by Marci Bolden
She hadn’t listened then.
But she was listening now, and no one seemed to know the right thing to say. The knot in her stomach turned into a ball of cement, heavy and unforgiving, low in her gut. She couldn’t possibly eat.
Closing her eyes, Darby pressed her lips tight so she wouldn’t release the sob building in her chest. Of all the times she’d messed up in her life—and there had been plenty—she’d never felt such a sense of shame and regret. She’d never felt so horrified by her own behavior.
She carried her plate to the table and then sat and stared at her food. When Jade and Taylor joined her a minute later, she still hadn’t even touched her fork. Her body told her to eat, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so. The act that should be so natural felt like a chore she couldn’t muster the energy to complete. She knew, just looking at the food, that it would make her stomach feel even heavier.
She’d expected to feel some of this ache in her heart to ease after apologizing to Sue. She hadn’t anticipated that somehow the weight would press down harder.
If she closed her site, she wouldn’t have a means of income. She would still have dresses she’d be taking a loss on. And she’d have to come up with another way to pay her bills…pronto.
But if she didn’t, Sue would never believe she was sincere.
As much as Darby wanted an easy, straightforward answer, she was starting to see there wasn’t one. She could either continue to appear like a callous, money-hungry bitch, or she could take a loss and scramble to find a new venture to bring in some cash.
Neither of those sounded appealing.
“Let it rest for today,” Taylor suggested with an unusually gentle tone. “You’ve done all you can do for today.”
The words nearly broke the last thread of strength Darby had been clinging to. Taylor’s show of support and concern usually came gift-wrapped in brutal honesty or sarcasm. Neither were present now. She looked worried. She sounded worried. And that nearly did Darby in.
For what must have been the thousandth time in the last few days, tears filled Darby’s eyes and settled on her bottom lids.
Jade frowned and covered her hand, squeezing tight. “Is there anything we can do?”
Darby shook her head. “You’ve done more than enough.”
She didn’t miss the worried glance that her friends shared, but Darby couldn’t find the strength to reassure them.
She pushed her plate away and smiled weakly. “I know you’re worried, but I’ll be okay. I think I need to be alone for a while.”
“Darby,” Taylor said.
Darby stood and grabbed her purse, ignoring their concerned looks. She’d find the energy to reassure them tomorrow, but she just couldn’t tonight. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” she said as she headed for the door.
She walked, much slower than usual, back to her cabin and kicked off her shoes inside the door. Though she was a stickler for skincare, she tossed herself onto her bed and pulled a blanket over her head, determined to sleep what was left of this day away.
Depression was creeping in, taking hold. She knew the signs. She knew how the overwhelming feelings could suffocate her. But she didn’t care enough to fight them. The world was caving in on her, and she didn’t have the fortitude to fight it.
She’d just gotten comfortable when someone dropped onto the bed next to her like a champion high diver. Darby bounced and grumbled her discontent. As she was struggling to get the blanket over her head to glare at Taylor—because she couldn’t think of anyone else who would body slam her—Jade stretched out on her other side. Her full-sized bed was big enough that they didn’t have to be that close, but they had managed to sandwich her in.
“Guys,” she complained.
“Did you hear something?” Taylor asked.
“Not a thing,” Jade said and shifted to crush Darby even more.
She kissed her head through the blanket and hugged her, which eased Darby’s irritation at being disturbed.
A moment later, the TV mounted on Darby’s wall clicked on. That was Taylor too. She was on the side where Darby kept her remote. After a few clicks, the distinct sounds of a movie opening started. Darby didn’t want to watch a movie. She wanted to be alone. She was on the verge of kicking them out when the opening strands of a familiar song started. She pushed back the blankets enough to peek at the screen.
“Grease is my favorite movie,” Darby said.
“We know,” Jade said.
“I never wanted to be like Sandy. I wanted to be Rizzo.”
“We know,” Taylor said.
Darby sniffled as she pulled the blanket down farther. “We should have matching pink jackets.”
“No,” Taylor said simply. “No, we shouldn’t.”
A smile tugged at Darby’s lips as she sat up enough to watch the movie. A moment later, a bag of popcorn appeared under her nose. They must have brought that with them, since Darby definitely would have smelled the popcorn popping. And then, next to the popcorn, they waved a can of soda under her nose. “Yeah,” she said. “We totally should.” She stuffed her hand into the popcorn and grabbed the drink with the other, already planning time to buy pink satin.
“I’ll never wear it,” Taylor vowed.
Darby smiled, thinking how fun it would be to pester Taylor until she gave in and put the jacket on, at least long enough to snap a photo of the three of them. Snuggling between her best friends, she chuckled.
Yup. She was making them matching jackets.
Ten
Darby sat on her sofa the next morning clutching several tissues from the dispenser on the end table with her laptop open. She’d fallen asleep before the movie had ended the night before, still smooshed between Jade and Taylor, but when she’d awoken, she’d been alone.
The bubble of warmth they’d surrounded her with was gone too, and without it the negative feelings bombarded her again. Almost immediately, her mind filled with Sue’s sad eyes and harsh words. Before she even rolled out of bed to shower, she’d replayed the entire scene from the cafe at least three times over.
As she’d gotten ready for the day, she’d debated what she should do. How she should move forward. If she could move forward. When she sat on the sofa, rather than opening her site to conduct business, she read and reread the apology Jade had helped her write. The words had been heartfelt, but now they seemed as empty as Sue had accused them of being.
Staring at the screen, Darby let her focus swim as she thought of all the comments she’d read. Though she had deleted the posts days ago, she could still recall much of what had been said. The harsh words had been burned into her mind.
But she could also still bring to mind the encouraging ones. The ones that told her how funny her site was. The ones that told her how talented she was. So many women had asked if Darby could help them with their wedding dresses because they loved her work. They’d appreciated the unique style Darby provided for the brides. All of her dresses had been personalized to the bride’s tastes, color preferences, and wedding themes. Each one had been customized down to the type of stitching used. People loved that about the dresses, especially women looking for gowns for their upcoming weddings.
Not everyone had seen her site as pitiless or vindictive. Not everyone thought she was monopolizing on heartache. But now, she had to admit, to some extent, she’d done just that.
Once again, her mind flashed to Sue’s teary eyes and the hurt so plainly on display when she’d told Darby the only way to prove her contrition was to shut her site down. Frowning, Darby scanned the site to see how many dresses she still needed to sell. Enough that shutting down the site could cost her a few thousand dollars in unsold listings. Not to mention the thousands of dollars she could make if she accepted requests for customized dresses that had been coming in prior to turning off her comments.
The Un-Do Wedding Boutique could still be the venture that turned things around for Darby. She could finally have one business that was a success. One ven
ture that actually made it beyond the usual month or two before she screwed it up.
This could be her chance to succeed.
Should she turn her back on that because Sue insisted that was the only way to absolve herself of the mistake she’d made by sharing personal stories?
Darby’s internal battle had turned into a nuclear war in her mind when her front door opened.
Taylor spotted her on the couch and offered her a soft smile as she lifted a drink carrier with three beverages tucked inside, including a large iced mocha that was Darby’s go-to at the local coffee shop. “I was hoping you’d still be sleeping. What are you doing?”
Darby returned her attention to the computer screen but let her eyes swim out of focus. “Trying to determine if I’m a horrible person.”
“Well, I can settle that,” Taylor said as she put the drinks onto the coffee table before dropping down beside her. “You’re not.”
A big, sad-sounding exhale left Darby as she let her shoulders droop. “I was thinking about all the comments I got before turning off the option on the site. Mostly about how most of them were supportive. Not only have I made people laugh, but I’ve helped women be able to afford one of a kind wedding gowns they wouldn’t have been able to without me reselling these dresses. I have helped people.” Her voice cracked as her emotions swelled again. “And I could help more people. I could make more dresses. Dresses that weren’t for someone else and without the bad energy attached to them. I could have a successful bridal shop. I could do this, Tay.”
“I know you can,” Taylor said.
“I can make this work.”
“I know.” Taylor wasn’t one for doling out affection, but she draped her arm around Darby’s shoulder. “This is a hiccup. That’s all.”
“But it feels like more than that. It feels like there’s no way to recover from this. Like the only way to make it end is to disappear. Should one bad decision bury my company?”
Taylor shook her head. “You have to make that decision, Darbs.”
“Why?” she asked with the exaggerated pout she usually saved for Jade.
Grinning, Taylor patted Darby’s shoulder. “Because it’s not my company. Besides”—Taylor untangled her arm from Darby’s shoulder and sat forward to grab the iced mocha—“you don’t want business advice from me. I stink at this.”
Darby accepted the drink as she shook her head. “That’s not true.”
“That’s very true.” Taylor sat back with her paper cup between her hands. She took her coffee strong and bold, which Jade and Darby often commented was very fitting for her. “I have one project this week, Darby. One.” She lifted up a single finger and waved it to emphasize her point. “And it’s so simplistic that I’m pretty sure I was hired out of pity. Or some misguided idea to support a local female business. It’ll take me all of two hours to complete and won’t even make me enough money to buy groceries for the week.” She shook her head slowly, and the hint of a smile faded from her lips. “I’m not going to make it much longer. I’m going to have to find something else to do. I’m running out of money—and time—to make this work.”
Darby swallowed hard, but the tears in her eyes fell anyway. Taylor put her heart and soul into her work. Seeing her struggle was heartbreaking.
Hell, everything was heartbreaking for Darby right now. She was like some hormonal teen watching sappy movies on repeat. Her tears never seemed to stop lately.
Wiping her nose with the wad of tissues in her hand, Darby whispered, “I’m so sorry.”
Taylor shrugged. “It’s okay. It happens, you know.”
Before Darby could respond, Jade threw the door open. “Oh, good,” she stated as the panic on her face eased. “You’re both here.” She closed the door and turned and then looked from Darby to Taylor and back again. “Oh, no. What now?”
“Nothing,” Taylor said dismissively as she sat forward. She pulled the last drink out of the container and held it up. “What’s wrong with you?”
Jade accepted what was likely some sort of tea. She dropped into a chair and sagged as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders. “Liam…”
“What did he do?” Taylor said with a hard tone that implied she was about to go into battle.
Jade stuck her lip out in the way that Darby usually did for attention. “He broke up with me.” Her voice quivered and her lips trembled as she sank even deeper into the chair.
Darby sat taller and furrowed her brow. “How could he break up with you? You aren’t dating.”
“I know.” Tears shimmered in Jade’s eyes. “He told me he wants to take things to the next level, and I said I wasn’t ready. So he…” She choked out a sob. “He told me we need to take a break because he can’t wait forever.”
“Oh, honey,” Darby said softly. “I’m sorry.”
“Want me to go punch him in the face?” Taylor asked.
Jade laughed lightly through her tears. “No. I really like his face. How can he…” She roughly wiped away a tear with her palm. “Why can’t I…”
Darby huffed out a breath as the furrow in Jade’s brow deepened and her lip trembled again. “Look at us,” she said with a croaking voice thick with emotion. “How did we get here, guys?”
“Where?” Taylor asked.
“So…broken,” Jade whispered.
Taylor grabbed the tissue box of Darby’s coffee table and crossed the room to offer a tissue to Jade. “We’re not broken.”
Darby took a long drink from her coffee before saying, “I think we might be, Tay. My life is a disaster, Liam broke up with Jade when they weren’t even a couple, and your business is on the verge of closing. I think it’s safe to say we are indeed broken. Or at least incredibly screwed up.”
Taylor set the box down and shook her head. “No. We’re going through some hard times right now, but we’re not broken. We were broken before we found each other.” She gestured toward Darby. “You were hiding behind your makeup, Jade was oblivious to how her life was a facade, and I was…sad and angry with no one to help me. We were broken a year ago, but we’re not now. We’re better now because we have each other. We’ve stumbled a little. That’s all.”
Jade blew her nose loudly. “Stumbled a lot, I’d say,” she said and then blew again.
“No. Look at us,” Taylor said with urgency in her voice. “Look at how far we’ve come.”
Darby laughed dryly. “I don’t think I’ve come very far.”
“You have a successful business,” Taylor said. “Yes, you have hit some…marketing issues…”
“Marketing issues?” Darby asked with disbelief. “Did you see what I did to poor Sue Berdynski? I’m a terrible person.”
“No,” Jade stated firmly. “You are not.”
“And you,” Taylor said lifting her hand in Jade’s direction. “Sure, your husband dumped you for someone much younger—”
“Not that much younger,” Jade insisted.
“She’s pretty young,” Darby offered.
Taylor continued as if they hadn’t been debating the issue. “But you have picked yourself up and are living your best damn life. In the last year, you’ve started your own business, bought a cabin on a beautiful lake, and you’re healthy and happy… Well, you know, when Liam isn’t dumping you.”
Jade scrunched up her nose and twisted her lips together before muttering, “I’m not sure this pep talk is helping.”
“And look at me,” Taylor continued without missing a beat. “Statistically, given my childhood, I should be in prison by now, but I’ve never even been arrested. Okay,” she said, lifting her hands, “there was one time after a bar fight, but once they confirmed that I had nothing to do with it, I was released. But overall, that is a win, you guys. A huge win. And Darby, you…” Taylor held her hand out, but her words faded as if she didn’t know where to begin…or couldn’t find something positive to say.
“Made a mess out of everything,” Darby finished.
“You have grown so
much,” Taylor said, as if that had been the point she’d intended to make all along.
Darby slowly shook her head. “I don’t think so. But thanks for trying.”
“You have grown,” Jade said. “If you hadn’t, you wouldn’t have found the courage to talk to Sue face-to-face. That was difficult, but you did it. We’re proud of you for that.”
Darby sank back into the sofa and sucked on her straw, frowning when it slurped with the telltale signs of an empty cup. She shook it, rattling the ice, and then slurped again to confirm she had downed her entire drink already. Her frown grew as she set the cup aside. While she appreciated Taylor’s words of encouragement, Darby actually felt worse. Mostly because Taylor was right. Jade had picked herself up. Taylor was persisting with her company, trying everything she could to succeed.
And then there was Darby.
Sure, she was doing better financially than she had been in a long time, but her heart was torn and she had no idea what she should do. She had trampled all over people’s feelings without even taking a moment to consider what she was doing. She’d shattered Sue’s heart all over again by making her relive a past better left alone.
And that was just one would-have-been bride who had come forward. No doubt there were others who hadn’t had the courage to come forward and share how hurt they were by Darby’s actions. The idea that there could be up to a dozen brokenhearted and humiliated women reliving their pain because of The Un-Do Wedding Boutique made the guilt in Darby’s stomach grow.
Damn it.
She didn’t know if she had the courage to apologize to each and every one of them, but in that moment she realized she really had to. She had to make the effort to make amends for her bad decision. They deserved to hear that straight from her, as Sue had.
While she didn’t know if Sue was right about closing down Un-Do, Darby realized that her lame attempt of an apology posted on the site wasn’t enough. At least not for those who had been directly impacted by the stories she’d posted online.