by Small,DJ
Ava felt Kacey rest her chin on the top of her head. “Yeah. Ava, you had me worried, and I had no idea what was going on. I wasn’t going to come into that type of situation alone.”
Ava sat up and looked at Kacey. Her voice was strained as she apologized, “I’m sorry, I-I-“ Tears welled up in Ava’s eyes and she squeezed them shut. Images of Robin’s hard, threatening gaze filled the darkness behind her eyelids.
She felt a gentle hand on her cheek and her eyes fluttered open. “Sunshine, what happened?” Kacey’s brown eyes were full of concern and there was something else that was mixed in with it that helped Ava find the strength to tell Kacey what had happened with Robin. She bit her bottom lip and drew in a deep breath through her nose before she began to tell Kacey about what happened when she had gone home.
Ava had to give Kacey credit for being able to remain quiet while she talked. The more she told her, the harder her eyes became and a murderous glint began to shine in them. “…She kissed me and it was so…” Ava shuddered. “I never want to experience it again. I was scared out of my mind, and I did the one thing I could; I punched her then ran away.”
Kacey sat there staring at her, her body was tense, but Ava could tell that she had gone somewhere else in her mind. After a moment Kacey leaned forward to wrap her arms around Ava. She held her for a moment then she moved to give her a soft kiss before she got up from the couch.
Ava watched her walk over to the closet that was in the corner of the living room. Kacey opened the door then bent down, and Ava heard several beeps. Moments later, Kacey stood up and faced her, holding a gun and the magazine for it. Ava jumped off of the couch and rushed over to her. “No! Kacey, I’m not going to let you get yourself in trouble over this. It’s over with, I’m fine.”
Kacey slid the magazine into the gun and muttered, “To hell it is.” Her eyes met Ava’s and Ava saw a smoldering rage in them. It terrified her. “She put her hands on you and then she-“ Kacey tightened her lips together, and it took a moment before she finished. “If she had done something to you-”
“But she didn’t, Kacey!” Ava yelled in a desperate effort to get her back from the murderous thoughts that were swimming around in her head. She drew in a breath then slowly let it out. Her voice was soft and calm when she spoke again. “She didn’t do anything.” She glanced at the gun. “Please put the gun away.”
A deep scowl remained on Kacey’s face as she stared at the gun in her hand. Ava didn’t know if she had reached the woman or not. Kacey was hell bent on killing Robin and once she was out that door Ava knew that she wouldn’t be able to stop her. Kacey looked at her, then at the weapon. She bent down and put it back in the safe that was in the closet.
After she closed the safe Kacey stood up then took hold of Ava’s face and gave her a fierce kiss. As they kissed, Kacey guided Ava back to the wall that was next to the closet. She broke away from her, and with venom lacing every word she said, “If she comes anywhere near you, she’s a fucking dead woman.” Then she kissed Ava again. The passion behind it was overwhelming and breathtaking and it prevented Ava from thinking further about the threat that Kacey had made.
Chapter Eight
Ava stared at the blinking green indicator light that was on her phone. She watched it flash incessantly as she thought about what awaited her. She didn’t have to guess what the flashing light meant. There would be voicemails, texts, and missed calls; and they would all be from Robin. She sighed then closed her eyes to block out the blinking that was coming from her phone.
Getting Kacey to calm down last night had been a nightmare. After she had put the gun away and stopped threatening Robin, Kacey told Ava that she was going to stay with her so that she could protect her. As much as she appreciated the gesture Ava had turned down the offer – at least, that’s what she called it in her mind. If she had taken it as Kacey ordering her around she would’ve gotten upset, and that would have turned into a huge argument.
Kacey had brought up many valid points as for why she didn’t want Ava to be away from her. Ava had almost agreed with her; but she knew that Robin wouldn’t cause a scene at her job or in public, and that she wouldn’t try to corner her. When she didn’t concede, Kacey said that she would just go wherever Ava went. Her exact words had been: “If you think I’m going to give that bitch a chance to get to you, then you must have lost your damn mind.” Ava laughed at the comment in her head. On some level; she felt like she had. She had destroyed her marriage, was falling for a drug dealer, and to top it all off, she was an exotic dancer on the weekend. Ava smiled to herself. A psychologist would have a field day with her. In the end, she had agreed to stay with Kacey and not go into work today.
Ava opened her eyes then reached for the phone that was on the night table. She went through her text messages first. Robin had sent fifteen of them. Ava stared at the message thread for a moment then she tapped on it. She didn’t focus on the words as she scrolled to the start of the messages. The words blurred as the thread went up. There was nothing Robin could say that would make what she did last night okay. When Ava reached the start of the messages, she focused on them and began to read.
The first five messages were Robin apologizing for what she had done and said to Ava. In the next five, she was begging for Ava to come home so that they could talk. The last five were one long message that had been broken up into five texts. In the message, Robin told her that she understood why Ava wasn’t talking to her and why she wanted to keep her distance. She acknowledged that what she had done to her was unforgivable, and in the last message she accepted the fact that their marriage was over and that she understood if Ava wanted to divorce her. That, despite Ava knowing that Robin had been way out of line, caused her to feel guilty.
Last night wouldn’t have happened if she had just told Robin the truth about everything. Ava read the last five messages several times and the guilt worsened each time. She wasn’t going to let Robin take the blame for their marriage ending. This was her fault and hers alone. Ava drew in a deep breath. She needed to clear the air between her and Robin. This meant that she was going to have to go see her, even though she was apprehensive about how she would respond to everything once she did find out. Ava slowly blew out her breath.
There was one thing that interfered with her seeing Robin, and that was Kacey. The woman would probably lock her in the apartment before she would let Ava go see Robin by herself. Ava rolled onto her back then let out a frustrated breath. She rolled her head to look at Kacey and when saw the woman was awake and staring at her, Ava jumped slightly. She gave Kacey’s shoulder a less than gentle shove and exclaimed, “You scared the shit out of me!” She took a deep breath to calm her racing heart. After she released it she remarked, “It’s nice to know you haven’t left your stalker tendencies too far behind.” Kacey continued to stare at her and Ava read the expression that was in her eyes. She wasn’t happy, and Ava wondered why. “What’s the matter?”
A scowl came to Kacey’s face. “You’re planning something stupid, Ava, and if you’re planning something stupid then I’m going to be right there with you, because I’m not letting her put her hands on you again.”
Ava turned her head and looked up at the ceiling. She sighed. “She’s not going to do that again, Kacey. Robin’s apologized for what she’s done and she regrets it.” She paused then softly said, “I need to come clean to her.” Ava turned her head back to Kacey. “She shouldn’t blame herself for our marriage ending. That’s my fault.”
“I don’t care,” Kacey countered in a firm tone. “If you want to go see her, I will be there.” She sat up. “And who cares if she blames herself? After what she did to you last night, she should. Another thing, why do you care? It’s obvious that you’ve moved on.” She pinned Ava down with a hard stare. “Unless I’ve interpreted this entire situation between us incorrectly.”
Ava sat up and shook her head. “No Kacey. That’s not the reason why.” She stared at her for a moment, then reached o
ut to caress her cheek. “What we have between us….it’s real. Too real sometimes.” She lowered her hand and sighed. Ava dropped her eyes from Kacey’s and gazed down at the blanket that covered them. She was going to reveal something that she never talked about. As much as Ava felt for Kacey, being this open, and exposing old wounds, left her feeling helpless.
Ava brought her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. She rested her chin on one and started to explain her and Robin’s history. “The reason why I care…” Ava trailed off as her throat tightened with emotion. She hadn’t shared this with anyone before; the only person who knew was Robin.
Ava turned her head so that her temple was resting on her knee and she was looking at Kacey. The woman’s brown eyes were patiently waiting for her to continue, and it caused a small smirk to tug at the corners of Ava’s mouth. Kacey had taken care of her after last night, and that same attentive side was showing now, it warmed Ava’s heart. She swallowed to moisten her throat then said, “I was suicidal three years ago. Now that I’ve treated from my depression, it doesn’t surprise me that I was. My mother controlled every aspect of my life for a long time, and she held me to unrealistic standards that I couldn’t, and will never, meet. Throw in my failed relationships and the pressures that I put on myself to become a successful doctor, and it all culminated into me wanting to die.”
Ava pressed her lips together as she thought about the dark time in her life. She knew she was stalling, but she didn’t want to see the look on Kacey’s face as she told her the rest. She closed her eyes. “I had planned to kill myself. I had come to a point in my life where my depression had such a profound effect on it that I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I was successful in my career, but I felt so empty inside.” Ava let out an unsteady breath. “I was going to jump into the harbor and drown myself. I had made it seem like it would be a poetic death, as if the water would cleanse my soul of all the darkness that surrounded it.”
Ava opened her eyes, and when she focused on Kacey, she could see the tears shimmering in the other woman’s eyes. She wanted to comfort her; but there was still more that she had to go through. The detachment she felt from the events of that night made it easier for her to recount the story. “I had trespassed on the part of the pier that was being rebuilt for that tech company. Robin was working security that night, and she stopped me from jumping.”
Ava drew a breath in through her nose. She could still remember the conversation she and Robin had that night on the pier. For the rest of the story, she didn’t have to disconnect with it; her treatment and being able to manage her depression was something that she was proud of. “After that night I checked myself into a treatment facility.” She chuckled a little. “To this day, my mother still thinks exhaustion was the reason why I went there.” She shook her head and said, “But my mother isn’t the focus here. While I was in the facility, I reached out to Robin to thank her and tell her that she had given me the beacon of hope that I needed to make things better for myself.”
Ava sighed. “She started visiting me at the treatment facility then at some point we started dating. Everything went by in a blur, and next thing I know it’s two years later and we’re getting married.”
Tears shimmered in Kacey’s eyes and Ava was certain she was nothing but a blur to the woman. Kacey had hung onto every word that she had said, and she didn’t look at Ava as if she were some wounded animal. Ava was grateful for that. It was one look that she didn’t need from her. Kacey reached out her hand and it shook as it moved closer to Ava’s face. She gently placed it on Ava’s cheek. She swallowed a few times but her voice was still filled with emotion as she whispered, “I could have lost you.”
Ava covered the hand that was on her cheek with her own and she gave Kacey a small smile. “But you didn’t. I’m right here, and I don’t plan on going anywhere.” Her smiled grew into a playful grin. “It seems you may be stuck with me.”
Tears fell from Kacey’s eyes as she laughed. She wiped them away as she caught her breath, then she held her arms out. Ava moved closer, and as soon as she was in Kacey’s arms, she held on tight to her. Kacey held her even tighter. She kissed the side of Ava’s head then murmured, “I’m happy to be stuck with you, Sunshine.”
The two of them fell silent. Ava was still recovering from telling Kacey about her suicide attempt, but the solace she felt in Kacey’s arms gave her some peace about what she had shared. Ava was certain that Kacey was also reassuring herself. She gave her a quick squeeze to let her know that she was okay and actually there with her. Several minutes passed where they didn’t say anything as they lay on the bed, holding each other. After a while, Kacey rubbed Ava’s back and wondered, “Did you want to marry her?”
Ava drew in a breath then admitted, “I did, but at the same time I didn’t. Part of me felt like I owed it to her because she saved my life. I also didn’t think anyone else would love me or want to be with me if they knew about my struggle with depression and suicide.”
“Never say that Ava. If someone can’t accept you, and I mean all of you, then they aren’t meant to love you,” Kacey countered and the adamant tone of her voice made Ava’s heart swell.
Ava squeezed Kacey tighter then she said, “I know this now. I shouldn’t make it seem like I married Robin out of obligation. We were happy Kacey. Extremely so, but my second chance at life wasn’t turning out the way I wanted it to and I started to feel restless in my marriage. Robin wasn’t enough for me, and I felt like something was missing from my life. So I-”
“You became a stripper,” Kacey finished for her.
Ava sat up and jabbed her finger into Kacey’s shoulder. “I’m not a fucking stripper. Stop calling me that.”
Kacey rolled her eyes and grinned. “Splitting hairs, Sunshine.” Ava glared at her, but the grin disappeared when a pointed look came to Kacey’s face. “Which reminds me; you’re not doing that anymore. You have to quit.”
Kacey was starting to irritate Ava, so she began to get out of the bed. “You can’t tell me what I can and cannot do, Kacey. If I want to dance, then I’m going to dance.”
“And if I have to kill every motherfucker in that place, then I’m going to kill every motherfucker in that place,” Kacey shot back as she got out of the bed. She stood next to it and argued, “You’re not strip- dancing anymore Ava. I’m not kidding.”
Ava glared at her again, then stalked into the bathroom. She heard Kacey follow behind her and as Ava turned on the shower she said, “First of all, you’re being dramatic. Secondly, just because you have jealousy issues doesn’t mean I have to stop doing something I enjoy. Lastly, I’m a stage dancer. I don’t give lap dances, it’s harmless.”
“You gave me a fuckin’ lap dance!” Kacey exclaimed.
Ava turned and pinned her down with a hard stare. “You’re fucking kidding me, right?” Kacey glowered at her. Ava shook her head then stalked over to her. She wrapped her arms around Kacey’s neck, even though her body remained tense because she was pissed. “You know you were an exception.” Ava smiled then leaned in to nip at Kacey’s bottom lip. “You’re beyond beautiful, and relentless.” She looked into Kacey’s eyes and her smile grew. “It was only a matter of time before I said yes.” Ava kissed Kacey. At first she didn’t respond to it, but she quickly gave in. Ava smiled into the kiss then pulled back. “Now come take a shower with me.”
Ava took hold of Kacey’s hand and as they made their way into the glass enclosure Kacey remarked, “You don’t play fair.”
Ava pushed Kacey under the stream after closing the door of the shower, and grinned. “When it comes to you, I’ll never play fair.” Then she captured Kacey’s lips for heated kiss.
∞
Ava sat at the breakfast bar watching as Kacey moved around the kitchen and made them breakfast. She grinned. She didn’t think Kacey was the domestic type, but here she was proving her wrong.
It had taken them a while to get out of the shower since they weren’t able to take keep t
heir hands off each other, and they had only gotten out because the water had turned cold and Ava was hungry. It was a wonderful morning and Ava couldn’t remember the last time she had skipped work and relaxed. She liked it; even more so because she was spending time with Kacey.
“Why’d you become a doctor?” Kacey asked, turning around to look at her while she scrambled eggs.
Ava smiled. “I want to help people, and I also find the human body to be a fascinating puzzle. It’s like once you unlock one mystery another one lies behind it.”
Kacey chuckled. “And I thought you being pissed was sexy. When you get all nerd on me, that’s pretty hot too.”
An annoyed look came to Ava’s face. “This is my career you’re talking about.”
“Don’t care. You’re still hot.” Kacey said with a grin, then she turned and placed the bowl that she was scrambling eggs in on the counter. She was walking over to a cabinet when her cell phone started to ring. Kacey growled out an aggravated noise then muttered, “I can’t have a moment’s peace.” She walked over to the breakfast bar and picked up her phone. She tapped the screen, then put it up to her ear. “This better be fucking important. I’m cooking an attractive blond breakfast.”
Ava shook her head when Kacey grinned and winked at her. The woman had no filter. Ava checked her phone, and was scrolling through her work e-mail when Kacey exclaimed, “Are you fucking serious?” Ava looked up and there was a deep scowl on Kacey’s her face. She looked beyond pissed. Before she could ask a question, Kacey ordered, “Pick his ass up and take him to the spot. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
Ava bit the inside of her lip. She wanted to ask questions, but Kacey’s tense posture had her holding back on them. Kacey drew in a deep breath then said, “I have to go take care of something. Do you want to stay or go?”