by Jake Wolff
I didn’t fall in love with Sammy in spite of his age; that’s no insight. I was a sixteen-year-old senior, running from childhood as fast as I could, from a childhood that had treated me badly. Now that I’m older, I want the opposite: to slow everything down. Maybe it’s foolish, but sometimes small lessons are the best ones, and that’s the lesson I’ve chosen to take from everything that happened after I first saw Sammy—smiling, gorgeous, much too old for me—striding down the hall and into my life: wait your turn.
* * *
My watch beeps, signaling the end of the fourth hour, and as if on cue, the door behind the reception desk opens. I see the nurse in the doorway, but her back is turned—she’s talking to someone I can’t see. Kimberly sits up in her seat, spine straight, bracing herself for news. I think she’s going to take my hand, but she only grips the armrest, squeezing hard. Across from me, the little boy stands up in excitement, but when he sees that it’s just the nurse, alone, and not whomever he’s expecting, he groans and throws the hood of his sweatshirt over his ears. He looks around the room, and I imagine he’s thinking, How can I show my frustration? What can I destroy?
The nurse finishes her conversation. To my right, Kimberly is so still I can see the dust particles shifting in the lamplight around her hair. It is time. I take a deep breath and look once more at the boy as the nurse comes to find me, to describe the brightness, or darkness, of my future. The boy is on his feet, eyes narrow, and for a moment I think he is going to scream. But instead he sits, sighs, and leans against his mother, his hands hidden in the pockets of his hoodie. She smiles as she feels the pressure of him on her shoulder, and he closes his eyes, and my God, it’s a beautiful thing—a five-year-old boy, learning his limits, surprising himself and his mother with his first act of patience. Watching him, I remember all of those feelings: the fear, the frustration, the hope for the future. I remember being young, when there was nothing worse than waiting.
Acknowledgments
I wrote The History of Living Forever over ten long years and with the support of more wonderful family, friends, and colleagues than I could possibly name. Still, I extend my sincerest thanks to the following people, in roughly chronological order:
My parents, Fred and Kathy, and my siblings, Nate and Genny. You are my favorite people.
My in-laws, Andy and Hil and Lauren. I couldn’t ask for better.
All of the creative writing faculty at the University of Wisconsin–Madison, especially my MFA advisor, Judith Claire Mitchell, whose support has been a life raft for over a decade.
The graduate program at Florida State University, and especially my PhD advisor, Mark Winegardner, whose voice is nearly as central to this novel as my own. I also thank the rest of my dissertation committee at FSU: Elizabeth Stuckey-French, Jennine Capó Crucet, Dennis Moore, and Aline Kalbian.
All of my brilliant classmates, who have inspired and challenged me throughout the years. Special thanks to the following few, who have commented on early drafts or chapters of the novel: Emily Alford, Marian Crotty, Micah Dean Hicks, Alyssa Knickerbocker, Noreen McAuliffe, and Michael Yoon.
My agent, Adam Schear, who believed in this book, and in me, long before I did. I would never have finished without you.
My editor at FSG, Jenna Johnson, who helped me find the beating heart of this story and never let me settle for anything but my best. I also thank editorial assistants Sara Birmingham and Lydia Zoells, who kept me on schedule and provided valuable insights during the many months of revision.
Finally, thank you to Lesley. I love you.
A NOTE ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jake Wolff was born and raised in Maine. He received an M.F.A. from the University of Wisconsin–Madison and a Ph.D. in creative writing from Florida State University. He lives in Orlando, Florida, where he is an assistant professor of English at the University of Central Florida. You can sign up for email updates here.
Contents
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Epigraphs
Author’s Note
Notable Moments in Self-Experimentation
Prologue
1. A Contradiction of Sandpipers
2. The Widow Self
3. Model Boy
4. Assembly
Case History: Ge Hong Reflects on the Discovery of Mercury
5. The Cave of Gloom
6. How I Got Here
7. Brain Burn
Case History: On His Deathbed, Trithemius Dictates the Elixir of Life
8. Problems in Living
9. Black Sites
10. Aposematism
Case History: Leopold Turck Describes His Antiaging Machine
11. Family Night
12. Autopsy
13. My Husband’s Diagnosis
14. Necropsy
Case History: Andres J. Fisher Attends His First Meeting of the New York Society of Numismatics
15. The Journal of Sammy Tampari: March 8–April 1, 2003
16. The Tourist
Case History: The Blood-Brain Barrier Is Discovered in Dogs
17. My Husband’s Radiation
18. The Rapamycin Trials; or, Sammy’s Betrayal
Case History: Anna Agrees to an Autopsy
19. The Rule of Three
20. Immortalists at War
Case History: Sammy Feels a Spark
21. Home
22. Goodbyes
23. My Husband’s Surgery
Acknowledgments
A Note About the Author
Copyright
Farrar, Straus and Giroux
175 Varick Street, New York 10014
Copyright © 2019 by Jake Wolff
All rights reserved
First edition, 2019
E-book ISBN: 978-0-374-71751-3
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