by Lane Hayes
Mom insisted this was a normal, casual Wednesday night meal. Casual, my ass. From the moment I saw Karen chatting in the kitchen with my mother while she chopped onions, I was on edge. I didn’t know what to do.
“This is a surprise,” I croaked in greeting.
Karen turned to me with a shy smile and raised her water bottle in a toast. “Hi, Tony. How was your day?”
I licked my dry lips and nodded like an idiot. “Okay. Uh…how was yours?”
“It was an average day behind the blender,” she quipped. I smiled at the funny face she made but it faltered when she added, “It’s better now.”
Mom sighed happily then gave me a push toward Karen. “Greet our guest properly while I set the table.”
I tried to get my breathing under control so I wasn’t panting like a caged animal, but fuck, that was exactly how I felt…trapped. I swallowed hard and made a beeline for the fridge. I grabbed a beer and quickly uncapped it before facing Karen, who was watching me with an indulgent expression as though she found my nervousness endearing. She set her water bottle on the counter and sauntered toward me, not stopping until we stood toe to toe. Then she snaked her arms around my waist and hugged me. It was the kind of hug you gave an old friend. Familiar but not inappropriate. Unfortunately, it made me nauseous.
I gently pushed her back and pursed my lips together so hard they hurt. “Sorry. This is throwing me off. I—my mom didn’t tell me you’d be here.”
“She stopped by the bakery this morning and invited me. Do you want me to go?” she asked, still smiling.
“No. Of course not.” I glanced around the room looking for a distraction and found one in the pink box with Spinelli’s Bakery emblazoned on the top. “What’d ya bring?”
“Creamed horns coated in sugar for everyone else. And bacon chocolate chip biscotti for you. I baked a fresh batch this afternoon.”
My tight-lipped upturn of lips had to look pathetic, but she didn’t seem concerned. I took another swig of beer and angled my head at the box again. “Creamed horns, eh? Those sound good.”
“Mikey told me they were his favorite at your grandma’s last Sunday and I know your mom loves them so—”
“Mikey?”
“Yeah. He and Lindsay are supposed to come tonight too.”
“They are? I was with the guy all day at work and he didn’t say a word. That’s weird,” I grumbled. Yeah, I was going to suffocate here. I unbuttoned the next button on my navy oxford shirt and gulped audibly.
Karen closed the gap between us, backing me against the counter. “Don’t be cross. They know I like you, Tony. It’s kinda sweet,” she said in a low sultry voice as she ran her fingers down the row of buttons on my shirt.
“Uh…”
I held eye contact, willing her to telepathically understand I was in the midst of a major crisis and might even get physically sick if she didn’t let me go. But words wouldn’t come, and she was moving in the wrong direction. She sidled closer and set her arms over my shoulders and tilted her head slightly before slowly inching forward to kiss me.
“Hiya, Ton—oh shit! I’m sorry, man. Karen. I’ll, uh, be out in the living room. Bring me a brew when you get a chance.” Mikey’s contrite tone contrasted with his mischievous grin. He looked very fucking pleased, and maybe even relieved, to have walked in on Karen and me.
Karen chuckled lightly when he left. Then she stepped back and gave me a reassuring smile, patting my cheek like a child. “It’s going to be okay, Tony. We can go slow. However slow you need. I’m very patient.”
She moved her hand to cover my heart before pivoting to follow my cousin. And me? I stood there like a moron or a shell-shocked, panic-stricken man who’d been thrown into the deepest part of a seemingly placid lake and just discovered there was a hole in his boat.
Dinner wasn’t as awful as I feared. There were enough De Lucas in the room to keep conversation flowing. I calmed down eventually and was able to put on my game face and make the most of the evening. No one seemed bothered that I was more reserved than usual. They didn’t call me on my lack of conversation or my inability to sit still. I was a fucking wreck, but the people who supposedly knew me the best couldn’t tell. Remy would have known in a second.
Wasn’t that crazy? After less than two months, he knew the real me. It was sad that my own family didn’t. The knowing looks my mother cast between Karen and me upset me at a core level that went well beyond her feeble attempt at matchmaking. She didn’t know because I didn’t tell her. It wasn’t her fault. Or Karen’s, or Mikey’s…it was mine. If I wanted to be known, I had to tell them the truth about me. And damn, I wasn’t sure I was quite that brave.
As soon as I was home, I called Remy. I hoped hearing his voice would ground me and chase away the sour taste of deceit. I stared into my living room as I waited for him to answer and admired the view. My house was small, but it was pretty fuckin’ cool if I did say so myself. I figured I was entitled to praise the outcome since I’d done all the work. I’d knocked out the wall between the old galley kitchen and living area to create a great room. A modest island with a butcher-block top visually separated the two spaces. I let my sisters and my mom handle decorating. They’d pick out the charcoal sectional and the circular black coffee table. I could have done without the twenty or so red and blue throw pillows, but still…it was nice.
“Hey.”
“Hi. Perfect timing. I’m just taking a break—” he paused to sneeze.
“Bless you. How late are you working?”
“Only until nine. I got someone to cover the rest of my shift. My allergies are killing me tonight.”
“They’ve been buggin’ you for a few days. One second you’re fine and the next, you’ve got red eyes and a runny nose.”
“You’re exaggerat—achoo!”
I furrowed my brow as I pulled my cell from my ear and leaned against my kitchen island. He was five sneezes into his jag and I could only say “God bless you,” so many times before I sounded like a recording. He clocked in at eight in a row and let out a half chuckle.
“Okay. I’m better now.”
“I bet you’re allergic to your apartment.”
Remy chortled good-naturedly. “Oh really? What makes you think so, Dr. De Luca?”
“I build stuff, wise guy. Older buildings that aren’t well maintained are susceptible to bacterial growth. It’s July, it’s warm. There’s probably mold baking in your walls in the summer heat and—”
“That’s disgusting. You’re giving me a stomach ache. Change the subject so I don’t have nightmares when I go home.”
“Don’t go home. Come to my place,” I blurted. “Spend a couple of days and recuperate. Give your sinuses a break.”
His voice took on a dreamy quality when he replied. “You know I would, but I don’t feel great and I’d rather not deal with the subway tonight and—”
“I’m picking you up. Don’t argue. I’ll see you in an hour.”
* * *
There was something about having Remy in my space that just fit. Like he belonged here, sitting in the corner of the sofa, sipping herbal tea, dressed in pajama bottoms and one of my old T-shirts. I toed my shoes off and joined him, automatically pulling his legs over my lap when he shifted to face me. He rubbed my crotch with his foot and gave me a devilish grin.
“You have a runny nose. Don’t start something you can’t finish,” I warned.
“I’m perfectly fine. Stop fussing.”
“You seem better.”
“That’s allergies for you. They come and go. How do you feel?”
“Me? I’m fine.”
“No. Something’s wrong. What is it?”
“Nothing.” I narrowed my eyes in that slightly menacing way that made most people back off quickly. Not Remy.
“Tony, talk to me,” he said in a stern voice that inexplicably went straight to my dick. “I can hear it in your voice.”
“What do you think you hear?” I asked defensiv
ely.
“You’re upset about something.”
“Sure I am. I don’t like you sleeping in a moldy apartment and getting sick!”
“That’s sweet, but I’m not sick and you know it. Tell me what’s bothering you.”
I let out a deep breath as I pushed my hand through my hair in frustration when I couldn’t take it anymore.
“I spent the night lying to my family and I feel like a jerk.”
“You’re not a jerk.”
“You’re right. I’m an asshole. I hate liars, but look at me. I’m a world-class liar. And I’m greedy. I want you so much I can’t see straight, Rem. I was willing to drive back into the city after a long day and bring you home to make you tea like I’m some nice guy but the truth is, I was gonna go nuts if I didn’t see you tonight. I’m not nice. I’m twisted. I want to keep my life intact, but how do I do that and keep you too? What’s really crazy is…you’re the piece that fits. It’s everything else that’s wrong.” I shook my head and heaved a tired sigh. “Jesus, I’m talking too much.”
Remy set his teacup on the coffee table and crawled onto my lap. He smoothed my hair back and pressed kisses on my forehead, nose, and lips. “No, you’re not. But you have to quit beating yourself up.”
“I deserve it. My mom invited Karen over for dinner tonight.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh. And she laid moves on me that she hasn’t before.”
“What kind of moves?” he asked with a frown.
“Sexy moves.”
“Hmph. I don’t like her.”
“You have nothing to worry about, Rem. It was very…uncomfortable. But instead of explaining that I bat for the other team, I called you. And here I am acting like I’m taking care of you when the truth is…I hope you can take care of me. I miss you when you’re not with me and—why are you looking at me like that? What’d I say?”
He brushed at the corner of his eyes and gave me a watery smile. “Nothing. Everything.”
I swiped at the moisture on his cheek. “I think I have to come out. I just don’t know where to begin or if I’m brave enough to do it.”
“You’re very brave, Tony.”
He held my hands, linking his fingers through mine. I kissed his knuckles and smiled, trying desperately to remember the punchline to a joke to defuse this needy inferno inside me and lighten the mood.
“You know what else I am?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m horny as hell, and I have been since you jumped in my truck and put your paws all over my dick,” I snarked.
Remy chuckled then lifted my hand to his lips and sucked my thumb. “I would have happily helped you release some tension on the way here but—”
“I wasn’t about to get arrested over a hand job,” I retorted.
“Hand job? Gee, I was going to blow you, honey.”
He looked angelic and pure with those gorgeous curls and that heart-stopping smile, but the twinkle in his eyes was anything but wholesome. It dared me to let go of my worries and stay in the present with him. I moved forward to kiss him. We stayed like that for a few seconds like we were frozen to each other. Then I licked his bottom lip and bit it before yanking my shirt out of my jeans then unbuckling, unfastening and unzipping as fast as I could. I freed my rigid cock from my briefs and tapped it against his thigh.
I gave him a lecherous once-over and smacked his ass. “It sounds like your sinuses are clear now. If I’m gonna sit here with my dick out, you might as well make it worth my while, babe.”
Remy’s smile was broad and beautiful. He looked at me like I was a fucking god. It was a mystery. Especially on nights like this when I’d proven I was extraordinarily flawed. I opened my mouth, hoping to temper my crude words with something worthier, but he beat me to it.
“When you say things like that, I swear I could fall in love with you, Tony.”
Before I could panic or think of a good comeback, he adjusted his grip to stroke me firmly. I lifted my hips to give him room to work. I ran my hands along his thighs then down his back and slipped them under the elastic of his Pjs. Then I squeezed his bare ass with one hand and grabbed his thick cock with the other. He moaned as I jacked him and nudged his hole simultaneously. He bucked furiously as though he couldn’t decide what he wanted more, my finger in his ass or my hand over his dick. We kissed passionately, writhing on the sofa and doing our best to meet each other every step of the way.
Gasps and moans of pleasure were accompanied by the steady beat of something that sounded like an echo. Loud then soft. Love. I heard it over and over.
“I could fall in love.”
Fuck me. I could too.
We made love that night on the sofa and again the next morning in my bed. Making love. That romantic phrase had always sounded corny and old-fashioned to me, but I understood it now. Our rhythm was perfect. We’d never been more in sync than when I captured his hands over his head and stared deep into his eyes as I moved inside him. Maybe this was love and this physical act was a language unto itself. The push and pull, the sweat and cum—maybe they were commas and exclamation points and the real meaning was somewhere in between.
Remy clawed at my back and dug his heels into my ass, urging me to pick up the pace. I pushed his knees to his chest and pistoned my hips wildly, never breaking eye contact. I wasn’t ready to say the words aloud but I was sure he could see it on my face. It had to be plain as day. I want you. I need you. I love you. He shivered with pleasure a moment later and flung his arms around my neck, pulling me against him as he fell apart. I was right there with him.
We lay quietly for a while. I played with his curls and ran my fingers along his spine, loving the feel of his head on my chest and the cooler morning air on our damp skin. I didn’t want to let the real world in, but I couldn’t ignore logistics of a typical Thursday. I had to get to work, and I had no idea where Remy needed to be.
“Nowhere. I’m off until Saturday night. I’ll take the train home. I can leave before you do so I’m out of the—”
“Stay.” I set my forefinger over his lips when he opened his mouth to argue. “I’m gone all day, so you’ll have the place to yourself. I’ll give you the key. Go get your stuff and do your thing here.”
“What if your family comes by?”
“They won’t. Everyone works. Hey, it’s your call. I’ll leave an extra key, but there’s no pressure whatsoever. I’m being selfish and greedy again, but I can’t help thinking it would be really nice to come home to you.”
Remy caressed my jaw as he smiled. “Then I’ll be here.”
Chapter 6
Was it wise inviting my male lover to spend several days in a row at my house for the hell of it? No. Not at all. It was beyond reckless. So many things could have gone wrong. My mother, brother, sisters and a few of my cousins had keys too. It was unlikely they’d come over unannounced when I was at work, but it wasn’t completely out of the question. When we made it to Saturday without a hitch, I began to think we’d found another oasis. We could move freely here. Hell, we could drink coffee naked if we felt like it. That was definitely better than sitting under a tree in the park. Safer too.
I should have known better.
We sat with our knees touching at the kitchen island sipping coffee and making plans that Saturday morning. I cradled my cup as I listened to his list of to-dos.
“I’m going to clean my apartment, do some laundry, and stop by the market,” he said, rubbing his calf along mine.
“Save it for tomorrow. Let’s do something together. We could ride bikes in the park or head out to the beach. What do ya say?”
I kissed his temple then skirted the island to rinse my cup in the sink. I glanced idly toward the picture window in the adjoining living room and squinted at a familiar-looking car. When I craned my neck, it was gone and Remy was behind me. He set his cup down then wrapped his arms around my middle and laid his head on my shoulder.
“I vote for a bike ride, but I need a s
hower first. Want to join me?”
“Go ahead. I’ll be right there.”
He pinched my ass and danced out of reach when I turned around to retaliate. He raced up the stairs, leaving an echo of laughter in his wake. I headed back to the kitchen to tidy up with a goofy smile on my face but stopped in the middle of the room when the doorbell rang.