by Marie Cole
I have a feeling that this letter, my absence, is going to bring you pain. And for that, I'm sorry. I promise, I will come back for you or I will die trying.
My father has summoned me to Tir Na Nog. This comes at an incredibly shitty time but if I defy him I will be giving up everything I've been working for my entire life and I would have nothing to offer you. He would come find me anyway and make my life hell for disobeying his direction.
This is not goodbye.
I love you.
Neil
I read and reread the letter several times, folded it and stuffed it into my back pocket. It was a crazy rush to pack all of my things. My roommate came back and helped and just as we were taping the last box shut the man I'd grown up calling my Uncle appeared in the doorway.
"It's time." He repeated the words from the letter and I nodded.
"Yeah, I know." I looked around one last time, my gaze on my bed. I wished at that moment that I could take things with me to the Otherworld. The last time I was with Claire we were watching a movie on my bed. Just this morning I tried to inhale the last of her scent from my pillow, but it remained embedded there. I could only take my memories with me. It would have to be enough to get me through.
I shook hands with my roommate, and then left campus. The letter to Claire was still in my back pocket, hidden and forgotten.
Chapter 32
Claire
Finally I was free for the rest of the winter! My last test was under my belt and I was ready to celebrate with some cuddling and another movie with Neil. Last night had been incredible but I regretted when I had to cut the evening short to wake up early for finals and was snuggled up in my bed without him.
I was all smiles when I knocked on his door. I waited, my hands behind my back, for him to answer. My smile dropped a little when his roommate answered the door. "Hey, is Neil here?" The roommate shifted uncomfortably in the doorway.
"Uh... no."
I smiled and shrugged. I felt my a slight ache in my stomach. "Okay, I'll just come by later."
The roommate scratched his head. "Um...he left."
I felt the bottom of my stomach drop out, my smile dropping completely. "He what?" I stood on my toes and tried to look around him. What I saw made my gut clench hard. "Where is his stuff?" His side of the room was completely void of his things. The linens stripped from his bed and balled up in the corner.
"Some movers came and picked up the boxes, I helped him pack this morning." I blinked at him and nodded, feeling more than a little disappointed.
"Did he leave anything?" I pressed my lips together, hoping that he had left something for me to let me know when or if he'd be back. It didn't make sense that he would just pick up and leave. If he'd had plans to leave today he would've told me last night. The roommate shook his head and other questions emerged. "Did he seem like he was under duress?" The roommate looked at me blankly. I tried not to scream at him for being an idiot. "Was there anyone with like a gun or something? Did he seemed forced into doing it?"
He shrugged. "His Uncle was here and told him that it was time. He said he'd see me around so he's probably just going on vacation." I nodded but I didn't believe that for a second. I thanked him, wished him a good winter break and then left. I blinked back my tears as I realized that I might never see Neil again.
He'd left without a word. He probably knew he was leaving today and that was why he'd agreed to be in a relationship. I was so confused about what was up and what was down. I didn't feel like I knew anything anymore. I walked blindly back to my dorm. I must have passed Merit on the way because she was there, behind me when I unlocked my door and stumbled into my bedroom.
"Hey, Claire, what's wrong?" I felt her arm around my shoulders, her other hand grasping my forearm which I'd curled around my stomach. I felt sick. Heartsick, probably.
"He's gone. He just left." Merit frowned, and then when she realized who the he was she guided me to my bed, pushing me to sit down. She sat down beside me and pulled me into her, hugging me. The comfort made me feel safe enough to unleash the tears that had been building in my eyes.
"Claire, that doesn't make any sense. Do you think he's in trouble? Do you think it's another way to hurt you?" I shook my head. Neil was a lot of things but he wasn't one to be susceptible to bullying. If someone had been threatening him he would've taken care of it. That's the kind of guy he was.
"He packed his stuff this morning and left. Without a goodbye. Maybe the celibacy was too much for him to handle. Was that too cruel?" I sobbed against her collarbone, my head was swimming with what-ifs, self doubt, accusations, conflict.
"Claire, please. You're being a little crazy. A guy can go without sex for a long time. He may not want to but he can do it. And if that's why he left then he's a total ass face anyway. And he's not worth these tears. He probably just had to go home for winter break. He'll be back." She smoothed my hair back with a gentle hand. I closed my eyes and accepted it, letting it soothe me.
"What if he doesn't?" I whispered, almost afraid that if I mentioned the words that they would come true.
"Neil Begley asked you to be his girlfriend. He told you he loves you. He'll be back. He's probably going to text you or call you soon. He knew when your last final was, right?"
I nodded and sat up, exhaling slowly, trying to calm my crazies. I wiped at the tears on my cheeks. "You're right. I'm overreacting." I forced a smile and then excused myself to the bathroom. After splashing my face with cold water I came back out and smiled at Merit. "So I was going to have a night in with Neil but maybe a night out would be better."
She grinned at me. "Awesome. Are we going to the theater?"
I shook my head, my hands on my hips. "Nope, skinny dipping at the lake!"
Merit forced a smile. "Sounds...great..."
I grinned, "It will be. I'm going to throw my first party. Make sure you bring a towel." If I couldn't think about Neil without crying I would try my best to make time fly without him. I had plans to distract myself. Winter break wouldn't feel so long if I was having innocent fun and doing stupid college kid things. This wouldn't be so hard. I could do it.
Chapter 33
A YEAR AND A DAY LATER...
Claire
I exhaled softly as I shut the door on the supply closet at the local shelter. I came every night and volunteered to clean the litter boxes, refresh food and water and play with the animals who were being housed here temporarily. I had always felt a connection with animals and loved that if you treated them with respect they would treat you the same. The trouble came when you were thoughtless, ignorant or the like.
I said goodnight to the kitties before flipping off the light switch. I locked up the outer shelter door and pulled my coat tighter around me. This winter was going to be a harsh one, it was already twenty degrees colder than it normally was this time in December. I shoved the keys and my hands back into my coat pockets and made my way back to the dorm.
I'd been lucky in the last year to have the opportunity to move into the sorority house. After Neil didn't return for the Spring semester I was devastated. It hurt too much to be in any room where he'd been too. As time passed I was hoping that everything was alright. When spring turned to summer and summer turned to fall I was still broken, still empty without him. But I filled my time with school, sports, clubs, volunteering, and, of course, matchmaking. Every moment of my time was accounted for.
There was a new guy on campus this year named Kurt. I was enjoying showing him around and watching him and Merit pretend they didn't like each other. I saw a love match in their future but I refused to get involved and besides, it was too entertaining. They would eventually figure it out on their own. I smiled as I thought about them and navigated my way through the dimly lit sidewalks of campus.
I'd finished my last final of the Fall semester that afternoon and most of the students had left, migrating like birds to the south, for some warmth. As always I wished I could join them. And always I quickly
got over it. That wasn't my life. My life was here and always would be. I'd signed up for classes during the mini break and still had my volunteering hours to work with.
I went up to my room in the Sorority house, which was a beautiful 10 bedroom colonial style house. Two girls slept in a room but my roommate had left last night and wouldn't be back until the spring semester started. I exhaled my relief at being alone in the room, kicked off my shoes, and grabbed my stuff so I could shower.
As I was closing my eyes I felt a warm wind blow on my face. For some reason I smiled and then I fell asleep.
Chapter 34
Neil
Finally I'd made it back. I had finished my warrior training in record time. I'd basically kicked ass and took names. I was Nuada's son and as such I had excelled. The hardest part of the training had been the lack of Claire. So much time had passed that her face was starting to get fuzzy in my memories of her.
I inhaled the crisp air, letting it fill my lungs completely and slowly exhaled, my warm breath mixing with the cold air to make a cloud of steam that drifted behind me as I walked. I wasn't sure exactly where she'd be but I was certain I'd find her sooner or later, the campus wasn't that big.
I was about to venture into the dining hall when out came Merit, nearly plowing into me. She gasped when she saw me. I smiled at her and offered her a nod. "Hey, Merit. How have you been?"
She looked me up and down and then shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest. "I've been fine. How about yourself?"
I shrugged, shoved my hands into the front pockets of my pants. "I didn't lose an arm or anything so I would say I've been good." She didn't get the joke, didn't even crack a smile...my old man lost his arm, I guess its an inside joke kind of thing. I watched as her face remained neutral.
"That's good. See ya." She tried to move past me but I sidestepped, blocking her way.
"Do you know where I can find Claire?" At this point her eyebrows drew together. Ah, bloody hell.
"I do but I'll be damned if I tell you where she is. You left her here without so much as a goodbye and now suddenly you're back?!" She uncrossed her arms so she could stick her finger into my chest. It stung a little. "You stay the hell away from her! You've done enough!" I opened my mouth to defend myself but she continued right on, yelling at me, so I shut my mouth, letting her have her moment. It wasn't going to deter me. "She's got a boyfriend now, a -real- one and you're not going to screw that up for her! Go back to wherever the hell it was you went and don't come back!!!" I felt my mind jumble and the ache in my chest was back. A boyfriend? I was gone a year and she already has another boyfriend? I guess I thought that it took her so long to find her first boyfriend that it would take her equally long to find a second.
I guess I just figured that she would wait for me, or be too broken to find someone. Maybe it was a ruse. Maybe she wasn't happy. How could another bloke possibly be better for her than me? The hurt and confusion must have been showing on my face because Merit smirked at me and lifted her perfect nose into the air. "Don't fuck this up for her, Neil." And with that she walked away, and I let her because I didn't want her to see the battling emotions on my face. When she was gone I stomped to the college community board and punched it. The wood was no match for my fist and when I extracted it, there was a fist sized hole staring back at me. It didn't make me feel any better.
I enrolled myself in a winter semester class so that they would give me housing and then I sat outside of the girl's dormitory, waiting and watching. I felt like a stalker, hell I was a stalker, but I had to see her. To make sure for myself that she was still alive and that she looked happy.
There weren't many girls going in and out of the dorm and I probably would have missed spotting Claire if she weren't walking with the tallest guy I'd ever bloody seen. They walked together, close but not touching. Claire was bundled up in her coat but the large guy looked as if he were strolling on the beaches of Mexico, his coat undone and floating behind him when the wind blew past. I justified following them because I needed to make sure she wasn't in any danger. This was a big dude. Maybe he had just latched onto her, maybe this wasn't the boyfriend Merit was talking about.
I ducked behind a tree when her laughter floated back to me. I felt my fists and jaw clench as I glared at the giant who was entertaining the woman I wanted. But then I mentally shook myself, I wasn't the jealous type. I was just upset that he hadn't offered to help her get warmer. Images of the two of them kissing flooded my mind and I growled. That's not what I meant. I meant him offering his jacket or something.
I followed them from a distance until they reached the animal shelter. I couldn't very well go in there without giving away my stalker tendencies so I waited outside a little longer. I cursed and looked down at my boots when I could no longer feel my toes. I should be in Tir Na Nog with Claire right now. Not holed up in the snow like a rabbit. I sighed and then straightened as the big guy came out alone.
I could've confronted him right then but I was ready to go inside, my bollocks were freezing. And I didn't want Claire to have to see the red on the snow if I had to kick his ass because I'd deemed him unworthy. I gave him a healthy lead and then followed behind. My thoughts turned to him and her kissing and flirting inside the shelter. My jaw was aching by the time the big guy went into the boy's dorm. I smiled to myself. Maybe we were neighbors. He wouldn't be too hard to miss, anyway. I went to my room and took a long hot shower to warm up before falling back on my bed for a nap.
Chapter 35
Claire
I dropped my keys on the bedside table after returning home from the animal shelter and grabbed my shower stuff. I was going out tonight and I was super excited to be hanging out tonight with Merit and Kurt. The university was having a Mexican themed night at the dining hall for those of us who didn't leave. I loved theme nights and recently I'd been thinking that I would try to get an in on that sort of thing so that when I stayed on at the university I could have some say on what the theme nights would be. It would be like being on the dance committee in high school, which I, of course, was.
I quickly showered, dressed in a baby blue sweater and black corduroys, slapped on some makeup and headed out of the sorority house, shoving my hands into my coat as I went. I was running a little late. I grinned when I reached the dining hall. Through the glass doors I saw the brightly colored streamers hanging from the ceilings inside. They spared no cost, it seemed. There were Mexican blankets covering every table, maracas tucked into glass containers for centerpieces and a lot of students were already having a seat, sombreros on their heads.
As I opened the door the sound of a mariachi band caused me to smile more. Even when they were singing about something sad it sounded cheery to me. I looked around to see if I could spot Kurt and Merit, though mostly Kurt because he was a hard guy to miss. They saw me first and started waving at me, they were already in line to get a tray of Mexican fare. I nodded to let them know I saw them. As I approached I noticed Merit smacking Kurt's hand away from her ass. I grinned. Something was definitely going on between them.
I smiled at them both and waggled my eyebrows. "What's going on you two?"
Merit rolled her eyes and shook her head, pointing over her shoulder at Kurt who was looking very innocent. "This guy can't seem to understand that when a girl says no she means no."
I looked at Kurt and he shrugged, "If I have to play dumb to get you to kiss me again, I will."
I gasped and put my hand to my mouth, "Again? Merit... you kissed Kurt?"
She frowned at Kurt and then looked at me, shrugging it off. "He told me he couldn't swim. I didn't believe him so I pushed him into the water at the end of the dock. I gave him mouth to mouth to resuscitate him, that's all. He thinks I'm into him and..." she turned to look at him, "he's wrong." She made sure she said it nice and slow. I grinned and grabbed my tray as we entered the serving area.
I shrugged my shoulders this time. "I think he's onto something. When we took CPR in high school
you said you'd never do that."
"Ugh! I was talking about doing that on a dummy! Though I guess, technically, you're right. I did do it to a dummy." She spoke while grabbing a burrito plate.