by Tom Nicoll
“Yes, any similarities or likenesses to pre-existing reality shows are purely coincidental,” said Donald.
“Right, let’s get to the fun bit,” said Ronald. “Announcing the teams.”
“The first person to be called,” said Donald, “takes the tunnel on the left. The next person, the tunnel on the right. And so on. There you’ll find supplies and further instructions. Ronald and I will see you all back here tomorrow afternoon for the first Elimination Challenge.”
“So without further ado,” said Donald. “The first name is: SAM!”
As I stood up and started walking towards the left tunnel, I glanced back at Milo and Lexi. There was a chance I wouldn’t be on the same team as them. But worse still, there was a chance I wouldn’t be on the same team as Nigel Cruul. As much as the idea of being near Cruul filled me with dread, it was crucial to the mission that I kept close to him at all times.
I walked out, blinking, into the daylight. I had only taken a few steps beyond the cave when I heard Ronald announce the first member of the other team.
“NIGEL!”
Great. That meant I’d have to hope that either Lexi or Milo ended up with him.
I followed a light dirt path through thick jungle until I came to a small clearing, where four wooden crates awaited. Attached to the top of the nearest one was an envelope with the following words written on the front: ONLY TO BE OPENED IN FRONT OF ENTIRE TEAM.
I could see a couple of cameras secured to the trees, pointing directly at me. I was pretty sure I was meant to ignore them, so that’s exactly what I did. Or tried to anyway. I took a seat on one of the crates and waited for my next teammate.
“Just my luck to be stuck with the boyband weirdo,” said Bo, pushing his way through the undergrowth.
I didn’t bother to reply – I was too busy worrying about who our remaining members would be.
“Here’s Zizi!” shouted Zizi as she burst through the foliage like a performer in a cabaret show. For some reason she seemed to find this hilarious. “Your faces,” she kept saying, pointing at me and Bo.
“What’s wrong with our faces?” asked Bo.
“I have no idea,” I said.
“And here’s Pierre!” she said as the pug popped out of the top of her T-shirt.
Zizi’s appearance was a relief. With only one spot left it meant that at least Milo or Lexi would be able to monitor Cruul.
Just as it was occurring to me that I could be stuck on a team without either of them, Lexi walked into the clearing, looking a little annoyed.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
She shrugged. “Nothing. I was just hoping to be on the same team as Joe. I wanted to ask him more questions about his films.”
I rolled my eyes. Bruiser would probably never know how lucky he had been to avoid Lexi’s team.
“So … Milo’s on the other side,” she said. “With Cruul.”
“Yeah,” I said quietly. Suddenly it dawned on me what that actually meant. My best friend was by himself, on a team with the most dangerous man on the planet.
“So now what are we meant to do?” asked Lexi.
“What’s this?” said Bo, snatching the envelope off the crate. He opened it up and pulled out a card. The rest of us had to crowd round him to read it.
Welcome to Fin Del Mundo! It’s time to get to know your new teammates. And what better way to do it than with some team-bonding exercises? In these crates, you’ll find everything you need to set up your shelter. Enclosed is a map of the area allocated to you for building your new settlement. You’ll have to move fast, though – you’ll want to have your camp built before sunset!
And of course every team needs a name. Your other task will be to come up with a name that best represents the four of you.
Good luck!
“A name that represents us?” said Bo. “How about One Star and Three … Not Stars?”
“Very clever,” said Lexi.
Bo tossed the envelope away and grunted.
“What about … Accelerate?” put in Zizi.
“What about it?” said Bo.
“As a name for the team,” she said.
“It’s dumb,” said Bo.
“Oh? Is it?” said Zizi. “I quite like it. OK. What about Team Lush?”
“Or Team Dominus?” suggested Lexi.
“Dumb and Dumber,” said Bo dismissively.
Zizi looked confused. “I’m not sure Dumb and Dumber is a very good team name, Bo.”
“Yeah, not very inspirational,” agreed Lexi.
“What? No, I meant… Oh, never mind,” said Bo.
I picked up the envelope and removed another piece of paper, which I unfolded to reveal a map of the island. As maps go it was pretty basic. The only thing it showed was a path leading to a red X on an area of beachfront and a scale to tell us how far away it was. “Look, we should probably leave figuring out a name until later,” I said. “We need to get our camp set up.”
“Sam’s right,” said Lexi.
“And just how exactly are we supposed to move these crates?” asked Bo.
It was a good question. A quick shove of the nearest crate made it obvious that there was no way we were going to be able to carry one each.
“We’ll have to do them together, one by one,” I said.
Bo grabbed the map from my hands. “Is this where we’re going?” he asked, pointing at the X. “That’s got to be at least half an hour away. Lugging one of those things? Multiple times? No chance.”
“Well, we don’t have much of a choice, do we?” said Lexi.
Bo snorted. “You don’t maybe, but I’m not breaking my back over this. I’m a professional athlete.”
“You play video games,” said Lexi.
“Exactly,” said Bo. “What if I hurt my hands? That would be the end of my career. I’ve got my sponsors to think about. Nope, there’s only one thing for it. You guys will have to carry them. Don’t worry, though, I’ll bring the map. Follow me.” Bo snapped his fingers and marched off into the jungle, leaving the three of us in stunned silence.
“Remember back at the cave, when Joe said there weren’t any laws on this island…” said Lexi, leaving the question hanging.
“It’d still be wrong to kill him,” I said. “Come on, we’d better get started.”
Several hours later me, Lexi and Zizi dragged the final box on to the beach. I was covered in sweat and my hands were red raw. I just wanted to curl up and go to sleep. But with the sun already starting to go down, there was still loads to do. We had to set up camp and get ourselves something to eat. We also had to decide on a stupid name.
Lexi and Zizi had spent most of the trips coming up with suggestions as Pierre yapped mercilessly at our heels the entire time. I didn’t really care what we called ourselves but they had taken it pretty seriously. Suggestions so far included:
Survivalists
Poseidon
Champions
Meerkats
DANGER!!! (including exclamation marks)
Orion
Salsa
Winners
Ellipsis
No Fear
There was a crowbar attached to one of the crates. I pulled it off and was about to start opening the lids when Bo snatched it from me.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m the greatest unboxer the world has ever seen,” he declared. “If anyone’s going to open these crates it’s me.”
“An unboxer?” I repeated.
Bo looked horrified. “Surely you’re subscribed to my Un-Bo-Xing channel?” he said.
I shook my head. “Sorry.”
“But you’re what, fourteen?” he said. “You’re my target demographic! What are you doing with your time if you’re not watching me open things in an entertaining yet informative manner? Don’t say watching TV. I don’t think I could take it.”
“We’re really tired.” I sighed. “Can you please just open the boxes?”
Bo tutted. “Fine, prepare
to have your mind blown.” He raised the crowbar and started prying the lids off the crates. All the while he gave a running commentary on the wood the crates were made out of (pine), his crowbar technique and how the boxes compared to previous boxes he had opened.
The first couple of crates contained two tents, some basic cooking equipment, a few meals’ worth of rations, our End Games uniforms and our personal bags. But the contents of the final two almost reduced the entire team to tears. Except Bo, who thought it was hilarious.
One contained an attachable set of wheels that looked useful for transporting crates from one destination to another.
The other just contained rocks and a note that said:
Hopefully you’re reading this at the start of your journey, not the end. An important life lesson – it’s important to think INSIDE the box!
“Why did they do that?” I said, completely exasperated.
“Probably because it’d be funny for people at home to watch you all wasting your time,” sniggered Bo.
Lexi looked like she was about to flip.
“Maybe we should just get the tents up,” suggested Zizi.
“I’m starving,” said Bo.
“Here you go,” said Zizi, tossing him a loaf of bread.
Bo looked at it quizzically. “What am I meant to do with this?”
“Um … make a sandwich maybe?” snapped Lexi.
“Yes, fine, that’ll do,” he said, tossing it back to Zizi.
“Hey!” said Lexi, but Zizi just smiled.
“It’s OK,” she said. “I’m no good at tents. Why don’t you three start on that, and me and Pierre will fix us all some sandwiches?”
“Sounds good,” I said. “Thanks, Zizi.”
Zizi fumbled around in the crate. “There’s some ham here,” she said.
Bo looked horrified. “I’m a vegetarian!”
“Oh … right … sorry,” said Zizi. “Let’s see then … cheese … lettuce … turkey… No, you won’t want that.”
“Turkey’s fine,” he said.
“But you just said you were a vegetarian,” said Lexi.
Bo rolled his eyes. “I still eat white meat. That’s OK.”
“Pretty sure it isn’t,” I said.
“Um … let’s see, who would know best?” said Bo. “You lot or me, a vegetarian since I was six and the presenter of VegVlog – the most watched vegetarian vlog of all time? I’m as strict as it gets. I only eat white meat, the occasional Cumberland sausage and a bacon roll on Fridays.”
“There’s burgers here too,” said Zizi.
“Chuck on a couple for me,” said Bo, licking his lips.
“Right then,” said Zizi. “I’d better build us a fire. Luckily I learned how on another reality show.”
“One of those jungle shows?” asked Lexi.
Zizi shook her head. “No, it was that dance show, Strictly Come Prancing. I didn’t do so well on that one…”
“Come on then,” I said, turning to Bo. “Let’s get the tents up.”
“Yeah, you do that,” he said. “And I’ll go and record a diary entry.”
“A what?” asked Lexi.
“You know,” said Zizi. “It’s where you sit in front of a camera in a room by yourself, telling the world your innermost thoughts.”
“Exactly,” said Bo. “And it’s been almost twenty-four hours since I did that, so I might be some time.”
“Where’s the room?” I asked.
Bo pointed through the trees. “In that shed.”
I had to squint to see it. “How do you know?” I asked.
“It’s like a vlogger superpower I have,” he said. “Wherever I am I can always sense where the nearest space to record a monologue is. Give me a shout when the burgers are ready.”
Lexi and I set to work putting up the tents. Well, after whacking myself in the face with a tent pole and nearly knocking out my sister while trying to hammer in a peg, it’s probably fairer to say that Lexi put the tents together and I just held things in place. At least standing around gave me time to think about my own diary entry. It seemed the perfect chance to sneak a message to the AIA. Now I just had to figure out what that message would be.
In the end, it didn’t matter. After returning briefly to wolf down his burger, Bo spent the rest of the evening hogging the diary shed. But even that didn’t seem to be enough for him. Once he retired to the tent we were sharing for the night, he then proceeded to vlog in his sleep.
Just after midnight, and about half an hour into Bo sleep-rambling about his favourite types of cheese, I decided to get some fresh air. As I stepped out of the tent, the cool sea breeze immediately made me feel much better.
There was a surprising amount of light from the moon, enough to make out most of our camp. There were no camera people around now but I could see a few cameras attached to various rocks and trees. I felt for the Time-Out device, still stuck firmly inside my hair. If I couldn’t sleep I might as well start to explore the island.
I was just about to grab my shoes when I saw them. A hooded figure a bit of a way down the beach, looking out to sea. I quickly ducked behind the tent.
Who were they? A crew member? One of the other contestants? Maybe even Cruul himself? I had to find out. I put on my shoes then fumbled with my hair for a few seconds, eventually finding and pressing the Time-Out button.
When I looked up they’d vanished. I ran towards where the figure had been standing, hoping to follow their footprints but when I got there, there were none. The figure must have somehow found time to cover their tracks.
Keeping an eye out for any other mysterious figures, I reactivated the Time-Out device and started walking back towards camp. I was so busy looking around that I failed to see the rock in my path and tripped over, landing face first in the sand.
Well, at least the cameras wouldn’t have seen me do that.
I limped back to the tent and must have fallen asleep straight away as the next thing I knew it was light. The tent was hot and sticky in the morning sun, and my fringe was plastered across my forehead. Bo’s sleeping bag was empty and from the sound of voices outside it looked like the others were all up already too.
I flung on some clothes and crawled out of the tent. Zizi, Pierre and Lexi were sitting around a fire, tucking into some sausages. They looked calm and refreshed, the opposite of how I felt.
“Morning,” they said. Apart from Pierre, who barked.
“Sleep well?” asked Lexi.
I made a non-committal grunting noise and looked around for Bo. Instead I spotted two of the camera crew having what looked like a heated discussion. “What’s that about?” I asked.
“It’s probably to do with what happened last night,” said Zizi. “Apparently the cameras stopped working for a bit. They don’t know why.”
“Oh, right,” I said. I could feel Lexi looking inquisitively at me. I’d have to try and find a way to tell her later. But first there was something else I had to do. “Where’s Bo?”
“He’s just headed over to the diary shed,” said Zizi. “He wants to talk about his dream. You want me to cook you some sausages on the fire?”
“When I get back,” I shouted, rushing into the jungle towards the diary shed.
Bo was just opening the shed door when I pushed past him and quickly locked it behind me.
“Hey!” he shouted, banging on the door.
I sat down on a stool in the centre of the room. “Right, how does this work?” I said aloud, looking up at the fixed camera facing me.
“Hello, Sam, what would you like to talk about?” came a friendly sounding woman’s voice through some speakers attached to the walls.
I had come to try and get a message to the AIA but obviously I couldn’t say that. I had to think of a way to sneak it into the conversation. What did people normally talk about on these shows? I tried to remember the times I had watched them with my parents. Usually it was just people bad-mouthing the other contestants behind their backs. That wa
sn’t really me.
BANG! BANG!
“Open this door!” yelled Bo. “I want to tell them about my dream!”
On the other hand…
Half an hour later I realized I had spent the entire time complaining about Bo. I hadn’t made any attempt to sneak a message in there.
In my desperation I found myself looking around for a coconut. Of course there wasn’t one and I could scarcely remember a single thing from Agent Speed’s list anyway.
Then I had an idea.
“Zizi said she heard the cameras went off last night,” I remarked.
A pause. “Yes,” the voice said. “Briefly. Nothing to worry about.”
I had to push further. Knowing one of the cameras would have filmed me reacting to the person in the hood, I had nothing to lose. “Just after midnight, I thought I saw someone,” I said. “On the beach.”
“Unlikely,” she said, this time without any delay. “Probably just your mind playing tricks. Or if it was someone, it would have just been a crew member.”
There was a defensiveness to her tone. I decided to leave it there and opened the door.
“About time,” said Bo. “You do realize there are other people on this team, don’t you?”
As I walked back to join the others something dawned on me. These shows only lasted about an hour a day. What were the chances of the programme-makers including a bit where I asked them about a technical fault? Not high, I imagined. Realistically, there was little chance the AIA were going to get my message about the figure on the beach. And even if they did, what exactly could they do about it?
The hooded figure might have been a crew member or a fellow contestant. After all, as far as I knew Milo’s team could be camped just down the beach from us. Or it might have been my mind playing tricks on me… If I wanted to find out, I was going to have to do it myself. But first there was an Elimination Challenge to get through.
“I just don’t want to do one that has snakes in,” said Zizi as we made our way back to the cave, later that day. “I hate snakes. So does Pierre. Don’t you, sweetie?” Pierre gave a little growl in reply.