the way she was, he was comfortable with her, and tomorrow he was going to marry her! And somehow, that just didn't upset him any longer.
They watched I Love Lucy and when Rusty glanced over at her, she was sound asleep, with a soft little snore that tickled him.
He must be losing it, because that was one sexy little snore!
He stood up, and waited to see if she would wake. When she didn't, he tucked the blanket around her and kissed her gently on the lips. Pepper raised his head, panted for a second then laid his head back down and whined a little.
"Night, Little darlin'."
She snored softly into his ear, and he smiled as he went to his bedroom.
Chapter Nine
Hannah had slept all night on the couch, strangely at peace. She woke up stiff and cranky the next morning though. She glanced about her to get her bearings. She rarely fell asleep on the couch, and when she did, it took a while to remember why. Pepper wasn't in sight. She somehow missed his friendly lick in the face.
She remembered the night all too well, and how she'd stared long and hard at Rusty as though she'd never seen a man in pajamas before.
After a quick shower, she went outside to tend to the stock. It was barely dawn and feeding the animals took priority over fixing breakfast. She'd made coffee and hurried out to the barn to finish up a few chores and feed the stock, but to her surprise Rusty had already taken care of most of it.
Without a word, she helped alongside him, as he tended the animals. The way they worked together, without the slightest disharmony scared her witless. She was too comfortable with him, she quickly decided. Occasionally she stole a glance in his direction, but he was paying her no mind and tending to business, like any other day. In silence they headed for the house together.
For a man about to get married, he seemed very calm, she thought. Unlike herself who was full of jitters and butterflies. This was a mistake, but there weren't many choices if she really wanted to save the ranch. If there had been any other way, she would have found it by now. She'd certainly agree to a quick divorce though, for his sake. He needed to know this, but from the look on his face she wasn't sure if this was the right time to talk about it.
As she made another pot of coffee an hour later, she listened as he talked
about everything and anything but the wedding that was taking place in just a few short hours. That made her nervous. How could he possibly be so calm? This wasn't some every day event.
When she finally sat down at the table with him and passed him the bacon and eggs, she approached the subject.
"How many people are coming?" She waited for him to answer impatiently.
He seemed to enjoy her discomfiture, if his lopsided grin was any measure..
"Oh, probably about fifty or so."
"Fifty?" she shouted and stood up. Had he lost his mind? Who in the world did he invite? The entire community? Was he crazy?
He grabbed her hand, unconsciously rubbing it in a circular motion, as though to calm her. "Sit down and eat your breakfast."
"But how could you invite so many people?" she began, the panic in her stomach unbearable. "The house...I need to clean…"
"Sit down Hannah. The house is fine. And you'll be glad to know Jimmy's coming, too." His smile broadened.
With this news she stopped, looked at him, and her mouth flew open, but no words came out for a full minute.
He reached to close it, and she frowned. "How did you..."
"I simply invited him to the wedding."
"But...he couldn't just drop his business and come. He'd have to have notice."
"He had notice. I invited him last week. Besides, he told me he wouldn't miss your wedding for anything."
Hannah couldn't believe it. Rusty Travers had walked into her life and turned it upside down, again. She wasn't sure of anything anymore. She knew she should stop this whole thing, but how? With half the community arriving in a short time, she couldn't do a thing.
"How could you have known we would be married, a week ago?"
"I said we were getting married this weekend, I meant it. The fifteenth is next Friday. I plan to have that loan by then."
She dropped her fork and pushed her plate away. For some reason connecting the loan and the wedding together in the same sentence irritated her.
"You better eat, little darlin'."
"I can't. My insides are jumping out at me." she said then looked up at him with a startled expression. "I mean...getting married. We're really going to...get married?"
"Yes ma'am." He grinned, took his hat off and dug into the bacon and eggs with vigor as though the subject was closed and he was satisfied.
"Aren't you even the least bit nervous?" She asked taking a big swig of coffee that she quickly spewed in the opposite direction. Rusty came to her side, patted her on the back and offered her a amused smile.
"I thought I'd be. I really did, but I'm not. Yes, it's a wedding, but it won't change a whole lot. Especially since you set the terms for the marriage. The only thing that's gonna change is your credit, and your marital status." He sat down, took another bite and watched her closely.
"You can still back out you know..."she offered him the out.
"No ma'am, I can't." The smile faded from his handsome lips, but remained in his eyes.
"Why not?" she questioned her voice rising with her irritation.
"I gave you my word on it. I'm a Travers, and when the Travers give their word, they keep it, for one thing. For another, I like you Hannah...and that's the first step."
Hannah's gaze turned on him like cold ice water. "First step to what?"
"To a marriage. You should like someone before you marry them, don't you think?"
Hannah moistened her bottom lip and looked away. She got to her feet. Yes, she agreed with him and yes, she liked him too, but this wasn't to be a real marriage. Keeping that upper-most in her mind kept her sane. "The sooner we get this over with, the better..."
"Anxious, Little Darlin'?" His devilish grin made her nervous.
"No, I'm terrified." He could take this with a grain of salt, but taking vows, in front of witnesses made her full of uncertainties. "And would you please quit calling me...that!"
"You don't like Little Darlin'?" His head twisted to one side as he smiled. "Honey, sweetie, sugar cakes...?" He teased with a light in those ultra-blue eyes. "Oh, come on Hannah. Have a heart will ya? I'm not a beast," he said and covered her hand with his own.
She jerked free and stood up. "I'm going to take a bath."
"Hmm....like baths better than showers?"
Hannah looked perplexed again. "Never thought about it, but yes, I guess I do. After sitting the saddle most of the day, a good warm bath is just the trick to relax me." But the mere mention of sitting a saddle had her thinking about the moment they shared at the 4 Bar None. The moment she realized she wanted more of Rusty Travers.
"A bath can be quite pleasurable...especially with the right company." He grinned.
Now she was fuming, and he had to admit, she looked gorgeous when she blushed. He hated to tease her so, but it was fun and it was his wedding day. A man should have fun on his wedding day he reasoned. This would be about all he'd get, he reckoned.
*****
Hannah ran the water for her bath, adding her usual fragrance to the water and testing the temperature. All her actions seemed normal, except the slight shake to her hands, the little furrows on her brow and the tension in her entire body.
Could she actually do this?
Why was he so intent on doing this? And acting as though he actually looked forward to it! She didn't understand him. She didn't want pretenses either. He should be angry, upset, and not at all willing. That she could understand. And she should be mad at him, but for the life of her, all she could think of was how wonderful he was being. She didn't want him being wonderful. She wished he was irritable like her.
She stepped into the full tub of water and surrounded herself with the silk of the warm water, and trying to relax. It seemed impossible when she suddenly realized that this man, this Rusty Travers was going to be her husband in a few short hours. The real scare was how she'd keep her hands to herself, afterwards. Should she bar the door to her bedroom? Would he insist? They hadn't even discussed that!
Husband!
She closed her eyes and immediately the picture of him standing in her hall doorway in those red checked pajamas and cowboy hat was priceless. She had gawked at him like a schoolgirl. But it wasn't all her fault. He was magnificent. She had committed unknowingly to memory every inch of him. Her body had responded to him unwillingly, she told herself.
Maybe she could lie to herself about staring at him, but that night on the horse, she had wanted him in no uncertain terms, and if she read him right, he wanted her too. Even though that was merely a physical wanting, it was so intense, so needy, she couldn't put it out of her mind.
She could almost picture him standing at the door now, looking in with that big cowboy hat on, and little else.
Keeping her hands off her new husband would be the greatest challenge she had ever faced, but for both their sakes she had to do it. She wouldn't allow him to ruin his life over her problems and she couldn't allow herself to completely fall in love with the man. Could she?
No, she couldn't. This marriage wasn't based on love, she had to remember that.
She opened her eyes and continued to bathe. But as she touched herself she felt the heat radiate through her, and for just a moment, she imagined them coming together. That was pure imagination, nothing more, she assured herself, and it would never happen again. She wouldn't let it.
*****
A couple of hours later Hannah found herself standing in her living room greeting guests, all fifty some odd of them.
Josey hurriedly whisked her away by telling her it was bad luck to see the groom before marriage. Hannah protested that the preacher was arriving, and she should be there to greet him, but Josey shook her head.
"I don't think he'll expect it, today, Miss Hannah, now come on. We've got to get you ready."
Hannah obeyed her, but put little stock in old sayings about brides. Josey seemed to know all about weddings and such. She insisted Hannah should wear baby's breath in her hair to go with the beautiful
red rose bouquet sprinkled with baby's breath that Rusty had sent to her from the florist shop in town. How had Rusty found so much time to take care of so many details? Most men wouldn't even think of such things.
He must have called them too, on his cell phone, she reflected as she stared at the bouquet. It was hard not to love the beautiful red roses peeking through the tissue paper at her.
Hannah fingered the roses. Flowers were a weakness, she thought, but one she wanted to indulge in today. After all, she certainly didn't plan on having another wedding in her lifetime. And all her dreams of marrying the right man, for the right reasons came front and center and made her wish it might be real.
She glanced in the mirror as she pulled out her mother's wedding dress. It had already been to the cleaners thanks to Josey, and Hannah hesitated taking it out of the bag. Josey gasped.
"It is beautiful, Miss Hannah."
"I don't even know if it still fits," Hannah cried, as a tear escaped down her cheek. She remembered trying it on long ago, on her first visit home from Las Vegas. That was when she thought Vic loved her and was about to propose to her. Wild dreams. Vic never cared, she nearly laughed now at her folly. That had been nothing more than a giant crush on her handsome boss. It didn't compare to the feelings she had for Rusty. Dear God, she was in love with Rusty. How could she have let herself in for such a big fall? Hadn't she learned anything from her experiences?
But that stopped her cold for a minute. Wait! She couldn't have feelings for Rusty, at least nothing more than friendship. Keeping him at arm's distance was best, no matter what. Because if Vic had hurt her, she could imagine what losing Rusty would do to her heart. She had to keep herself at a distance.
Yes, distance was the answer!
Slowly she peeled her clothes from her body and stepped into the dress. Josey gasped again and cried, throwing her hands in the air with such dramatic flair, Hannah thought she was sick.