by Small,DJ
The woman was a total slob when she ate, but it was one of the things that Ava found endearing about her. She liked the fact that Robin wasn’t like the people from the clean-cut and proper world that she had grown up in. Robin was crass, rude, and had a foul mouth but she was also a sweet person who cared deeply. Ava took a deep breath, picked up her glass of water and took a sip from it. As she set it down, she spoke. “Robin, we need to talk.”
Robin looked up from her plate. “I’m eating like a pig again aren’t I? Or do I have powdered sugar on my face?”
Ava chuckled a little. “You do have powdered sugar on your face, but it’s not about that, or your eating habits.”
Robin wiped her face with her napkin. “Okay…if it’s not that, then what do you want to talk about?”
Ava bit her bottom lip and drew in a deep breath through her nose. It was going to be now or never. She looked away from Robin. She didn’t know it was going to be this hard.
Robin took hold of her hand. “Ava, baby, what’s wrong? You’ve got me worried.”
Ava let out a shaky laugh. “It’s nothing to be worried about.” That was a lie. What she was going to say would possibly ruin their marriage, if Robin was even able to talk to her once she got over her anger. Usually when they had bad arguments, Robin wouldn’t talk to her for hours and once she did, she would give Ava the biggest guilt trip.
This wouldn’t be one of their usual arguments, though. Ava would be revealing something that she had kept hidden from her wife. This was deception. She pressed the hand that was resting on her lap to her stomach as it began to churn.
She gave Robin a weak smile. “You know how I’ve been working late on that research project?” Robin nodded, as apprehension began to shine in her eyes. Ava took another breath as she continued to push through her confession. “I haven’t been working on a research project.” Robin let go of her hand, and the apprehension that had been in her eyes was replaced with anger, but she remained quiet. Ava looked down at the table. The hard gaze that was directed towards her had her regretting the decision to tell Robin the truth, but she had come too far now. She was going to have to tell her the real reason why she had been coming home late.
“I’ve been doing overnight volunteer work at one of the hospitals in the city on the weekends. They’re severely understaffed and the hospital wanted volunteers so I did.” She looked up at Robin. “I should have told you the truth to begin with, but it infringed on our weekends and I didn’t want us to have another argument about work. Clearly that didn’t work, since we’ve been doing just that anyway.”
Robin’s jaw tightened as the revelation of her wife lying to her settled upon her. Ava sighed. She had just launched another lie into the foundation of her marriage, but it was better than the actual truth. Ava didn’t want to destroy her marriage, and she knew that she was going to stop dancing at some point. It would eventually lose its appeal and she would want to go back to her boring life. This lie was a good one. It was going to save her marriage, and once she quit, Robin wouldn’t be any wiser to the fact that she had been dancing on the weekends. It was terrible rationalization on Ava’s part, but she didn’t want to lose her wife, and at the same time she didn’t want them to keep arguing about her working late.
Robin glared at her and Ava knew that this was the calm before the storm. The silence between them lasted a long time then Robin cleared her throat. “Why didn’t you tell me the truth? Everything between us would have gone differently if you had told me the truth.”
Ava sighed and ran her hand through her hair. “We’ve argued before when I’ve worked late and I didn’t want us to argue about me working overnight at another hospital. It was easier to lie about a project, because I don’t know how long I’m going to be volunteering for.”
Robin let out a humorless laugh and shook her head. “I can’t believe you thought lying to your wife was easier than telling me the truth.”
Ava scoffed. “Did you not take my phone away from me earlier because the hospital called? Or what about that time, a couple of months ago, where you punched a hole through our bedroom wall because you were pissed that I had to go check on one of my patients?” She sighed. “You don’t have the best reaction to me putting my work before you.”
“It makes me feel like I’m in second place,” Robin countered, her voice rising. Some of the other customers sitting near them turned and looked their way.
Ava pressed her lips together and waited for Robin to calm down. After a few tense minutes had passed, she spoke again. “I’m sorry you feel that way, but you know how demanding my job can be.”
Robin rolled her eyes and snorted. “Yeah, I fuckin’ know. But me reacting poorly to you working late or blowing me off for some patient doesn’t give you the right to fuckin’ lie to me, Ava.”
Ava looked down. “I know. I don’t feel good about it.”
“As you shouldn’t,” Robin remarked. She was quiet a second then she said, “I probably would have been okay with this. I know you have a big heart and I know you care about those that are hurt and sick. But it’s the fucking fact that you lied to me. My wife lied to me.” She scoffed. “And about the most ridiculous thing.”
Ava looked into Robin’s green eyes. There was hurt and anger in them and she knew that she deserved it, but she also knew that she deserved worse. Ava offered Robin her hand. “I know and I’m sorry. It was a ridiculous thing for me to do.” She bit her bottom lip then said, “I’m going to do everything possible to make it up to you.”
Robin shook her head then she pinned Ava down with a piercing glare. “No you won’t. You’re going to continue to do the same shit that you always do.” She threw her napkin onto her plate before she got up from the table and walked out of the restaurant.
Ava sat back in her chair and blew out a heavy breath. This was something that she was willing to endure. Robin would be mad at her for awhile, then things would eventually go back to normal, for the most part. In order for things to really get back to normal, Ava would have to quit her second job. Ava pressed the heels of her palms to her eyes.
“Ma’am, are you all right?” Ava dropped her hands from her face and looked up at the young man that had been their waiter. She smiled. “Yes, I’m fine. Can I get the check please?” He nodded, then ran off to go get the check for her and Robin’s dinner. Ava’s guilt began to weigh down on her as she sat, waiting to pay. She had lied again, and this one seemed more colossal than the last. It made her sick, and what made everything worse was the fact that she knew she was being selfish. But to Ava this lie was a good one. This was a lie that was going to allow her to maintain the freedom that she had just discovered.
Chapter Three
The tension between Ava and Robin was almost tangible as they walked into the apartment. During the drive back to their place, Robin hadn’t spoken a word to Ava, which she had been expecting, but the amount of anger that was radiating off of her made Ava uneasy. She closed the front door and locked it as Robin began to make her way over to the stairs. Ava drew in a deep breath then asked, “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”
Robin’s foot was on the bottom step when she turned to look at her. The glare she received told Ava the answer to her question. “No I don’t want to watch a fucking movie, and if I did, I definitely wouldn’t want to watch one with you.” She started to climb the stairs, and Ava ran her hands through her hair as she screamed in her head.
Ava deserved Robin’s attitude and anger. She had lied to her, and that was the worst thing that she could have done to her wife. Ava walked over to the couch and as she sat down she backtracked on that thought. That wasn’t the worst thing that she had done. She was still hiding a second job from her wife and lying about it. That was the worst thing. Ava let her head fall back against the couch and closed her eyes. She didn’t like it when Robin was angry with her, but this was better than the alternative of Robin leaving her. She sat up and got the remote off the coffee table then tur
ned on the TV, sighing as she glanced at the time on the cable box. Ava had to leave in a couple of hours so that she could get to the club on time. While she flipped through the channels Ava imagined the argument that was going to ensue when she told Robin that she was leaving. It was going to be an ugly one.
Two hours later, Ava had watched two episodes of a crime show and still wasn’t ready for another confrontation with Robin, but she had to do it. Ava got up from the couch, then went upstairs. She hoped she would only have to endure Robin’s anger for a few days then things would go back to how they used to be.
When Ava reached the second floor of their apartment, she found Robin sitting at the computer desk that was in the open area outside their room. As she walked by, Ava glanced at the computer screen and saw that Robin had a legal document up for her security firm. Ava continued into their room, deciding not to ask Robin what she was working on. However, the part of her that cared for Robin was hard to ignore and she walked back to the doorway of their room. “What are you working on?” Ava asked with some curiosity.
Robin stayed silent, and Ava folded her arms over her chest. She understood that Robin was angry, and that she deserved it, but she wasn’t going to stop caring just because her wife was mad. “Robin, I know you’re pissed, but I would like to know.” She sighed. “You know I worry about you.”
Robin scoffed and shook her head. “Now you’re worried? Were you worried about me when you decided to lie to me about your whereabouts? Did you even care about my feelings when you came to that decision?” Robin turned around in the office chair and looked at her. “Well Ava? Did you?”
Ava glared at her wife and countered, “Me caring about you, and asking about the jobs you take have nothing to do with the lies I’ve told you.” She moved closer to the desk. “I feel like a horrible person for lying to you, Robin, but that doesn’t mean you should shut me out completely.” Ava bit her bottom lip and she was quiet for moment then she admitted, “I thought I was doing what was best for us.”
A loud, harsh laugh came from Robin as she turned to look at the computer screen. “I can’t believe you just said that. Lying to me is not what’s best for us, no matter what delusional bullshit you tell yourself.” She fell silent as she began to type. A few seconds went by and Ava was about to walk away when Robin said, “It’s a contract.”
Ava was surprised that Robin had answered her question. “Oh. Is it an armed job or an unarmed one?”
Robin stopped typing and turned to look at Ava. The piercing green eyes that were directed towards her made Ava second-guess her decision to have the conversation. She should have left it at Robin’s answer. Robin shook her head. “I don’t get you. You come up here and play the concerned wife hours after you’ve admitted to lying to me.” She made a noise that was a cross between a scoff and a snort. “Are you trying to redeem yourself or something?”
Ava scoffed in return. “No, I’m not trying to redeem myself. I know there’s no redemption for what I’ve done to you. My only wish, through all of this, is that you’ll be able to forgive me.” She sighed. “I still care about you, Robin, and I still love you. That’s why I’m asking.”
Robin continued to stare at her and her face grew tense for a moment. Ava could tell that that she was having a brief internal struggle about something, then Robin’s face relaxed as she sighed. “It’s an armed job.”
Ava nodded. She was glad that Robin had chosen to answer the question; it gave her some hope. Ava looked at the clock on the computer. She had to leave. Ava pressed her lips together then said, “I would love to hear more about it, but I need to leave to go start my shift-”
“Just fucking go Ava.” Robin stood up from the office chair. “I tried. I fucking tried. I thought maybe we would be able to work through this and put it behind us, but I see that won’t be the case. Your work will always come before me.” She headed for the stairs and as she walked down them she shouted, “Have a good fucking night.”
Ava listened as Robin walked into the kitchen before she headed to the guest bedroom. She jumped a little when the door to the room slammed closed. Ava stood in the open area of the second floor for a moment then she retreated to her and Robin’s room. Ava kept telling herself that everything was going to pass and that she and Robin were going to get back to an amicable place, but she was having a hard time believing it. Their conversation had gone from bad to worse, and she had no idea how long it would be before Robin would be able to talk to her without getting angry.
Deciding that there wasn’t much else she could do, Ava changed into sweatpants and a tank top then she put on a light jacket before going down to the first floor of the loft. She stopped by the door of the guest room and stared at it for a moment, then shook her head. She was going to give Robin space. Ava left the apartment, and as she walked down the corridor to get to the elevator, she sent Robin a text. She hoped it would be the thing to break the tension between them.
∞
Ava arrived at the club a few minutes early, and before she got out of the car she checked her phone. Robin had sent back a response to her text, and all it read was: I love you too. Ava took a deep breath and allowed herself to smile a little. She understood that the two of them would need to talk about her lying, and Robin’s anger, but it was a start. She got out of the car, then went into her trunk to retrieve the gym bag that held the outfits that she was going to wear tonight.
Ava walked up to the front of the building and Frank smiled at her. “Seems you’ve got a fan club in there tonight.”
Confusion crossed Ava’s face. “Frank, I haven’t been here long enough to develop a fan club.”
Frank chuckled as he opened the door for her. “After last night’s performance, you do now.”
She shook her head and smiled. “You’ve got to stop listening to the girls and their gossip.” His warm laughter followed her as she entered the club. Before Ava headed back to the dressing area, she stopped at the bar to get her usual gin and tonic. She was waiting for her drink when someone pressed against her and pinned her to the bar
Ava moved her arm to elbow the person that was holding her captive, but they grabbed onto her bicep and stopped her. She felt her hair get pushed to the side, then the person’s warm breath brushed across the shell of Ava’s ear. “Will I be getting my private dance tonight?”
Ava scowled then she freed herself from the woman’s hold. She turned to look at her and shouted, “What the hell is your problem? I should have security kick your rude ass out of here!” The arrogant woman only smirked at her and Ava scoffed. “You’re not getting a fucking dance from me. Now leave me alone.”
The dark haired woman covered her chest with her hand. “Well now that hurts, Sunshine. If I apologize for my behavior, then will you give me a private dance?”
Ava scoffed again and vehemently shook her head. She got her drink off of the bar then fixed the woman with a hard look. “No.” Ava walked away, and as she headed for the door that went backstage, she gave the woman a fleeting glance over her shoulder. Despite her irritation, and the woman’s unacceptable behavior, Ava couldn’t help but to wonder what it would feel like to have the woman’s body on hers under different circumstances.
Shaking her head to rid her mind of the adulterous thoughts, Ava took a long drink from her glass. She was already lying to her wife about what she was doing on the weekends, and didn’t need to complicate things further by flirting with some stranger and having lustful thoughts. She continued to walk backstage, making her way over to the dressing area. She reached her spot next to Rachel at the vanity and the woman grinned at her. Ava dropped her gym bag in the chair then looked at her. “What?”
The woman giggled a little. “I saw you talking to the brunette while I was walking back here. You change your no private dances policy?”
Ava couldn’t stop the snort that she let out. “Hardly.” She smirked at Rachel. “Though I do have to give her an A in persistence.”
She and Rachel
laughed. After the day that Ava had gone through, it felt good to laugh with someone she considered a friend. She needed it. As they calmed down, Rachel pushed again. “You should do it, Ava.” She gave a slight shake of her head. “The way you moved last night during your second set…damn. I would have paid top dollar to have you to myself and I’m certain most of our customers are dying to have you to themselves too.”
Ava took another long drink from her glass, then set it down on the vanity. She opened her gym bag, pulling out the black lingerie that she was going to wear for her first set. “Let them continue to die, I will not be giving anyone a private dance. Nothing will change my mind on that.” She flashed Rachel a grin and added, “Except you, Rach. You’d get yours for free.”
Rachel leaned over to place a big, wet kiss on her cheek and Ava laughed. “You’re a doll Ava. Don’t let anyone tell you different.” She looked at herself in the mirror and frowned. “Now I’ve got to reapply.”
Ava chuckled at the woman and began to get ready. After she was dressed and had her hair done, Ava relaxed in her chair and read a newly published article in one of the medical journals that she followed. She was writing down notes about the article in her notebook when one of the younger girls came up to her. “Hey Ava, there is a brunette looking for you by the door.”
Ava rolled her eyes and she chuckled as she shook her head. The woman was starting to change the meaning of the word persistent. She looked up from her tablet. “Tell her that I’m not going to come out there, Kelly.”
Kelly smirked and held up her hand. There was a fifty-dollar bill between her fingers. “She told me to give you this if you said no.”
Ava glared at the money, then got up from her chair. She put on her robe and took the money from Kelly before she headed for the door of the backstage area. She pushed it open and walked a few steps into the main lounge. Ava looked around and she found the woman leaning against one of the spare speakers that was by the stage. She stalked over to her and threw the money. “I don’t need your fucking money. Harass me one more time and I will tell security.”