by Tom Nicoll
Her curiosity piqued, Veronica pressed her palm to the screen then swiped it to the left, projecting a huge floating image of me and Milo on the volcano. The video started to play from the point when the ground beneath Milo had given way.
It showed the moment I swung my arm, only just managing to grab Milo’s hand. It had taken every ounce of strength I had to pull him back up but somehow I had managed it. Veronica waved a finger in the air, fast-forwarding through the rest of the footage of us rushing back down the volcano.
“He’s alive!” shouted Violet.
“Yay! There’s still time to blow everything up!” said Vicky, clapping her hands in delight.
“Find him!” Veronica bellowed at the Apocalytes. But none of them moved. They were all busy pointing at the portal.
“What is it?” said Veronica, throwing her hands in the air as she turned round. Forming in the portal was a new silhouette. Moments later a man emerged.
“Steve!” shouted Lexi.
It was Steve but you could be forgiven for not recognizing him. The last time I had seen him he was clean-shaven, wearing a shirt and tie with a pork-pie hat. The hat was gone but the tie was now wrapped around his forehead and he had a wild, bushy beard. He looked a lot more muscular than I remembered and for some reason he had a sword. His eyes were fierce and there was no doubt that this was a Steve who had seen things no Steve should ever see.
“What are you doing here?” screamed Veronica. The portal had started pulsating violently, turning a bright green. “The portal only allows four to pass through it. Four. Not five. You’re ruining everything again.”
“Oh, I am so terribly sorry,” said Steve. “Though I see you lot brought your horses.”
“Our horses are a part of us,” said Valerie defensively. “They don’t count towards the quota.”
“Yeah, whatever,” said Steve. “But I’m not going back in there. I just had to fight off a mutant meerkat.”
“Oh, we’ll see about that,” said Vicky, rolling up her sleeves.
“Bring it on, Warren,” said Steve, twirling his sword like some kind of boyband warrior. A boybarian perhaps?
“Warren?” she scowled. “That’s who you want, is it? Well, let’s see what I can do.”
Vicky began to morph into her former alias, her smooth skin becoming rugged, her pointy chin becoming chiselled. Then, about halfway through the transformation, the whole process stopped, leaving her in a grotesque state midway between Vicky and Warren.
She let out a screech. “What’s happened? I’m hideous.”
“Looks like an improvement to me,” said Lexi.
“You fool,” shouted Veronica. “Crossing dimensions drains our powers – don’t you remember the last time? They’ll return soon, though. In the meantime, Apocalytes, get that idiot back through the portal and find us the boy. We will have our Apocalypse tonight. Wait… Where’s Cruul gone?”
Everyone looked around but there was no sign of Cruul anywhere.
Though they wouldn’t have to look much further for Milo. Suddenly two zorbs rolled into the clearing, coming to a gentle stop next to the Horsewomen. Attached all around them were what at first sight looked like little shoeboxes.
“What are they?” asked Veronica.
Bruiser took it upon himself to examine the nearest zorb. “There’s loads of coloured wires sticking out,” he said. “And a timer.”
“It’s the leftover dung bombs,” said Karen. “But who—”
A small boy with cornrows in his hair pulled up on a quad bike.
“IIIIII’m baaaaaaaaacck!” hollered Milo.
“It’s the boy!” cried Veronica. “Get him!”
“Now, Milo!” I shouted, pulling Steve and Lexi to the ground.
Milo gave me a salute, before pulling a trigger from his pocket. He gave it a squeeze.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Animal droppings exploded everywhere, blinding Horsewomen and Apocalytes alike. The smell was horrific. As much as I could have watched the Horsewomen stagger around covered in dung all day, we didn’t have much time.
“Lexi, we have to go,” I said, pulling her up.
“Argh!” she yelped. “It hurts when I move too fast.”
“Hang on,” said Steve. He held his fingers to his mouth and made a piercing whistle. Just as I was about to ask him what he was doing, there she was. Polly the pony – wearing what looked like battle armour – burst through the portal, charging straight for us. Steve and I quickly lifted Lexi on to Polly’s back. Steve then climbed in front of her. As Polly galloped away, Milo pulled up alongside me on his quad.
“You took your time,” I said as I hopped on behind him.
“I had to go back to the cave to raid the storage boxes,” he said as the bike shot forwards. “Did you like my ‘I’m back’ line, by the way?”
“Actually Veronica kind of used that already,” I said.
“Really? Aw, man. I was going to say ‘Did you miss me?’” he said.
“She used that one too,” I said.
“Ugh. Veronica was always the worst. Don’t worry, by the way, I removed the bomb from this bike.”
I hadn’t been worried. I was now. “Bomb?” I shouted.
“Yeah,” said Milo. “They didn’t know which bike Lexi would pick so they put bombs on both of them. Obviously they only triggered the device on the bike she was on but they didn’t bother removing it from this one.”
“Where are we going?” shouted Steve as we pulled alongside Polly.
“To the plane!” Milo yelled back. “Follow us.”
Lexi let out a long groan. “Not another plane!”
We sped through the jungle with Polly close on our heels. The sky was black with clouds as the rain continued to pour down heavier than ever. In the distance the volcano was starting to crumble in on itself. Large cracks were already forming in the jungle floor. Just as Veronica had said, it looked like the island was imploding. I kept glancing over my shoulder, expecting to see the Horsewomen right behind us. But all I saw was the ground ripping apart, swallowing up trees and plants in the process.
“This is good,” said Milo. “Sort of. It’s going to make it much harder for them to catch us up.”
My heart leaped when we finally saw the plane. We burst out of the jungle and on to the long stretch of grass.
“Can you fly a plane?” I asked Milo.
“I’ve got a flight simulator on my computer at home,” he said.
Well, that was something.
“I’ve only ever played it once, though,” he added. “And I crashed my plane into the sea.”
It was still better than nothing.
We pulled up alongside the plane. Milo and I jumped off the bike, and helped Lexi down from Polly.
I rushed up the steps and pulled on the door. It swung open so quickly that I almost fell backwards. Luckily Milo was behind me to catch me. What happened next wasn’t so fortunate.
Agent Banks stepped out of the plane, pointing her gun at me.
“Of course,” I groaned. “I should have guessed. You’re in on it too.”
“Down the steps,” she said. “Move!”
“All right,” I said. The four of us walked back down the steps.
“You going to shoot us?” asked Lexi.
“Please don’t,” said Steve. “I’ve been fighting seven-headed dogs and eight-legged cats for months now. I’d hate to just get shot after all that.”
“We’re going to wait for my mistresses to get here,” said Agent Banks. “I think they’ll be very pleased with me. In the meantime you probably deserve an explanation.”
“Please, no,” I said.
“What?” she said.
“No more explanations,” said Lexi.
“But…”
“Look,” I said. “I’m sure your story is really fascinating. It’s just that I swear if I hear another bad guy tell me all about their clever plans today my head is going to explode. Can we ju
st assume that you were recruited by the Horsewomen, you infiltrated the AIA and then Cruul got you to send us on to the show so he could trick us into opening the portal to bring back the Horsewomen. Is that fair to say?”
“Well… Yes, kind of…” she said, sounding deflated.
“Yeah, it’s getting pretty old hat now with you lot,” said Lexi.
“But… But … don’t you want to hear why I’m helping the Horsewomen?” she asked.
“A hundred quid says it has something to do with acting,” I said.
“Oh, for crying out loud,” moaned Agent Banks. “Did Nigel tell you this? We’ll be having words when I see him. It doesn’t matter, though. All that matters is that I stopped you getting away. It was only when my imbecile of a partner told me he had given you the Time-Out device that I knew I had to come here personally.”
“So you didn’t get my messages?” I said.
“Sure, I did,” she said. “I personally cut them out of the transmission so Speed never got a single one.”
“Agent Speed wasn’t involved in this, then?” I said, grateful to discover that at least someone on the planet wasn’t.
“Speed?” she said. “Ha! That boy scout? Not a chance. You know he even managed to screw up handing out the parachutes. I gave him very clear instructions on which one you were meant to get – I fobbed him off with a story about them being calibrated for weight. But the idiot still ended up giving the dodgy one to Milo instead of you.”
“Dodgy one?” asked Lexi.
“Yeah, I had it fitted with a device to affect its movement,” she said. “Cruul was supposed to save Sam to look good to the public. Luckily Milo worked just as well. But then Speed screwed up again, giving you that device. Fortunately on the flight here I was able to get in touch with Karen so they could neutralize its effects.”
Milo nodded. “So that’s why we couldn’t disable the drone on the volcano.”
“Exactly. But in a way I’m glad he gave you it, because now I’m here and sure to get all the glory and praise from my mistresses for stopping you getting away. And I get to be here with them for the Apocalypse. This is the best thing—”
Without warning, Agent Banks dropped to the ground. She was out cold.
Milo leaned over her and, with a small tug, pulled something from her neck. He held it up. It was a dart, like the ones from the tranquilizer gun.
“Found some extra boxes of darts when I was looking for some robes that actually fitted,” said Zizi, carrying Pierre under her arm and spinning a dart gun round her finger as she walked towards us.
“Zizi?” I said.
“Actually, no,” she said, flashing an ID badge. “My real name is Callie Perkins. I’m an agent with the AIA. I was recently transferred from MI5, where I’ve been working deep cover for the past few years as a vacuous reality TV star, to investigate a suspected mole within the agency. Agent Banks here was working for the other side. All because she wanted—”
“To be an actor,” I interrupted. “Yes, we know. But how—”
“I’ll explain everything later,” she said, kneeling to handcuff the unconscious Agent Banks. She pointed across the field. “Right now we have four very angry Horsewomen and a horde of fanatics in dressing gowns on our tails. I’d say it’s time we get ourselves out of here. Milo, help Lexi up those steps. Sam, help me carry Banks. You there, get that pony on the plane. Now!”
None of us were in a position to argue so we did as we were told.
After dumping Agent Banks into a seat, Agent Perkins headed straight to the captain’s seat where she immediately started flicking switches. Pierre jumped into the co-pilot’s seat beside her.
“Can you actually fly this thing?” I asked.
Agent Perkins grinned. “Didn’t you see me win Who Wants to Be a Fighter Pilot?”
“No,” I admitted.
She made a tutting sound. “You really should watch more reality TV,” she said. “You might learn something.”
“Er … guys,” said Milo. “You might want to speed things up. They’re almost here.”
I looked out of the window. He was right. The Horsewomen were already close enough that I could see the looks of fury on their faces.
Suddenly the engines kicked into life.
“That’s more like it,” said Agent Perkins. “Now strap yourselves in, this could get bumpy.”
The plane started to roll across the field but not nearly fast enough for my liking.
“Sam, look!” shouted Lexi.
I turned back towards the window. The Horsewomen were thundering towards us.
“Go faster!” I yelled.
“I’m trying,” said Agent Perkins.
As the plane picked up speed, a pale green horse appeared alongside us, galloping faster than any horse I had ever seen. Veronica. The others weren’t far behind.
“Can those things still fly?” asked Lexi.
“Doesn’t look like it,” said Milo as the plane pulled up, finally leaving the ground. The horses continued to thunder across the field below.
The ground itself began to crumble but the four were relentless, their horses leaping and bounding their way over cracks and fissures that were filling with lava.
I saw Veronica look up, her rage burning hotter than the molten rock around her. She closed her eyes. And then she vanished, along with the others.
Three of them appeared next to me, dripping wet from the rain and incandescent with rage. And exhausted – each of them taking large breaths. The teleportation seemed to have drained them considerably.
They were looking around as though they had lost something.
“Where’s Vicky?” asked Veronica.
Suddenly there was a banging at the cabin door. A desperate-looking Vicky was hanging on to it. “Let me in,” she mouthed through the window.
Valerie hurried over to the door and started pulling at the handle.
“It won’t open,” said Milo calmly. “Not while we’re in flight. It’s the way they’re designed.”
“Ugh, I hate health and safety. Well, we’ll see about that,” said Valerie. She pointed a finger at the door but nothing happened.
“You don’t have the strength,” said Violet.
But Valerie was determined. She gave a giant roar, then dropped to her knees in exhaustion as the door swung open.
But it didn’t quite go to plan. Still attached to the door, Vicky smacked into the side of the plane, lost her grip and tumbled back towards the island.
Valerie had barely processed what had happened before Steve charged into her, sending her flying out of the plane after Vicky.
Violet screamed and waved her hand, flinging Steve all the way down the plane, his sword clattering to the ground. But the gesture weakened her, forcing her to grab on to the back of a seat just to stay upright. Suddenly Lexi was standing in front of her. Violet waved her hand again but nothing happened. She was out of juice.
Enraged, she decided to throw a punch instead. That was a mistake. Lexi held up her good arm, grabbed Violet’s, then twisted her hips, judo-tossing Violet out of the plane.
“I’m surrounded by idiots,” said Veronica. With a wave of her hand, she knocked Lexi into a seat at which point the seat belt strapped her in. She did the same to Milo and Steve, who had just clambered back to his feet. Then she turned to me.
“That’s two Apocalypses you’ve ruined now,” she hissed.
“Sorry about that,” I said, edging backwards.
“You will be,” she said, taking a step towards me. Her foot made a clanging sound as it struck something metallic. Steve’s sword. She waved her hand at it but when nothing happened she reached down and picked it up.
“It’s over,” I said.
“For you, yes,” she said, pointing the blade towards me. “I’m going to enjoy this.”
I took another step back, then remembered something. “But you can’t kill humans,” I said. “Not directly. It’s an ancient law.”
She
smiled menacingly. “Maybe,” she said. “But there’s nothing to say we can’t hurt you. A lot. And when I’m done, he can finish you once and for all.”
She pointed behind me. I turned round just in time to see Cruul crawling out of a hatch in the floor.
“My mistress,” he said. “I’m here to help.”
“No he’s not,” groaned Milo. “He obviously just stowed away in the hold, trying to escape. He probably snuck in when Banks was pointing her gun at us.”
“I… No… I was… This was a … tactical manoeuvre,” said Cruul. “Yes, that’s it!”
“Whatever, Cruul.” Veronica sighed. “Just grab him.”
“As you command,” said Cruul, smiling that stupid smug smile of his.
I swivelled my head back and forth as Veronica and Cruul approached from either side. I eyed the open cabin door. There was only one move left to make. I could see no other way.
I grabbed on to the nearest seat with one hand, then, with the other, I reached into my hair and pressed the button on the Time-Out device.
The plane instantly plunged into darkness and began to dip. Amid screams from Lexi and whinnies from Polly, Cruul lost his balance, stumbling past me and colliding with Veronica, narrowly avoiding impaling himself on Steve’s sword. The two of them slid down the plane towards the open door. At the last moment Veronica managed to stab the sword into the floor, bringing herself to a halt. As he slid through the door, Cruul grabbed hold of her ankles, dangling halfway out of the plane.
“Get off me, you fool!” she screamed as she kicked at his head. But Cruul wouldn’t let go.
The cockpit door opened and out rushed co-pilot Pierre, going straight for Veronica’s ankle.
“Get away!” shouted Cruul. His nose started to twitch.
A… A… A…
Achoooo!!!
The force of the sneeze was enough to loosen Cruul’s grip. He was gone in an instant. Pierre, meanwhile, continued to bite at Veronica’s leg.