Gone.
Missing.
“Give me a child,” she demanded, in a voice he didn't quite recognize.
His heart stuttered in fear as all the panic flooded back to him. If he didn't know better, he wouldn’t believe this was his wife. It looked like her, smelled like her, but...
She said it again, this time more forcefully.
The icily said words caught him off guard, but he was already too far gone to stop from exploding and pouring into his wife.
Oh, God…
It was as if time suddenly stopped around them and everything ceased to exist.
Julian couldn’t even hear his own breathing at that point. The room spun. He could feel her slide from his body and curl beside him like she normally would. As she tucked against him, he tried to be more aware of their surroundings.
Or that was what he told himself he was doing.
In actuality, he was scared shitless to open his eyes and try to justify what happened.
Julian could feel a cold breeze skim across his flesh, and he didn't think that it was coming from outside the room. When he had no other choice, he slowly peeked from behind his lids, praying the patio door was open.
Yeah, no, it wasn’t.
Their curtains weren’t moving, but still there was a breeze chilling the air.
Was he suddenly hallucinating?
Maybe he was having a dream.
Should he be scared out of his mind?
“Tori, are you okay?” he finally asked, waiting for her to come up with some kind of answer.
Again, there was nothing but silence present in the room, but this time, Julian could distinguish the shallow up and down movement of her body as she breathed.
“Honey?” he whispered, placing his hand on her chest. Her flesh was chilly, and that startled him. Leaning down, he pulled up the comforter and safely housed them beneath it. It was reminiscent of two kids hiding from the things that were waiting to jump out and get them.
“Tori, come on,” he whispered, as they remained cocooned.
When there was still no reply, he touched her on the shoulder, fully expecting for her to start laughing and tell him that she was screwing with him.
But it didn't happen.
Already, Tori was deep in sleep.
Julian didn't know what to think.
Was this whole ghost infested house finally screwing with his mind? He wasn’t one who was easily freaked out, but this was giving him pause.
What had just happened?
Pulling her against his body, he spooned the back of his wife and laid there.
Thinking.
Maybe he’d been wrong. Maybe he needed to be very afraid of the things that went bump in the night.
Those were the things he was helpless to fight and couldn’t keep away.
Chapter Eight
Wednesday Morning
When Kane awoke, he was still protectively surrounding Christina. She was tucked against his body much like a child. How she was even breathing, as her face was buried in his neck, was astounding.
All night, he remained facing the hidden passageway. Every time he heard a sound, he woke prepared to fight for his woman’s safety.
Each time, it had only been the innocuous creaks of an old house.
Now it was dawn, and he hoped that it was going to be a much better day. As Christina rolled away from him, he couldn’t help but notice that she was pale and didn't look good.
Okay, it was time to commence worrying.
“Morning,” she said, trying not to be sick. Apparently, the sickness had finally gotten it right, deciding to abandon the night for dawn.
Lucky her.
“Are you sure that you didn't hit your head yesterday?” he asked, trying to rationalize her pale pallor. Maybe she had a concussion, in which case, he needed to get her to a hospital.
Christina knew in that moment that there was no way in hell that she was going to be able to hide this any longer. She opted to confront this whole situation head on.
“Can we talk?” she asked, sitting up in their bed. “I need to discuss something with you.”
Oh shit!
Kane feared any conversations that started this way. Before Christina, he had quite a few relationships that ended shortly after those ominous words were brought up. Each one began with the woman he cared about telling him that she couldn’t see him anymore.
That it wasn’t working.
He didn't do it for them.
That it was time for them to move on.
This had been his fear from the start. He was about to get his ass handed to him by the tiny woman.
“Sure, Chrissy. What do you want to talk about?” he asked, trying to be brave on the outside, when it didn't match his feelings on the inside.
“Us.”
Yep. Here it came.
Commence dumping.
“Where do you see this going?” she asked, pointing first at him, and then at her.
It caught him off guard.
This was the last thing that he expected her to bring up.
“Why do you ask?”
“Let’s stop pretending, Kane. My leave of absence is over soon. Where are we taking this? Am I destined to be your girlfriend forever, or do you think we have a future together past that?”
He stared at her. Okay, talk about not beating around the bush. It appeared they were going to be facing down one of his biggest fears. He only prayed his heart could handle it. Tossing his long ponytail over his shoulder, he stared at her with his very un-serene brown eyes.
“Or do you want more, and am I it?”
God, she was everything! Kane probably didn't deserve her in his life, but he wanted her in the worst possible way.
Then, the guilt struck.
“See? That’s what I mean. Whenever we talk about anything past the present, you get this look of panic on your face. It’s like you’re not sure if I fit into your life. Are you subtly trying to tell me something, like pack up and go away?”
“No! I don’t want you to leave, Chrissy!”
“Then what do you want, Kane? I think I’ve been pretty accommodating. I left the FBI. I moved in with you, and we’re trying to make it work, but now I need to know where this is heading. I’m already aware that your family isn't fond of me, and that I don’t fit in with their expectations, so just be honest with me. Am I doomed because I’m an outsider?”
That horrified him.
Yeah, he was well aware of how his family felt, but that didn’t matter. His mother or sisters didn't have to come home to Christina at night. He did. So, it only mattered to him, and he was completely over the non-Native thing. Kane had been from the first time they made love.
He took a chance and prayed that he didn't screw it up too much.
“This is exactly it, Chrissy. I feel like I’ve turned your life upside down. You left a job in the FBI, which you adored, to come live in a tiny apartment with me in Delta Springs. It’s a downgrade, and we both know it. I don’t deserve a woman like you. You’re smart, educated, and you have more going for you without me than you do with me.”
She stared at him in shock. “Kane!”
“Don’t try and pretend, Chrissy. You’re smarter than all the women I ever dated added up. You’re absolutely beautiful, and I’m just some Indian from the Rez. You could get any man, and especially one who has a better job than what I can offer you.”
She stared at him, and remarkably the anger was beating back the morning sickness. “I hate when you put yourself down like that, Kane. It drives me insane. I don’t care that you didn't go to college, or that you work as a private investigator. I only care about the way you treat me and make me feel when we’re together. Do you really believe I’m that shallow that I sit here and judge you?”
There was no reply.
“I see.”
Kane needed to know.
“Do you miss it?”
If there was one thing that she learned a
bout the man in front of her, lying wasn’t something that he would ever let slide. “Yes, there are days where I miss it.”
Kane wished that she would have told him no. For his conscious sake, he could have used the morale booster to get through this all.
“Is that what this is all about? My job?”
He didn't say anything. Kane simply closed his eyes to block out everything around him and to keep Christina out.
“Why can’t you tell me what’s bothering you, Kane?” she asked softly. “Don’t you trust me?”
It was if the truth was pushing from deep inside him, clawing its way out, despite how hard he tried to say nothing.
“I could say the same to you, Chrissy. You’re hiding things too. I can see the demons in your eyes,” he said scathingly.
Yeah, well, he had a very valid point.
Okay, if he wanted her to share, she would gladly dump it in his lap. Frankly, she was tired of carrying this all alone.
“I’m two months pregnant. We were using birth control, and it failed.”
Those two sentences shocked him. He opened his eyes and stared at her, openmouthed. “What?” he needed her to say the words again. He could have sworn that the woman he loved was telling him that he was going to be a… daddy.
“I’m expecting a child. I didn't hit my head and get a concussion yesterday. I have morning sickness. In fact, every night I’m sick too. I don’t know how you didn't notice. I’ve been a giant walking vomitorium.”
Alarm filled him. “We have to get married right away!”
It was all that she could take. “See! This is my point as to why I didn't tell you!”
Kane was more than confused. His whole brain was a jumbled mess. “What are you talking about now?”
He still couldn’t believe that he was going to be a father. His girl was having his baby, and she didn't find his solution of getting hitched a good resolution.
That was a bad sign.
Christina gave him everything that was bottled up for the last few weeks. “I didn't tell you immediately because I was waiting to see if you asked me to marry you first. I wanted to know that you wanted me, not me because I’m having our child.”
He stared at her like she was crazy. Okay, this had to be some hormonal ride that he was on, and he couldn’t get off for the next seven months.
“That doesn’t make sense to me.”
“I wanted to see if you wanted me, or were just being responsible. I’ve been waiting for you to say anything that would give me a clue that we had a future together. I don’t want to go back to the FBI, and I’ve been putting it off for as long as I can.”
He carefully picked his words, since this was the mother of his child. Kane didn't want to upset her. “You really believed that I would only marry you because of a baby?” Had he done this poor a job of expressing how he felt about her the entire time? Yes, women in his past had told him he was cold and emotionless, but had he done that to her too? Honestly, he’d been trying so hard, and apparently failing miserably.
She wouldn’t deny it. “You’re the sweetest, kindest, most honorable man whom I’ve ever met in my entire life. I just wanted to know that what you felt for me was for me, and not just our child.”
Kane crossed to her. “Chrissy, baby, look at your finger,” he said, taking her hand in his. He ran his thumb over the diamond sitting there with the wedding band.
“I see it.”
“That’s not a fake ring because of the assignment. The only reason I had it with me was because I planned on asking you to marry me while we were at the derby, once you told me that you weren’t going back. I’ve had that ring in my possession for two months. I wanted to marry you the day we wrapped up the ‘Skinwalker’ case on the Rez. I fell in love with you the first night I made love to you. I wouldn’t marry you just because you’re pregnant. I would only marry someone because they own my heart.”
“It’s real?” she asked, staring at it. The ring was absolutely stunning, and she couldn’t fathom what he was telling her.
“I didn't want you to resent me for making you live a different life than you deserved. I would have sacrificed my choices for you.”
Here, she’d been doing the exact same thing. If that didn't scream love, what did?
“This is mine?” She was still stuck on that little fact. Her engagement ring had been on her finger for three days, and she didn't even know it. In her heart, she really believed it to be some elaborate ruse that was part of the assignment.
Kane took that moment to drop to his knee and stare up into her beautiful green eyes. “Chrissy, will you be my wife? I can’t give you more than I have to offer, but I promise you’ll never be loved more by any other man. I’ll cherish you, protect both you and our child, and be the best husband that I can be. I’ll never get bored or stray, because I found the other half of my heart and soul. Be mine, Chrissy. I want to spend the rest of our lives together.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Kane,” she whispered as she kissed him. When he stood, he wrapped his arms around her and picked her up off the ground, so they could be mouth to mouth.
When he broke the kiss, she stared at him.
“You need to put me down,” she stated.
“Are you okay?” he asked, getting really nervous.
“Yes, I’ll marry you. No, I’m not okay, and lastly, welcome to our pregnancy,” she said, running toward the bathroom.
As he heard his fiancée tossing her cookies, he couldn’t help but smile. This was still the best damn day of his life. He became a husband-to- be, and a father-to-be, all at the same time.
“I’m coming, Chrissy,” he reassured, as he headed into the bathroom to help his girl.
Now there was only one thing left.
Try not to smile.
But it was going to be damn hard.
* * *
Tori rolled over and laid her head on her husband’s chest. She had to admit that she slept like the dead. When she focused on his breathing, she could tell that Julian was already up and waiting for her to join him.
When she leaned up to kiss him, he didn't try to kiss her back. “Uh, are you okay?” she asked, staring at him curiously.
This was new.
“Is this my wife asking?”
Tori sat up and stared at him. “What’s that supposed to mean? Who else would be kissing you and asking you that sort of question?”
“How was the sex last night, honey?” This would be how he tested his theory. It scared him to even ask, and part of him wanted to let it go and not go there, but what choice did he have?
She started laughing at him. “What are you talking about, Jules? We ate and went to bed.”
Yep, it was time to freak the hell out.
It was odd, because he was actually praying that this was some new twist to her PTSD and not what was bouncing around in his brain. There was always this hope that she’d blacked out and forgotten the sex.
“You don’t remember waking me up around two in the morning to orally assault me, and initiate sex?”
Tori touched his forehead, or tried. He moved away from her hand, as if it burned. That action alone wounded her heart. Never before had he ever refused her contact.
Strike that. The day he believed she was having an affair, he’d been just as aloof and cold.
Well shit.
This didn't bode well at all.
Touching Julian was one of the ways she found reassurance and grounded herself to the here and now. Without that contact, she always felt like she was slipping. Tori’s heart began pounding.
“Julian, you’re really scaring me, and it’s not funny,” she admonished.
He started laughing sardonically. “Yeah, imagine how I’m feeling since I was the victim last night.”
Tori stared deep into his eyes, trying to figure out what was going on. “I don’t remember having sex. Are you sure you weren’t dreaming?”
Julian turned around and showed her his
back. Sure enough, there were vicious scratch marks down his flesh.
“Trust me, Victoria. We had sex, or whatever you want to call it.”
Her heart broke. Slowly, she moved toward him and placed her lips across the angry marks on his back. “I’m sorry, Julian. I didn't know that I hurt you. I don’t know what happened.”
When he made no comment, fear overwhelmed her. Tori immediately began panicking. Her heart started pounding in her chest, and the hysteria was threatening to take over her body. Suddenly, she was feeling very out of control, and it reminded her of her life in the military, trapped in the sandbox. So many emotions welled up and threatened to rush from her in one panicked gush.
Her throat felt like it was closing, as invisible fingers closed off the air she needed to survive.
“I’m…sorry…Julian,” she whispered, as her lungs fought for air. First, would come the fear, then the hyperventilation, and finally the blackout.
Already, she was losing the fight to stay calm. The voice in her head urged her to get ready for a battle.
Julian heard the distress in her voice and he felt horrible. Turning, he ruled out that she had been screwing with him. Okay, yes, he was scared shitless, but he couldn’t make her suffer. Just because he was creeped out, there was no reason to take her along for the ride. He knew that he needed to hold her up.
Wrapping his arms around her, he held her against his body as she began shaking violently. “Come on, honey,” he urged. “Stay with me. It’s okay.”
She fought to get a deep breath. “So…sorry… Julian…I… don’t…”
He used the strategy that the doctors at the VA had taught him. Get her to talk and focus on not breathing, and her brain would kick in and take over.
When he pushed her head between her knees, she was forced to breathe deep. When she stopped gasping, he began asking her questions. If she was talking, she was taking in air.
“What do you remember?” he asked, hoping it would be enough to get her through it. He couldn’t help but feel guilty. There had to have been a better way to broach this, and he screwed up.
He was just so damn scared.
She shook her head. “I don’t know,” she whispered, fighting for air. “I don’t know why I hurt you,” Tori sobbed. “I didn't mean it. I wouldn’t ever mean it. Please forgive me,” she begged, shaking in his arms.
Lost & Broken (LIttlemoon Investigations Book 2) Page 13