by Kelli Warner
It’s close to nine o’clock when we get back to the house. As I stand at the bathroom sink brushing my teeth, I think about Cade. I’ve liked guys before, but this time is different. When I’m with him, I somehow feel whole. Hopeful. Like the frayed edges inside me seem to magically mend themselves, and he makes me believe that maybe, one day, I will find a way to put the pieces of my world back together.
The girl in the mirror rises up on her tiptoes, her arm instinctively following, extending gracefully from her side. I stare at her, my toothbrush still against my lips. Immediately, I drop my feet flat to the floor as my shoulders deflate.
This will be a hard habit to break.
Quickly, I rinse my mouth and run my toothbrush beneath the faucet before placing it back in its holder on the counter. After taking one more look at the girl frowning back at me in the mirror, I flip off the light and head to my room.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Cade
“If you put any more ornaments on that tree, you won’t be able to see the branches,” I say, just as Macy affixes a small, glass angel to the heavily decorated Douglas fir lit up next to the bookstore’s front counter.
“Back off, little brother. This is one of my favorite parts of Christmas. Plus, I keep finding these cute ornaments.” She turns and swats my leg. “Don’t you have something better to do than sit on my counter and bother Paige? Get down!”
I slide off the counter and catch Paige biting back a smile. She’s concentrating a little too hard on pricing the stack of books in front of her.
“There! What do you think?” Macy asks, stepping back and admiring the tree.
“It’s perfect,” Paige says. “Probably the best-decorated tree in town.”
Macy beams. “I can’t believe it’s less than a week until Christmas. I still have so much to do.”
“Can I help with anything?” I offer, praying she hasn’t found more lights to be hung.
“Well, since you asked—” She draws a deep breath as she moves an ornament from one branch to another. “I’m going to see Dad in a couple of weeks. Will you come with me?”
The muscles in my jaw clench. “No.”
“Come on, Cade,” Macy says. “We don’t have to stay long.”
“I said no,” I repeat, and I notice that Paige has inconspicuously slipped out from behind the counter and is dusting the shelves by the window. “We’ve been through this a hundred times. I have nothing to say to him.”
My sister and I stare at each other, and I’m pretty sure she thinks that if she holds eye contact with me long enough, she’ll wear me down and make me change my mind. Not going to happen. Finally, Macy breaks our connection and glances at the floor, shaking her head. “Will you just—please consider it? For me? Just this once?”
Macy always resorts to some form of guilt when she can’t get me to bend. It hasn’t worked in the past, and it’s not working now. “I’m not going. And there’s nothing you can do to change my mind.”
With a small, disappointed shake of her head, she picks up the empty ornament box on the counter and heads into the back room, leaving me with a sourness in my stomach that I’ve disappointed her again.
I lean my hands on the counter and hang my head, unleashing a frustrated sigh. When I feel warm hands on my back, I straighten. Paige wraps her arms around me, and I pull her close, resting my cheek on the top of her head, her soft hair tickling my nose.
“Are you okay?” she asks.
“It wouldn’t be the holidays if she wasn’t trying to get me to visit my dad. It’s no big deal,” I say, attempting to lighten the mood.
Paige tilts back her head and her gorgeous green eyes flecked with gray gaze up at me. “Can I ask you something?”
“Always,” I say, giving her my standard answer to her frequent question.
“You told me that your dad has been sending you letters for years, but that you’ve only read the first one. What did he say in it that made you not want to open the rest?”
I lean down and brush my lips against her forehead. “He said he was sorry.” Paige looks confused. She can’t make sense of how an apology sounds unreasonable.
“That’s it?” she asks.
“No, that’s not it,” I say. “Saying he’s sorry doesn’t fix what my father did. He destroyed our family because money was more important to him. He abandoned us. When my mom died, and I needed him more than anything, he chose not to be there. Simply saying he’s sorry will never make up for what he did.” Paige’s arms tighten around my back as the anger builds inside me to the point of eruption. Gently, I push her away and step out of her embrace.
“That’s why you refuse to see him.” Paige’s face fills with sympathy.
“I have nothing to say to that man.”
“But it’s the holidays,” she points out. “The holidays are all about being with family.”
“Macy and Shawn are my family. They’re all I need.”
Paige leans her back against the counter. “Aren’t you even a little curious? I mean, don’t you want him to explain why he did what he did? I would kill to be able to ask my mom why she gave custody of me to Jay. But I’ll never have that chance.”
I shake my head. “This isn’t the same thing.”
“I know,” she concedes. “I just thought—”
I cut her off with an outstretched hand. “If you’re trying to figure out how a father could abandon his son like that, don’t waste your energy. I’ve been trying to figure it out for years, and there’s no explanation for it that doesn’t make him an asshole. There’s no way in hell I’m gonna give him the chance to hurt me again. Never again.”
The door to the back room opens, and Macy returns with a small, wrapped package in her hand. “I have something for you.” She refuses to make eye contact with me and instead holds out the package to Paige. “I was going to wait until Christmas Eve, but what the heck! Open it.”
“I’d do what she says if I were you,” I say, giving Macy a light nudge with my hip, hoping that weak gesture conveys that I’m sorry. I don’t like arguing with my sister, especially about our dad. I don’t ever want him to come between us. “She gets pretty bossy when it comes to Christmas.”
Macy makes a face, her way of acknowledging my wordless apology. Paige laughs and gently tears away the paper to reveal a white box. She removes the lid, and her breath catches as she withdraws three silver bracelets, all decorated with tiny moons. I recognize them immediately, and so does Paige, because her eyes snap to Macy’s wrist to see that some of her bracelets are missing.
“Macy, I can’t…”
“Yes, you can. I want you to have them. You’ve told me several times how much you like them and, well—” Macy pauses, taking the bracelets and slipping them over Paige’s hand. “I believe in fate and that everything happens for a reason. You and I were supposed to meet on that plane. I’m absolutely sure of it.”
“How do you know that?” Paige asks, her eyes never leaving the bracelets.
“I wasn’t supposed to be on that flight,” Macy says.
Confusion settles on Paige’s face. “You weren’t?”
Macy shakes her head. “I always fly into the Eugene Airport, but instead, at the last minute, I decided to book my flight into Portland so I could do a little shopping and visit some bookstores. Visiting Powell’s Books is my secret shame.” She laughs. “That’s why I was on that flight, and that’s why I was sitting next to you. And because of that, you and Cade met in baggage claim.”
Paige doesn’t look convinced that any of what Macy just said was proof of divine intervention, but she smiles when my sister gives her a hug. “You were meant to come into our lives, Paige. I’m sure of it. You make my brother happy in a way I haven’t seen in a long time.” Macy smiles at me, and I’m at a loss for a response. She’s right about that part. Paige is clearly overwhelmed by my sister’s words.
“I don’t know what to say” is all she can manage to get out.
; Macy hugs her tightly a second time and whispers in her ear, “Just say Merry Christmas.”
Paige hugs her back. “Merry Christmas.”
This is all the family I need.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Paige
Christmas morning arrives early, with Lily banging on our doors and yelling that Santa has come. Despite her determination to stay up late and surprise the jolly old elf as he descended down the chimney, the little dynamo passed out on the sofa just after midnight and Jay carried her to bed.
Lily doesn’t seem the least bit disappointed as she practically drags me by my hand down the stairs. I’m yawning when she pulls my staggering frame into the living room, and my bare feet stop in their tracks. The Chapmans’ Christmas tree, fully decorated from the sparkly gold star at the top right down to the tree skirt, was transformed sometime in the night and is now bathed in piles of presents, all wrapped in beautiful paper, shimmering ribbons and brightly colored bows.
“See, Paige, I told you Santa was here!” Lily squeals.
I fall onto the sofa and curl up as Connie and Jay come into the living room in their robes. Tanner is already digging under the tree to see which packages have his name on them. He reads the tag on each gift and, with unwanted help from his little sister, they hand out the presents. To my surprise, I’m surrounded by gifts when they’re finished. I look up at Connie, and her wide smile nearly mimics Lily’s.
“Go ahead, Paige. Open one.”
At those words, the kids dig into their own piles of presents. To his delight. Tanner gets the video game he wanted. In addition to a swimming pool for her Barbie dolls, Lily also unwraps the Pet Shop she’d spent the last month begging for. I laugh as she starts ripping into it before she bothers unwrapping the rest of her gifts.
Connie gasps when she opens a small box with an emerald ring inside. She flings her arms around Jay’s neck. “It’s beautiful! Jay, I love it!” Both the kids and I look away when the kissing starts.
I pick up one of my larger presents and carefully tear back the paper. As I lift the lid of the box inside, I stare down at an incredible pair of boots. They’re tall and made of soft brown leather, adorned with brass buckles down the sides.
“Do you like them?” Connie asks. I didn’t realize she was watching me.
“They’re amazing.” They really are, and I can’t wait to put them on. “Thank you so much.”
She claps her hands together. “Open another one, Paige.”
By the time our present-opening session is over, it looks like a gift-wrapping factory exploded in the living room. There is wrapping paper everywhere, and I’m surrounded by clothes and makeup and numerous other surprises that I hadn’t expected but love nonetheless. Lily adores the clothes I gave her for her dolls and Tanner seems excited about the iTunes gift card I bought for him. Jay thanks me for the gift certificate to Opal’s Restaurant.
“Connie told me it was your favorite place to eat,” I say.
“It is,” he replies, reaching out and taking Connie’s hand. “Maybe that’s where we should go on New Year’s Eve.”
“Are you going out?” I ask.
Connie glances at Jay and then at me. “Actually, we wanted to ask you if you could watch the kids that night. Unless you already have plans.”
I shake my head. “No, nothing special. I don’t mind.”
“I don’t need a babysitter,” Tanner says, his eyes never leaving the remote-controlled airplane manual he’s studying.
“No, you don’t,” Connie says. “But Lily does.” She meets my eyes once more. “Are you sure, Paige?”
“What do you say, Tanner? We’ll eat a bunch of junk food and watch the ball drop on TV.” He shoots me a scrutinizing look, as if he has other options to consider, and then shrugs.
“I want to stay up until midnight!” Lily announces.
“We’ll see about that,” Connie replies.
“Thanks, Paige,” Jay says. “This means a lot. I don’t think Connie and I have been out on New Year’s Eve since Lily was born.
“I’ll make reservations tomorrow.” Connie claps her hands. “I can’t wait!”
After helping clean up, I excuse myself to my room so I can call Aunt Faye. When I snatch my cell phone off the nightstand, there’s a text waiting.
Cade: Merry Christmas.
I send him a GIF of SpongeBob Square Pants wearing a Santa hat and dancing a crazy jig. Because it’s cute. And because I can. His response is immediate.
Cade: Is that what you look like this morning?
I smile at his winky face emoji.
Me: Exactly. Adorable, right?
Cade: Definitely. Can I see you later?
I type yes in as many languages as I can think of. Besides English, I only know three. French: Oui. Spanish: Sí. And German: Ja. But I’m sure he gets the point.
Cade: When can I stop by?
My joyful Christmas buzz fizzles. Oh, boy.
Me: How about I stop by your house after lunch?
There is no response, so I quickly type, “I have gifts for you and Macy. I’d love to see her.” I hold my breath. The truth is that I still haven’t told Jay that Cade and I are dating, and now it seems like forever since I promised him I would have that conversation. You are such a coward, I scold myself.
Cade’s response finally appears: When do I get to come to your house?
I stare at the thinking face emoji and rack my brain for a response. I glance at the door and then back at my phone as I type.
Me: How about you come over on New Year’s Eve?
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Paige
When New Year’s Eve rolls around, it takes Connie and Jay what seems like forever to leave the house.
“Where are my keys? We’re going to miss our reservation,” Jay says, searching frantically around the living room, under the magazines on the coffee table and in between the couch cushions.
“They’re right here,” Connie calls, coming into the room jingling the key ring in her hand. She’s wearing a red dress that hugs her curves and superhigh black heels. Her thick, blond hair is swept up into a loose twist, and her coat is hung over one arm.
“Wow,” Jay says. “You’re gorgeous.”
Connie smiles wide. “Thank you, kind sir.”
“He’s right,” I say. “You look amazing.”
“Thanks, Paige. And thanks again for staying with the kids tonight. If anything comes up, call us. We’re just going to dinner,” she explains.
“And then we’re going dancing,” Jay announces.
Connie’s face lights up like the Christmas tree still adorned in the corner. “Really?”
“Yes,” he says, then turns his attention back to me. “So, unless the house catches fire or someone needs medical attention, I give you full authority to handle any problems yourself.”
“Understood,” I say, giving a mock salute. “Have a good time and don’t worry about anything. We’ll be fine.”
About a half hour after Jay and Connie leave for dinner, Cade knocks on the front door. He’s smiling, looking freshly showered, with the tips of his hair still damp. He wears a hooded sweatshirt under his leather jacket, and his guitar case is slung over his back.
“Come on in,” I say, stepping aside. As Cade enters, he leans over and gives me a kiss, and right on cue, my heartbeat comes alive like the final number in a Broadway musical.
“Your dad knows I’m here, right?” he asks.
“He and Connie went to dinner, and then they’re going dancing,” I say.
Cade’s expression grows serious. “That didn’t answer my question.”
My lips part just as Lily bounds down the stairs with a pink plastic guitar in her hands. “Hi!” she says to Cade. “Can you teach me to play guitar?”
Cade glances at me, his eyes alight with amusement.
“Lily, go away,” Tanner says as he rounds the corner. “You don’t play guitar.” He gives her a light shove.
&nbs
p; “I could if someone would teach me,” she tells him, one hand on her hip as her eyes land sweetly once more on Cade.
“Cade, you’ve met Lily. And this is Tanner. Tanner, meet Cade.”
They nod at each other. “Can’t wait to hear you play, man,” Cade says. “Paige tells me you’re pretty good.”
We move into the living room, where Tanner has his guitar waiting. Cade slips off his coat and unzips his case. When he pulls out his own guitar, Tanner exclaims, “Whoa! That’s an awesome axe!” I stifle a laugh and scoot Lily off to the kitchen to fix a snack. They aren’t going to get anything done with her and her pink guitar there to distract them.
After delivering a plate of Connie’s homemade chocolate chip cookies and two cans of soda, I wrestle Lily back to the kitchen to play a game of Chutes and Ladders, but I’m still close enough to listen in on their conversation. I’ve always considered Tanner to be relatively shy, but to my surprise, he peppers Cade with questions, demanding to know what it’s like playing in a band and whether he’s played with anyone famous. When he asks how many girlfriends Cade has had, I nearly fall out of my chair straining to hear the answer. Cade just laughs and says, “Why don’t you play me a song and let’s see what you’ve got?”
For the next couple of hours, I listen to them rehearse. Some of it is good, and some of it definitely needs work. Cade talks about chords and notes and demonstrates different techniques. At nine o’clock, I put Lily to bed, despite her impassioned protests to stay up just a little while longer.
“Pleeease, Paige. I’m not tired. I want Cade to give me a guitar lesson, too!”
“Maybe next time. Tanner needs his help right now.”
“But why can’t I stay up until midnight? I’m five; I can do it.”
“Your mom’s orders.” Lily doesn’t like that, but I manage to wrangle her onto her bed and under the covers. Three storybooks later, I reach over to turn off the light on the nightstand, and she wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me into a tight hug. I’m enveloped in the aroma of berry-scented shampoo.