His dad nodded and set his spoon down. “I’d heard rumblings about that.”
“Yeah, well, the thing is, I might have feelings for her, and taking the job would mean leaving Bygones.”
An imaginary light went on over his father’s head. “Ah. And also leaving Allison,” he supplied.
“Exactly. She has to stay for two years, per the arrangement with the SOS Committee.” Just the idea of saying goodbye to Bygones—and Allison—had a painful tear ripping through Sam’s chest.
“So let me see if I understand what you’re telling me.” His dad, an engineer by trade, was very analytical and very good at framing things in a sensible way. “You’re in love with Allison—”
“I never said I was in love with her,” Sam interjected.
His father gave him a sideways look. “You said you had feelings, and you’re stressing over what to do about the job offer because it would mean leaving her, so I just assumed you loved her.”
Sam fiddled with a napkin. “I’m not sure how I feel about her.”
“But I’m assuming you like her, are attracted to her?” he asked, piercing Sam with his brown eyes.
All Sam could do was nod.
Dad frowned. “So?”
Sam scratched his cheek but stayed quiet. Somehow, acknowledging his feelings for Allison verbally made them seem so much more difficult to refute.
“What’s going on here, Sammy?” Dad studied him. “You say you have feelings for her,” he said, making air quotes around the word feelings. “Yet you aren’t willing to discuss what these feelings might be, even though you’re in a tough spot deciding whether to accept a job offer in Florida because of her.”
“Crazy, huh?”
“Well, let’s try to make it less crazy. Talk to me, let me help.” He leaned back in his chair. “That’s why you called me, right?”
Sam chewed his cheek. “Right.”
His father just stared at him expectantly, his head slightly tilted to one side.
With such a life-altering decision on the line, Sam guessed it was time to spill; he really needed an outside perspective, one he trusted. “I’m falling for her, Dad, and it scares me stupid.”
His dad nodded knowingly. “Ah, there’s the rub.”
“That about sums it up.” Sam let out a weighty breath. “This has been eating at me for a while. Ever since Allison and I reconnected.”
“Yeah, I can see that it’s really got you in a knot. What I’m not quite so clear on is why loving Allison has you running scared.”
Sam scrunched up his face. “You really have to ask that question?”
“I just did.”
“I haven’t exactly had the best loving-female role models in my life.”
“You mean…your mom?” Dad asked, his voice low yet devoid of tone.
“And Teresa.” Sam tightened his hands around his coffee cup. “The only two women I’ve ever loved, and both of them cut out on me.”
His father shook his head. “Oh, boy.”
“My sentiments exactly.”
“Not surprising, I guess,” his dad replied. “You probably think all women leave.”
“It’s not rocket science,” Sam said.
“So you’re afraid to let yourself admit you love Allison because you’re afraid you’ll eventually get hurt.”
“That about sums it up.”
“Have you told Allison any of this?”
“Not exactly.”
“What do you mean? Either you’ve told her or you haven’t.”
Trust his dad to methodically pick stuff apart. Maybe that was what Sam needed, though maybe not what he wanted. Seemed he was getting a lesson in handling dichotomous emotions. “I told her I liked her, but also that I’m not ready for any kind of relationship.”
“What did she say?”
“She agreed with me. She doesn’t want a relationship, either.”
“Have you told her about the job offer?”
“Nope. I wanted to talk to you first,” Sam said.
“So you appreciate my opinion?”
“Of course.”
“Then here it is.” His dad leaned in. “You should be communicating with Allison about this.”
“Even if it means tipping my hand?”
“Even then,” his father said. “If there’s anything I wish I’d done differently with your mom, it’s that I wish we’d talked more.”
Sam sat up, his interest piqued.
His dad went on. “Instead, I clammed up when she started drifting away, and by the time I decided we needed to hash things out, she was already gone.”
“I didn’t know that.” Sam chewed on the interesting parallel his father had brought up. Sam had known that Teresa was unhappy with living in Bygones and being a stay-at-home mom. But he hadn’t confronted the problem until she strayed and it was too late.
“I’m not always big on sharing, especially with you kids,” Dad said.
“Then keeping stuff inside must be genetic.”
“Must be. So what’s the worst thing that could happen if you tell Allison how you feel?”
“She won’t return my feelings, or she’ll say she does and then take off on down the line.”
“Okay.” His father steepled his hands in front of his face. “And what’s the worst thing that can happen if you don’t tell her how you feel?”
Sam’s gut pitched. “I could lose her.”
Dad pointed at him. “Precisely. So you have to decide—do you want to possibly lose her by letting your fears dictate your actions, which would mean keeping your feelings to yourself, or do you want to up your chances of ending up with Allison?”
“I just know that I don’t want to lose her,” Sam uttered. “I can’t imagine life without her.” Except as lonely and devoid of happiness. Not exactly an appealing prospect.
“And I didn’t want to lose your mom, but I did because I was too clueless and closed off to realize what I needed to do until it was way too late.” His father’s voice resonated with sorrow; muted by time, yes, but still unmistakable. “Don’t make the same mistakes I did, son. You’ll regret it if you do, and that’s a terrible price to pay, believe me.”
All Sam could do was nod.
“And as long as you value my opinion, I’m going to throw this out.”
“I expect nothing less,” Sam replied.
His dad skewered him with a pointed look. “From what I can tell, you’re in love with her, Sam, and that’s a gift from God.”
A gift from God. Wow. That was big. Sam forced himself to consider what his dad had said, and all at once something fragile broke free in Sam’s chest, flooding him with warmth, which brought forth a steely resolve to take a risk. To fully embrace the truth. “I…think you’re right.” Even though he’d fought it, he saw now that he loved Allison with his whole heart, and he couldn’t squander that. “I have to gut up and tell her, and, honestly, doing so makes my stomach churn.”
“Have you prayed about this?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I’d pray more and let God know you’re on board with His plan.”
“Good idea.” Allison had helped reestablish his relationship with God. Sam saw now that he needed to lean on Him for support in tough times. This qualified.
“Excellent.” His father grinned. “Glad I could help. I’ll look forward to seeing Allison. She must have turned into one amazing woman.”
“She has, Dad. She’s kind, loving and smart, not to mention drop-dead gorgeous.” Sam smiled. “Really, she’s the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met.”
“Then hold on to her, no matter what,” his dad said, a shadow in his eyes. “I only wish I’d done the same.”
“I’ll do my best,” Sam said. “I promise.”
Though even his best wouldn’t guarantee a happy ending.
*
“Are Sam and the kids coming to the service?” Viv asked Allison.
From their pew near the altar, Allison threw a g
lance toward the back of the church. “I’m not sure.”
“But you hope so, right?” Viv asked with a twinkle in her voice, echoing Allison’s exact thought.
Allison settled in place, her eyes forward, her back ramrod straight. “It would be nice, yes.” Wonderful, actually. She hadn’t seen Sam lately, and she’d missed him a lot. She loved Sam, and she had to tell him.
Even though just the thought of laying her heart on the line made her hands sticky.
“Oh, come on,” Viv said, bringing Allison back to their conversation.
From the corner of her eye, Allison saw Viv shake her head. There might have been an eye roll there, too. “You’ve got it bad for Coach Franklin, don’t you?” Viv asked.
Allison let her back sag. Keeping her feelings under wraps was wearing on her. She needed an ear. Desperately. She looked at Viv. “Yep, I kinda do.”
“You don’t seem too happy about that.”
“Sam doesn’t want to fall in love.”
Viv waved a hand. “Oh, pshaw. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
Allison’s anxiety eased a bit, but didn’t completely dissipate. “Well, I’m going to talk to him about it today, if possible. If the twins are around, my confession may need to wait, though.”
“Seems like you’re pretty taken with Nicky and Rosie. They’re adorable,” Viv said.
“Yes, I love them, too.” If things went right—please, God, hear my prayer—the twins, along with Sam, would be in her life forever.
“In that vein, I have some news,” Viv said.
“You do?” Allison said eagerly. “Spill.”
“Yes.” Viv sucked in a large breath. “I’m pushing forward with a plan I’ve had in place for a while, and I’m going to adopt a baby.”
“Oh, Viv.” Allison squeezed her friend’s arm. “That’s wonderful.”
“Thank you.”
“Have you found a baby yet?”
Viv shook her head. “No, and it might be a while. But I’m willing to wait.”
“I didn’t know you wanted kids,” Allison said. “What made you want to adopt a child?”
“I’ve always wanted to be a mother, and this seemed like a good time.” Viv smiled. “And I’m not getting any younger.”
“Are you planning on having a biological child someday, when you meet the right man?” In Allison’s mind, Viv deserved a houseful of kids, just like the one Viv had been part of, as one of six siblings.
Biting her lip, Viv looked away.
“Oh, that sounded wrong.” Allison wondered where her tact had gone. “Obviously, I know how easy it is to love any child, whether that child is your biological child or not. I was just thinking that you should have lots of kids in your life.”
“It’s fine,” Viv said, an uneasy smile on her lips. “I understand why you ask. I’m just going to take things one step at a time and see how everything goes. I’ve always wanted lots of kids, so…hopefully this will work out.”
Vivian’s tone had Allison wondering if Viv was holding something back. But what? Viv was a romantic, an old-fashioned girl with a kind heart and quick mind, though she didn’t have a boyfriend at the moment. Allison had always thought Viv would make a wonderful mother.
Before Allison could formulate a reply, Viv’s eyes went up and she gazed over Allison’s shoulder. “Look who just rolled into church,” Viv said, sotto voce, leaning in. “The man of the hour.”
Allison’s heart skittered. She turned just in time to see Sam sliding into their pew.
“Hey, you,” he said, unbuttoning his charcoal-gray suit coat.
“You decided to come,” Allison said, feeling a tad unbalanced. On the one hand, she was ecstatic to see him because she loved being with him. That was a given. On the other hand, now he was here, and she had to go through with telling him she loved him. Talk about the good, the bad and the hopefully not ugly.
“I did,” he said. “The kids wouldn’t have it any other way.” He looked right into her eyes and held her gaze for a few long seconds.
She just about quit breathing.
“And neither would I,” he added, giving her hand a squeeze.
Any reply was cut off by the church organ signaling the start of the service. Good thing. Allison wasn’t sure she could form words just then.
But sooner or later she’d have to talk to Sam. And who knew how that conversation would turn out.
Hopefully not with any broken hearts.
*
After the church service ended, Sam and Allison went to the Sunday school classroom to collect Rosie and Nicky. As they did so, Sam commended himself on keeping calm, cool and collected for the past hour, even with his plans for after the service looming.
As they headed back to the front of the church, Allison chatted happily with the twins, and he looked her over, really liking the way her navy blue dress contrasted with her brown hair and blue eyes. She had her hair down with just a few strands pulled back to one side, and the style really showed off her pretty bone structure.
Sitting beside her during the service had been wonderful and, really, he felt so close to her when they worshipped together. Honestly, he couldn’t imagine attending church without her in the future. Hopefully, he wouldn’t have to, but no one ever knew how things were going to turn out.
Another loss would take him out at the knees.
They reached the foyer and he caught sight of his dad standing by the double front doors, which had been flung wide. “There’s Grandpa, kids,” he said, pointing right. “Let’s go see him.”
The kids ran to Sam’s dad and gave hugs all around. When Sam and Allison caught up, Sam made the reintroductions; though his dad and Allison were acquainted, it had been years since they’d seen each other. His father enfolded Allison in a bear hug, exclaiming how good it was to see her again.
Sam got both of the kids’ attention. “Listen, you two. Grandpa is going to take you home for some of his famous waffles. Isn’t that great?”
Both kids jumped up and down. “Will Smokey be there?” Nicky asked his grandpa. Smokey was his dad’s black Lab, and the kids adored him.
“Of course,” Sam’s father said. “He’s setting the table now.”
“Dogs can’t set tables,” Rosie said.
“Well, Smokey is pretty smart, so why don’t we go to my house and see how he did?”
His father said goodbye and then herded the kids outside. He lived only a few blocks away from the church, so Sam was sure they’d be walking to their grandpa’s house. The sun was out, even though the temperature had dropped a bit as October had worn on.
Allison gave him a wary look. “Um…what’s up?”
“What do you mean?”
“You just got rid of the kids.”
“So I did.” He gestured outside. “It’s a nice day, and I thought you might want to go for a walk.”
She inclined her head. “All right, sounds like a plan.”
He offered her his arm. “Let’s go.”
Soon they were walking away from the church. Sam was intensely aware of Allison’s hand grasping his upper arm. He suddenly wished he’d loosened his tie before they’d set off. It was really warming up out here. Of course, he always felt warm when Allison was around.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“I thought it might be nice to just walk around and see the fall colors.” He wanted privacy, and as soon as they got away from the church, things should be quiet.
“Excellent idea,” she replied. “The leaves have really started turning lately.”
They walked in silence for a while, and Sam simply let himself enjoy being with Allison. He tried to ignore the anxiety poking holes in his confidence, but there was just no way to get around the fact that he was going out on a limb here.
He needed to lay his heart on the line like never before. For him. And Allison. He liked the sound of their names together.
Soon they reached Granary Road. He guided her right, away
from town. As they walked, silence descended, and the only sound he heard was the rustling of the wind in the red, gold and yellow leaves on the trees next to the road.
“Sam—”
“Allison,” he said at exactly the same time.
He paused. So did she.
He gestured to her. “You first.”
“I’m assuming you have something you want to talk about.” She read him well. But then, she was very intuitive, just one of the many things he loved about her.
“Actually, I do.”
“Go on,” she said softly, stopping under a large oak tree that stood between two Victorian houses on large lots. “I’m listening.” She adjusted herself so she was facing him more squarely. Her eyes were the same color of the blue, blue sky at her back. Stunning.
He cleared his throat and resisted the urge to touch her silky hair. Focus, Franklin. “Well, the thing is, I’ve been offered a job with a school district in Florida.”
For the barest second she froze, her face suspended in a completely blank expression. She blinked once, very slowly, and then, as if she’d flicked on a switch, she smiled mechanically and exclaimed, “Hey! That’s great.”
Her response took him aback. He gulped. “It is?”
“Oh, yes, it’s fantastic news.” She patted his hand impersonally, kind of like she was petting a dog, and gave him another odd smile devoid of true warmth. “This is what you wanted, right?”
“Well, yes, I guess it is.” Until he’d met her. And then everything had changed. But it was looking as if she didn’t feel the same way. If she did, wouldn’t she be distressed by this news? Not that he wanted her to be upset—
“Then it’s fantastic,” she added, shifting away from him, back a few steps. Instantly, it was as if she’d put up an invisible, foot-thick wall.
He felt the distance keenly, and wanted more than anything to pull her into his arms and never let her go. “I’m…” Devastated. “Not sure what to say.”
“I think you’ve said everything necessary.”
Man, she sounded impersonal. He hated it, hated the chasm that had opened up between them the minute he’d told her about the job offer. “I want to know what you think about the move,” he asked to keep the conversation going. Anything was better than letting things go now.
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