My dad didn’t appear upset. In fact, one side of his mouth quirked up just a fraction, but then my mother glared at him, and he shrugged.
My mother crossed her arms again, mirroring my stance. “Charity Jane Bauer, what on earth has come over you, young lady?”
I leaned back against the counter. “Life has come over me, Mom. I realized there’s more to life than what you’ve shown me and how I’ve been living, and I’m ready for a change.”
Chapter 23 – Brock
As I sat on my lanai, attempting to cool off, I read Charity’s message over and over, trying to understand.
Her text claimed that she loved me and didn’t blame me, and yet she hadn’t commented on any of the texts I’d sent her in the last two days. Basically, she’d said don’t call, text, or stop by … that she needed time to figure out her life.
I’d been worried about how I’d explain to Charity that I was only pretending to give Caitlyn five months to shape up, which meant that I’d have to pretend to be interested in getting back together with my ex-wife, even though it was the last thing I wanted. Ever.
Now, Charity had made it easy for me, but being apart from her was the last thing I wanted. Unfortunately, Charity was right about one thing: I didn’t believe in fate. But maybe I should start, since Fate seemed to have it in for me. Like an evil puppeteer in medieval times, manipulating his marionette into painful and agonizing situations for the amusement of the king and others. No different from the puppet, I had a habit of performing for wealthy families. And here I’d thought my sister was the only performer in the family. For some reason, I was always trying to earn their acceptance by dancing for them.
Charity had also said she had faith that if we were meant to be, we’d find our way back to each other when the time was right. As much as I wanted to believe that, I wasn’t sure I could put my heart through that torment again, once more playing the string-puppet in front of her friends and family. What joy it must have given Charity’s mother when her father kicked me out of the hospital room. Melissa hadn’t liked me from the first moment she met me, especially when Charity asked me to join her and her friends at the movies.
How many times in such a short period could a woman break my heart? She wasn’t responsible for her mother’s and father’s actions, or for her ex-boyfriend’s interference, but she wasn’t innocent either. She had charged off and left me on the dock the first evening we’d met, then after I’d forgiven her and gotten into her car, she’d left me in the stairwell because of something I hadn’t done. Once again, I beseeched her for another go and things had been better than I hoped, but then she had to show up at her ex’s house. Then lastly, she’d gone after him again and had blamed me because she hadn’t been able to stop him. Two days later, she tells me she loves me but doesn’t want to see me.
How much rejection can a heart take? Apparently not that much, because my soul felt dead. My core felt empty as if there were a gaping hole inside of me. A hole I needed to fill with something, anything but women. Never again.
Five months would be good for me. Instead of worrying about how to dodge Caitlyn for five months, I’d fill up my time, I decided. Finally get my life back on track.
Before I could change my mind, I flipped open my laptop and logged into my account for St. Pete College. I’d managed to knock out forty-five credits in the last four years, but now … I was determined to finish, to get my business degree. Could I handle fifteen credit hours in one semester? Maybe if I took them online. Not math, though. I’d have to take that class in person. I’d been putting it off, knowing how awfully I’d done in high school. If it weren’t for Autumn’s constant tutoring, I wouldn’t have made it.
***
Caitlyn tapped her foot on the concrete outside my apartment. “Study? Why would you start college again now? I thought you were going to spend time with me. It’s been three weeks since we’ve been back together, and we haven’t done anything but sit around and watch TV. Besides, I thought you gave up on getting that degree since you obviously don’t need it.”
Back together? I’d never said we were back together. I stood sentry between Caitlyn and the inside of my apartment and resisted rolling my eyes at her comment. “Umm … obviously I did — do — need to finish college. If I’d had that degree, it would have been a lot easier for me to find a job after you had your father fire me. The only reason I got the job I have now is because Tom’s son moved out of state. Once I get my degree, I’ll be able to make more money in a management position and have a better chance at securing a loan so I won’t have to work for someone else the rest of my life.”
Caitlyn fanned her face, even though it was fifty degrees outside. “Can I come in? I’m not feeling so well.”
A sigh threatened to escape my throat, but then I remembered I was supposed to pretend that I wanted to get back together. I pushed the door open with my elbow and she sauntered inside.
“Not very large, is it?” she said as she made her way to the opposite side of my apartment.
I closed the door and locked it. “Where do you think you’re going, Cat?”
“Just looking around.” She peeked into the bathroom, flicking on the light, then stepped across the hall into my bedroom.
“Cat!” I chased after her.
“What?” She turned around, placing her hands on her hips. “Do you have something to hide? Is that girl in here?”
That girl … Charity. Just the thought of that girl caused my heart to throb. It had only been a few weeks, but the pain seemed to get worse every day, like a festering wound. I wondered if my heart could become infected if left untreated. “I told you it was over between us.”
“Then why do you care if I check out your room?” She turned away from me and continued her search.
Why was Caitlyn always so suspicious? I wondered. I’d never cheated on her or given her any reason to believe I was cheating on her. So when I told her it was over between Charity and me, she shouldn’t have questioned me. Then I realized … because Caitlyn was a cheater, she couldn’t comprehend that anyone else could remain faithful.
I followed behind her, but didn’t cross the threshold. I didn’t want to be in a bedroom alone with my ex-wife, especially since she’d been bugging me for weeks to have sex. Obviously trying to tempt me today, she’d worn a sheer, low-cut blouse that showed off her ample cleavage and flared just slightly around her hips, masking her baby bump. The knee-length yoga pants she wore hugged every curve of her lower part of her body. Unlike Charity’s tall and curvaceous Barbie-doll figure, Caitlyn’s body was petite and shapely, even more so with her pregnancy.
Sex had never been a problem with us, one of the reasons I’d been so shocked when she’d cheated on me. Thankful for the memory of her in bed with that greaseball, I turned, leaving her in my bedroom.
I returned to the kitchen table I’d finally bought, which acted as my desk, and plopped down so I could finish my session. If I stayed inactive too long, the system would time me out.
“Brock …” Caitlyn whined, stomping her feet across the carpet.
“Cat …” I mimicked her whine, and she smiled up at me. Probably one of the most genuine smiles I’d seen from her in years.
Damn! I concentrated on pulling the image of her and another man back into my head, but all I could see was her smiling at me as I cleaned her pool. How shy she had been when we first met. How she’d looked at me as though I were her hero.
With a shake of my head, I managed to focus on my computer screen.
Caitlyn draped her arms around me. “It’s Saturday, Brock. Can’t you play for a little while?”
My hands flew across the keyboard. “I work full time, Cat, so I have to get as much school work done on the weekend as possible.”
She drummed her fingers on the table.
I glanced up from the page I was working on. “I thought you were sick.”
Caitlyn drilled a gaze at me. “I haven’t gone out or drank a drop of a
lcohol in three weeks. You said you were going to try.” She waved her hand at the computer. “This isn’t trying.”
I saved my work, logged out, then closed the computer. “What do you want to do, Cat?”
She shrugged. “I don’t care. Whatever you want to do.”
Same old Caitlyn. I rubbed my eyes. “I was doing what I wanted to do.”
She rolled her eyes. “Exactly! Which means you’re not trying. Why do I always come last?”
“Oh, God, Cat. Are you serious? You never came last. Everything I ever did was for you.”
A tear slipped down her cheek. “Didn’t feel like it.”
No way did I want to relive this conversation. Instead, I tried to come up with something we could do that wouldn’t require that we filled the air with mindless drivel that meant nothing. “How ’bout a movie?”
She smiled in response. I’d forgotten how uninteresting Caitlyn was. If it wasn’t the movies or shopping, she didn’t know what else to do. No wonder she was constantly bored. My mother had taught Autumn and me to enjoy music, art … our culture, had insisted that we learn how to play an instrument, be active in sports. Because we didn’t have money to buy game consoles and go to theme parks, my mother had kept us busy by enrolling us in school and community programs.
At least going to a movie was something where I could sit back and veg for a couple hours without having to make chitchat. But … what if Charity sees us together? As much as I told myself I didn’t want to try to get back with Charity, I knew the moment my five-month self-imposed sentence was up, I’d be on her doorstep, begging her to take me back.
Chapter 24 – Charity
“I can’t believe I did it!” I squealed as soon as I dropped the last box on my mattress, which still sat on the floor of my new apartment. I wrapped my arms around Julie and she squeezed me back, holding on tightly.
“I’m so glad you did. I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it on my own with Sharon leaving for Florida State.”
In the last few weeks, Julie had become an invaluable part of my life. Not just because she’d helped me get my first job and happened to have an empty room I could move into without worrying about coming up with not only the first month’s rent, plus last and security, not to mention start-up costs for utilities, but she’d also been a shoulder to cry on. For the first time in my life, I had a true friend. A friend who actually knew the real me, not the girl I had been or had pretended to be.
She’d listened when I’d cried over letting Brock go, and stopped me the few times I’d nearly broken down and planned to go to him, begging him to take me back. She’d understood why I’d done what I’d done, and agreed that it was best that Brock figured out his life, too.
Julie was, without a doubt, the most mature nineteen-year-old I’d ever met, and I was grateful that I’d met her during the worst time in my short life. And as if her getting me a job, offering me a place to stay, and being a shoulder to cry on wasn’t enough, she’d also helped me to enroll in college, showing me how to apply for my Bright Futures and additional grants.
“Hey,” Julie said as we finally broke off our hug, “let’s celebrate. My treat. We’ve both been running a hundred miles per hour for weeks now. It’s Saturday. Let’s go out to eat.”
I shook my head, but then caught myself. “I mean, sure. But no, I can’t let you treat me. Our friendship is already way too lopsided; I owe you for once.”
Julie narrowed her eyes. “What are you talking about?”
“Julie,” I cocked my head to the side, “you’ve done everything for me, a girl who never once noticed you in four years —”
“We’ve been through this, Char. I could have walked up to you at school. There were times when the girl you hung out with in P.E. wasn’t in school and you sat by yourself. It takes two, you know.”
“Yeah, but you’ve been listening to me whine and moan for weeks.”
Julie squeezed me around the shoulders this time. “With good reason. And don’t think you’re getting off easy. My time is coming, I’m sure. And when it does, I’ll come to collect.”
A tear slipped out … a happy tear this time, and I nodded. “Deal! But I’m still not going to let you pay. We’ll split the check.”
“Okay. Get cleaned up and I’ll meet you in the hallway in twenty minutes.” Julie laughed, then skipped out of the room.
As I’d thought from the first time I talked to her at the grocery store, Julie was sweet and funny. For the hundredth time in three weeks, I wondered how differently my life might have turned out if we’d been friends in ninth grade. In a way, I was grateful we hadn’t been. More than likely, I would have corrupted her, and she wouldn’t have been there for me when I needed her.
My cheeks lifted as I took in my room. “My room,” I whispered. The walls were blank, devoid of any pictures or artwork. Only a few feet of floor space existed between my bed and the wall. The closet was about an eighth the size of the one I’d used my entire life. The one small window had only vinyl mini blinds as a window treatment, but I had a view of the pool and the courtyard below.
And best of all, it was all mine.
My father had insisted that I keep the car, so I finally agreed. I wasn’t allowed to sell it without his permission, though, which I would have done in a heartbeat. He’d also insisted that he be allowed to pay my car insurance and keep me on his phone plan as long as I was in college.
At first I’d balked, but when he’d shown me the difference between getting a new phone account versus him only having to pay a ten-dollar add-on, and the car insurance that would have tripled if I’d gotten my own policy, I’d relented, thinking, They are still my parents, and I’m a full-time student once again. My father had said that while his parents hadn’t had a lot of money, they’d paid for half the price of his car and his auto insurance while he was in college. Julie was the final voice of reasoning, saying that she, too, thankfully, still had her insurance and phone through her mother’s account.
I snatched up my box of toiletries — not one fancy glass bottle in the bunch — and trotted off to my bathroom.
After I showered, I stared into the area of the mirror where I’d wiped away the condensation caused by my steaming hot shower.
“Now what?” I said to my reflection. “In three weeks you got a job, started college, and secured your own place. Now what?”
A tiny voice reminded me that all I’d really accomplished was that I had walked away from all the posh, but I still hadn’t made it. I’d used the money I’d received from graduation and Christmas to pay my first month’s rent and utilities and groceries. But now I was going to have to come up with money every month. And work and go to school every day.
How did working college students find time to party and have relationships? The thought of adding one more thing to my schedule seemed impossible. Even now, much as I wanted to celebrate with Julie, a large part of me wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for fifteen hours.
“You ready yet?” Julie asked from the other side of the door.
“Yeah. Gimme a few minutes.” Since I always seemed to be in a hurry anymore, I’d become accustomed to just pulling my wet hair up into a ponytail and dabbing on a small amount of mascara and lip-gloss. One of the benefits of not having or wanting a boyfriend was being able to get ready in less than twenty minutes.
Brock’s words about liking prissy girls made my eyes water up again. He couldn’t accuse me of that anymore. While I tried to keep my nails clean and painted, gel manicures and pedicures were definitely not in my budget. And since I’d only retained a minimal quantity of clothes, I’d kept mostly practical items.
I grabbed a pair of jeans off the shelf in my closet and donned a long-sleeved T-shirt and hoodie. As I ran for the door, I pulled the back of one of my tennis shoes over one heel without untying the laces, then hopped toward the door as I tugged on the other one.
“Ready!”
Julie was sitting on the sofa, her head on the ba
ck, pretending like she was asleep.
“Oh for Pete’s sake,” I said. “That was like my fastest time ever.”
She jumped up, then grabbed her purse off the tiny bar that separated the kitchen and living area. “And look at you. You look like you just stepped out of a magazine … One of those fashion shoots where the girl supposedly just finished swimming and yet looks perfect.”
My cheeks burned. “No, I don’t.”
“Yeah, you do. That’s why all the guys wanted you, and the girls hated you.” She threw up her hands. “Not me, of course. I just wanted to be like you.”
Immediately, I wanted to be upset at her comment, but I realized she hadn’t meant it in a bad way. All the girls had hated me, of that I was certain. But the guys … I’d only dated a few guys in high school before Nathan. Then after Nathan and I had broken up, no one in school had asked me out. The few guys I’d dated had already graduated.
There was no way to respond, so I just brushed off her comment as Julie being her normal silly self. “Let’s go. I’m starving.”
Julie pulled out her keys. “I’ll drive.” She knew how I felt about driving my BMW when I was trying to show the world I wasn’t a spoiled, kept girl. Of course, she didn’t mind driving my BMW, said she got plenty of looks from cute guys when she drove it. On days when I had class, I was happy to drive her Beetle with its cheerful daisy on the dashboard.
She took a left out of the complex, then another left on 580. Six minutes later, Julie was turning left into the parking lot of the Countryside mall. “Where do you wanna eat? Grimaldi’s, Red Robin, BJ’s, PF Changs, Bar Louie —”
Love Until It Hurts (Crazy Love Book 2) Page 15